AN ARDENTSWEETHEART. For twenty yearn my sweetheart hat ' been courti'ig me she can tie the ardent effortt of tho uioat effu i aive uittu; la these year the't tried to wiu me by the art tliut love displays, Aud I confess cthe pins in by tlie tweet uest of her waji. She hna do hesitation to embrace me or to kiss Me on my lip a hundred timet am I wrong in telling tula? She't a wooer moat affectionate and the alwaya nay tbut the Wouldn't take the trouble of thlt living but for me. I ought to fall In love with her, and I'm certain tbnt I would If I were but at honest aud as true blue at the't good; For true enough the It to me my only bright aunsliiiiH My aweetheart Ih no other than that geu- tlo wife of mine. Denver Newt. A Sentimental Journey, rj T was about 4 o'clock one after II noon In February, and Hlppesley was sitting on the veranda of the Cafe de Paris at Monte Carlo. Ho tat, deep In thought, hit ears mechanically listening to the strains of the little Hungarian baud a few yard away from him. He wat thinking of the rea son that had brought hliu to the place. He had been abroad for twelve years, jet, within a mouth of big return, he had left again and hurried to spend a few days on the Klvlera before taking Bteamer at Marseilles It was absurd, he knew It, but the longing to see her face again was Irre sistible. He would not seek an oppor tunity of speaking with her the scheme on which their lives had been worked out made this Impossible. He simply had an overwhelming desire to see her. Then he could go back to his lonely life, not happy-he could never be that, but with a fresh picture of the one woman he had ever loved He noticed a smart carriage draw up before the broad steps of the Casino, and, almost simultaneously, a man and a -woman came out of the building. The man was middle-aged, a trifle heavy In build and faultlessly dressed. He handed the lady Into her carriage. IIIp pesley, as he caught sight of her face, gave a start, and clutched hold of the table. She was a young Englishwo man, magnificently beautiful. The color left his face, and he riveted his eyes on her. He watched her smil ingly say "good-by" to the man on the steps, then the carriage turned and drove rapidly away. As It vanished from sight be sank back In his chair, his mouth twitching. Ills throat seem ed dry and parched; he stretched for ward and drai'k some tea at a gulp. Then the voices of two men talking just iK'hlnd hint reached his ears. "That was the Princess Zandra -she Is living at the villa Erondel, at Beau lieu." "Enormously rich?" "She was till a day or so ago." The man lowered bis voice. Hlppesley found himself straining for the next words. "I happen to know," came ill almost a whisper, "that the late prince was sufficiently Ill-advised to Invest nearly all his money In an enterprise that has recently come to the ground with a crash, and the princess, who never had the slightest suspicion of her affairs not being In a satisfactory state, has suddenly been told that another year at her present rate of expenditure will leave her penniless." "What will she do?" "Go on living as she has done and marry again! Women with such beau ty can pick and choose there are no hard places for them. Rumor says It will be the man who has Just left her. He is not a good man, but he is pas sionately In love with her, aud a mil lionaire twice over." Hlppesely rose from his seat, and, making his way round to the terrace, sank Into a seat. He felt he could hear no more. It was all so curious, so startllngly strange. To think that the girl he had left living with her father on the outskirts of a quiet English country town should have de veloped Into this wonderful Princess Zandra, whose beauty was known throughout Europe. And they had loved one another! He had gone abroad with the hope of making a name for himself, of being able to claim her. But Ill-luck had dogged him, aud the time had never come when he could write to her. He had left her free, and as the years went by, bringing nothing but persistent failure, he knew that It was not for hlni to possess the only thing he counted worth having. Occasionally scraps of Intelligence as to the course her life had taken drifted to him. ner father had died, aud she bad gone to live with a wealthy aunt In London. From stray papers that reached him he learned that her beauty had caused quite a sensation In society. Then at last came the news that she had mar ried a foreigner of great position, Trlnce Zandra. He wondered If she ever thought of him remembered the night he had confessed his love to her. Not a day had passed In those long years of fail ure but her Image had been before him. Now, at length, when he had achieved some slight success, it was too late. All that was left for him was to take the absurd little Journey of sentiment Early next morning he traveled to Reaulieu. He got out at the railway statlou and, following the path that led round to St. Jean, passed the tishlng village, and galued the point There he sank down on the ground, and gave himself up to his reflections. It was a perfect morning, a cloudless sky, the air soft aud pregnant with the perfume of the roses that grew right to the edge of the tiny cliff. Some thirty feet be low him was the sea, not a ripple cn Its smooth surface, the clear -blue tints gleaming in the sunshine. Presently he was aware of a woman gazing curiously at hiin. The next mo ment they bad recognized one another. She weut suddenly pale and her lips parted In wonder. "Ralph!" she gasped. He looked it her mutely. He was face DEIS HARK S THREE Co, The Danish West Indiet, which Don mark has been notified mint not be sold to any other power but the United Statee, are three little islands lying Immediately east of Porto Rico at the gateway of the Caribbean Sea. Santa Crus It the larg est of the three, and coutalnt teventy four square miles of territory, more than uve-tlxths of which It under cultivation. Its total population it 20,000, uioit of which it of uegro descent. St. Thomat It the second In tize, aud la the flrat In im portance because of itt titnation and line harbor. St. Thomas also containt the commercial metropollt of the islands, the town of Charlotte Amelia, which la bet ter known at St. Thomas. Charlotte Amelia It a town of 12,000 Inhabitants, and the total population of the island It ouly a few hundred! larger. St. Thomat containt but thirty-three tquare miles of territory, moat of It too rocky for culti vation. The third island In the bunch for which the United Statet now propose! to pay $3,240,0000, It St. John, a little rocky islet on which lest than a thousand people live. Altogether the purchase would add but 34,000 people and less than 110 tquare miiet of territory to the Unit ed Statea. In 1807 Secretary of State Seward made an attempt to buy theae Ulandt for $7,500,000. The Danish government agreed to make the tale, provided the people of the islands were agreeable to it. The Itev. Dr. Hawley, pastor of the church which the Secretary attended at Auburn, N. Y., wat tent to St. Thomas to supervise an election held to give Uw people a chance to expreaa their views. On all three Islands hut twenty-two votet were cast against the proposed anion with the United States, several thousand being recorded in its favor. The tentl ment of the people was almost unani mous. But the plan had many opponents In Congress. Chief among these was Senator Sumner, then the head of the committee on foreign relations. He pigeonholed the treaty and prevented Its consideration for a long time. A good many years later another at tempt wat made to buy out Denmark's possessions In the Caribbean. This time the price was fixed at less than $5,000, 000, but, In spite of the reduction, It came to nothing. Meanwhile King Chris tian and the Danish government have been growing increasingly anxious to sell. Denmark is not and Is not likely to become a great naval power, and the chief value of the islands lies in the fact that St. Thomas has a good harbor and commands the gateway to the Caribbean Sea. Besides, the islands are not self supporting. Whatever the Islands may lack In any other direction they are strong in his toric and romantic interest. They were discovered by Columbus on his second voyage to America, in 1403. But Colum bus was not looking for a' few little scat tered islands, and when he found how small they were he hoisted sail and went away after naming them the Virgin Isl ands. Then for more than 150 years they lay unvisited by white men. In 1057 some adventurous Dutchmen sailed into the splendid harbor of St. Thomas and started a little settlement there. That lasted for ten years. Then the Dutch gave up the attempt, and a few years later the Danes took their place. Since then the English, French and Spanish have alternated in the control of one or more of the Islands, which finally passed under the permanent control of Denmark In 1815. But the chief romantic Interest which attaches to St. Thomas lies in the fact that it was for years one of the headquar ters of the famous pirates and bucca- to face with her at last and the blood went throbbing through his veins. "Yes Just Ralph!" he said mechani cally. She held out her hand, and be took It awkwardly. "And to think it Is you after all these years!" she said softly. Hlppesley did not speak. Hla thoughts had flown back a dozen years to the night when he had left her. An Indefinable Idea came to him that she, too, was thinking of the same thing. "I won't He!" he said, abruptly. "I am not here by chance. I heard you were on the Riviera, and, after all these years, I wanted to see you again Just to see you. I bad no notion of speak ing." She gazed at him steadily, as If try ing to read his thoughts. "You have loved me all this time?" she asked, slowly. He bowed bis head. She turned away with a little sob. "And you never wrote!" she cried. "Oh, why didn't you write?' "I was a failure such an utter fail ure I could not write to claim you," he said, hoarsely. "You did well; I wasn't worth waiting for." She looked at him, the tears glisten ing In her eyes. "What a Jumble Fate made of our lives!" she sighed. "It did not matter; you are the Prin cess Zandra." "Oh. I am tired, tired to death of it all!" she cried in a tone of weariness. "To have to live in an artificial world, among people who are not my people there Is no one left to me now and to have to begin It all over again." she added in a half-sorrowful, musing tone. He understood. He remembered the words he had overheard at the cafe. It was all true then. She looked up at him quickly with a smile. "liut you, ttaipn--what have you done? she asked, gently. "For years nothing. Now, at last. I've got a small estate in Ceylon. It's a fair living whilst I worked hard not a bad life, too, for a man who has lost his am bltlons." s "No, not a bad life," sUe repeated. A lonely one. toougn. She gave a little laugh there was an Infinite note of sadness In it. "As lonely as mine has been!" She lifted her head, and their eyea met He read something in ber gaze LITTLE ISLANDS neers who so long Infested and ravaged the Spanish Main. Before steamships were Invented St. Thomas waa more than It It to-day, a roadhouse of the teat, a tort of ocean half-way house between the continents. Into Itt great harbor Span ish galleons and heavily laden slave ships ran for shelter, aud the buccaneers bang ing close about were certain of good pick ing. Sometimes the pirate shlpt even purtued their prey Into the land-locked harbor, and under the eyes of the towu captured It. All three of the Islands are thought to be the topt of what were once volcanic mountains. In aparance they are typi cally tropical. When a ahlp tallt Into the harbor of Charlotte Amelia, for in stance, the passenger seet a fringe of low white houses along the shore, shining against a background of glossy green, while behind and above towers a Hue of etstely hlllt, covered for most of their height with thick, tropical foliage. Al most all the houtet have bright red roofs, and the whole landscape It a riot of vivid color. Charlotte Amelia la remarkable among tropical cltiet in that it it ex tremely clean a fact which must be laid to the credit of the Danes. Its straight etreete, lined on either tide with two story wooden houses, are paved with as phalt, with wide gutters on either side. When rain falls on the hills swift cur rentt of water rush down through these streets, washing out the gutters and mak ing It easier to keep the town clean. Almost every house has a balcony across the front of its second story. One of the most picturesque sights to be teen at St. Thomat is the procession of coal carriers, which Is ceaselessly passing from the docks down Into the holds of vessels lying alongside. The coal carriers are ail stalwart negro wom en, who carry great baskets filled with coal on their headt. They work in day and night shifts, and after darkness falls they ting weird tongt at they work. In spite of the fact that the Introduction of steam has taken much business away from St. Thomas, It Is still a busy place, and as a result its people have little of the tropical lassitude and laziness about them. They do not even stop work to take a slests In the middle of the day. Prior to 1848 both St. Thomas and the larger Island of Santa Crus produced large quantities of sugar. In that year Denmark freed all the slaves, and as a retult most of the negroes left the plan tations and gathered into the towns. The sugar planters could not get sufficient la bor to work their plantations, and the Industry almost disappeared. More re cently It has been resumed on a consid erable scale, particularly on Santa Crus, where there Is a great quantity of fertile land. On this Island many of the former slaves have set up aa the proprietors of small plantations, and Its annual produc tion of sugar Is now 12,000 tons, a sup ply sufficient to supply the wants of the United States for two days. The temperature of the Island of Santa Crut ranges from 00 to 82 degrees. It has many magnificent driveways, leading through avenues of palms, tamarinds, and bananas. There are two towns on the island Fredericksted and Christianized. Neither Is of any importance from a com mercial standpoint. Practically all of the 20,000 Inhabitants of the Island speak English, and the only sign of their alle giance to Denmark Is the flag and a lit tle garrison of about 100 Danish soldiers. Fredericksted Is a tumble-down town of stucco-covered, two-storied buildings, the fissures In the walls and the tumbling walls being a result of the sack of the city In 1878, when the negroes on the Island revolted against the Danish gov ernment a something Wat. sent mm ireniunug from head to foot ... . . 1 L I.I V. 1 I "Mv God. Esme!" he cried. "If If you were not the Princess Zandra!" He saw her eyea suddenly ahine, the color rush to her cheeks. "Remember only that I am a poor woman again!" she whispered. "That I've never forgotten, never could for get " Her voice died away. His brain was In a whirl It seemed hardly possible. "But the life!" he cried. "Think, af ter ell, you've " "I only loved once It was you I thought had forgotten " The low. Boft voice came to a stop. They stood looking Into one another's eves. "Don't send me back to the old life again, Ralph," she murmured. Gilbert Dayle, In Mainly About People. EAGLE FIGHTS A MAN. Fierce Attack on a Maine Farmer by a Bis Feathered Kobber. One of the fiercest battles between man and bird of which there Is any re cord In Maine took place the other day In a Washington county barnyard. Rufus Berry, of East Machlas, and an eagle of great size were the combat ants. The eagle, whose wings measured eight feet from tip to tip. had previously visited the barnyard and carried off one of the farmer's sheep and had returned for more mutton when Berry happened to be around with a gun handy. Berry'a first shot knocked the big bird over and thinking the eagle was dead he ran to secure his prize. That was where Farmer Berry made a great mistake. No sooner bad he touched the bird than It rose upon him. clawing and pecking fiercely at his eyes find face and finally sinking Its talous deep Into the flesh of his arm, so that although more than willing to call It a draw, he could not get out of the -ing. For half an hour Betty stood the pecking and clawing and gouging and the fearful beating of the eagle's wings and then backing up to a fence be man aged to get hold of a club with which he killed the bird. The eagle was mounted by a Bangor taxidermist and sold to a Milwaukee man, who placed It In a museum Eagles are common In the eastern and northern parts of Maine and when at tacked are very fierce. HOUSE SHOE STYLES. THEY ARE GREATLY VARIED IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. Nona Can Equal American Makes for Utlfity and Merit of Workmanehlp Many Kindt o: Iron Footwear In Viae In Lute Year. - On Twelfth street near tne new cltT hall, Is a show window that holds many attractions for horsemen and lovers of the curious, says the St Louis Globe Democrat. It contains nothing but rusty, discolored borseshoes, but such Is the variety and character of the col lection that It Is surpassed by but one other In existence. Shoes ranging In stylo aud beauty from the dainty rac ing plate that has been worn by thoroughbreds In record-breaking per formances to the antiquated patterns used more than 150 years ago are In the collection, aud about each shoe some thing of Interest can be told by F. C. Snow, the owner of the collection. Probubly the oldest and most valued of the collection la a shoe known to have been made by a Poutlac Indian In 1743. The shoe was for years an ex hibit In the Detroit Historical society's headquarters, but cume to Ha present owner through a member of the Case family, lu whose possession the shoe has been kept for generations. Con sidering the tools and the period, the shoe is really an excellent piece of workmanship. The calks, or toes, as people unversed In shoeing lore would term them, are small, the whole shoe showing that, with the exception of the Improvement In manufacture, the gen eral conception of the horseshoe of that period Is still the basis of manufacture. Other shoes of Interest rarely seen In these days are those for oxen. Each ox wore eight shoes In the old days, one on either toe on each foot Like the horseshoes of the early part of the cen tury, those for oxen now used In the west have been changed but little In re cent decades. The smallest shoos In the collection are those of burros from the Rockies and old Mexico. In contrast with them the huge shoes commonly used In Eng land and Belgium are most noticeable. Both the larger makes are clumsy and exhibit poor workmanship. The aver age size of English shoes Is greater than that of any other country. Comparison of American horseshoes with those of other countries easily gives the palm to the manufacturers In this country. A specimen of the French shoe of the variety known as "country shoe" shows clumsy work manship on a poorly shaped shoe with which square-headed nails are used From Arabia Mr. Snow has secured two speclmeus of the shoes URed upon the famous steeds of the deserts. One is a rough-shaped plate of hammered iron. From this blank the shoe Is shaped to provide what horseman know as "roller motion." The toe Is turned up at an angle of 45 degrees, the ends being shaped and fastened together with a rivet Instead of being welded as in this country. Such a shoe would kill a horse if used tipon the cobble stones of St. Louis. Probably as odd a shoe as Is found In the collection is one that was used In Ireland. The iron shoe proper is of common pattern, save that It has two lugs, or projections, pierced with screw holes. By means of screws the shoe Is fastened to a board platform two In dies thick and about twelve Inches square. When It Is desired to use the horse upon one of the peat bogs the wooden platform Is screwed or bolted fast to the horse's shoe. Despite the awkwardness of such footwear the wear ers soon learn to avoid stumbling and make surprising headway. Similar shoos are worn in the peat bogs of California. Among the new varieties of shoes are those with a rubber heel plate or cush Ion, designed to break the concussion of the heavy blows struck by horses when moving rapidly over granite pave ments. Such shoes are worn by the horses In the city ambulance service Among the other curious In the collec tion are mule shoes from Havana and Santiago, one from Guayamos, Porto Rico, near which battery A came bo close to a baptism of fire. Shoes from Australia and from a dozen other coun tries, all of which are little better In workmanship that those used In this country half a century ago, and not equal to the shoes worn by the average dray horse In this country. Though many nallless shoes have been Invent ed, they have never been successful. CHINESE TEACUPS. They Are Rapidly Growing- in Favor In Weatern Countries. Although It Is several centuries since Occidentals adopted Chinese tea as a dally beverage It Is only of late that they have begun to use the Chinese tea service. Like all Mongolian lnstitu tlons, it Is the opposite of our own. The service consists of a metal stand In which rests a large cup. Over the cup fits a saucer and alongside of it Is sta tioned a little cup scarcely larger than an egg. The metal stand is of brass or bronze, though wealthy mandarins use silver and even gold. The large cup should be of the handsomest porcelain, It is very rarely plain. The commonest variety have a nionocrome field on which are enameled leaves and flowers In color. Another beautiful variety Is made of crackle ware, on whose sur face Is wreathed a bronze dragon Swatow cups are generally decorated with little crabs, iflshes. beetles or lo custs In natural color and high relief, while Nanking cups are tinged with sang de boeuf, Imperial blue, or impe rial yellow. The saucer should be of the same material, according to the tastes of the owner. The service Is placed before the fi-uests at the beginning of the meal A iemall quantity of tea leaves Is thrown Into the large cup, covered with boil ing water. To keep the steam in the saucer Is Inverted over the cup. It is allowed to stand for two minutes end then the guest, holding the large cup with the thumb and middle finger and guiding the saucer with the forefinger, strains and pours the fluid Into the lit tle cup. It seems simple, but until a per son has practiced repeatedly it Is a very difficult task. The average Occidental caida hla fingers and drop the tea on the table, and often lets fall the cup and saucer together. The large cup will fill the tmall cup three times, and then boiling water Is again poured over the leaves. If tho leaf be of tine quality the second drawing Is about as good as the first. After the second drawing la finished the cup la removed, the spent leaves are thrown away and a fresh 3 aupply 1 put In their place. The ser vice is a very Important element lu the Chinese household. The cheapest aet costs ten cents In China and twenty- five centa lu New York. The figure run up from this limit, and when crack le ware, porcelain and silver stands are employed they reach $3 and $0. New York Evening Post GOOD j Short Storle$ The painter Mokart, who was some times as taciturn as Von Moltke, sat for an hour one evening at dinner next to the soubrette, Josephine Gallmeyer, without volunteering a word. Finally she lost patience, and exclaimed: "Well, dear master, suppose we change the subject" Tho. following unique claim Is posted on a mine In the Grand Encampment, In Wyoming: "We found It, aud we claim it by the right of founding it. It's our'n. It's 750 feet In every direction except southwest and northeast, aud there Is 300 feet on each side of this wrltlu'. It's called the 'Bay Horse,' and we claim even the spurs, and we don't want nobody jumping on this Buy Horse that's what's these trees Is arouud hero for, and we've got the same piece of rope that we bad down In old Missouri." During a confirmation tour In the dio cese of Peterborough, the late Bishop of London put up one eveulng at an old manor house, and slept In a room supposed to be haunted. Next morning at breakfast the Bishop was asked whether he had seen the ghost "Yes," he replied, with great solemnity, "but I have laid the spirit; It will never trou ble you again." Being further ques tioned upon the subject, the Bishop said: "The ghost Instantly vanished when I asked for a subscription toward the restoration of Peterborough Cathe dral." Tim Murphy, the popular comedian, saw an old colored woman sitting un der an awning fanning herself, when he was In Washington, D. C. "It's dreadfully hot, isn't It mammy?" ask ed Mr. Murphy. " 'Deed It Is, chile," said the old woman; "'deed It Is. 'Taln't right for It to be so hot thls-a-woy. I tell you, forty years ago, when the blessed Lawd made the weather, we didn't have these stewing days, honey, no, 'deed, we didn't; but now these blggety men up at this here weather office has the making of the weather, they does send us anything they please, and they ain't skillful, chile, they ain't skillful." Lord Ratbmore has told a friend how he once took "Oulda" In to dinner and how disappointed he was to find that the novelist devoted herself to the dishes rather than to Intellectual re freshment He said at last, In despair at having only been able to get "Yes" and "No" In answer to the different subjects he Introduced: "I'm afraid I'm singularly unfortunate In my choice of topics. Is ther? anything we could talk about to Interest you?" To which the chronicler of Society's shortcom ings replied: "There Is one thing which would Interest me very much. Tell me about the duchesses; I have written about them all my life and never met one yet." Not long ago an American professor attended a reception in the royal pal ace, given by the Kaiser to an associa tion of scientists, at which William ap peared In the gorgeous robes of royalty, preceded by liveried chamberlains bearing the crown and Insignia. It was a most impressive display, and when the professor came away he said to a friend: "I am a republican to the back bone, but I believe that if monarchs ore necessary they should be monarchs to the last bit of gold lace, Just as William is Kaiser." The next day bis friend had an audience with the Kai ser, and in the course of the conversa tion told him what the American pro fessor had said. The Kaiser laughed heartily. "That Is exactly what I be lieve," he said; "Dom Pedro of Brazil illustrated the folly of trying to be a republican on a throne." How You Spend Your Life. Did you ever stop to Inquire how you actually occupy the hours of your life? Supposing you are an average business man, how will your account on the book of time appear when It is balanced at the end of three-score and ten years? The largest Item will be sle-p, whleb has consumed twenty-flve jea-s--a lit tle more than one-third of your life. It counted rapidly during childhood, less rapidly In age, and was at a minimum during the working days of middle life. Those working days will count twenty one years, and In the course of them you will read for two years and write for a year and seven mouths. The next Item will be that of pleasure, which will have consumed nine years, and your walking will have consumed six and one-half years more. Then your eating acounts will show that you have sat at the table, stood at lunch counters or cuddled elsewhere for five years. You will also have a dressing account of three and one-half years, which will have been devoted to but toning and unbuttoning remember It is a man who is being considered. In this dressing account yon will find eight Charged to bathing account and seven months to shaving. New York Herald. Seattle's Proposed Canal. 0 Seattle purposes to build a canal eight miles long from Puget sound to Lake Washington, which Is twenty miles long and 200 feet deep, and will make an Ideal harbor. A good many women too good to gos sip take care to invite several lively gossips to their parties, in order to keep the guests from going to sleep. The man who never forgives a favor or forgets an Injury isn't apt to mak a desirable friend. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COfIO PAPERS. pleasant Incident Occurring the World Over-Saying that Are Cheer ful to Old or Young-Funny r-elev tlon that Everybody Wilt Kujoy. "Yes; she rejected him after accept ing attention from him for a yeur." "I thluk he waa entitled to more con ilderatlon." "O! I don't know. I thluk she was considering him all the time." Puck. After tha Hot One. Huskluby (chuckllngly)-It wuz 12 below aero by my thermometer at 5 o'clock this mornlu', nu' III Badgely's on'y showed nine below at thet hour. Rubenhay (disdainfully) Huh! Mine registered twenty-three below at that very time. Husklnby By gosh! How much will yew take tew boot au' trade? Puck. Inalde tha Man. First Grip Germ Ugh! What's wrong with this man's protoplasm any how? Second Grip Gertn-Oh, he's taking ten grains of qulnlue every throe hours; let'a vamoose. tlhlo State Journal. Hut. McSwlgan-I don't like that goat thet comes Into our back yard. Mrs. MeSwigan But MeSwigan Exactly; that's why I don't like It. Ohio State Journal. Irate Householder Say! If you'll stop playing "Hot Time," I'll give you a nickel! Antonio "Holy City," five cents; "Hot Time," ten cents. Insurance Paper Pleme Copy. 'I should think it would be pretty hard for you, with such a large family, to live on such a small Income." "But," replied the family man, "con elder how much harder It would be for my family If I were to die on It." Phil adelphla Press. Her Opinion of Compliment. "No," said Miss Cayenne, "I don't care for people who continually pay compliments." "But it shows an amiable disposi tlon." 'Perhaps. But to me the habit re minds me that some people are willing to pay only what costs them nothing and what they don't really owe." Washington Star. Girl Ueiially Do. "Have you Moore's poems?" Inquired the sweet young thing. "I think so, miss; I'll look In a min ute," replied the clerk lu the book store. "By the way, here's a fine new story Just out. It's called 'Just One Kiss.' and " "I want Moore," she Interrupted haughtily. Philadelphia Press. Might Kesnlt Fatally. Woman If yon will saw that wood for me I will give you a good, square meal. Tramp I would, lady, but I had my fortune told yesterday and the gypsy said heart disease was going to carry me off, so I must be very careful. For the Landlord. Rlgby Was the banquet an enjoya ble one? Sturgis From the landlord's point of view, yes. He got a big price for a mighty poor layout Boston Tran script. Friendly Intercut.' "She fell in love with me at tho last Covent Garden ball, old man!" "Really? How were you disguised, old fellow?" Scrape. Hard to 1 eclde. "How that woman glared at you?" "Yes; I've either bowed to her when I don't know her, or else I know her and haven't bowed to her." Won d Like Some. "What do you And in that stupid old paper to keep you so busy?" petulantly asked Mrs. Youngcouple. "1 was just looking at the money market," he answered. "Oh, do they have a money market? Are there ever any bargains?" Indi anapolis Tress. Qualified. Section Foreman Do you think you can boss a gang of men? Mr. Bear I think so; I've had my own way during thirty years of mar ried life. Ohio State Journal. Welcome Heady. The Boss Mr. BJonson, If you can't keep up with your work better, we ahall have to look for another man. BJonson I'm glad to hear that. Pre been thinking all along that I was do ing enough work for two. Indianapo lis Press. Professional Rate. t Erenln It tTp, "They have a new barber ihon !a Baltimore where every feature Is run on antiseptic principles." "It's a Dlty they cannot carry It to the point where some of the patron could be treated to an antiseptic Lata before entering the place." Cleveland Plalu Dealer. He Wa One. j Snappy That's what Jars me. ) Sappey What'a that? SuaiiDv Oh. some neoule are never satisfied to take things as they are, but always want to know tho why and wherefore. Sappey That's so. I wonder why It Is. Philadelphia Press. Shocking. "Tlr ffiim! if the women in ther cltT ain't so bold an brazen that er modest one hez ter hang out er slgu telllu er bout It." Another Chance. Susan I Just hate these conundrum fiends. Kitty Indeed! Why? Susan Because the other evening Mr. Stubbing asked me "Will you be my wife?" ami when I said "Yes," he said he would give me another guess. Detroit Free Press. Love in a Cottage. "Will you be satisfied with love In a cottage?" he oaked. "Yes," she replied, confidently, for she had heard that the cottage was located at Newport Philadelphia Rec ord. The Unconqnerable. "Why don't you discourage him If you don't care for him?" "Oh, he won't be discouraged. He is really In love." Characteristic. "Woman has no se,nne of humor." "No; but she seems to have an awful sense of being humored." Mr. Tattered Hedges Howdy, Bill, whatcher think of me uew Raglan overcoat? Well, Weill "Old Crouch went to the masquerade the other night disguised as a bear." "Did anyone recognize him?" "Nobody but his wife." Detroit Free Press. Present Need. "Yes, that's a beautifully bound book of your sermons, Mr. Straltlace. Well, no, George hasn't read It yet, He only has time to read at night, you know. Yes, he understands it's for the saving of souls. But George Is so practical. He thought he'd rather save his eyes first." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Correct, if Not Grammatical. Johnny Pa, Aunt Hannah says bolls are healthy. Shouldn't she say "health ful?" Wise Father Well, your aunt didn't mean to be grammatical, but I guess she was this time. It is the boil that Is healthy, .not the fellow who carries It around. Boston Transcript. Wise Hird. "Give us a proof of your boasted wisdom," cried a lot of chattering magpies to the owl. "I will," he said, and flew away. Philadelphia Times. Her Triumph. "She seems so happy. Did she marry him for love or for money?" "Neither. She took him to spite a lot of other girls." Chicago Times-Herald. No Chance to Talk. Black Mumsey Is not a good conver sationalist. White No, he was the only boy In a family of nine children. Cleveland Leader. Invented by a Lunatic. The resident physician of one of the largest lunatic asylums In Great Brlaln stated, as on Instance of the cleverness of lunatics, that n very valuable Im provement connected with machinery, and now in daily use everywhere, was invented by the inmate of an asylum, well known to everyone by name. As the Inventor was afterwards quite cured, and became a prominent man, the physician did not give any details, but the Invention, designed and model led as a diversion while absolutely In sane, has brought him In thousands of pounds. Another lunatic Invented a simple automatic contrivance for the head of a lawn-tennis racquet, to pick up the balls and abolish stooping. It acted perfectly, and the asylum doctor advised his friends to secure a patent for him in case he should become cured. . Can't Iat Forever. Hopely "What seems to trouble your baby?" Popley (wearily) "I suppose It trou bles him to think that eventually he'll have to go to sleep at night." Philadel phia Press, o 0