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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 15, 1901)
The Truth About Tobias.
r T took Hanora quite a time to find
II out the truth about Tobias. Not
that Tobtat could ordinarily be OHi"
ldered a mysterious Individual. In
deed, he was precisely the reverse.
From the cool dawn hour lu which he
arose to go forth and drive the team
for Twist & Taffeta, of which tiriu he
wa trusted collector, until lilt return
at 6;30 to tha modest flat where bis Bis
ter and supper awaited him, his life
was a cleun and commonplace page,
spread wide for every casual or Inter
ested glance. Ills nights, If less ex
posed to the arc lights of public scru
tiny, might as well have been so. For,
after eating heartily of the food Hauora
had prepared and referring to the same
In admiring terms, he was wont to re
move his shoes as unnecessary Impedi
menta, place his feet In their well
darned hose upon the chair "beyaut"
light his pipe, drink the solitary bottle
of beer Illinois permitted lilm, and read
the mighty accumulation of both morn
ing and evening papers until the auto
cratic spinster who ruled his abode sug
gested "a decade," and turned the lamp
low by way of a gentle but quite suffi
Tobias was 40 plus five. He had a
brickdust skin, pale brows, a pugna
cious nose, end a smile of such sudden,
suffusing, apologetic radiance It ex
plained his love for his fellow-men In
general and for Hanora In particular.
Indeed, his was the only love that had
ever come Hanora's way. She had
never lteen guilty of that form of high
way robbery known as coquetry. Not
that she wa unsophisticated. She
knew that a woman quick of perception
and adroit of finger may appropriate
the purse of one who walks her way
and suffer Incarceration. And she
knew also that one who possesses her
self of an unappropriated masculine
heart not only goes free In the sight of
AM Ol.ll MAID MStt.lt 1-lViNu
the law, but glories If she will In her
guile and In the magnitude of her deed.
Whether the bonds of lnoppjrtumty had
shackled Hanora Hyan or whether she
had preferred maiden triumph to the
exultation of matronhood deponent suy
eth not. Anyhow, to get back to the
truth about Tobias. On one memorable
midsummer eve he devoured lemon pie
without protest. Hanora knew he
loathed lemon pie. On the followlug
morning he meekly ate the French
toast she set before him, Instead of his
regulation potato and rasher. This was
her second test. For Tobias had frank
ly declared only two weeks ago that
he would es.t no more French, or Flem
ish, or no, begorrah Boer toast, that
was made of stalo bread dipped In egg
and fried! So there! She began to feel
suspicious. He was a good brother,
but alarmingly docile when presented
with viands for which he possessed an
She was like the parrot which Its
owner declared "said little but done a
devil of a heap of thlukin'l" She
thought a good deal In ' those days.
When Tobias suggested bringing a
friend home with him to dinner she
thought more than ever, albeit she pos
sibly said less.
"To be brlngln' a man here for a
male!" quoth she. "What kind of a
man might he be now, Tobias?"
"Sthraight as they make 'em!"
promptly responded Tobias. "He
drives the 'rush' bus. lie's a good wan.
He'd relish one of your raspberry rolls
that he would, Hanora!" Whereat
Hauora blushed In a wintry sunset sort
of way and said be might bring his
He did bring his friend. And to tell
the truth Hauora looked exceedingly
well. She had given her old black silk
skirt a "dip," whatever that mysterious
phraseology may mean. And she wore
w.th this a shirt waist of softest lawn,
which she had bought at quite an ab
surd figure because it was one of the
smaller sizes. This she had duly and
delicately laundered. Not that
"The household art was the only dower
She would bring for a gift to him she
But the household art shone up In re
splendence on that particular night
Never, thought treacherous Tobias,
with a glow at his heart, bad any man
such a sister, and If It were not for the
here he broke off in an agony of de
ception which made hlra temporarily
oblivious of the merits of the raspberry
"You ain't eat a bite!" avowed Hano
ra. Tobias made a sweeping gesture
across his Adam's apple. "Clear to
here!" he declared with delicious men
dacity. Al ter supper they went Into the par
lor. Hanora played on the organ yes,
and sang. too. In a sweet thin little
voice. She sang "The Meeting of the
Waters" and "The Kerry Dancing" and
the "Wearing of the Green." No rag
time for Hauora.
"She'a a Jewel!" commented Dennis
Mngnlre, addressing Tobias Ryan,
when they parted dn the sidewalk.
"Ain't ain't" timidly, "there any wan
"Nlvlr a wan !'i returned Tobias.
He felt so guilty upon his return he
could hardly make the proper response
to the "decade" which Hanora was
"elvlof out." He did not come home
until 10 o'clock the following night-
nor yet the nvxt.o He explained his ab
sences by mysterious allusion to "cau
cuses" aud "primaries," thereby sooth
ing Hanoinflu'd stultifying his con
science. It was not until lLmcra found
a rose in the buttonhole of his coat oue
morning aud a little Un.e trimmed hand
kerchief lu his pocket that her diret
doubts were aroused. But even these
Tobias explained away.
"Sure the Bower cost nothiu", Hanora.
'Twtis from a bush I was pusslu'. And
the handkerchief was on the sidewalk.
1 thought belike you could make use
He was rapidly becoming a beautiful j
liar. , j
A week later he refuwed to go out
with Hauora and Deuuls on account of
the night being damp. He had rheu
matism, he said. So hU sister aud his
friend went to the theater and Tobias
settled hlmxelf to the composition of a
long and fervent letter, the accomplish
ment of which necessitated frequent
reference to the pocket dictionary he
hud bought for this purpose. To make
a long story short and It was not such
a long Rtory when all was sald-IIano-ra
married Dennis Magulre. Tobias
was desolate disconsolate. He might
go to live with them. Deunls had won
a treasure. Yes, he might go to live
with them after a while. For the pres
ent he would take his meals at a res
taurant uutll sure what could be done
with the furniture aud so on.
All through her wedding journey,
which lasted full three weeks, it trou
bled Mrs. Magulre to determine what
was the matter with Tobias. She told
her new made lord all about his even
ing alienees, his mild acceptance of
distasteful viands, his abrupt aud eager
hospitality toward Dennis even about
the roo and handkerchief. It was not
until she had returned to Chicago and
went out to the flat where had been
passed her years of mature maiden
hood that she really discovered the
truth about Tobias.
For the fiat Into which she let her
self with her latch key was altered,
decorated, Illumined. There were cur
tains of rosy swlbsollne at the win
dows. There were a lot of flowers on
the table. A canary sang In a glided
cage, and what waa that? A parasol
In the cornera hat on the sewing ma
chine! Such a frivolous hat all chif
fon and daisies! Hanora turned quite
faint. Could Tobias
"Oh," cried a radiant little creature
fluttering out of one of the Pullman
car apartments which serve as bed
rooms In the modern flat, "I did not
know any one was here. Take this
chair. You are Mrs. Larch, I know.
Tobias said the wife of hjs friends in
the shipping department would call.
We are not really fully settled yet. Out
wedding was quite a surprise to out
friends, but really we had been con
sidering it for some time. I was in the
ribbons, you know, and became ac
quainted with Mr. Ryan while at the
Rtore. But It seems he had an old maid
sister living with him, and having a
girl's natural distaste for relatlons-in-law
though doubtless some of them
are klud enough, I suggested to Tobias
that It would be better to marry her
off If possible before why what "
For Mrs. Dennis Magulre had risen
In aghast and stately discomposure.
"I am bis sister," she said.
"Dear, O, dear! I'm so sorry! I didn't
know nor suspect I wish I had kept
still! Take off your things! Stay to
supper! There there! Y'ou're sweet
as you can be and I'll love you if you
let me Indeed, I will."
Americans in Knee-Breeches
Hon. John W. Foster, former Secre
tary of State and oue of the most wide
ly experienced of American diplomats,
tells In the Saturday Evening Post In
teresting and amusing Instances of
American diplomats ami court cos
tumes. The ladles will be Interested
In knowing that in diplomacy extreme
consideration Is given to the klud of
clothes which the representatives wear.
In the course of the article Mr. Foster
"Some ministers have made them
selves ridiculous by securing an ap
pointment In the State militia aud mak
ing use of that uniform. A story Is
told of one of our representatives at a
European court who appeared at the
palace In the garb of a captain of a
cavalry troop, a post he had tilled at
home, which led the monarchical diplo
mats, attracted by bis metal helmet,
quizzically to ask If he belonged to a
fire company In America! The Instruc
tions of the Department of State now
in force construe the law to allow of
such a departure from a simple dress
aa will secure our diplomats welcome
admittance at court ceremonies.
"For instance, the members of the
United States embassy in London ap
pear on state occasions In knee breech
es, with metal buckles on their shoes,
and In other respects In ordinary even
Really Too Bad.
The fair young society lady was In
an agitated frame of mind when she re
turned from a shopping expedition the
other day. x
"Why, Dorothy, what In the world Is
the matter?" asked her Indulgent bus
band, who read distress in her pretty
"Oh, dear," she said, her voice trem
bling with emotion. "I've lost the re
ceipt for my new hat"
"Well," the husband replied, "It la
very easy to go back to the store and
get another receipt. I don't see whj
you should let a little matter like that
"It Isn't that," wa3 the sobbing re
ply, "but I'm afraid that some one we
know will find that receipt and learn
how much I paid for It" Detroit Free
Proflta of a Convict Mine.
The Tennessee convict coal mine is a
paying institution. The profits In the
last six months will amount to more
Men do not agree on what Is the
"unpardonable sin," but among wom
en It is an unpardonable sin for on
woman to recommend a dressmaker
who ruins garment
SHE RESENTS "RULES."
tVlfa m? Her Hu.baud PlaaUra the
Houte with Ordara.
George S. Edgar, of Allegheny, Pa.,
received a fortune of $200,000 from hla
father'! estate several years ago. Re
cently bis wife appealed to the courts
to have the muiiey placed lu her car
for the support of herself and family,
alleging her husband was an habitual
drunkard, posted notices throughout
the house for her guidance, kept
wealthy frleuds from visiting her, and
she had to extract money from him to
live on while he wasjn drunken stu
pors, suys the Syracuse Herald. Part
of the rules posted by Edgar were read
In court, as follows:
"I am to be boss of the house. I am
to be master and head of the house,
and must be respected. 1 am to handle
all moneys. No servants shall be em
ployed without consulting me. No ser
vants shall be dismissed without con
sulting me. My wife shall not speak
to servants unless It Is extremely nec
essary. My wife shall not dismiss help
without my consent, uuless It Is under
extreme provocation; then she cau dis
miss them during my absence or with
out, uiy consent. All purchases, such
as vegetables, groceries, clothing for
wife and chlldreu, to be bought with
my personal consent or by wrltteu or
der. My children shall be taught to
respect me. In correcting my children
no pick handles, rolling plus or sad
irons shall be used. No presents shall
be given to anyone uor old clothing dis
posed of without my consent. Nothing
whatever shall be bought without con
"All parties whose names appear on
card In ball rack shall be excluded
from my house, and other parties that I
mention hereafter, namely: Dr. C. J.
Knaur, for having me come to R. B.
Scandrett's office, an old schoolmate
of mine, thereby humiliating me; Mrs.
C. J. Knaur, for going to Joe Walts,
friend of mine, and Walter Shlep aud
saying I was drunk all the time; Mrs.
Mary Bollenberg.'for having me arrest
ed for calling her a brazen hussy; Fred
Bollenberg for writing me a challenge
to fight a duel; Mrs. Maggie Hopkins,
for saying I lived In Millionaires' row,
which I consider is between Ridge aud
Western on Irwin avenue, while I live
at 1500 Chartlers street, so I cannot
live In Millionaires' row, and that my
wife was not living with me because
I was always drunk."
Beautiful and Suitable.
"Show me a man's pictures and I'll
bIiow you his character," a well-known
statesman once said. He referred, per
haps,' more particularly to collectors;
but the same remark applies, though
In a lesser degree, to the average house
holder of the present day. A few very
few good engravings, with a nice
water color drawing or two, tell a tale
of refinement especially if they are
well hung. For, take a picture, In from
the left, and hang It where the light
from the nearest window Is thrown on
It from the right, and the beauty of the
work cannot possibly be appreciated.
Pay some attention, too, to the height
at which the artist's light has come di
rectly your pictures are suspended.
Some are seen at their best when on a
level with the eye, while other: require
some altitude to show them to advant
age. When, however, a picture Is "hung
high," the angle at which It Is placed
from the wall should be carefully stud
led and regulated by the distance from
the top of the frame at which the two
screw rings for Its wire are fastened.
Tastes In frames vary, and uo hard-and-fast
line can be laid down. The
hideous old "massive" gilt frames, with
their detestable carving and moulding,
are a thing of the past. They always
seemed to be rivaling the picture Itself
In attracting notice. Prints and en
gravlug show best, I think, In Oxford
frames of oak, light or dark, according
to fancy, but always unvarnished. If
of light wood, small ebony pins at the
corners, sides and top and bottom
cross, are an Improvement. Frames
of ebonlzt'd- wood harmonize with pho
tographs. For water-colors I like a
plain "bead" frame of dull oil gilt; but
the "mount" must be large, ami the
drawing sunk a little If it Is to show to
advantage. Finally, have too few
rather than too tauy pictures on your
The following Incident Is related by
a correspondent of the Cleveland Plain
Dealer in the South. It is told of Dr.
James II. Carlisle, the venerable Pres
ident of Wofford College, South Caro
lina, aud counselor of the great Chau
When 10 years old young Carlisle
was attending a typical country school
of the old South under the manage
ment of a typical teacher of the time,
a stern and scholarly old gentleman.
One day little James found consider
able difficulty In some of his work, and
his teacher, becoming impatient, took
the boy's slate and, writing upon It the
words, "I am a fool," gave it to the lit
tle fellow, saying, "Here, James, sign
your name to that"
The learned pedagogue proceeded
with the other lessons, but on coining
back to his young charge after a time
noticed that the name had not been
written. Becoming angry, he demand
ed In thundering tones: 'James Carlisle,
why did you not sign your name to
that, sir?" And little James Carlisle
slipped from his place on the high,
rough old bench, aud, looking his
teacher squarely In the eye, replied:
"Because It is a lie, sir!"
How Coreans Pray.
A returned sojourner In Corea tells
that he asaed a native priest: "Tell
m why you people kneel down before
a stone, or piece of wood, or any Inani
mate object, and pray to It? Why tiot
pray to God, as Christians do?" "1
will explain," said the devout idolater.
"Christians close their eyes and look
up without seeing anything as they
pray. The Coreans do not pray to the
piece of stone or wood, as you imagine,
but to the same good God, and select
the Inanimate object merely as an em
blem. Instead of seeing nothing, they
gaze upon God's handiwork, for God
made the stone."
- About the worst thing you can say
about a man Is that he Is "smart" and
a "great reader." The trouble is, he
will do nothing but be smart and read.
Be sure yon are right-then pause a
moment for reflection.
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
: HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Joke and Jokalett that AraSnppoaed
i to Have Baca Kecently Born-Kajringa
i and Doing that Ara Old, Curious and
! Laughaltla-Tbe "VVeek'a Humor.
I "I have known a man on a modest
salary," said the Crafty Citizen, "to
: scrimp along for a month to save ?j0
'and then blow $10 of It on a hunting
I dog when he doesu't get to go shooting
' once a year."
"Sometimes the wife of this same
! scrimpy man," observed the Inveterate
j Thinker, "takes the mouey aud puts
I $-lo of It lu a love of a tailor-made
gown, when she never goes any farther
I than two squares to see her cousin's
j wife. If there were not real foolish
! people on earth you and I would get no
I credit for wisdom." Denver News.
.Appeircil t He True.
Wigwam A New York doctor comes
out with an article In which he claims
that Amerlcau women are declining.
It's stuff and nonsense.
Sappehoddo I don't know about
that. Three of them have declined me
recently Philadelphia Record.
Ille On y Trouble.
Does your wooden leg ever give you
"Only once. Wife struck me with It."
Proud of It.
The Haughty One You ought to be
proud to have me recognize you.
The Common Person I am. It shows
1 huve money, Indianapolis Press.
Brlggs Monkerly Is losing his Inter
cut In golf.
Griggs What makes you think so?
Brlggs I saw him at his office yes
terday. Harper's Bazar.
Not Ilia father'
Sllllcus Henpeckke says his young
ster Is going to grow up to be a lighter.
Cynlcus Inherits his mother's In
stincts, I suppose. Philadelphia Rec
ord. Must Keep Hiiiht Hp.
Flatte Is your boarding house up to
Rooms You bet. A fellow can't be
behind a single week.
Plow About Goinr.
"It has always been my rule," said
Mr. Borem, "to spend as I go."
"Indeed." exclaimed Miss Sharpe,
glancing significantly at the clock, "lu
that way I suppose you have saved con
siderable money." Philadelphia Press.
A Necessary Lemon.
"Isn't It kind of these people, ma,"
remarked the young lish, "to drop us
lines with food on 'em?"
"Don't you believe it," replied the
mother fish. "You must learn to read
between the lines." Philadelphia
Didn't Show Ilia Nose.
Lady Didn't I tell you not to show
your nose around here again?
Peddler Veil, did I nod gomply mit
Always )n Practice,
Mrs. Wunder We never hear of
woman train robbers.
Mr. Wunder And yet the ladles are
always holding up trains. Baltimore
The Sidewalk Drama.
"Strutter has gone on the stage."
"This time o' year?"
"Yes; he's playing with an Uncle
Tom's Cabin Company In that depart
ment store window." Indianapolis
Mamma Why do you call him
Johnny Well, you see, his name Is
Jones, but we call him "Jonesy" for
Tha Beat He Cou'd Do.
"Give me a penny, oh, sir," said the
mendicant, "and you will give me joy."
"While I cannot give you joy," fcaid
the millionaire, "I may perhaps glye
you merriment, for I will give you the
laugh." Indianapolis Tress.
From the Flunkvllle Bugle: "Colonel
Erastus Jarvey was In town between
trains Tuesday and made us a call.
Perry Patettlc came In between cars
and struck us for a handout" Indian
One Way of Looking at It.
"It la said that the Czar of Russia
dislikes more than anything else to
speak In public."
"That's a nice tribute to his wife."
"He probably gts a chance to say
all ha wants to at home." Chicago
B 1 f VTS
Mrs. Houbckeep Sue here, I've beu
gcttlug a dozen egg from you every
week aud 111 every dozen lataly I've
found at least two bad one. What's
to be done ubout it?
Bright Clerk Suppoe you only take
half a dozen hereafter. Maybe you
wouldn't find so many bad ones then.
A Breach of r t quette.
He I notice you dou't speak to the
Uptowns any more. What have they
She-Done? Vulgar things! Lost all
their money. Philadelphia Bulletin.
"What do you think of the Idea of
broadening the present course of school
"I dou't care how broad they make
'em," answered Tommy, "go's they
don't lengthen 'eni."-Indlainipol!i
Practice Mukci Perfect.
Angela (to whom Edgar has been
proiK)slng)-Tell me, Edgar, did you
ever say anything like this to any
Edgar (In a burst of honesty) My
dear girl, do you think that It could
be done like that the first tlme?-llar-per's
Young Mother (to butcher) I have
brought my little baby, Mr. Bullwiin
kle. Will you kindly weigh him?
Butcher Yes, ma'am; bouea an" all,
Quite the ontrary.
KIndllmau What's the matter, my
little man? You seem to be in great
Little Boy (groaning dismally) No,
I ain't, but (ley seems ter lie a great
pain lu me. Philadelphia Press.
When, having become rich beyond
the dreams of avarice, he came back
to claim his bride, he found Elise
"Then you renieinlier mo V" he cried
folding her In his strong embrace.
"Remember you, Harold? Why, I
rememlier your middle initial, even!"
Devotion, this! Detroit Journal.
The Great Obstacle.
"Each of us," said the moralist,
"could do something to make the world
"Yes," said his friend, with a sigh;
"only our personal affairs do seem to
keep us hustling!" Puck.
Fenmitive Nature Wounded.
"1 was greatly mortified at Sylvia's
"It was a pink affair, and she had
pickled beets on the table." Chicago
Present Company Not Excepted,
"Ya-as; It's so twylng; some people
are born freaks."
"And others have freaks thrust upon
Here' lire SI mi.
"I must be getting old."
"What makes you think so?"
"Younger men have begun compli
menting me on being spry." Chicago
Pointing the War (int.
"What do you think Miss Popkina
did when I staid late last night?"
"She got up and hung an 'Exit' pla
card ou the parlor door." Puck.
Up with Her Ctua-i.
"My wife 'earned French In live
"Does she speak correctly?"
"Well, Prof. De Verges says her
French Is as good as any spoken lu our
neighborhood." Indianapolis Journal.
Lotc an Appetite.
"But Delia, we should not let your
father's prejudice stand in the way of
our maniuge. What Is mouey to. true
"I kuow, Alfred, that mouey Is not
all, but hunger Is something. Last
night you walked past three restau
rants on the way from the theater and
never said oysters once. But papa had
something for me to eat when I got
home." Den ver. News.
Plenty of Others.
Blobbs He doesn't know enough to
come In out of the rain.
Slobbs That's nothing. Several
thousand years ago there was only one
man In all the world that did. Ills name
was Noah. Philadelphia Record.
Dobson If you marry my- daughter
how long will it be before you call on
me for aid?
Hobsou That depends on how long it
Is before she strikes me for cash. Den
In the Wrong Pew.
In a Watertown, S. I)., theater recent
ly a man who had a seat between his
wife and daughter left at the termina
tion of an act for a trip down-stairs.
When he returned he found a vacant
seat between two women, aud dropped
Into It with the remark, "As I was suy
lug when I went out, It's none of your
business what other people wear. Be
cause some oue else makes a fool of
herself by wearing cotton stockings in
winter it doesu't follow that you must
do the same."
"Sir!" came from both sides at once;
and the way he vacated thjit seat made
the soles of his boots red-hot H was
In the wrong pew. Northwest Maga
zine. Encouragement for the Struggling.
"Well," asked the artist rubbing his
hands, "what did your wife think of
your portrait when you got home?"
"Oh," said old Mr. Packinham, hand
lug out a check for the amount he had
agreed to pay, "she told me she still
bad confidence in me and didn't be
lieve I was half aa bad as 1 was
ST. VALENTINE'S WISDOM.
Cupid tat our to St. Valentin.
lie in nortlng out bli darta,
Repairing bit luw and bit quiver,
Aaii tor lug with brulua bunria.
Said be to tbe taint, with weary a.gU,
Tui tired of this frultleaa hunt,
r'roui urdlJ, Irutbery bvarti tu-daj
VI arrawt full dull and blunt.
"Time when a dart of elder pith
Would ileree to tbe very uor
A ooiniuuu beart, aud tbe tougber ouet
It would wake exceeding ure.
"Now oanglit but an arrow tipped wllh gold
Will rvaeb to a vital part,
Aud no su i ll tblug caa bp (mind to day
As a flauilug, burning beart."
Said tbe aged aalnt, "ou quit txprraa
The tblng Ibat I meant to any,
Ami we've got to one modern nietbodt,
If we'd make tin buxluea pa.
"The turtle dove It hl quite gi.ne by,
And welded beam are pae,
But an battered old corouet
Ua a clu'-b to win the da.
"And the rery awellext new dealga
Kor stealing lorem" letter,
You would bardly guest! "lla the dollar
And a pa'r of goldeu fetters.
"Then take advice, If the game you'd bag,
Cue only a golden dun,
And draw a bead uu the achemlng head
Kon't aim at Hip ahrunki'ii heart."
AuiruM'ia I. Iliim holt. Id frank l.etlle'a
ABOUT ST. VALENTINE.
St. Yiilentinns, whose head was rolled
into a basket one bright morning in the
year of our Lord, 270, lelit his name to
the day which is now consecrated to
youth hiiiI love, but ft is pretty generally
conceded by wise men that it is aa ana
chronism to connect him with the origin
of the festival. ludeed traces of the
celeliratiou have been round among the
traditions which come down from the
pagans of ancient Europe, and in several
directions may be detected evidences that
it was not a custom founded in Rome,
but rather Inherited there.
Ill the long hco there was a custom
among the youth In Rome to draw from
In golden box a slip of paper on which
was written (lie uame or a girl, this
was done in the iinnie of Pan and Juno,
ind was called the Lupcrcalia. Later the
priests substituted the names of mints
For those of young women, and the 11th
of February was fixed upon for the feast
of Lupcrcalia. Out of this grew the eus-
ABRAHAM LINCOLN AVD SCENES OF HIS EARLY LIFE.
ffp i 1 fik Sill' I
turns which are now observed on St. Val
There la one thing these wise bookt do
not tell us, however, and that Is where
and when the comic valentine originated.
If you will take from its shelf any one
of the standard works of this description
vou will also discover that it maintains
I discreet, yet significant, silence iipou
ihe causes which led up to the decapita
tion of old St. Valentiutts that smiling
morning In the long ago. It simply tells
vou that he was executed in the miilst of
he Ciiiudian persecutions, but never for
t moment should it be forgotten that
even persecutors must have a cause.
There has long been a private suspicion
that old St. Valeutinus was himself the
originator of the comic valentine, and
that he expiated his crime lu about
the proper manner. It does not require
any undue stress upon the imagination to
see him forwarding to the Emperor Clau
dius, a picture of a knock-kneed, whopper-jawed
pirate who is surmounted with
a tinsel crown and whose nose is painted
with the tints of conflagration, while be
neath it all stood a bit of verse which
more than intimated that Claudy, old boy,
didn't know enough about the emperor
business to hurt. And what would be
more natural than for Claudy to call for
his warders, ho! and cut off Mr. Valen
The writers tell its' that the romantic
features of St. Valentine's day are being
revived, particularly iu England. We are
glad of this, because we have always felt
that one day at least should be set apart
in honor of that single passion which
dwells with man and beast alike. Love
is just as much entitled to a festival as
labor. To the latter we have given a
legal holiday, and the day is coming when
old St. Valentine will find himself rec
ognized in the statutes made and provid
ed as well as through the pictorial rnsh
which breaks out upon humanity once in
A CLEVER LINCOLN STORV.
Travel All the War from Berlin for
This Year's Celebration.
Here is a new Lincoln story that has
never been published. It was told to a
Chicago man a few weeks ago by a gen
tleman living in Berlin, Germany:
Two hero worshipers had long desired
to meet Abraham Lincoln, but when the
coveted privilege was finally granted they
were unspeakably disappointed in the
personality of the rail-splitting President.
They gazed at him in silence and then one
of them exclaimed in a dissatisfied voice:
"Why, Lincoln is just a common look
ing man like us!"
The great emancipator turned to the
speaker and said genially:
"Yes, my friend, but I have the conso
lation of knowing that God loves com
mon looking men!"
"How do you make thutiitut?" queried
the other interestedly.
"Oh. because he made to many of
Kor a Valentine Party.
A "Valentine cake" may be introduced
with good effect at a Yaitntine party.
This can be gotten up in two ways; the
first, a nicely b ed cake, decorated with
candy hearts having sentimental mottoes
on them. Let the cake be Gtlivbled into
the requisje umiihcr of slices. In the
slices the young girls draw or make a
small slit with the sharp blade of a knife.
and insert into the opening a allu of card
lsard on which is written the name of
ome young man who is present. First
a young lady chooses a slice of cake, then
he gentleman selects one. In those slices
ihe latter draw are such small articles as
leuote the sort of wife Fate has choaen
to be each young mau't partner for life.
Thim, stiver eola algulflVi wealth,
scrap or ailk a fashionable wife, a penny
poverty, a tiuy apooo a good houaakeep
r, a peu a literary woman, a auial! silver
heart a marrlaga for love, amall brukb.
an artistic wife, a tlay mirror a Tain
woman, a piece of crape widow, etc.
Woman' Home Companion.
HOW LINCOLN WON HIS WIFE.
i-he Married Him Hecauae He Waa tha
I'clleat Man Hie I ter Saw.
Mr. Lincoln used to take great delight
lu telling how hu gained a knife by hit
ugly looks. That story has been pub
lished, hut I have not seen another la
print, telling how he gulned hi wife,
anys a well-known writer. Mr. Llncolu
waa a beautiful lady, attractive, sharp,
witty aud relished a joke even at her ow
expense. She waa Htnyitu with her sit
ter, Mrs. lMwsrda. She had uot been
there long before everybody knew Mist
Mary Todd. She ofteu said: "Wheti a
girl I thought I would not marry uutll 1
could get one of the handsomest men lu
the couutry. but since I became a woman
I lenrncd I cau't get audi men, which hat
caused nie to change my mind. 1 hava
couciiuled to marry the Ui,iiest-looklug
man I enn find."
Later on Lincoln come to tvn. She
had never seen hi in before she met him
on the street. She was told who he was
ami weut home ami told her lister aha
hud accii her man, "the ugliest man I
ever saw Abraham Lincoln and I am
going to set my cap for him." That be
came a common saying lu street gossip.
When they were married, instead of tak
ing a bridal trip, they went to a hotel
and took board at $1 a week.
When he got able he bought a lot for
fl'iK), mid Imilt a four-roomed hoiiaa
costing less than $l,(XK. When he re
ceived $.".(NMJ from his great railroad enso
he spent $l.nm of it in putting a second
story on his house, and there be lived un
til he went to Washington.
I, ncoln'a I ogic.
It it aaid that Lincoln's acuteness in
analysis aud logical powers were trace
able to hia complete mastery of Kuclid's
propositions. Certainly whenever he at
tempted to prove or disprove a thing he
did it. A story told by L'nited State
Judge C. tt. Poster, and printed in the
Syracuse Standard, illustrates his log
In the winter before Lincoln was nomi
nated for President he visited Kansas,
and made speeches at Troy and Atchison.
At the hotel in Atchison where he stayed,
Gen. Stringfeilow, John A. Martin and
Judge Foster called upon him. In the
course of the conversation Mr. Lincoln
turned to ien. Stringfellow, who play
ed a prominent part iu the effort to bring
Kansas into the I'uion as a slave State.
"Gen. Stringfellow," he said, "you pro
alavery fellows gave as one reuson why
slavery should not be prohibited in Kan
sas that only the negro could break up
the tough prairie sod. Now, I've broken
hundreds of acres of prairie sod in my
time, and the only, question which re
mains to be decided is whether I am a
white man or a negro."
Gen. Stringfellow laughingly admitted
the force of the quaint argument, and
congratulated Mr. Lincoln upon his point
ed, logical way of putting things.
LINCOLN AS A LAWYER.
How the Immortal "Abe" Won Hla
Karljr Biuceise at the i'ar.
A suit was brought In the United
States Court in Springfield against a citi
sten for an infringement of a patent right
Mr. Lincoln went to the most skilled ar
chitect la the city, inquired how he spent
his winter evenings, ami received the re
ply: "If times are brisk I sometimes
work; otherwise I have no special busi
ness." Mr. Lincoln said: "I have a pat
ent right case in court; I want you as a
partner, and will divide fees. I know
nothing about mechanics never made It
it a study. 1 want yon to make a list of
the best works on mechanism, as I don't
suppose they can be purchased here. I
will furuish the money, and you can send
to Chicago or New York for them. I
want you to come to my house one night
each week aod give me instructions." In
a short time he had witnesses to meet
him, and they were thoroughly drilled.
When the trial commenced, Mr. Lincoln
pnt his questions at the cross-examination
so scientifically that many witnesses
were bothered to rejily. When his wit
nesses were put on the stand, so skillful
were his questions that the court, the
jury and the bar wondered how "Abe"
Lincoln knew so much about mechanism.
His witnesses could reply promptly. He
gained the suit and a reputation such
that Mr. Lincoln was sustained lu every
patent right case brought into that court
up to the time he went to Washington.
He went to Chicago, St. Louis, Iowa,
Ohio, Kentucky and Michigan to try pat
ent right cases, and the last yenr of his
practice did little else. Thomas Lewis'
"Recollections of Lincoln," in Leslie's
The nortb wind la a-cold,
Sobbing behind tbe bill;
The world seems white and old.
For the winter bath Its will;
And there Is no thruxh In tbe hazel brush
To flute with a silver trill.
The pnle dawns come and go,
And the chill auroras flare;
While the spirit of the anow
Move wrulthllke through tbe ale.
And we know that death of tbe Icy brealk
Is about ua everywhere.
And yet, and yet, and jet.
Why abould we grieve or pine?
Or house gloom-eyed Regret,
Your hand, dear heart. In mine?
We're all tbe vernal mirth of tbe earth
With Love for Valentine!
i-j-vmnoD acuuaru, id coiuer t w eekly.
Aa Odd a Woman.
One of the oddest bequests on record
is that of the late George Russell the
well-known sculptor, of Aberdeen. He
left $75,000 for the benefit of scaven
ger and policemen.