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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (May 24, 1901)
10USE fo PALACE
BY MARY J. HOLMES
CilAI'TEK I V.- Continued.) i wludow, iilie would Lave cried; but there
With the utmost care Ella arranged her wa a tightness iu her throat, and 1 i pres
..ng curls, aud then, tying over her black mire about br head and eyes which kept
dress the Only white apron whirl. she .he tear from flowing. PJ
.he started for Mr.. Camp- hand tightly and .aid, 'Oh, I hope I
bell'. The resemblance between herself ahan't faint."
and Ella Campbell was Indeed ho suik-
lug that but for the dress tne iimuier
might easily have believed it to Imve been
her own child. A it was, she atarted up
when the little girl appeared, and, draw
lug tier to her able, involuntarily kissed
her; then, causing her to ait down by her
aide, ahe minutely examined her fea
tures, questioning her nieunlime concern,
lng her mother and her home in England.
Of the latter Klla could "lily tell her that
they lived lu a city, and that her mother
had once taken her to a large, handsome
house In ths country, which ahe said was
her old home.
From this Mis. Campbell. Inferred that
Ella's family must have been superior
To be sure you wout, said a loud,
harsh voice, and instantly large drops of
water were thrown in her face, while
the same voice coutiutied; "You don't
have such spells often, 1 hope, for Lord
knows I don't want any more titty ones
"No, ma'am," said Mary, meekly; and
looking up, she saw before her tall,
sciuarebaeked. masculine looking worn
an," who wore a very short dress, and a
verv hlirh-iTowued Cl. fastened under
her chin with bows of sky-bluo ribbon
Mary secretly hoped she would not prove
to be Mrs. l'arker, the wife of the over
seer.. She was soon relieved of her fears
by the overseer himself, who said, 'Tolly,
to most of the English who emigrate to I don't see any other way but you'll have
till country, and after a few mora ques
tion she decided to take her for a time
at least; so with another kiss she dismiss
ed her, telling her she wouldcoine for
her soon. .Meantime arrangement Were
making for Mary and Alice, anil on the
same day In which Mis. Campbell was
to call for Ella Mr. Knight, onu of the
to take IIiokb children Into the room next
to yonrn. The baby worries a good deal,
ami such things trouble my wife, now
The person addressed as "Polly'' gave
her shoulders an angry jerk, nud stick
ing the pin on the waist of her dress,
replied. "Ho. I a'pose it'a no matter if
to death. It n t I guess you d hnd there d
be queer, doiu's here if 1 should be taken
a way, I wish the British w ould stay to
hum, and not lug their young ones here
for us to take cure of. Come, child, I
will show you where you are going to
sleep;" lit the same time she caught up
Alice, who, not liking her handling, kick
ed so vigorously that she was soon drop
pd, roily remarking that she was
mighty strong in her legs for a sick
Alter passing up a dark stairway they
came to a door, which opened under the
garret stairs, and Mary was startled by
a voice which seemed to be almost over
her head, and which, .between a sneer
and a hiss, called out, "See where the
inimaviilate Miss Grundy comes'," Mary
sprang in terror to l'olly s side.
"Oh, what is it?" she said. "Is
"Patsy!" was the tart reply. " She nev-
er is saucy like that. It'a rial Furbush
Mary asked who bal 1 urbusn was
and was told she was one of the poor
insane inmates. She subsequently learn
ed that Sal was perfectly harmless, and
struck up quite a friendship with her.
At present Mary followed her guide until
they came to a longer and lighter hall,
or "spacoway," as it is frequently called
in New England. On each aide of this
there were doors opening into small sleep
ing rooms, and into one of these Polly
led her companion, sayiug, as ahe did so,
"This is your room, and it'a a great fa
vor to you to be go near me. Hut mind,
that child mustn't cry and keep me
awake nights, for if ahe does, maybe
you'll have to move Into that other space,
where we heard the laugh."
Mury thought she would rather do any
thing than that. She also felt a great
selectmen," whose business, it was tu I'm kept awake all night, and worried
look after the town a poor, also came to
the cottage. After learning that Ella
waa provided for, ho turned to Mary,
asking, "how old she was, and what she
could do," saying that his wife was In
want of just such a girl to do "chores,"
and if alio was willing to be separated
from Alice he would give her a home with
Hut Mary only hugged her sister closer
to her bosom as she replied, "I'd rather
go with Alice. I promised mother to
take care of her."
"Very well," said the man. "I'm going
to North Chlcopee, but shall lie back in
iwo hours, so you must have your things
"Don't cry o, Mary," whispered Billy,
when he saw how fast her tear were
falling. "I'll come to see you every week,
and when I am older, and have money, I
will take you from the poorhonse, and
Just then Mrs. Campbell's carriage
"rove up. She had been taking her after
noon ride, and now, on her way home,
had stopped for Ella, who in her delight
at going with so handsome a woman, for
got the dreary home which awaited her
Bister. While she was gettiug ready
Mr. Knight returued, and, driving his
old-fashioned yellow wagon up by thu
side of Mrs. Campbell's stylish carriage,
he entered the house, saying, "Come, gal,
you're ready, I hope. The old mare don't
want to staud, and I'm in a desput hur
ry, too. I ort to be to hum this minute,
Instead of driving over that stony Part
upog road. I hope you don't mean to
carry that ar' thing," he continued, point
ing with his whip toward Alice cradle,
which stood near Mary's box of clothes.
The tears came into Mary's eyes, and
she answered, "Alice has always slept
In it, and 1 didn't know but "
Here she slopped and, running up to
Ella, hid her face in her lap and sobbed,
"I don't want to go. Oh! I don't want
to go; can't I stay with you?"
Hilly' yellow handkerchief was sud
denly brought into requisition, and Mr.
Bender, who, with all her imaginary
aches and pains, was a kind-hearted
woman, made vigorous attacks upon her
snuffbox, while Mrs. Campbell patted
Mary's bead, saying, "Poor child, 1 can't
take you both, but you shall see your sis
Ella' was too much pleased with Mrs.
Campbell and the thoughts of the fine
home to which she was going to weep,
but her chin quivered when Mary held
up the baby for her to kiss, anil said,
"Perhaps you will never see little Allie
When all was ready Mr. Knight walk
ed around his wagou, and, after trying
to adjust the numerous articles It con
' tallied, said: "I don't see how in the
world I can cany that cradle; my wagon
ia chuck full uow. Here is a case of
shoes for the gals to stitch, aud a piller
oase of flour for Miss Smith, and forty
'leven other traps, so I guess you'll have
to leave it. Mebby you can find one
there, and if not, why, she'll soon get
used to going without It."
Before Mary could reply Billy whisper
ed In her ear, "Never mind, Mary; yon
know that little cart that I draw moth
er's wood In; the cradle will just fit it,
and to-morrow afternoou I'll bring it to
you, if it doesn't rain."
Mary knew that he meant what he
said, and, smiling on him through her
tears, climbed into the rickety wagon,
which was minus a step, and, taking
Alice into her arms, she was soon moving
away. In striking contrast to this Ella,
about five minutes afterward, was care
fully lifted into Mrs. Campbell's hand
some carriage, and reclining upon soft
cushions was driven rapidly toward her
-Will their paths in life always continue
thus different? ho can tell?
nv vtm. Blf " said she. "1 WW
WW, --'.? - - ' ' ...
afraid you would not come, and it minis
me so unhappy.
As Billy released her lie was nar i
at hearing some one call out, mo.
That. 1 conclude. a country ng-
hope she won't try It on me!"
Turning about he saw before mm
white-faced boy, nearly of his own age,
whose dress and appearance Indicated
that he belonged to a higher grade, as far
as wealth was concerned. It was Henry
Lincoln, notorious both for pride and in
solence. Billy, who had worked for Mr.
Lincoln, had been insulted by Henry
i. . i ..i i.k
many a lime, aim now ne cm.-.!
avenge it, but native io'.it a taught
him that ill the presence of Mary twouni
not be proper, ao without a word to Hen
ry he whispered to the little girl. "That
fiilow live near here, aud if he ever
gives yon trouble just let me know."
Kissed her then, dnln t you : sueer-
ingly asked Henry, retreating at the same
time, for there was aometniug in im
eyes whicli lie rearen.
"Coma into the house, said .Mary,
where he can't see us," and leading the
way sbo conducted him m to her own
room, where there was no fear of being
Alice was first carefully fixed in lier
... ... . 1 t Hill...
cradle, and men Kneeuug uou ni wi
side, aud laying her arm across his lap,
Mary told him of everything win nun
happened, and finished by asking, "how
long she must stay here?"
Had Billy's purse beeu as large as hi
heart, that questioii would have easily
been answered. Now he could only shaka
his head in reply, while Mary uext ask
ed if he had seen 101 In .
"1 have not seen her," returned he, "but
I've heard that rainy as it wa this morn
ing, Mrs. Campbell's maid was out select
ing muslins and jaconet for her, and
they say she is not to wear black, as Mrs.
Campbell thinks her too young.
Mary did not speak for some time, but
her head dropped on Billy's knee, and
she seemed to be intently thinking. At
last, brushing aside the hair which hud
fallen over her forehead, Billy said:
"What are you thinking about?" "-
"I was wondering if Ella wouldn't for
get me and Alice now she is rich and go
ing to be a lady."
Billy had thought the same thing, and
lifting the little girl iu hi lap, he replied:
"If she doea, I never will;" and then he
told her again how when he was older
and had money he would take her from
the poorhonse and send her to school, aud
that sho should some time be as much of
a lady as Ella.
(To be continued.)
HISTORY OF RUBBER.
WORLD HAS BEEN SLOW TO AP
PRECIATE ITS USES.
Man Wlio Came with Columbus raw
Haytiatia Maying Hall-i arly I'seil
to Exclude Water from Coat and
Hootx-lnvreuitinu I in p nrtatlon.
everywhere tin nn old friend. ITe Is
under next to no expense, und If It
ruins on any given date lie simply stays
over nud give the show the next night
thought of the trials und vexation of
piloting a big company over the road, '
lidded the advance ugont, "ami I en
vied hi in from the bottom of my
NOT CONCLUSIVE OF GUILT.
Falr-Minde;! Men Are OftenDecelve J by
"As to circumstantial evidence, It a a
rnieer thinir." said the man in the
brown suit. "Five or six years ago I
was in a town In Indiana for a night
when a bank was robbed. Next morn-
Ing I whs arrested as an accomplice, it
being contended thnt I was seen idling
In front of the bank and evidently act
lng as sentinel for those within. Three
different persons Identilied me as the
man and the fourth cliiiined to have
seen nie enter the hotel nt a late hour
by way of a shed and a window. I
was locked up for examination, with a
chance of things going hard with me,
when evidence began to come forward
on my side. The landlord asserted und
swore thnt I was sitting In the office at
10 o'clock p. ni. Two servants swore to
seeing nie go to my room half an hour
later. A man having rooms opposite
"The world was a long 'l'e learning
the uses and value of rubber. For two
ccntuiicH utter the Spaniard saw the
gum In the bunds of natives of the new
world, It was little more than a curi
osity. Old llerreu, who went with Co
lumbus on Ids second voyage, made a
note of an elastic ball which was mold
ed from the gum of a tree. At their
guinea the nude Hiiytlnns made It
bound high In the air. The Aztecs were
fiimlilur with the gum and called it
ule, and from tliein the Spaniards
b-iirned to smear It ou their coats to
keep out the wet. They had crossed
the sens for gold, aud never dreamed
of a time when the sticky milk the un
couth Indians drew from strange trees
iviinhl lie worth more than all the
treasure of the hi". (u Feb. '-'It, lSDK,
a ship currying a cargo of l.U7 tons
of rubber valued at $'.!,210,N0 sailed
from Para, for New York, leaving IWO
tons behind ou the whuff.) Jose, King
of Portugal, iu lo.Vi, comes down to us
a the wearer of a pair of boot sent
out to Para to be covered with a water
proof gum. Vet three bundled years
were to ellipse before a Connecticut
Yankee should make a pair of boots
of rubber which would not decompose,
Dr. Priestley, author of a w ork on 'I er
spectlve,' now forgotten, recorded that
caoutchouc (pronounced 'knehook') was
useful In small cube for rubbing out
pencil marks uenee tne nuiuu mum-i,
The India linked with It refers to the
savages who gathered It lu the Amazon
wilderness. Dr. Priestley s cubes were
half nu Inch long and sold for three
shillings, or seventy-five cents apiece
A stiff price, for the finest rubls-r to
day i a dollar a pound. Its price for
ten years has ranged from sixty-two
cents to $1.0!). The conversion of the
gum to useful purposes made but slow
hendwnv. The tirst waterproof cloth
in 17t7 was the work of an English
mini. It was tentative, and, of course,
it would not stand beat. In 1823
Charles Mackintosh, of Glasgow, dis
covered naphtha, aud, dissolving rub
ber In it, produced n varnish which,
when spread on cloth, made It really
Impervious to water. As late as 1M0
the importation of rubber Into England
amounted only to 50,0"0 pounds. In
180!) no less than Hi,07"i,:K4 pouuds
were consumed in that country, and the
consumption in the Pulted States
reached 51, 000,737 pounds. Most of the
rubber used In the world still comes
from equatorial South America, nud the
forests where the Indians gathered ule
are as doiwe to day and almost as little
known to while men as In the time of
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Vp lu Harlem there lives an old gen
tleman w ho I remarkable for his ab
sent-mindedness, hi nervousness aud
his disposition to go off at half cook.
The other night he attended a dinner arti Inst spring, didn't you? Well, that
and did not reach home until I o'clock. j)firn wus struck aix weeks after and
He was feeling pretty good, but he was ' ijUrned down.
Odd, Curious and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Knilnent Ward Artlats of
Our Own Duy-A Uuduet of Kuu.
Fanner-See here, you! You remeiii-
ler putting two lightning rods on my
master of his movements. He does not
carry a night key, as he seldom goes out (
after dark, so he rang the doorbell, ami I
bis daughter, who had been slttlug up
for him, opened the door. Her mother I
had gone to bed and was sound asleep.
The daughter Is a rather waggish ;
young woman, ami, as sue opened we
door, she said: "Just thiuk-lt's- 1
o'clock and papa Isn't In bed."
Peddler-Struck by lightning?
"In tho daytime ?"
"No; at night."
"Must'a' been a dark night, wasn't
"Yes; dark as pitch."
"Didn't you run lanterns up 'em dark
- . reaii. ' '
Mr. Isnaosteln-Mtsther rjoUstetn, (lit
a sbentleinau gome lu here a leedle vile
ago nilt bees hat all smashed und dirty,
und puy a new one?
Mr. Goldslelu-Vell, niaype he might,
Mr. Isaacstelu-Vell, If he Ut. I ghilui
Mr. Ooldstcln -Vy Is dot?
Mr. IstincHtelii-Pecan- It vas tnlnn
b-cdle lkey vat trowed der pn nana peel
on del- sitevalk. .
' True I.ove.
Briggs -Do you think be really love
(Irlggs-Of course. How can he help
but love a girl with as much money a
What!" yelled the old gentleman. ' night?"
"Not in bed? Where Is he, then? Oh, ! "Xevcr heard o' anything like that.
he must be In Issl!" "Well, If you didn't know enough to
"You can look for yourself, father," k(,p your lightning rods showln' you
snlil she with a grave countenance. needn't bliinie me. tJ-lang!
I'p the stairs he hurried, full of ex-
tbe hotel swore that be saw me sniok
curiosity to know who her companion lng at my window at midnight. A guest
was, so she at last ventured to ask, "Do of the hojel who had a room next to
you live here, Miss Polly?" rane BWOre that my snores disturbed
CHAPTER V, c
How long and tiresome thnt ride was,
with no one for a companion except Mr.
Knight, who, though a kind-hearted man,
knew nothing about making himself
agreeable to little girls, so he remained
perfectly taciturn. Alice soon fell asleep
and though the little arms which held
her ached sadly, there was no complaint.
Only Mary's tears gushed forth, and
falling upon the baby's face awoke her.
Her nap was not half out, and setting up
a loud cry she continued screaming nu
til they drove up to the very door of th-poorhouse.
"For the land's, sake," snld Mr. Knight,
as he helped Mary from the wagon
"what a racket; can t yon contrive to
stop it? you'll have Sal Fnrbush in your
hair, for she don t like a noise.
Mary glnnced nervously round in qnest
f the- goblin Sal, but she saw nothing
save an idiotic fae with bushy, tangled
hair, and nose flattened against the win
dow pane. In terror Mary clung to Mr.
Knight, and whispered, as she pointed
toward the figure, which was now laugh
iug hideously: "What is it? Are there
many such here?"
"Don't be afeord," said Mr. Knight;
"that's nobody but foolish Patsy; she
never hurt anybody in her life. Come,
now, let me show you to the overseer."
And he led her toward the red-whiskered
man, who stood in the door.
"Here, Parker," said he. "I've brought
them children I was tellin' you about.
You've room for 'em, I s'pose?"
"Why, ye-es, we can work it so's to
They now entered the kitchen. Mary
was very tired with holding Alice so
long, a4, sinking into a chair near the
"Why, yes. 1 m staying here for a
spell now; kind of seeing things. My
name isn't Polly. It's Mary (Jrundy, anil
somehow folks have got to nicknaming
me Polly, but it'll look more mannerly
in von to cull me Mrs. Grundy; but what
am I thinking of? The folks must have
That night Alice, who missed her cra
dle, was unusually restless, and Mary,
remembering Mrs. Grundy's threat, car
ried her in her arms until after midnight
Then, without undressing, she threw her
self upon the lied, and for the first time
in many weeks dreamed of George and
his parting promise to see her again. The
next morning when she awoke, the clouds
were pouring rain. limy won t come
to-iluy," was her first thought, and,
throwing herself upon the floor, she burst
into tears, wishing, a she had onco
done before, that she had died with her
In the midst of her grief the door was
pushed hastily open, and Mrs. Grundy's
harsh voice exclaimed, "Wall, so you are
up at last, hey? I didn't know but you
was goiu to take it upon you to sleep
over, but that don't answer here. Do you
think we's goiu' to support you iu idle
Here, touched perhaps by the pale,
tearful face, uplifted to hers, Mrs. Grun
dy's voice softened, and lu a milder tone
she added, V e won t mind about it, Bee-
iu its the first morning; but, come
you must be hungry by this time."
Mary glnnced at Alice. She was sleep
ing sweetly, and, though there seemed to
be no reason, she still lingered.
' "What are you waiting for?" asked
Mrs. Grundy, and Mary, with some hesi
tation, answered, "I haven t said my
A change pnssed suddenly over Mrs
Grundy s face, and she turned away
without a word. When she was gone
Mary fell on her knees, and though" the
words she uttered were addressed more
to her mother than to God, she felt com
forted, and, rising up, started for the
kitchen. It was a motley group which
she found assembled around the break
fast table, ami as she entered the room
a man called Uncle Peter smiled on her,
sayiug, "Come here, little daughter, and
let me touch you with the top of my
About noon the clouds broke away
while here and there a patch of bright
blue sky was to be seen. But the roads
were so muddy that Mary had no hope
of Billy's coming, and this it was, per
haps, which made the dinner dishes so
hard to wash, ami which made her cry
when told thnt all the knives and forks
must be scoured, the teakettle wiped and
set with its nose north, in what Mrs
Grundy called the "Pont Hole," and
which proved proved to be a place under
the stairs, where pots, kettles and iron
ware generally were kept.
All things have an end, and so did the
scouring, ia spite of Mary's fears to the
contrary, and then watching a time when
Mrs. Grundy did not see her, she stole
away upstairs. Taking Alice on her lap.
she sat down by the open window where
the damp air cooled and moistened her
flushed face. The ram was over, and
across the meadow the sun was shining
through the tall trees, making the drops
of water which hung upon the leaves
sparkle and flash in the sunlight like so
many tiny rainbows. Jlary watched them
for a time, and then looking into the
road, she saw directly opposite the house
Billy Bender and with him Alice s cradle
Id a moment Mary's arms were thrown
around his neck as tightly as if she
thought he bad the power and was come
to take her away.
COMICAL WAS CORRIGAN.
cltemeut. He rati Into the bedroom, a
light was dimly burning, his wife was
sound asleep, but she was alone.
His daughter had followed him up
stairs. "My heavens, daughter, where can,
he be?" cried the old man lu alarm.
'Here he Is, father," said the young
woman, lending him up to the mirror
over the chiffonier.
The old man looked nnd tumbled, and
It cost hlm a half dozen pairs of gloves ;
to keep the Incident from reaching the
ears of his wife.-New. York Evening
An Exclusive Colony.
Those who work In the Du Pont pow
der mills ou the Braudywine, In Dela
ware, form a queer colony. They are
all Irish people, whose ancestors came
to this country when the Du Fonts
started in business and went to work
for them. For venerations the Du
Ponts and these people have passed
their positions from father to son. Like
their employers, they Intermarry nnd
are very exclusive. They live ou what
are called Du Pout's banks, which ate
about three miles from Wilmington.
The people of Wilmington know hardly
anything about them, for they have few
outside acquaintances, aud their visits
are not frequent. Tlie bills about the
banks are the highest In Delaware, and
it Is at the base of them that these
The town is lighted at night by the
electric plant In the works. The people
have their own places of amusements,
the principal being the Brandywliie
lub,' which has a finer building than
any club In Wilmington. They also have
mees amUheatrlcals frequently. Near
ly every one of them has lost a relative
by an accident In the works. They have
their own graveyard, too. New York
IVpenda on the I o.tur'i Hill.
I ti.h and 1'ull.
She-He's In the push, all right.
He-How did be get there?
She-Ob, he had a pull.
Fprlnix Warn low.
Let us then be up nnd working
With our hoe aud with our spade,
If we ever do expect to
Have our kitchen garden made.
"There's one characteristic in men I
"What is It, Becky?"
"They can be so rnglng mad at each
other and not show It."
Not a KiilTulo.
"Aguinaldo says he will not attend
the Buffalo exposition."
"Because he Is uot a Buffalo."- Ohio
Brown Thnt was n lovely basket of
fruit you were carrying home last
night, Jones. How much did it cost
.Iones-I don't know. The doctor is
still at the house.
him from midnight till - o'clock and
that he heard me. turn over lu bed nt
3, aud so I was boimrnbly discharged
But about It's being queer?" was
Why, all the people on both sides
were mistaken. I was not outside the
bank at the time mentioned and neither
was I In the hotel."
"But you were somewhere."
"Oil, of course. Fact is I got mushed
on the landlord's daughter and we sat
up all night on a balcony nnd squose
bands and talked love and. looked at
the moonlight and slapped mosquitoes.
Yes, sir, sat there all night like a couple
of Idiots, nnd though I declared I would
die for her and she said she only want
ed nie nnd a humble cottage she was
married to a red headed butcher within
a year nnd I was sued by a snub-nosed
widow for breach or promise, l was
simply observing, you know, that cir
cumstantial evidence Is n queer thing,
and I wish to add that a Juryman
shouldn't be Influenced too much by
It." Washington Post, ...
Chasing a Hear.
Any one who has seen a bear walk
knows how slowly be seems to move,
and bis run is a shuttling, lumbering
gait that Is comical to witness, unless
be happens to be running nfter you.
But a bear moves pretty fast, notwith
standing appearances, and the grizzly,
which looks to be clumsier than the
brown or black bear, can cover ground
faster than the average saddle-horse.
A Philadelphia exchange prints this
story of an Arizona sheep-rancher:
He was riding In the foot-hills when
he saw a big, awkward sllvertip. He
had a rifle, but was not certain he could
kill the bear at one shot, and knew that
he would get into trouble if he missed.
So he gave a regular cowboy yell, and
the bear started away In alarm. The
man gave chase, at the same time
keening up the piercing yell, and he
soon noticed that the grizzly was get
ting farther away. He continued the
chase for nearly two miles, until the
bear disappeared In the mountains,
nnd he had not gained a foot.
In going back along the trail, he notic
ed places where t the bear had ' made
jumps of fifteen or twenty feet, and the
ground had been cut up by his claws so
that It looked as If a harrow had been
run over It. It is evident that a man
would have no show running a foot
race with a grizzly.
Asanred of a Long Lire.
Mrs. Knowlt So you are engaged to
Miss Sweetly? I do not wish to dis
courage you, but l understand that
she has said she has absolutely no
wish to know how to cook.
Mr. Wise That's right; I proposed
as soon as I heard It Baltimore Amer
"Barlow is rather close, isn't he?"
"Close? He's stingy. . He lets the
students in the barbers' college shave
hira and cut bis hair, iu order to save
a grateful man more than he
An Old- Kaahlone I TraveHnu t-howman
and V.ntrl'oq list.
'1 suppose there nee more queer by
ways in the show business than In any
other vocutii n earth," said an ad
vance agent, chatting after the perfor
mance a few nights ago. "I ran across
one of the oddities recently," he con
tinued, "in the person or a singie-iiiino-ed
entertainer, who bus been working
u quiet Utile circuit of bis own for the
Inst twenty years, and is beginning to
think about retiring ou a snug fortune,
yet I doubt whether, you could find a
soul in the city who ever beard of him.
My discovery of the geiitleinnn was
due to a mislaid railroad schedule that
forced me to stop over night at a
dreary little country town In West Vir
ginia.' Looking around the 'office' of
the hotel, which was also dining-room,
rending room and smoking room, I was
sin prised to see a handbill announcing
that Comical Conigan would give one
of his well known and Justly popular
liteiiiiiiimehts nt the brick church that
-veiling. The poster went ou to say
that there was nothing about the show
lo offend the most fastidious; that it
would include comic and sentimental
ballads, Imitations of wild beasts, veil
trlloqiiisnis. selections on fourteen sep
arate and distinct musical instruments
a funny stump speech und refined jig
and wing dancing, the whole to con
elude with 'an exhibition of prestidlgi
tntloii or parlor magic.
"That sounded promising, so after
stumer i sauntered around to the brick
church, which I round crowueu to rue
doors. 1 managed to get a seat, how
ever, and. upon my word, I haven't en
loved myself as much for years,'
quotes the New Orleans Times-Democrat
"I was transported back to my
boyhood's happy days, nnd for two
solid hours I forgot I nan a trouuie on
earth. Comical Corjigan turned out to
be a plump, rosy person, with a flexible
face and a Jovial eye, and tils entertain
meut was exactly whut I remember
seeing at our old town hall when I was
a little shaver of 0 or 10 the same
good, old jokes, the same conundrums,
the same stories, the same songs I
don't believe I missed a single boyhood
favorite. In the ventriloquism selection
he hauled out the two dolls I hadn't
seen for so many years, perched them
on his knees and begun the well-re-
wembered dialogue: 'Well, Sammy,
how do you feel?' he asks. 'With my
fingers,' squeaks Sammy, In falsetto
Then Comical Corrigan Whacked hlm
over the head nnd we all roared with
laughter. When Mr. Corrigan an
uounced that he would 'now recite a
pathetic recitation by special request,1
I knew he would favor us with 'Cur
few Shall Not R'ng To-night, before he
opened his mouth, aud when he asked
for a ring to grind to atoms and fire
from n uitnl tn bis cliaste seance of
nrestiilie-itntlnn. or narlor magic, I
could hardly get mine off quick enough
I was so anxious to see that dear old
trick done again.
"After it was all ovef I met Corrigan
and found him a flrst-rate fellow. He
told nie he hnd been doing that sort of
thing ever since lSSO-drifted into it by
degrees, organizing his circuit of towns
making friends of the church and fra
ternal order people, and gradually
building un a clientele that was now as
regular and steady as a clock. He
sticks in Kinnll nlaces. makes the
I rounds once a season, and Is welcomed
A Helpful Institution.
A lunch room has been opened iu
Kansas City, under the auspices of the
Young Woman's Christian Association,
where food Is sold at exact cost. The
prices seem almost Impossible, but Judi
cious management will accomplish
wonders. Cream of tomato soup Is sold
for 5 cents; roast beef with potatoes,
the same; two salmon croquettes, cost '
ents; mashed potatoes the same; peas,
cents; cabbage sulad, 4; apple pie, a;
offee, tea or milk, 3; cheese, 1 cent;
two saudwlches, 5 ceuts; a hot roll, 1
cent; butter, 1 cent. The men have
found out this wonderful opportunity to
get food at cost prices aud are begin
ning to edge their, way In among the
women. Unless they become too nu
merous they will not be debarred. Let
us Iiojm so kindly au Institution will
prosper, and pave the way for many
"I notice," said Bronco Bob, "that
you make a rule at a political gutherin'
to have all the speaker's dose friends
an' partners lined up on the platform
"Y'es; he Is usually accompanied by
some of the distinguished men of his
"Well, It's a mighty good Idea. In
Crimson Gulch, when a man has any
thing to say, he Jes gets up on the keg
an' takes his chances. But I'll have
the boys adopt your way. It keeps the
opposition from ninkln' a man redlck
leous by cotnin' up behind an' get tin'
the drop on hlm while he Is bowln'
and scrupln' to the folks lu front."
Knouili for Him.
Reuben I suppose Sul Whlffietree Is
all tli" world tew yew, Josh?
Josh Wnl, no; but she's nil I want
UV it rorty uern goon acres aim ,i
peach orchard! Puck.
Wylkius Did you ever run for oflVe?
Watkjns The office ran about twice
as fast as 1 did. Soniervllle Journal.
The Item tit of the Donut.
"Dou't you think some of our Con
gressmen waste a great deal or ineir
"Well," answered Senator Sorghum,
with great deliberation, "you ought not
to be too hasty lu Judging. Unless you
look through a man's private ledger,
how are you going to know whether he
has been wusting his time or not
Klcphants iii England.
While excavating for the foundations
for the new buildings of the Victoria
aud Albert museums In South Kensing
ton a car load of fossilized .Ikuh-s was
brought to the surface by the workmen
These were taken In charge by Dr.
Woodward, of the geological depart
ment, who pronounced them the re
mains of the primitive denizens of the
soil that lived there before man came
to interfere with them. The bones be
longed, he said to a London newspaper
representative, to the elephant, the stag
aud the primeval horse, and date back
to a time before Great Britain became
Isolated, ere yet the Straits of Dover
had lieeu cut through.
Not Learned in Society Ways.
"There Is no use of talking," said
one navy officer: "I can't help admiring
that man Noah. The way he built his
own boat and then sailed it was, re
"Yes," answered the other. "It show
ed good workmanship. But, you see,
Noah wasn't obliged to represent any
body diplomatically when he touched
at foreign ports. I doubt very much if
he would have knowu how to behave
In a drawing room."
Sickle from the Sphinx.
The oldest piece of wrought iron In
existence Is believed to be a roughly
fashioned sickle blade fouud by Bel
zonl. In Karnas, near Thebes. It was
Imbedded in mortar under the base of
the sphinx, and on that account
known as "the sickle of the sphinx
It Is now In the British museum, and Is
believed to be nearly 4,000 years old.
His Next Meal.
"That man says he never knows
where he's going to get his next meal,
"Is he so poor?"
"No. bnt he's a collector and eats
wherever he happens tft be." Philadel
phla Bulletin. "...
Only a "Bluff.
The Parson I hope you are not going
fishing on Sunday, my li&le man.
The Kid O, no, sir; I am merely car-
rvine this rod so . those wicked boy
across the street will not suspect that 1
am on my way to Sunday school.
The more holes there are in a sponge
the more water It will hold.
Brevity is the soul of wit but it
doesn't slways embody the truth. ,
A Man of Peace.
Blues There goes a mun
tight at the drop of a hat.
lIggs-Who Is he?
Biggs-Justice of the peace,
Friday Not I nliii'Wy.
Qulzz-Do you thing Friday an un
lucky day to move?
Blzz Not for me; I moved on Friday
nnd found out If I'd waited until Sat
urday my goods would have beeu at
tached for rent.-Oblo State Journal.
First Boarder-Do you believe In the
Second Boarder-No, but since our
landlady gives us mackerel every morn
ing what's the use to object.-Ohio
The Hat Oot It.
Dashleigh-Did Mis Avoirdupois
make an Impression ou you ut the re
ception lust night?
Flasblelgu-No, I am happy to say It
was my bat. Ohio State 'Journal.
The Hponice and Its Ues.
Two little girls with snub roses and
public-school voices stood lu frout of
the window of a Third avenue drug
store yesterday afternoon.
My!" said one. "Look at the
sponges! 'Most a thousand of em.
What d'yer s'pose they use em all for.'
I dldu't think they was so many slates
In the world." The other little girl
looked at her .companion with withering
Don't yer know," she sniffed con
temptuously, "thnt windows has to be
washed?" New Y'ork Commercial Advertiser,
Bobbs There goes a fellow who got
$1,000 for a spring poem.
Dobbs Lucky fellow!
Bobbs Y'es, It was a poem to adver
tise a ear spring. Baltimore American.
A Model HvlHtlve.
"I reckon Bobby's got a letter from
"Shouldn't wonder. He's alius been
purty kind to Bobby."
"Yes; he's the sort of Teller that prom
ises to give a boy a lot of presents If
he's good, nu' gives 'ein to' hlm anyhow."-Puck.
Changed the Prescription.
Patient Doctor, would you mind
stopping nt the drug store nnd paying
for this prescription. I'm short of
Doctor (hurriedly writing another
prescription) Excuse me. I made a
mistake. You don't need any nerve
On the Heat.
Joakley Well, well, the greed of
Coakley What's the matter now?
Joakley Why, haven't you heard
about this new Copper Trust? Phila
It Cured Her.
"No," said the man In the mackin
tosh, "my wife doesn't give away any
of my -old clothes or sell them to the
ragman any more. I cured that habit
"How was that?" they asked him.
"When I fould she bad disposed of a
coat I hadn't worn for several weeks I
told her there was a letter in It she had
given me to mull the last time I had It
on. And that was no lie, either," he
added, with deep satisfaction.
The Family Pl'ver.
"Per the land's sake," said the wom
an In the blue Mother Hubbard as she
fastened the clothesline to the division
fence, "what do you think of them
Joneses telling around that the burglars
got In their house an' stole the family
silver? Family silver! Huh!"
"It's' so, though," said the woman In
the next lot. -"They had a dollar an' a
quarter piled on the mantelpiece fer the
grocery bill, an' it was all in silver."
O ie to He Avoid 1.
Do you see that very ord iu a ry -look-
in- -nun over there .''
es; what of It?"
"lie's a man with a history."
"A man with a history! What has he
"Nothing at all. He's selling the his
tory by subscription." '
A True 1'pjphecr.
"The late editor's wife Is something
of a humorist."
"Yes; took a line, from his original
salutatory and placed It on bis tomb
stone." "What was it?" '
" 'We are here to stay!' "
Willie Pa, what's an "old flame?"
Pa My son, when a man speaks of
"his old flame" he refers to something
over which he used to burn his money.
Reft tied Repartee.
"I never tell all 1 know," he said; in
tending to be mysterious.
"Well," she replied, ','it certainly can't
be liecause you dou't have time."
An Far-nrat Worahippsr.
Dashaway Miss Calloway took nie
aside yesterday end 'wanted to know
my honest opinion of you.
Cleverton I hope, o'.d man, that you
gave me a clever send-off!
"Certainly. 1 told her that you never
made love to a girl In your life that
jrou didn't mean It." . -
Hawsers of Monster Size'
The largost cable of modern times :s
the maullla hawser which was used to
tow the drydock to Havana. It Is tweu-ty-three
inches iu circumference, but
it is by no means the largest that ever
i as been made,' although It has the rep
utation of breaking the record.
There are at least two others of a
greater circumference, but both ohb-r.
One of these had a circumference, of
twenty-three Inches, and was used for
the purpose of anchoring the ship North
Carolina In the navy yard at Brooklyn,
while the other was a twenty-four-lnch
hawser, which was used as a shcet-aji-cbor
cable on the Tennessee, when she
was stationed tn the Mediterranean li
the 'GOs. ' '.. .
Such an enormous rope was nat-ir-illy
found to be unwieldy, a fact which was
abundantly demonstrated win n the
vessel encountered a storiu In' the Bay
of Naples. When the Tennessee re
turned to her native home in America
the hawser was sent to the oakum'tnil,'
and made it into oakum.
All things are for the best and every
mother's son of us thinks I-'s It, . t