V
ITS SUNSHINE ANDMUSIC'
-v - . '
A laugh I Just like sunshine,
i It freshens all the dujr,
It tips the peak of life with light
And driven the clouds away;
The soul grown glad that hears It,
And feel Ha courage strong
A laugh U Just like sunshine
For cheering folks along. " .
A laugh la Juat like music,
It lingers in Uiu heart,
And where Its melody Is heard
The ilia of life depart;
And happy thoughts come crowding
19 joyful Botes to greet
A laugh la Just like music
For making living sweet! '
St. Louis Republic.
MONEY AND MATRIMONY
LLYN rode across the pralrte
joyously and looked longingly to
ward the East, where the hud
was scarce at) hour high, The fresh,
brad rig air seemed to permeate every
tlbre of bis being, and be drew la great
breuths of It, feeling a wild sort of
pleasrre lu the mere fuct of being alive.
For ouce In three years be was hap
py, and be lnul been la that beatific
state for two whole days. The rest of
' the cow boys of the outfit did not know
what to make of It Cay use Ike said
be bad been "locoed,"- for Allyn bad
been nicknamed by the camp Sorrow
ful Jim, and to see him boyishly ex
uberant and In a gny humor wns an unheard-of
thing until the Inst day or so.
Allyn bud once made the mistake of
considering life a very serious matter
Indeed, and then, after trying for a
year to practice law and not getting
anyone to practice upon, be bad given
It op In disgust and migrated to the
home of opportunity In hope of getting
rich.
During his Idle hours Allyn bad fallen
In love, and he took that very seriously
also. It went hard with blm, for he
bad nothing on earth except a few
bonds an old aunt bad left blm, and the
revenue from them did not amount to
$300 a yenr. At the rate bis practice
was not Increasing Methuselah would
have been a youngster compared with
Allyn If be waited for the revenue from
his profession to enable blm to marry.
"Jim," she said, "you are acting very
foolishly. What does it matter If you
haven't any money? I don't want
money. I've got enough, or will have
when I am 24, when I get control of It
That would keep us very nicely, and
FOH OttCB IX THREE TEAKS EE WAS
HAPrr.
would bold us up until you could es
tablish a paying practice. Now, don't
be silly."
"Nelly," he said solemnly, "I cannot
afford to murry now. People would
Hay that I married you for your money,
iintl I don't intend to put myself In a
position where such a motive could be
Imputed to me. It would be unjust to
' me and you." - 1
"Well, Jim," and there were tears In
her voice, "I don't think you are acting
fairly toward me. Here I ain an or
phan, with nobody on earth to love ex
cept you so that life without you will
be worse than no life at all, and now
you say you cannot marry me until you
make what It took my father a life
time to accumulate. Why, by that
time, I'll have wrinkles and maybe
false teeth and glasses, and be a hor
rid, snuffy, fussy old woman."
"No, Nell, I don't want to make $200,
000. If I had 1100,000 It would be all
right. And It will not take long. Out
West I will make It quickly. Just you
staud fast and wait for me."
"Oh, I'll wait, but I think you are
hateful and pigheaded Just the same.
Would you marry me If I hadn't any
money at all?"
"Yes, gladly, and we would be happy,
too. You would manage somehow.
Hut now my self-respect will not allow
me."
So It was that he went to make his
fortune and at the same time peace
with his unduly-active conscience. To
bis utter disgust, be found, after a
year's prospecting, that gold mines
were not at all plentiful, and that every
foot of the mountains had been pros
pected over time and again. A year
In Mexico assured hlra that the business
of finding silver mines lying around
loose had also played out long ago, and
that It took lots of capital to start
ranching on a paying basis. Funds
were getting low, so he secured a place
as one of the herdsmen of the XXX
outfit, and on account of his grave de
meanor was promptly named by the
other cowpunchers Sorrowful Jim.
And the name stuck to him.
During all bis wanderings he had
written to Nell as regularly as possi
ble, and had begun to regret in a
measure his puritanical conscience.
At $40 a month and grub he did not
see that a fortune was In immediate
prospect , Absence bad Indeed made
his heart grow fonder, and he longed
for a sight of Nell's laughing eyes and
dimpled face.
Yet he would not acknowledge him
self beaten or that he would give In.
Much against his Inclination he re
mained consumed with a desire to see
her, yet Impelled to remain In stiff
necked pride, acting as avant courier
and escort for a lot of wild-eyed, long
nornei steers, all the while cursing
himself for a fool. So he and the rest
of the outfit did not have much In com
mon together, and he grew more and
more unsociable and lonely.
Small wonder was it, then, that when
be received a letter from her he felt
that his voluntary exile was broken.
His penance was done, and be was
free ta) return to civilization and Nelly.
"You come on, Jim, dear," the letter
sald-"tbat Is, of course, If you care to
LOGAFf EQUESTRIAN STATUE
UNIQUE AMONG MONUMENTS.
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LOGAN EQUESTRIAN STATUE IN WASHINGTON. ':';
The bronze statue of John A. Logan, which was recently uuveiled In Washing
ton with Impressive ceremonies, is a handsome addition to the monuments of the
capital city and one of the most unique. It Is the conception of Franklin Simmons,
a distinguished sculptor, and is one of the. finest memorials of the equeitrlau
style that have aver been unveiled in this- country. It is the only monument
wholly of bronze to be found in America. Both pedestal and statue were made in
Italy and, while on exhibition in Koine, was viewed with curiosity by thousands.
Its beauty ao impressed King Humbert that he knighted Mr. Simmons for hia
work.
The pedestal Is about twenty-five feet in height. On one aide is a group rep
resenting Gen. Lngan in consultation wkh the officers of his command. These
are portraits of the leading generals of the Army of the Tennessee, namely:
Dodge, Hazen, Slocuni, Leggett, Mower and Kiair, and of Cupt. Strong. On
ths opposite side of the pedestal Gen. Logan is represented as taking the oath of
office as Senator of the United States before Vice-President Arthur. Grouped
around are Senators Cullom, Evarts, Coukling, Morton, Miller, Voorhees and
Thurman, of whom there are now livi.ig only Gen. Dodge and Senator Cullom.
On the front of this beautiful pedestal is an ideal figure, about life-size, repre
senting the "Defense of the Union," and on the other end a figure of the isame
size representing "Preservation of the Union." These allegorical figures are beau
tifully and appropriately draped and are stately ami imposing. Surmounting
the pedestal is the equestrian figure, which measures' 14Vi feet in height.' Gen.
Logan is represented as riding along the line of battle, his sword unsheathed, and
the horse moving forward at a gentle trot, slightly held in check. The general's
appearance exhibits great force and energy, and the whole impression given by
the statue Is one of dignity, beauty, and power. ; ? ' ';' ,: ;
take an almost doweriess bride. I
have now only enough left to bring me
In $300 a year exactly what you had.
1 do not own another thing on earth.
I had concluded that the money with
out you was not worth having, and as
long as you are so stubborn about it I
saw that I must give In, so I have done
so gladly. I have got to be 24, as you
know, and have absolute control over
my property. ; So, In order' to get you,
I have given away my fortune.
"You have cost me nearly $100,000,
so I'm of the opinion that you had bet
ter come on and deliver yourself up as
a victim. I don't propose to tell you
another thing about It, as you have no
right to know now. After after oh,
well, some time I will tell you what I
did with the rest of the money, but just
now It Is no affair of yours. You will
simply have to take my word for it
Come on, Jim. . I am anxious to see
you." ;
So it was that Jim was so happy. He
had only two days more to wait; then
he would get his month's wages. He
had $400 saved up, and he reflected
that he and Nelly would manage to get
along on that for a while. His pride
was riding rampant, also, and his con
science was very self-satisfied, indeed,
for had he not held out against the al
lurements of beauty, wealth, position,
ease everything? It was victory well
worth rejoicing for.
The ceremony was over, the few Inti
mate friends bad taken their departure,
and Jim and Nell looked at each other
In a bewildered sort of way. , ,
"I think we ought to take a trip, Jim.
I'm so deadly tired of this place. I
don't know what to do. Let's go to
Europe. I've always wanted to go
there."
"Nell, are you crazy? I can't afford
a trip to Europe, and you know It And
you haven't any money, either, so how
are we to go?". ....... , ....
"I think it very unkind of a person
of your wealth to be taunting me with
my poverty. For a man as rich as
you, I think you are undoubtedly
'close."' Her eyes twinkled merrily.
"I want to go to Europe, and now I've
got you to go with me you ought to be
glad of the opportunity."
"Nell, dear, if could afford It you
know I would be delighted to take
you."
"Well, you can afford It"
"I tell you I cannot."
"1 know better you can. Why, just
look at these," and she banded him a
bundle of books and papers. He
picked up the first one and read the
Inside page: "First National Bank In
account with James M. Allyn. De
posited May 1. $33,000; May 9, $12,000;
May 12, $12,000."
"What does this mean, Nell?" be
asked wonderlnkly as be looked at an
other book and .read: "Received May
9, bonds, mortgages, stocks and securi
ties duly transferred and assigned to
James M. Allyn, and aggregating $130,
000, and more particularly described
as follows: 'The Trust and Safe De
posit Company.'" Nell was hugely
enjoying the situation. She seated
herself on the arm of the chair and
said;
"You dear old stupid, mulish, stub
born thing, I told you the truth, for I
gave everything I owned to you before
I wrote that letter. I told the truth,
for I reserved just enougi to bring me
$300 a year."
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"Well, I'll be-" She kissed him and
stopped the word. , .
"Are you going to Europe?" she
asked.
"Yes. I think I would enjoy the
trip myself, but don't you think you
paid too much for me?" . . '
"Oh, I don't know. "Not so long as
you nre nice as you are now. Come,
on. Let's get ready and catch the
steamer leaving to-morrow evening."
Yonkers Statesman.
OHIO MAN'S ROMANCE.
Gains a Wife Through TrettT Dining
Room Girl's Mishap.
A few weeks ago Miss Ethlyn Fisher
was a dining room girl in a hotel In
Willlamsport, Pa., but she Is now Mrs.
Earl W. Hennlng, wife of a wealthy
manufacturer of Masslllon. Ohio. Their
acquaintance dated from a mishap in
the dining room, when Miss Fisher
MRS. KARL W. HKSNING.
upset a glass of milk over Mr. Hen
nlng while he was at the hotel.
Although confused over the accident,
the pretty waitress apologized so grace
fully that the heart of the stranger was
touched, and he decided then and there
to lay siege to the young woman's
heart. That he succeeded is evidenced
by the wedding which has since been
solemnized. Mrs. Hennlng Is 22 years
old and is very pretty. She is an or
phan.
iw(I Story on Senator Johe.
They are telling this story In Wash
ington about Senator Jones of Arkan
sas, chairman of the Democratic Na
tional Committee, who is a member of
the Humane' Society, and wears a
badge that entitles blm to Investigate
the condition of any animal that ap
pears to be ill treated. One day as be
came down from the Capitol, be in
spected a team that was standing by
the curb.
"Here, you!" shouuted the driver,
"what are you doing there feeling
about that horse's neck?"
' I'm an officer of the Humane Socie
ty," replied Senator Jones, mildly, "and
I want to see if this collar fits this
horse."
"Well," snarled the driver, "If that
collar don't fit that horse any better
than your collar fits you, yon Just run
along and get a cop and have me ar
rested." The man who talks about the wenth.
er In a very low, confidential voice
never had a secret In his life Important
enough to keep from his wife.
After a young man has called on a
girl as often as three times, she begins
to beg her mother for a half dollar to
go and have her fortune told.
EXPENSES IN MEXICO.
WHAT LIVING COSTS IN OUR
NEIGHBOR COUNTRY.
vo,
Various Household Articles Look
t'pon by Americans as Necessities
Cost About Three Times as Much as
Ther lo at Homo. 9
id)
Living expenses In the City of Mex
ico, or In fuet any of the larger cities
of Mexico, cannot be said to be cheap,
with regard to the standard of living
to which most Americans who come
here are accustomed, and which they
look upon as a necessity wherever they
may be located, says a writer In Mod
ern Mexico. Mexico Is a silver coun
try, but that very fact makes many
things that the foreigner demands as
necessities so much higher. Mexican
! money Is on a silver basis, but living
I expenses for the average American la
J Mexico, ut least, are on a gold basis,
j In fact, for the, family that keeps
! house here, expenses as a rule, will
j average about three Mexican dollars
j to one American dollar for the same
! relative staudurd of living. This ratio
1 may. be too high In comparison with
I (lie larger cities of the Atlantic coast,
' but it certainly is not for smaller
; places, or Western cities. House rent
lu the capital Is an important Hem. It
Is practieully impossible to secure a
house with any degree of privacy or
modern convenience for less than $75
per mouth. Servants are paid less
thun lu the United States, housemaids
receiving from $0 to $! a mouth, but
on the other hand, many households
that managed comfortably with" one
nuild for general housework In the
North here find It necessary to employ
two or three. Boarding is cheaper,
particularly for those without families.
Single rooms rent for from $20 to $40
per month. Day board can be secured
at city restaurants and private board
ing bouses for from $30 to $40 per
month. It Is in the matter of clothing
and general household supplies that
the American family in Mexico finds
the greatest expense. Fine French
goods, gloves and broadcloth cost about
the same number of silver dollars here
that they do In gold in the United
States, but the things that are classed
as daily necessities by the average
American cost much more. In the plain
er lines of dry goods It is but natural,
considering the double value of the
gold dollars In the countries from
which most of them are Imported, the
duties and freights added, that noth
ing is to be found for less than three
times as many silver dollars as they
eost In gold dollars In the countries
where they are manufactured. Gentle
men's ready made clothing is practical
ly unknown among the better classes.
A business suit of good English woolen
costs from $10 to $30. Few American
families are content to live upon the
products of this country entirely. A
few fresh vegetables and fruits are
nearly always cheap.' Potatoes are
never lower than 3 cents a pound and
eggs are cheap at 25 cents a dozen. No
Imported groceries are less than four
times as much In silver as they are in
the United States in gold. Fifteen
cent quality of American canned fruit
rcosts $1.50 a can here. The cheapest
canned vegetables cost from (X) to SO
cents a can. The package cereals, that
retail nt 81-3 cents in the States, cost
40e to 50 cents here. Imported Ameri
can, and the best native, butter Is from
80' to 00 cents a pound. Milk costs
from 13 to li cents a litre, a trifle more
ihau n quart. In meats, beef costs
30 cents a pound, pork 35 cents, .mut
ton 30 cents, bitcou and bird 40 cents
a pound. , Mexican Hour is 7 cents a
pound and native sugar 11 cents. These
figures are all given in Mexican money,
as nearly all who come. to Mexico re
ceive salaries In the currency of the
country. This paper has frequently
spoken of the class of opportunities
offered here to young men who are
well equipped in some special line, but
the man with a family who has em
ployment certainly cannot expect to
better himself by removing here for
lessthan three times as much in 'sil
ver as he can earn at home In gold.
Aside also from the greater cost of
many things must be considered the
lack of English school advantages.
These are limited In the capital and in
most points In the interior they nre
entirely lacking. Wherever found, they
must, of course, be reckoned as an ad
ditional expense, as there are, natural
ly, no public schools here conducted In
the English language.
QUEEN ELIZABETH'S FAULTS.
She Was Very Vain and Inordinately
Fond of Fine Dress,
Yet Elizabeth was never really suc
cessful with her wardrobe as a more
feminine woman might have been.
Her dresses were never beautiful, only
ludicrously and most Inappropriately
magnificent; laden with Jewels, weight
ed down with cloth of gold, stiff with
silver embroidery, and so heavy that
even her big, powerful frame must
(without supporting vanity) have felt
the fatigue of carrying them about
Elizabeth wns certainly vain, but she
cannot claim femininity merely on that
account for vanity is by no means an
exclusively feminine characteristic;
there are perhaps' more vain women
than vain men, because women have
more leisure, and their costumes afford
greater opportunities for vanity than
the strangely hideous clothing which
custom has arranged for men; but no
thoughtful (feminine) observer can
doubt that a vain man is vainer than
a vain woman! .
Elizabeth's bands were her especial
pride, and, judging from her portraits,
they were certainly beautiful; they
were laden with jewels, and It was her
habit in public to pull her rings off
with absent artlessness, and push them
on again, moving those trhite bands
about in the most obvious way. Once,
during the grave consideration of a
sKite paper, where in her cold sagacity
TlArol tnnV- uiMrnl rxl.iia aha intor-
rupiea me uiscussion to ass woetner
the Due d'Anjou, who was at one time
one of her suitors, had been told what
a fcfetty foot she had, and how white
and well rounded was her arm? This.
In the woman who financed the Armada
with hard-headed economy, who dared
the superstitious terrors of her own
conscience in her high handed and im-
v
pudent treatment of the blahopa, whose
Interest In methfils of torture for state
prisoners was most mechanical and In
telligent, entirely unhampered by any
squeamish feminine hesltuUvn as to
blotffi or pain Is most curious. In
connection with this lust characteristic
of cruelty, vanity Is not at nil unprece
dented. Indeed, If one observe closely,
ouo will notice that excessively vain
persons have almost olways a strange
Inclination toward cruelty. Tho ac
counts of what Queen Ellzaletb. per
mitted and Indeed commanded In this
respect will hardly bear reading by us
sensitive fujk to-day. Margaret Deland
In Harper's Bazar.
GOOD
Short Storie$
When that very limited monarch,
Louls-rhlllppe, was asked to pardon
Barbes, he replied: "He has my par
don; now I will see il I can get him'
that of my ministers."
L. 0. Howard, the distinguished en
tomologist, felt somewhat flattered at
receiving one day a letter from a gen
tleman asking blm to send a copy of
his report Mr. Howard replied
promptly, and asked to which particu
lar report bis correspondent referred.
The answer came: "Am not particu
lar which one you send. I want It
for a scrap-book."
Dr. Milan Soulo writes that hypnotic
suggestion has enabled him to afford
complete or partial relief In several In
stances. An accomplished and well
known medical man gravely assured
him "that he had frequently cured his
wife of seasickness after the acute
stage had passed by compelling her at
tention while be slowly read aloud
the first chapter of the Gospel accord
ing to St. Matthew."
During the recent trial of certain
members of the Helton Park Club in
England, who were charged with il
legally employing a number of young
sters as caddies who should have been
at school, It wns stated that the cad
dies were given luncheon, and tea.
"Why did you give them tea?" tho
Judge asked. The witness replied that
It was usual to give caddies tea. "Ah,"
said the judge, thoughtfully, "I pre
sume that makes them tea-caddies."
The late Dr. Crelghton, Bishop of
London, once made a visit to Father
Stanton's church in High Holborn, a
most ritualistic organization The
service was not quite to his liking, but
Father Stanton talked so fast that he
did not have a chance to say anything
until he got Into bis carriage to go
away. Then he remarked: "1 like
your service, Stanton, but I don't like
your Incense." "Very sorry, my lord,
very sorry," replied Father Stanton,
submissively, "but It Is the very best I
can get for three shillings and six
pence a pound."
A Russian military paper tells of a
lieutenant who overheard a sergeant
giving a recruit a short lecture upon
his duties, "The military service,"
said the sergeant, "requires little
prayer to God, and a strict attention
to the orders of a superior." Some
what astonished at this singular defini
tion of military duty, the officer ven
tured to usk tho sergeant for bis au
thority. Whereupon the sergeant pro
duced nn ancient volume, containing
the following: "The military service
requires little; prayer to God and strict
atteutlou to the orders of a superior."
Keteutly In Los Angeles (says an Al
bany minister) five prominent gentle
men of foreign birth chanced to meet.
One was a Itusslan, one a Turk, one a
Frenchman, one an American, and one
an Englishman. These gentlemen be
came intimate, and finally a champagne
supper was proposed, at which each
gentleman, to be In keeping with the
times, was ta give a toast to his na
tive country, the one giving the best
to be at no expense for the wine.
Here are the toasts given: The Rus
sian "Here's to the stars and bars of
Russia, that were never pulled down."
The Turk "Here's to the moons of
Turkey, whose wings were never
clipped." The Frenchman "Here's to
the cock of France, whose feathers
were never picked." The American
"Here's to the Stars and Stripes of
America, never trailed in defeat."
The Englishman "Here's to the ramp
in', ronrin' lion of Great Britain, that
tore down the stars and bars of Rus
sia, clipped the wings of Turkey,
picked the 'feathers of the cock of
France, and ran like h 1 from the Stars
and Stripes of the United States of
America."
A Shadow on Her Life.
Somebody once asked a tranquil old
resident of Nantucket if her life had
always run as smoothly as she could
wish; if no great sorrows or disappoint
ments had ever come to mnr its seren
ity. The old lady sat looking out of the
window for a moment, and then turned
to her questioner with a little smile on
her sweet face.
"I suppose you'll think it's foolish,
maybe," she said, "but I did have one
great disappointment, and I've never
forgotten it. There was a man that
came to the island once with a band
organ and a monkey. He got as far as
the corner of our street, and I thought
he was coming right this way, but be
didn't.
"I was housed with a cold and
couldn't go out to see him and his
monkey, so I only caught just a
glimpse of them. They played half an
hour in the next street.
"Disappointments like that stay by
folks all their lives," she added, after
a sympathetic ejaculation from her
visitor. "It was more than thirty years
ago, but I've never ceased regretting
I didn't see that monkey. Uve been
wonderfully blessed in every other
way, dar; but that organ-grinder
never came to the island again, never!"
Vnneisftiborly.
Hoax You're a fine fellow!
Joax What's the matter?
"You've given your wife a twenty-five-dol!ar
bonnet."
"Well, you don't have to pay for It."
"No; but I have to pay for another
one Just like it for my wife." Philadel
phia Record.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOBOUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Pay Intss that Are Cheer
ful ta OM or Vouag-FuSljr Helcc
tious that Kverjrbody Will Knjoy.
"I've got a great scheme," said he. "1
shall get rich at it."
"Again?" asked his friend, who knew
the usual resulls of his schemes.
"O, this will pay. I'm going to take a
large consignment of mice to Kansas
and sell them to saloonkeepers at $5 a
dozen." rittsburg Chronicle Tele
graph. The Krasons,
Funnyboy This weather ought to be
boiled!
Growler-Boiled! Why boUed?
Funnyboy Hecauso It's so raw! Ally
Sloper.
Turned Down.
Reporter Young Scribbler bus gone
on a terrible bat; his best girl rejected
him.
Editor Unaccompanied by stamps, I
suppose.
Oft" A bo In, On Again.
"Very well," said Bbe, in a huff, "all is
over between us. I'll thank you to re
turn my letters."
"All right," said lie, "I'll send them
to you the first thing In the morning."
"Oh, there's no killing hurry. Sup
pose you er bring them with you
when you call to-morrow evening.
Philadelphia Press.
He'd Pettie Old Scores.
Tommy O! Ouch! Stop that!
Mamma Why, Tommy, aren't you
ashamed? I wouldn't cry that way If it
was my hair that was being combed.
Tommy (fiercely) I'll bet you would
if I was doiu' the combing. Philadel
phia Press.
Hure Cure.
Yabsley I wish I could break my
wife of the habit of presenting me with
cigars every opportunity she gets.
Jollyboy Do as I do. Smoke them In
the house. Brooklyn Life.
Kaslly Adjuste I.
"Pardon me," said the busy mnu to
tho insurance ageut who had forced
bis way into his office, "but I'm not pre
pared to talk to you to-day."
"Don't let that worry you," replied
the insurance agent, "I'll do the talk
ing. Philadelphia Press. v
Easily Ktplainrd.
Eaton These hot cakes are not as
large as those I got here a few days
ago.
Walter No? Well, you see, these
are flannel cakes, and flannel will
shrink. Philadelphia Record.
Point of View.
Indignant Ike Dat cur 0' yourn bit
me, lady. Wot ker goiu' to do 'bout it?
Housewife Oh, I shan't do anything
for him, but just let him die. We were
going to poison him anyway!
Why Did He?
Alex. Smart Say, didn't Henpeck
know his wife before he married her?
Numskull-Why, certainly he did!
Alex. Smart Then why did he marry
her? Ohio State Journal.
More to Follow.
"I've turned highwayman," chuckled
the sofa.
"What!" exclaimed the chair.
"Yes. I held a couple up last night."
Philadelphia Record.
The Autocrat.
"Of course I am master in my own
house," said Mr. Meekton a little In
dignantly. "How do you manage It?"
"I. tell .Henrietta to do just what she
pleases. And she goes ahead and does
it." Washington Star.
' A Treasure.
Mrs. Tolkadot She is a fine nurse
isn't she?
Mrs. Pahducah Ideal! Why, I can
go for days without even seeing the
children. Brooklyn Life.
Can't Last Forever.
Hopley What seems to trouble
baby?
Popley (wearily)-I suppose it trou
bles him to think that eventual! v ho'ii
have to go to sleep at night. Philadel
phia Press.
A Profetsion for Him.
Fond Mother (of uVlleate dude) I
think it is time Clarence selected a
profession. What would you advise?
Uia uent irenectively) He might do
nicely as a typewriter girl. New York
Weekly. ...
rmm$2 Km
All Plain t Him No
"nere," said the foreman of th press-"
room, leading his visitors Into another
apartment, "are the great presses. The
matter is stereotyped in the form of
curved plates, these are placed on the
cylinders, and as they revolve they
leave their Impression on tho paper that
unwinds from that huge roll at the back
of the press."
"I see now," remarked one of the vis
itors, a person of much sagacity, "what
Is meant when we read of an item going
the rouuds of the press."
Htranae.
"Strange thing hapiened to the
Widow Jones. An old bachelor friend
said she looked younger than she did
twenty years before."
"It was doubtless a well-meant com
pliment." ,
"But It came as such a surprise to her
that her hair turned bluck that same
night."-PhiIndelphla Times.
At a Brooklyn Musicals.
"It's funny that you should be to tall.
Your brother, the artist, Is short, isn't
he?"
He (absently) Yes, usually. Brook
lyn Life.
A Cautious Parrot.
Fair Visitor What a lovely parrot!
(To parrot) Polly want a cracker?
Polly (cautiously) Did you make It
yourself ? What to Eat.
A Prawhack to Huccess.
"Daughter, that young Perkln who
comes here Boems a very patient ad
mirer.'' "Oh, yes, pa; he's awfully patient
but he Isn't a bit persevering."
An Unknown Fpecies.
"The homely girl Is unknown In Jour
nalism," said the talkative 'critic. "I
have never found her getting married,
dying, being murdered, run over, In
jured in any way, entertaining or being
entertained or anything else. It Is al
ways her fine-looking, pretty or hand
some sisters that figure in all of these
things."
His Impression,
Ills Friend Your son Is home. from
college, Is he? It must give a young
man a lot of mental tralnln'.
The Farmer Well, he don't seem to
be overtrained. Puck.
Ostentation.
Nell Mrs. Newrlch wants to Impress
everybody with her wealth.
Belle Yes, she never puts less than a
5 cent stamp on her letters. Philadel
phia Record.
At the St. Louis Kx position.
First Visitor Whut's that fer?
Second Visitor Guess It's to pass
Missouri River water through before
drinking.
Takinit a Mean Advantage.
"It's got so," the man in the brown
Joan suit was saying, "that you can't
trust anybody these days. I saw an
advertisement of a man In the East that
said for 10 cents he'd send a book of
forty-five pages of mighty spicy read
ip'." "Well," they asked him, "what did
you get when you sent the 10 cents?"
"A catalogue of a spice mill, by gosh!"
Poor Fellow!
Mrs. Houskeep Now, you've had
your dinner, will you saw some wood
for me?
Wragson Tatters Say, lady, I'm
afraid! ,
Mrs. Houskeep Afraid of .work, I
suppose?
Wragson Tatters It Isn't that, lady;
but I'm a kleptomaniac, an' I'm afraid
I'd steal the saw! Philadelphia Press.
Accident.
Wiggles There was a man hurt In a
French duel once.
Waggles Really?
Wiggles Yes; one of the seconds fell
out of the tree Into which he had
climbed for safety. Soinervllle Jour
nal. Cold.
He-I have been longing for this mo
ment, Miss Flossie, when I can lay my
burning heart at your feet.
Flossie Oh, it's very kind of you.
My feet are so cold! Ally Sloper.
Why She Discarded Him.
"Don't despair, Edward, even If fath
er does say you'll be young enough to
marry five years from now."
"Oh, I don't care for myself, but how
about you?" Philadelphia Times.
Not the Hume Wood.
Lady Come back here! You prom
ised to saw some wood if I gave you
your dinner.
Tramp Madam, I had reference to
another lady's wood farther up the
road. Good day.
Charles Dickens and His Cat.
Charles Dickens was a lover of ani
mals, and bad a special fondness for
cats. One of his favorites, known for
her .devotion to Dickens as "the mas
ter's cat," used to follow hinj about like
a dog, and sit beside him while ha
wrote. One night Dickens was read
ing at a small table by the light of a
candle, with pussy, as usual, at hia
elbow. Suddenly the light went out.
Dickens wns much interested In his
book, relighted the candle, going on
reSding. In a short time the light
again Iecame dim, and, turninir sud
denly, Dickens found puss deliberately
putting out the candle with her paw,
and looking- at him appeallngly as she
did so. Not till then did her master
guess what was wrong. The little
creature felt neglected and wanted to
be petted,"aud extinguishing the candle
was the best device 6he could think of
for bringing It about.
When a man gets angry his rwumn
takes a short vacation.
Any act Is meritorious that is not
misfit .'. ;
r. .i, ,.. .