LIVESTOCK IN CITIES A special Enumeration of Domtl Animal Hot Found on Frrc or Range. In the coming census a special enu meration will be made of the number and value ot livestock not found on farms and ranges. The preparation in the census ofiice of this supplement' ary schedule, calls to mind the enorm ous importance of the livestock inter ests of the country. Statistics of liventock heretofore have been very incomplete, because no enumeration is made in cities and vil lages. We obtain leliable estimates of the stock on farms and ranges, but the horses and other animals in street-car, express, livery and otherrjity stables go uncounted. This defect has made trustworthy calculations about the sources of future supply and the prob able increase of cfittle and sheep, whol ly impossible. The agricultural department makii estimates of he live stock of the coun try, but tese are also confined to stock on the-arms and ranges. Moreover their count, is made at a time of the ,$0r-January at which there are but lv,w Tnnnu animals on hand. The cen sus enumeration will refer to June 1, and in consequence will include most of the young born in 1900. The ani mals will be classified by ages, and the result of the June enumeration will be as representative a picture of the stock of the country as can be secured. The flold King. The Gold King Mining & Milling Company, of Seattle, is a newly incor porated organization which the incor porators and stockholders are confident of bringing to the front during the com inn season. These properties are located in the very heart of the Index mining district, adjoining the Copper Vault, npon which the important strike was made' a short time since. Active work is soon to be commenced npon these properties with the idea of bringing them to a producing basis as rapidly as possible. I Monte Chrl.to Mining. Perhaps tb,e greatest revival in min ing and milling which Western Wash ington has experiecned in many years is soon to be inaugurated in the justly famous Monte Cristo mining district. By June 15 trains will be running to Monte Cristo and the many valuable properties which were forced to sus pend operation after transportation was Bhut off by reason of the washout of the E. & M. C. railroad will again resume active work with an increased force of men.' Index Waking Up. Considerable activity is manliest in mining oiroles at Index, Wash. Sup plies are coming in daily for the various mining properties; new developments are in progress, while workings that were closed on account of the approach of winter last year are starting op again, or preparing to start. Many a cubin, throughout the various camps, that has presented a deserted and lone some appearance for four months past now exhibits signs of life; smoke is issuing from the pipe in the roof; a dog sits at one entrance; some one is chop ping wood nearby or repairing or en larging the log structure. A new tent show on some hitherto untenanted hill side, while a curl of blue smoke aris ing from the vicinity betrays the pres ence of a camp fire. Tiny specks of light can be distinguished again in the hills on either hand as one travels over the Skykomish valley trail by night; the tide of travel is increasing, while pack animals are again in demand; in fact, everything tells of the return ol spring in this growing copper camp. 1 ' Ttorthweit Notes. Many new orchards are being set in the Kittitas valley this spring. A French draft horse, valued at $3,000, died last week at Tule lake, Or., o( colio. R. G. Robinson, a Wheeler county, Or., stockman, has sold CO 2-yeai-old steers at $28 per head. W. II. Mascall, a Grant county sheepman, is reported to have suffered the loss of 500 head from poison. Wheat is already heading in the Walla Walla valley, with every promise for the biggest crop ever harvested there. Seveial papers of the state not only urge voters to register, but ask their subscribers to "see that your neighbors do likewise." San Juan county, Wash., has paid all , its expenses and has a balance of $496.68 lu the treasury as a ooutingeut fund. Wenatchee valley has been'visited by heavy frosts the past few nights, great ly to the disappointment of the gar deners. The infant child of Mr. and Mrs. Ullery, of Wenatchee, Wash,, was fatally hurt by being stepped on by a horse a few days ago. Modford, Or., boasts the establish ment of a cigar factory,. It employs young women, and expects them to turn out 20,000 cigars weekly. The projoot of supplying electric power and light at Cheney from Spok ane Falls, 16 miles away, is under con sideration by the proprietors of the water power. The cost to Spokane county of pun Ishing George Webster for the murder jf Mrs. Aspland was $3,139.20. This included $438 for three years' board in the county jail, and $896.90 for exe cution expenses. Herbert Shaw, of the government fish hatchery at Baker lake, Wash., says the hatchery has already turned out 12,000,000 soekeye salmon fry, and about 6,000,000 will be liberated before the season is over. About 60,000 steel head trout will also be hatched. It is reported that there is an organ ized movement back of the steady im migration to Washington from British Columbia of Japanese pauper laborers. For volution of the pauper alien law, 81 in all have been arrested. The last four of these were taken off the steamer George E. Starr. Jacob Wortman, ot McMinnville, Or., ran steamboats between Oregon City and Corral lis from 1857 to 1865, among them being the Oregon, Elk, Onward and Surprise, the fare being $30. Last week he made his first trip fver the route iu 35 ears. - WEEKLY TRADE REVIEWS. appearance of Irregularity In the Gen eral situation, TCrartntrfieta' savs: Backward spring weather conditions have figured con siderably in diertibutive trade reports this week, and in connection with some weakness in prices of leading stocks have imparted an appeaiance of irregularity to the general situation. Another of those downward swings in the prices of agricultural staples is exhibited this week in slightly lowered prices for the cereals, partly because of the bearish sentiment of immediate an nnlifis and rjartlv because of the bet ter than expected government crop re port, which is taken to indicate a pos sible winter-wheat yield in excess of all records. Corn and oats have sympathized with the reaction in pork products, which reaction, however, has not been uni versal, as shown by the fact that lard is at the highest point reached on the present boom. Evidences accumulate that active missionary work in favor of lower prices for iron and steel is at last bear ing fruit. The strength of raw sugar is a reflec tion chiefly of the fact that a consider able shortage is looked for in the sup plies of cane sugar, not only in Cuba, but In the far East. A slight upward swing in cotton is to be noted this week, and Southern mills have advanced prices. On the nthnr hand, while the mills are active on old orders, new business is reported of smaller volume. Wheat, inluding flour, shipments lor the week aggregate 2,806,653 bushels, against 8,836,936 bushels last week. Business failures for the week num ber 152, as compared with 182 in the United States last week. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Seattle Markets. Onions, new, $3.254.00 per sack, Lettuce, hot house, 45c per doz. Potatoes, new, $17 18. Beets, per sack, 75 85c. Turnips, per sack, 60c. Carrots, per sack, 75c. Parsnips, per sack, 7585c. Cauliflower, 8590o per dozen. Cabbage, native and California, $1.00(81.25 per 100 pounds. Apples, $1.25 1.50 per box. Prunes, 60o per box. Butter Creamery. 22o per pound; dairy, 1722o; ranch, 17o per pound. Eggs 15 16o. Cheese Native, 15o. Poultry 13 14c; dressed, 1415c; spring, $5. Hav Pueet Sound timothy, if-13.00; choice Eastern Washington timothy, $18.00 19.00 Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, 33; feed meal, $23. Barley Kolled or ground, per ton, $20; Flour ratent, per barrel, $3.25; blended straights. $3.00; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $6.00; gra ham, per barrel, $3.00; whole wheat flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.804.00. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $13.00: shorts, per ton, $14.00. Feed Chopped feed, $19.00 per ton; middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal, Der ton. $30.00. Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef ' ... steers, 78c; cows, 7c; mutton 8c; pork, 8c; trimmed, 9c; veal, 8J4 10c. Hams Large, 18c; small, 13H; breakfast bacon, 124c; dry salt sides, 8c. ' Portland Market. Whnut Walla Walla. 54(3550: Valley, 64c; Bluestom, 57o per bushel. Flour Best grades, sfd.uu; granain, fta.fiO: snnerfine. $2.10 Der barrel. - Oats Choice white, 8586o; choice gray, 84o per bushel.' Barley Feed barley, $1414.50; brewing, $17.00 17.50 per ton. lUillHt,ntrn lsran. itil 3 rjer ton: mid dlings, $19; shorts, $15; chop, $14 per ton. Ilav Timothy. $9 10: olover. $7 1 Kfl! Ornirnn wild hav. $6(37 rjerton. Butter fancy creamery, 4U($4dc; seconds. 45o; dairy, 8037c; store, 2532g0. Eggs 12o per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream. 13c: Toung Amerioa, 14c; new cheese lOo per pound. . roultrv Chickens, mixed. $3.50 4.50 per dozen; hens, $5.00; springs, $3.60o.oo; geese, fti.outgtj.uu ioroiu; $4.508.60; ducks, $5.606.00 per dozen; turkeys, live, 10llo per pound. Potatoes 80 50o per sack; sweets, 32jo per pound. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 75o; per sack; garlio, 7o per pound; cab bage, VAo per pound; parsnips, 76; onions, $3.503.00; carrots, 60o. Hops 8 8o per pound Wool Valley, 16 18o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 1015o; mohair, 27 80o per pound. Mutton Tjross best sheep, wethers and ewes, 4 ,'40; dressed mutton, 7 7 Js'o per pound; lambs $2.50 each. Hogs Gross, choice $levy, $5.00; light and feeders J1 $i.5Q;.V dressed, $5.00 6.60 per 100 pounds t I - Beef Gross, top steersj Jf4?00 cows, $3.604.00; fdifessed beef ' 7?40 per pound. .'! Veal Large, 6 )i 7 h of jmall j 8.Sio per. pound. f f Tallow 5$5c; No. a anj J 4o per pound. ... Ban Franoiteo Market,. Wool Spring Nevada', 13 It pound; Eastern Oregon, 12 16cj ley, 2022c; Northern, 1012c, Hops 1899 crop, ll18oJ pound. Butter Fancy creamery do seconds, 1616sio; fancy, 16o; do seconds," 13 15o per, Eggs Store, 14c; . fancy ? I6.S0. ! Millstuffs Middlings, $17. 10.00; bran, $12.50 13.60. ! Hay Wheat $6.50 9.50; who oat $6.009.00; best barley f T.00; alfalfa, $5.00 6.60 pei straw, 2540o per bale. .1 Potatoes Early Rose, 60j3 754 gon Burbanks, 60oji$LQ0r rivej banks, 4070o; c Saliaaar JBuj 80c 1.10 per sacje. 7 v ' Citrus rYuit Oraiipw,; Valencia, $3.53.25; Mexican-Urn, $4.00 6.00; California tern'ons 76 $1.60; do choice $l.75(3t0 per.boV.' $ Tropical IuifJtonanaa, $150 J. 60 per bunok . pineapples,' . nom inal; Persian dates, 6SJjo per THE POLITICAL WORLD. Two Stat Contention In I'ortland the bain Day. Portland. April 13. The Oregon mtn Rennblican convention met in Portland and nominated the following ticket: For Supreme Judge Charles E. Wolverton, of Linn. For Food and Dairy Commissioner J. W. Bailey of Multnomah. Presidential Electors Tilmon Ford, of Marion; J. C. Fullerton, of Douglas; O. F. Paxton, of Multnomah; w. J. Furnish, of Umatilla. Delegates to the National Convention at Philadelphia Henry E. Ankeny, of Jackson; John D. Daly, of Benton; Wallace McCamant, of Multnomah; II. L. Kuck, of Wasco. Alternates Lewis Simnson. of Coos: Wallis Nash, of Lincoln; John W. Knowles, of Union; II. L. Holgate, of Benton. The Republican Platform. The Republicans of Oregon, in con vention assembled reaffirm their belief in and loyalty to the gold standard We commend the Republican congress for its recent legislation making the gold standard a part of the statutory law of the land. We heartily endorse the policy of the administration, and particularly in se curing the Philippine islands, and we demand that they shall be , retained as American territory. We indorse the policy of the admin istration in supressing the insurrection in the Philippines headed by Agui naldo. We regard trade with the Orient as one of the great sources of our national wealth in the future, and an open door iu China is an important aid to the growth of our trade in the Orient. We point with pride to the legisla tion adopted by the last legislature. It abolished the railroad commission. It reduced the legal rate of interest to 6 per cent. It enacted a registration law for the protection of the purity of the ballot. We favor an amendment of the con stitution of the United States so as to provide for the election of United States senators by direct vote of the people. We are in favor of the immediate construction of a canal between the At lantic and the Pacific at the Isthmus of Panama. We urge the immediate passage of the bill now pending in congress to pension Indian war veterans, and we pledge the support of the Oregon dele gation in congress to the same. We heartily indorse the administra tion of Governor Geer, and the state officials of Oregon, as economical, wise and creditable to the state. OREGON DEMOCRATS. Portland, April 18. Oregon Demo crats in convention assembled nomi nated the following delegates to the na tiouul convention at Kansas City: J. II. Raley, of Pendleton; J. O, Boothe, of Josephine; M. A. Miller, of Lebanon; A. S. Bennett, of The Dalles; Dr. John Welch, of Portland; R. M. Veatoh, of Cottage Grove; Charles Nickell, of Jacksonville; N. A. Peary, of Multnomah. Alternates J., D. McKinnon, of La Grande; A. J. Knott, of I'ortland; N F. Butcher, of Baker City; Jefferson Myers, of Salem; II. Taylor Hill, of Crook county; Dan J. Fry, of Salem; Charles N. Wait, of Canby; E. E, Wilson, of Corvallis. The Democratic Platform. We, the Democrats of Oregon, in convention assembled, do hereby rear firm and endorse, in whole and in part, in letter and in spirit, the platform adopted by the Democratic convention held in Chicago in 1890. We favor amendments to the federal constitution, specially authorizing an income tax and providing for the elec' tion of United States sentaors by a di' rect vote of the people. We oppose government by injunction and tho blacklist, and favor arbitra tion as a means of settling disputes be' tween corporations and their employes, We reaffirm our former declaration in favor of the initiative and referen duin. We favor an immediate declaration of the nation's purpose to give to the Filipinos, first, a stable form of govern ment; second, independence, and third, protection from outside interference We oppose militarism. It imposes npon the people an unnecessary burden, and a constant menace. ;We sympathize with the Boer repub lics ofouth Africa, in their noble and brave"struggle for liberty and national existence. We condemn the present Republican congress for obeying the demand of the trusts for a tariff upon goods imported to Puerto Rico. We demand that articles controlled by trusts be placed on the free lists. We condemn the present financial legislation of congress of the United States as tending to the establishment of a money trust subversive of the lib erties and rights of the American peo pie. We favor the immediate construc tion , ownership and fortification of the . TTHrl States, ip of I sys- f the egon nici The 'email ophe pdoor lplete make jions. alt' of stage, lg his ), the ulU of Red Brick. Philadelphia, Baltimore and -ingtouare red brick, vcities, r being the Jimlominating bfliidi. terial. In Washington the s is relieved by the granite public ins and marble business, struck Chicago Inter-Ocean. ... ( ; GREAT COBRA TRICK. WONDERFUL FEATS PERFORMED BY FAKIRS OF INDIA. Common Street Performer Do Tricks in Broad Day that Are Not Equaled by American or Enropean Preatidigl tatora with Aid of Stage Devices. The nuestlon of how the fakirs of India perform their wonderful tricks Is a matter that hag for centuries Inter ested scientists, and the best explana tion that has yet been offered of tne matter is that it is done by hypnotic power; that is, that the fakirs simply hypnotize the entire audience and make them think that they saw trees grow out of the ground in a second. Libraries have been written on the bud- Ject In his book Just Issued, entitled Quaint Corners of Ancient Empires, Michael Meyers Shoemaker, of this city, deals in an interesting manner with the Indian fakirs. Mr. Sboemaner Is known as a traveler and litterateur, and his book is attracting quite a good deal of attention. In writing about the fakirs he says: "The statement has been made by such prestidigitators as Herrmann and Kellar that they naa never seen any tricks by these men of India which they could not explain. Be that as It may, these common street magicians do some.very clever things. "Certainly the performance before the Grand Hotel, Colombo, this morn ing, under the blazing sunlight, and not three feet from the looker-on, was re markable. As to the mangoe tree trick, there appeared a strong resemblance between a tree grown yesterday and the one produced this morning. But It was in the other performances that the observers were most Interested. In one Instance the fakir took a small Jar of metal and handed it around to show that it was empty. Then, placing a copper coin between his teeth, he began to blow and smoke soon Issued from his mouth and nostrils; the Jar, which was held aloft all the time, was found tilled with water, which commenced to boil furiously. Tasslng it aside, he opened his mouth and ejected Jets of living flame. Indeed, the whole cavity of the throat appeared to be filled with fire, which Ignited anything with which It came In contact. WTe all saw the empty Jar, the filled Jar, the boiling water and the fire, but the fire never approached the Jar. "Another trick consisted In causing a dad and dried cobra to come to life or so It appeared. The snake is usual ly kept in a small, round flat basket, with a closely fitting cover. This we Baw was empty, and Into It the fakir laid the flat, dried skin of a dead ser pent. 'Tlaclng It not three feet from oui circle and in the brilliant light of the southern sun he covered the basket with Its lid and then made the usual asses with the Inevitable cloth, about a yard square, which he held by two corners to show that it contained noth ing. "His costume consisted of one gar nent of the shirt order, the sleeves of which were tucked up at the shoulders, tffordlng, It would seem, scant oppor tunity to hide anything; yet when after & few waves of the cloth he removed he lid of the basket the dead snake ras gone, and in its place rose the ma jestic head and neck of one of the largest of cobras. "It must be remembered that when we see such work in Fngland or Amer ica It is done at a distance and on the tage with all the assistance of stage lights and shadows, but In this case we were out In the plain air, and near enough for the serpent to have stung as. "The last trick consisted of a display of apparently wonderful strength. A boy of 10 years of age was tied up in a large scarf with its ends attached to two strong cords. At the ends of these cords were hollow brass cups abont the size of an acorn. The fakir, raising the upper lid of each of his eyes, inserted these cups thereunder, and with the hollow side next to the eyeball, after which he pulled the eyelids well down. Then, with hands on hips and head well back, he arose to his full height, lifting the boy a foot and more off the ground und swinging him from side to side, the untire weight, of course, falling upon the brass cups. It seemed a marvel that the eyeballs were not destroyed. Perhaps those who understand these matters can explain all that was done, but certainly no magicians on our stage have accomplished similar feats, and yet these men are but common street performers." Cincl nnati Enquirer. AN UNTIMELY INVENTORY. She Did Not Tell Him What Wai Wrong. Many must have noticed them the night they attended the theater, says the Detroit Free Press. She was tall and had the air of a patrician. Her luxuriant gray hair was cunningly wrought into a crown of waving sliver that seemed a part of her artistic attire. Her eyes were blue and her complex ion to be envied by youth. Lines about her mouth showed that life had not been all calm, yet the serenity of her smile had a charm that one waited for. Even with her white hair she looked young young enough to be the sym pathetic comrade of the tall, loose-Jointed boy that accompanied her. He had grown too fast, but her features were his, and it took nooccult power to know that he will be a big, handsome, manly man. 4 i As he sat down hF swung one foot over the other, and ft took room. The lady on his right hastily adjusted her clothing, and the mother on the left sent a twisted "ouch" toward his near est ear. , :V "See here, old man," she began, Just as a chum of Ills own would do. "I'll have to get you a box unless you re- fcniii title to one r me ou've side, a 'de ireful, t tres- ; and lady. 1 pole. .Here made ge for e, but -Tour hair's fine and your dress lults fits perfectly. It's stunnlDg, Tom." ' Then she stopped, as If struck dumb, looKea xne oiner way auu gmucu w trol of her face. During the last act . ... .. M iyn. be put one of his restless bands to bis , throat. ' I "Heavens! mater, neither necktie nor collar. I'll wait in the foyer," and he bolted without hearing her protests, or regarding the feelings of those between him and the aisle. PREPARING FOR EMERGENCIES. Why the Kentucky Woman Negotiated for a Mourning Gown. "I've been making a trip through Kentucky," said the deputy marshal, "and I overheard a conversation in a country store one day that amused me not a little and at the same time show ed how the sense of 'honor' prevails among all classes In that chivalrous though anti-modern State. I had stop ped at a crossroads store to get a bit ot crackers and cheese for lunch and while eating It off a keg of nails two women came in. They were, as the clerk In formed me later, sisters and had mar ried respectively Thomas Culler and James Ulgglns, local farmers among the foothills. After the usual saluta tions the elder of the women asked to see some dress goods. ' 'What kind?' Inquired the clerk. " 'Black caliker,' said Mrs. Culler. "The clerk threw down three pieces on the counter. " 'What's the price 7 asked Mrs. Hig glns. " 'Eight, 10 and 12 cents. " 'I ain't shore we want It,' said Mrs. C, 'and I don't want to buy it now, but will you save fifteen yards of It for four or five days or p'raps a week? " 'I'm afraid we couldn't do that,' de murred the clerk. 'We are pretty sure to have it any time you want It.' "'Well, we don't want to take no more resk than we can help, explained Mrs. Culler. 'You see, Jim called Tom a liar this morula' In the cornfield and one of us Is purty shore to be needln' a black dress before the week's out. I used to keep a black dress pattern in the house so's to have it handy, but things has been so peaceable for the last four or five years I plumb got out of the way of It. Of course If you can't keep It you can't, but I hope to goodness you won't git out before sis or me knows which one of us has got to git a new dress.' "At last accounts neither Mrs. Culler nor Mrs. Higgins was In mourning and I fancy their respective husbands had sunk their differences In the pictur esque and perturbed politics of the State." Washington Star. What Is known to geographers as the Cordilleras de los Andes Is the longest and the highest range of mountains In the world. It extends from Terra del Fuego to the Isthmus of Panama, and although some of the peaks of the Himalayas are higher they are not as numerous. The twentieth century will commence Jan. 1, 1901. It will open on Tuesday and close on Sunday. It will have the greatest number of leap years possible twenty-four. The year 1904 will be the first one, then every fourth year after that, to and including the year 2000. February will have three times five Sundays in 1920, 1948 and 1976. Under the name of "magnallum," Dr, L. Mach has produced alloys of alum inum and magnesium which, while considerably lighter than pure alum lnum,.are harder than that metal and better suited, it Is asserted, for work' ing. With 15 per cent of magnesium, the alloy is said to resemble brass in the readiness with which it submits to the operations of turning, boring and cutting. By increasing the magnesium to 25 per cent, an alloy resembling bronze Is produced, but the color Is sil very white. The manner In which the United States cruiser Atlanta has been recon structed shows how thoroughly the les sons concerning the danger that lurks In woodwork on warships, which were taught by the battles of Manila and Santiago, have been heeded. In place of the former wooden bulkheads in the Atlanta, corrugated metal is now seen, The wooden panels of the ceilings and walls have given place to asbestos and non-inflammable paint Wood is rig Idly excluded, even in the shape of furniture, and desks, chairs, bunks and frames are all composed of metal... The American Museum of Natural History has recently acquired a very complete skeleton of a mosasaur from Kansas, the study of which has led Dr. H. F. Osborn to the conclusion that these gigantic animals are a very ancient marine offshoot of the order of the lacertilia or lizards, and that they constitute a distinct subdivision of that order. This particular specimen is called the ram-nosed tylosur, and a careful restoration, showing its prob able appearance in life, has been made by Charles Knight It was a very pow erful swimmer when it dwelt In the ancient sea that covered Kansas. It was about 29 feet long. The revelations at Professor Milne's observatory on the Isle of Wight of the manner In which earthquakes send their impulses thousands of miles through the frame of the globe are a source of ceaseless wonder. In Sep tember last Frofessor Milne's instru ments detected remarkable tremblings of the earth on the 3d, 10th, 17th, 20th, and 23d. Since then he has traced the origin of the shakings on the first three days named to Alaska, n the 20th to Asia Minor and on the 23d to Japan! But every earthquake does not thus set the gloDe In a tremble, for thu shocks at Darjeellng, in India, on Sep tember 25 and 26 were not felt at the Isle of Wight the reason being. Profes sor Milne thinks, because those r bocks were due to local landslips. . . Skin Pores. ' ; " From microscopic obserfatkns it has been computed that the skin is per forated with a thousand o9 In a square inch. If the whole surface of the human body txs estimated at six teen square feet' it must -contain no fewer than 2,504,000 pore ; , gTTPPOSJjJ WE SMJLLlli. ww - HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Pleasant Incidents Occurring ts World Orsr-Bay Ings that Ars Cheer ful to Old or Yonna Funny Selec tion that UTsrybody Will Enjoy. Brown-Yes, Jones married a rich wife, but be leads a dog's life. Smith Is that so? Brown-Yes; he doesn't do a blessed thing but lay around the house and go out for an airing between meals. A Rude Bird. "When Delia's young man calls she has to put her parrot out of the room." "What for." "Oh, her father taught It to screech, Time t6 go,' whenever the clock strikes." Saw Iots of It There. The American You have no Idea of the immense wealth of this country un til you've traveled over it. The Foreigner Oh, yes, 1 nave. 1 ve lived in Europe. Life. Culinary Diplomacy. Mistress Why did you leave your last place? Bridget Yer very Inquisitive, mum, I nlver axed ye why yer last cook left, The Cigarette. Not by a Long- Shot. "We may be farmers." said the Boer general, as he ordered two more bat teries to begin operations, "but that's not admitting we don't know anything about the shell game." ruck. Gettins at the Facta. Wife (after the honeymoon) Why did you deceive me about your Income? Husband I didn't, my dear. Wife Yes, you did. You told me yon were getting ?50 a week when you asked me to marry you. Husband You evidently misunder stood me. I said my position was worth $50 and so It Is but for some reason best known to the boss he gives me only $10. Not Her Fault. "Is this the cracked wheat Jane?" "I dun' know, mum; I ain't looked at It or teched it, an' if It's cracked, it wuz cracked afore I come here." Chicago Record. Retrospective. "Harry!" ' "What is it Dorothy?" "Did you give me that parlor iamp last Christmas, or did I give it to you?" Naturally. McJigger So he's married again. Married a widow. Thingumbob Yes, with six children, ranging from 2 to 14 years. When they line up they're regular steps. McJigger Naturally; they're hisstep children. Philadelphia Press. The Voice of Experience. Bronson On what grounds do you suppose that college professor bases his statement that 10 per cent, of mar riages are unhappy? Henry Peck He probably spends 90 per cent, of his time at home. Phila delphia North American. A Modest Request. Hewitt My money Is my best friend, Jewett Well, the best of friends must part; lend me five, will you? Harper's Bazar. Coon Tracks. "Now, Julius, when yo' see a rabbit's tracks leadin' Inter a holler log, what's de conclushun?" "Dunno, pop." "Boy, hain't yo' got no sense In yo'r head? Dar's de tracks, an' dar's de holler log, an' de conclushun am " "De conclushun am a ba'r, pop!" Corroborative Evidence. Palmist Your hand shows me that you have had a fight this morning. Visitor You could tell it quicker by the other fellow's eye. Baltimore American. Wooden Member. "That's an awfully heavy cane." "Yes. I call It my Don't Worry club "Why that?" "Because If I "hit anybody on the head with it he doesn't worry more." Chicago Tribune. any Successful. Waggs Where were you last night? Jaggs Out pursuing happiness. Waggs And did you catch it? Jaggs You bet I caught it-when got home. His Feelink Inquiring Tourist-Tell me, " what were your sensations while you were crouching in your cyclone cellar with the terrible tornado raging Just above you 7 Kansas Farmer-Wa-aL I reckon it's safe to say I felt sorter under the weather. ruck. Fixing: the Blame. Wiggles (looking over a manuscript) -Great heavens. Waggles, why didn't you learn to spell? Waggles Learn to spell? What's the matter with my spelling? I know how to spell all right The dictionary fel low ought to de some learning. Som ervUle Journal In Memory Of. "What do you call your home, Mrs. Fltz Jackson? 'Teach Orchards." "I don't see any orchard in this r tograph." ( "No; there was one peach behind t cottage, but it died." Indianapd Journal. : Likely to Be an Acquisition, i "Who are these new people that i moving into the house next doorV" "I don't know, but I am sure we st get along splendidly with them. Tfc have Just unloaded a wheelbarrow a a lawn mower." Chicago Tribune. : f. Faulty Construction. 'De Smlthers says he is the archil of his own fortune." ; 'Yes, but It's probably lucky for I. that the building Inspector didn't L pen around while he was making It. Puck. ' A Man of Brains. ' Mrs. D'Avnoo (Indignantly) Wt Move out of the city and live In f suburbs? Indeed I won't so there!: Mr. D'Avnoo (who wants to e mize) My dear, a pretty woman I you never looks so charming as wf sitting in a phaeton at a suburban r way station waiting for her husbain She went New York Weekly. J Craftiness of Man. "Thea," and her eyes sought the I embers of the oak block, "you are ? kind as a husband should be. V. n-never give me any Jewels." ( "Jewels!" and his basso voice seer to come from his heart. "You ask Jewels? Any one with diamond ef ruby Hps and teeth of pearl ask j? Jewels? Why, the rarest gold co buy would only be superfluous?" I Then for the first time in days kissed him. Facts In the Case. Smiles I'm glad I wasn't Sl peare. ! Giles Why are you? Smiles Because 1 should be d now. I Giles-Yes, that's true and Sh peare would be forgotten. Where Lamb Gambol. "Have you ever seen 'Borneo Juliet?'" mquired the Throop str girl. I "No," responded the red-vested yoi "but I have seen Borneo to my sorro And his empty pockets showed t Romeo bad seen him-. I Forewarned 7a Forearmed. Going to the Paris exposition 11 summer, Horrocks?" "Yes." f "Good. So am I. I hope I Shall i you often." , "I hope you will, Varnum." "We ought to begin saving moneys It, oughtn't we?" I "Yes. That is, you ought I am Ing to run an American board house." Philadelphia Times. Objectionable. ; "Billy, I'll take In de Paris exposU; show only on one condition." f "What's dat Sandy?" f "Dat dey cut out de 'Palace of Ina try.' " I I His Private Opinion. f "My dear," said Mrs. Jorgson, asfc close'd the book she had been readi "do you know what is the most curi thing in the world?" jjf "Of course I do," replied the brt half or the combination. "The m curious thing in the world is a won. that isn't curious." Practical View. She Summer is my favorite seas It's so delightful to sit under the ti and listen to the concert by nata feathered songsters. He (enthusiastically) Isn't I though? And It doesn't cost a either. I Matrimonial Bliss. "You must think I'm a fool," claimed the angry husband. "I would never have ventured to 60," replied his better half, "but that you have mentioned it, I am prepared to deny it" On Listening; Terms. "Are you on speaking terms with J Chatterbox?" No, merely on listening terms."! No Grounds for Argument. "What Is life?" asked the profe of the class in moral ethics. "The absence of death," replies youthful philosopher. I And the professor let it go at tbatf An Author in Embryo. The art of writing a short story n. seem to be easy to many people, f they never realize its dlfliculty i they try. In a Southern school teacher, as an educational experifflf assigned each pupil the task of writ an original story. I On the day when the stories read a bright little towhead arose started in as follows: "On the green slope of a mountj stood a first-class Jersey cow, three legs." "That's won't do, Johnnie," Ir rupted the teacher, "you are one short" ' I "No, I ain't" replied the future I thor. "You don't wait to get my P; which is that a railroad train cut one leg, and the owner of the cow J three thousand dollars damages, ' moved his whole family to Pa time for the Exposition, where the will be married to rich Frenchmen j die happy ever afterward!" i The average man has more m back of him than he can see abe hla, . " !