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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (March 16, 1900)
FARMING FOR ALASKA Gralni, Flax, Clovar and Vegetable! Thrive Surprlflngly Alio Ootti, Sheep and Cattle. One of the important repoits which has just been submitted to congress by the secretary of agriculture and ordered to be printed deals with the agricul tural investigations in Alaska. It is important because it brings out some facts in regard to the agricultural capa bilities of our vast Northern territory, which will astonish those who have re garded it as a useless ice box, which at most, was valuable only for the gold it might contain or for the fur and fish it yields. These investigations, as far as they have gone, indicate that it has latent capabilities which, when developed, may sustain a lurge population and make it a prosperous state. And why not? The little country of Finland, which lies between Sweden and llussia In the same latitude and is less than one-fourth the size of Alaska, has a jKipulation of 2.500,000 and exports both grain and livestock, as well as vast quantities of dairy products. The author of the report, l'rofessor C. C. (ieorgeson, who has charge of the in vestigations, brought to Washington It varieties of spring wheat, a dozen varieties each of barley anil oates, and also rye, buckwheat and flax, all of which had matured at the experiment stations at Hitka and Kenai, in the Kenai peninsula. The rejwrt states that red clover lived through the winter at Kitka, made a luxuriant growth and matured seed, and that vetches and other forage plants did equally as well. All of the common hardy veget ables were grown to perfection, some cauliflower at Kenai measuring 14 inches across the head. A statement by the superintendent of the Alaska Commercial Company in regard to his company's experience with livestock at Kadiak is of more than passing interest, because it reveals possibilities in the stock industry which are bound to be of much iinpor- tance in the future development of the country. The company has for many years kept cattle, sheep and Angora gouts on some of the small islands near the town of Kadiak. On one of these islands it was not found necessary to feed or shelter the cattle at all, winter or summer. Year in and year out they lived in the open and were maintained solely by the native grasses, which are abundant in all of Southwestern Alaska. The herd increased yearly about 75 per cent of the breeding cows, A flock of Angora goats iuoreaBed 60 per cent annually and gave very good results in mohair. A flock of sheep has been kept for the past 16 years on pasture, the year around. j he in crease was something over 60 per cent, and the clip averaged about five pounds of wool per head yearly. There seems to be no doubt that animal litis bandry can be successfully prosecuted in different parts of Alaska. Land for agricultural experiment fita tions has been reserved at three places in the coast region; namely, at Sitka, Kadiak and Cook Inlet, and develop' ment work was begun the past season at Sitka and Kenai. A headquarters building was erected and partially com pleted at Sitka. It is to contain ollioes, laboratory, library and quarters for the person in charge. Most of the scientific, work will be done at Sitka The stations are equipped with work oxen and all the tools necessary for pioneer farming. The report enumer- ates also the lines of experimentation which are of chief interest to that country. They include those which relate to the improvement of the soil. the selection and improvement of small grains, experiments with vegetables, the introduction of fruits and export- nients relating to the various branches of livestock industry. Nov! li went Notei. An opera house to cost $12,500 and to have a seating capacity of 1,000, is to be erected at Albany, Or., this year. Mra. Jane Kees, who died near Leb anon, Or., left an estate valued at about $120,001), mostly iu money. She left mi children, and the money goes to her brothers and slstets. The hoisting engine at the govern' meut woiks at IUtudon, Or., was crush ed to smithereens. A big blast was set off, and a rock weighing 25 tons fell on the engine, fairly pulverizing it, Fairhavon, Wash., claims to have not only the largest salmon cannery in the world, but also the largest shingle mill, and the daily capacity of the lat ter is now being increased from 500,' 000 to 700,000. A. O. Tettys, ex county assessor of Morrow county, Or., who has a fine farm and orchard three miles east of lone, is of the opinion that the late frost injured the. peach crop. His trees were nearly iu bloom when the frost came. He also states that the oodlin moth was doing a great deal of injury to his orchard. Pendleton, Or., will have a Chinese voter at the June election by the name of Kug Chuug, who was born iu San Francisco. He is well educated and roads aud writes the F.uglish language as well as the average American, and to hear him talk without seeing him it would be impossible to say that he was uot an American. A 16-year old boy has been arrested in Spokane charged with bicycle steal ing. He confessed that he had stolen nine of the ten wheols reported stolen lu February. The average wages paid iu the lumber and shingle mills of Washington is about $2.78 per day. The lowest wages paid is for firemen, who receive Jl.75 per day. The highest are re ceived by head sawyer and book keepers, their compensation beiug $1 per day. The Northern Pacific taxes in Walla Walla county woie $3,234.11(5, and the money has been paid. The Daniels creek railroad, to be built by the North lieud Mill Com pany, to tap a tody of over 8,000 acres of timber land which the company recently came into possession of, is now an assumed fact, says the Marsh field Or - S:n. All of tlirt imimrrunt right of way has been secured, aud the first length of load to be built will be I six miles. The road is to be broad gauge, and the engines and rolling ' stock nave been ordered from the East. BRADSTREET'S REPORT. Qrneral Trad ItUtrlbution Has Shown Tendency to Kxpand. firadstreet'i says: Believed from the hampering effects of stormy weather, general trade distri bution has shown a tendency to expand this week, prices of many staples are firmer and higher, and generally there is a better tone than noted for some weeks. Easily holding first rank in the matter of speculative activity, cot ton early in the week touched the high' est level, not only for the present sea' son, but for at least six years past. Wool is rather weaker, following the drop in prices at the London sale, an the rather slower demand from Ameri can manufacturers. By another of the short swings which have distinguished wheat prices for a long time past, quotations have been advanced this week to the level touched some time ago. Boot and shoe manufacturers are actively employed, and leather is firm but hides are weaker or lower at most markets. Building materials are firm, except at cities where labor troubles are ap prehendnd. The industrial situation is rather irregular, owing partly to the com bined strike and lock-out of 50,000 building hands, building material workers and machinists at Chicago and partly to isolated strikes of small numbers of men throughout the country. 'Wheat, including flour, shipments for the week aggregate 4,208,758 bush els, against 8,808.887 bushels last week, 4,808,821 bushels the corre spondiug week of 1809, and 4,844,761 bushels in 1808. Business failures in the United States for the week number 180, against 173 last week. 177 in this week a year ago, 247 in 1808, 227 in 1807 and 282 in 1806. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Meattla Markata. Onions, new, $2.252.50 per sack, Lettuce, hot house, 40c per doz. Potatoes, new, $18 20. Beets, per sack, 75 85c. Turnips, per sack, 60c. Carrots, per sack, 50c. Parsnips, per sack, 75 85c. Cauliflower, 75c$l per dozen. Cabbage, native and California, $1.00 1.25 per 100 pounds. Apples, $1.25 1.50 per box. Prunes, 00c per box. Butter Creamery, 81o per pound dairy, 1722c; ranch, 20o per pound EggsIB 16o. Cheese Native, 16o. Poultry 13 14c; dressed, 14 15c, Hay Puget Sound timothy, $12.00 choice Eastern Washington timothy I18.001B.OO Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23 feed meal, $23. Barley Rolled or ground, per ton. $20; Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.25 blended straights, $3.00; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $0.00; gra ham, per barrel, $3.00; whole wheat flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.804.00. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $18.00 shorts, per ton, $15.00. Feed Chopped feed, $20.00 per ton middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal, per ton, $30.00. Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef steers, 78c; cows, 7c; mutton 8c; pork, 74c; trimmed, 9c; veal, 8)4 10c. Hams Large, 13c; small, 13; breakfast bacon, 12e; dry salt sides, 8c. Port! mill Mark at. Wheat Walla Walla. 5152o; Valley, 52c; Bluestem, 54o per bushel. Hour Best grades, $3.00; graham, .50; superfine, $2.10 per barrel. Oats Choice white, 85 30c; choice gray, 84o per bushel. Barley Feed barloy, $1415.00; brewing, $17.0017.50 per ton. Millstuffs rBran, $18 per ton; mid dlings, $10; shorts, $15; chop, $14 pel ton. Hay Timothy, $9 10; clover, $7 7.50; Oregon wild hay, $07 per ton. Butter Fancy creamery, 50 55c; seconds, 4245c; dairy, S087o; store, 25482io. Eggs llo per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream, ISo; Young America, 14o; new cheese 10c per pound. Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.50 4.50 per dozen; hens, $5.00; springs, $2. 50 8, 50; geese, $6. 60 7. 50 for old; $4.506.50; ducks, $5.005.50 per dozen; turkeys,, live, 10 llo per pound. Potatoes 50 65o per sack; sweets, 2240 per pound. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90o; per sack; garlic, 7o per pound; cab bage, lio per pound; parsnips, $1; onions, $1.50 2. 25; carrots, $1. Hops 88o por pound Wool Valley, 1218o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 8 14c; mohair, 27 80o per pound. Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers and ewes, 4,4Cj dressed mutton, 7 7t0 per pound; lambs, 7'soper pound, Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00; light and feeders, $4.50; dressed, $0.00 6.60 per 100 pounds. Beef Gross, top steers, $4.004.50; cows, $3.50 4.00; dressed beef, 6s 74 0 per pound. eal Large, 6M7sc; small, 8 9o per pound. Tallow 554c; No. S and grease, 844o per pound. an Franoiaeo Market. Wool Spring Nevada, 1215opex pound; Eastern Oregon, 1216o; Val ley, 3023o; Northern, 1012o. Hops lsuo crop, iitiao per pound. Butter Fancy creamery 81c; do seconds, 19 20c; fancy dairy, 17 18c; do Beconds, 15 16o per pound. Eggs Store, lSo; 'fancy ranch, 16o. Millstuffs Middlings, $17.00 20.00; bran, $13.00 13.00. Hay Wheat $7.00 9.50: wheat and oat $7.009.00; best barley $5.50 7.60; alfalfa, $6.00 7.50 per ton; straw, 8045o per bale. Potatoes Early Rose. 75 85c: Ore- eon Burbanks. 65c 1.00: river Rnr- banks, 4070o; Salinas Burbanks, b0e1.10 per sack. Citrus Fruit Oranges. Valencia. $3. 75 3. 25; Mexican limes. $4.00(4 6.00; California lemons 75e($1.50: do choice $1.758.00 per box. Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.50 3.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom inal; Persian dated, 6 6. So per pound THE BROOKLET. "Oh, sllrer brooklet, flowing clear, Forever speeding past me here. I stand, and ponder on thy flow; Whence contest thou? Where dost thou go?" "From out. the rock's deep heart 1 glide, O'er flowers and moss my course I guide; There fluats upon my mirror true. The picture of the heaven's blue. "So, like a child without a care, I bound along, I know not where; He will, I trust, my Leader be, Who from earth's bosom summoned me." Goethe. Mrs. Luther Wilkins. So HE postmaster smiled a little when he passed out the mall, but Luther Wilkins did not notice. He woe trying to remember whether it was a yeast cake or a pound of cheese he had meant to get at the store. He went out of the postofflce still pondering and ended by forgetting both articles, bis attention being diverted by the sight of two boys playing marbles on the sidewalks. This was the first sign of spring Luther bad seen, so It was no wonder that bis memory played blra false. After be had got home and had eaten his supper be thought of the mall In his overcoat pocket. He brought It to the table and sat down to examine it. There was the weekly county paper, a poul try journal, an agricultural monthly, and last of all a letter. "Well, now," said Luther, picking It up, "I wonder who's been writing to me. I don't know when I've had a let ter." He looked at It eagerly, held It nearer his eyes, then farther off. He removed his glasses and polished them in nerv ous haste. After replacing them on bis nose he picked up the letter again and scanned it narrowly, then he looked HK STUDIED THK ENVELOPS! WITH RE NEWED INTEREST. over his glasses as if at some person and said: "I snum!" He sank Into a reverie, out of which he roused himself with a start to study the envelope with renewed Interest. "Mrs. Luther Wilkins," he said, "Mrs, Luther Wilkins. And I an old bach elor who never so much as hardly thought of getting married! Mrs. Lu ther Wilkins, why, where Is she? And who Is she?" "Well, I guess I'll see what's In It." He Inserted the point of bis knife under the corner of the envelope flap, then he hesitated. "What business have I opening of her letters?" he asked himself. "I never did open other folks letters, and guess I won't begin now." He rose to his feet and carrying It to the mantel piece leaned It up against the clock. He settled himself to his papers, but thoughts of Mrs. Luther Wilkins kept Intruding on what ho was reading about patent nest-boxes, and, under draining and the news of the village. Thereafter during all his waking hours, Mrs. Luther Wilkins was often in his thoughts. She even haunted his dreams at times. He wondered what she was like, and be thought of the kind of woman he would wish her to be, and enjoyed himself very much In Imagining how It would seem to have her meet him at the door when he camo In from the fields, and how nice It would be not to have to get his own meals. At first he was a little cynical and told himself that the Imagining was much more satisfactory than the real ity would be, but after awhile he changed his mind, and would sigh heavily when he came Into his lone some house. The letter by the clock, too, began to trouble blui. He had a devouring curi osity to see what was In It, and be sides It did not seem Just right to keep it so long before delivering It. Oue evening In Juue Luther put on his best clothes and walked three miles to see an old schoolmate who had an unmarried cousin living with him. It seemed to him that Eliza Elliott fitted In exactly with his Idea of Mrs. Luther Wilkins, He came home quite early very much disappointed. Eliza wouldn't do at all. He worked doggedly for a month, trying hard not to think of the dis quieting subject. It was no use, and toward the end of July It was observed that Luther was becoming very neigh borly. He spent his evenings at differ ent neighbors' houses, he accepted In tatlons to tea, he went to church regu larly and to all Sunday school picnics. And still he could not And a suitable owner for the letter. "I must me terribly fussy," he sighed. I've got acquainted with about all the women In town; they're nice women, every one of them, but somehow they don't suit me. I guess I'll have to give up beat." It was one cold, raw day In early No vember that Luther sat at a window making clumsy attempts at mending a pair of very ragged socks. Happening to glance across the road he saw a woman out In Hammond's yard. She was busy raking up the fallen autumn leaves. "Letltla Hammond," Luther com mented, "Bill Hammond's eister. We don't see much of her lately. She don't even go to church, there's so many of Bill's children to look after, and Bill's wife Is so took up with her clubs and things. It's hard on Letltla, but she never finds a word ot fault." The sock he was mending fell to the floor, and the wooden egg Inside It struck with such a loud bang that the cat started in his sleep. Luintr jUd not A SAHPLE OF BOER FORTIFICATIONS. INTERIOR OF THE Mr. James Hay, formerly president of the Johannesburg Chamber of Mines, who recently visited London, stated to an interviewer in Cape Town, some time previously, that when the Boers have had their first big defeat they will go to Johannesburg and level It with the ground. To do this Oom Paul's faithful burghers will, of course, have to make use of the fort which for so long a time has presented a threatening front to the unarmed and helpless inhabitants of the town. The fort, by the by, was its origin Is said to have been due to The fort occupies a commanding In shape, with two bastions at opposing 23-centimeter quick-firing gun, with the side looking toward Barnato Park opposite side towards Johannesburg is at an angle of 45 degrees. Right and Under the bastion on the right are position beneath the other bastion other magazine. Whether these elaborate preparations for the destruction of Johannesburg have been made in vain is at present a nice speculative point. It may be that when the British forces appear before the Gold Reef City Johan nesburg of the nineties will be no more. notice. He was standing at the window staring out. ." 'That Is best which lleth nearest,' " he said, solemnly. "What a fool I've been." He found his hat and left the house, almost running across the road. He took the Iron rake away from Letltla gently. "That's too hard work for a lit tle thing like you," be said. Letltla's blue eyes were full of won der, but she yielded up the rake weakly. "You'd better go Into the house, too," said Luther. "It's cold out here." No one had been thoughtful of her before for a long time, and Letltla couldn't understand It. When Luther returned the rake she asked him to let her do something for him. He carried her his best pair of socks. She was horrified at their condition, and mended them in a very artistic man ner. Luther looked at them In wonder and reverence. "I'll never wear 'em," be said, when he was at home again.' "I wouldn't have let her do It, only I knew It would make her feel better, aud It gave me a chance to see her, too." He found that It was an easy matter to Invent excuses for seeing her, and finally, some time In the winter, he asked her, In fear and trembling, if she would he Mrs. Luther Wilkins. . At first she was afraid It" would not be right to abandon her brother's chil dren, but ber scruples melted away be fore the warmth of his eloquence. Then she confessed that she was tired. "It Is so long that I have had to take care of other folks, and It will seem like heaven to have some one to take care of me." So It happened that In a little less than a year the letter to Mrs. Luther Wilkins was given to Its rightful owner.'-"Circumstances over which I had no control have prevented you from getting It before," Luther said. "Why, it's nothing but an advertise ment of some preparation of cereals," she said, when she had opened It Luther looked blank. "that's too hard work for a little THING LIKE YOU," HE SAID. "I see how It is," she said, after a moment's thought. "They sent to the different grocers for lists of their cus tomers, and then sent these circulars to their wives." "Let's keep it," said Luther, softly. "If it hadn't been for that " "Yes, we'll keep it," said Letltla, blushing. A Sympathetic Princess. The following story about the Arch duchess Valerie of Austria is told by the lenna correspondent of the Lon don Morning Post: A short time ago a 13-year-old schoolboy was summoned home from his boarding school at Llnz The lad was without traveling com panions, and, while waiting on the plat form at Llnz, began to cry bitterly. His distress was noticed by a lady In a first class compartment, who summoned the guard and had the boy brought to her. She pnld his excess fare for traveling first class, and devoted herself to the task of comforting him and relieving the tedium of the long Journey to Vienna, to attend his father's funeral In Vienna. telling him that she, too, had suffered much from the loss of a parent, who had died suddenly and unexpectedly in a foreign land. The schoolboy was not a little astonished at -the end of the journey to learn that the kind-hearted lady was the Archduchess Valerie, daughter of the Emperor. Pekln'a Unenviable Distinction. The three chief charaetertsltes of Pekln, the Chinese capital, which most impress the newly arlved visitor hxe dust, stench and dogs. When a dressmaker goes to a bouse, everytlme she sees the husband she looks at him in a wiy which seems to say, "You should have attended to this long ajfoP - JOHANNESBURG FORT. nnished in the middle of the year and the ever-to-be-lamented Jameson raid. position ou top of a hill. It is rectangular corners. On each bastion is mounted two flanking Maxims for enfilade fire. On are four small quick-firing guns. Ob the the entrance which traverses the rampart left of this, within the court, are stables, barracks and a magazine, the corresponding being occupied by officers' rooms aud an Illustrated London News. HOW TO CARE FOR UMBRELLAS Hint from a Manufacturer Which May Prolong Their Usefulness. Manufacturers and Jobbers of urn brellas say that there were more urn brellas sold during the past year than for the past five years. Especially Is this true in Baltimore of the finer grades of goods, for which the demand has been unusually great. Retailers d,d a remarkably large holiday trade, and, of course, the manufacturers aud job bers profited by It. While Baltimore does not rank high as a manufacturing center for urn brellas In point of numbers, Its reputa tlon depends on the fine quality of goods made up In this city. It Is est! mated that over 500 bands are steadily engaged In the manufacture of umbrel las In Baltimore, and that an average of 5,000 complete umbrellas are turned out every week. During some seasons the figures are greater or less, but that Is the average production. Like many other articles of manu facture, the making of umbrellas has been reduced to the assembling of the parts and turning out the complete shelter from the rain. One firm makes the stel tubing which nowadays forms the "stick" of the umbrellas, another turns out the ribs, another the various fancy bandies and so on through the list. Silks and other materials for the covers are cut aud sewed In the fac tory, where the other parts are brought by the thousand and put together. To such a degree of perfection has the machinery been brought for making the various parts of an umbrella that it is said that it Is actually cheaper to make a new umbrella than to repair an old one. That Is to say, that in the time taken by a workman to repair an urn brella-he can turn out probably half a dozen new ones complete. Recent sales show that while Bait I moreans prefer the better qualities of silk covering for umbrellas, they favor natural wood handles or those tipped with pearl for ladles' umbrellas. For men the demand Is for the combiua tions In Ivory handles, next to the natu ral wood sticks and the silver-mounted wood handles. A manufacturer gives three points about the care of umbrellas which will tend to their lasting longer while In ser vice. In the first place an umbrella should not be tightly rolled and then put in a close cover unless It Is desired to have the silk cut to pieces In every fold. Even when lying In stock It Is said that tightly rolled silk umbrellas will cut out lu a few weeks. The other precaution Is to open an umbrella when It has been wet and let dry wh:ie spread open. This will prevent the water gathering In the folds and rotting the fabric which forms the covering. Bal timore Sun. Sizes for Flower Pots. An error very frequently made In re potting palms and other ornameuta." plants is In transferring them into pots entirely too large In comparison with the one last used, says the Woman's Home Companion. The sizes of differ ent pots are calculated by Inches. The smallest pot In use Is commonly called by the florist a "thumb-pot," aud meas ures about one and one-half Inches In diameter at the top. Into this he pots many of his newly rooted cuttings, and as soon as they fill the soil pretty well with roots be shifts them to the next size, a two-Inch pot. From this thev increase, by half laches, and It Is al ways well to use the next size above that last used. After the plant has attained such nm. portions that It requres something larger than a nine or ten Inch not. It is better to use a tub, and Just here is where the mistake Is often made much larger tub or pot thau a plant really requires often retards rather than advances Its growth. Very often the florist, wheu he has a plant that does not seem to be doing well, will re move It from the pot, shake off the soil from the roots, aud repot it iuto a size smaller than It formerly occupied uutil it starts Into more active growth. Xew Latin Dictionary. Fhllologists in Germany have united to bring out a complete Latin diction ary, a Thesaurus Lingual Latinae," and expect to begin printing next fall. The standard Is still Forcelliui and Fac clolatl's "Lexicon Totius Latlnltatis," compiled 150 years ago and revised re peatedly by Italian scholars. Siamese Fear of Even Numb -rs. The Siamese have so strong a suner- stitlon against even numbers that they will have none of them. The number of rooms In a house, of windows or doors in a room, even of rungs on a lad der, must always be odd. It Is a great bore to receive a "b, jw tlTul" letter. 0UH BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokea and JoVcleta that Are Supposed ta Have Been Recently Born-Saylnga .,1 Dalnva that Ara Old. Cnrioua and Laughabla-Tha Week' Humor. Fenelope Mr. Brown Is the most en tertalniug man I have met for a long time. Aphrodite-Why, I thought hlra very stupid. Penelone Oh. you are mistaken, Whv, last night he called and I sue coeded In convincing him that we are now In the twentieth century. He was skeptical at first, but ufter listening to my arguments he admitted that he was mistaken. Omaha World-Herald Their Little Game. Qulun That uilulng-stock company Ih ou its lust lees. DeFonte Yes, but they are putting up a strong bluff to the last. Oulnu Is that so? DeFonte Yes, they pay a boy to sit behind a screen, ring a bicycle bell and yell "Hello!" Customers naturally think they are doing a rushing busl aess. Money No Object. Doctor You must give your husband every two hours a half teaspoouful of this medicine. The Patient's Wife Oh, doctor, I can give hlra a whole teaspoonful every hour! I assure you, we don't have to economize! Heltere Welt. In Pretoria. "Mv dear." said Oom Faul. after a visit to the prisoners, "this reminds me of the Queen's Jubilee." "How?" said Mrs. K. "Why,--ve have samples of nearly every sort of troops in the British army." ruck. The Savage Bachelor. "I hardly approve these Mothers' Congresses," said the youngest board er. "They're a good thing," said the Sav age Bachelor. "A Mothers' Congress gives their poor young ones a chance to rest." Indianapolis Press. A Shrewd Girl. Ella You must have been up late Inst night; there are rings around your eyes. Stella Well, they are engagement rings; I sat up with Fred until he pro posed. Judge. Awful. "Why are the mules so restless?" in quired the Boer commander. "They have Just heard that Hay has arrived at Pretoria," elucidated the subordinate. Factory Kiud. Banker's Boy De boss thumped de typewriter hlmself-dls mornln'. Broker's Boy An' yer stood by an' let him thump de poor girl? Where's yer manliness? The Cause. Mrs. O'Toole Yls, me bye hos lift school. Mrs. O'Brlen-An' hos he lift fer good?" Mrs. O'Toole-No; fer bad. In the Wee Hours. They heard a noise In the kitchen and crept down. He carried a nistol and she a curtain pole. Then they discov ered the cause of the noise. 'Did you see that rat lumn out of the oven?" she gasped, holding her skirts. "Why didn't you shoot him?" Because he was Just out of mv range," he chuckled. Ostend's Predicament. Mother I notice. Ostend. thnt von A'A not eat any pie at dinner. Ostend I asked you for a piece, ma. Mother But I did not hear von. Voi, should have asked a second time.' Ostnd But. ma. vou told to ask for pie a second time. Bather Funny. " - Mrs. A. I was Just thinking. Mrs. Z.-Thlnklng of what, dear? Mrs. A. How funny It Is for th pin to sell umbrellas at a clearing sale. Kvtt Effects, 'Didn't you send any of your chick ens to the poul j-y show?" No; I've noticed that when a hen acquires a taste for society she eets too stuck up to lay eggs." A Change of Plan. "The Folderols have recalled their re ception Invitations." "Anybody sick?" "No; Mrs. Folderol chanced her mind. and concluded she would rather have the house painted." Hia Sticking Qualities. Miss Murray Hill Mr. Homeu-ood to a regular stick. Miss Point Breeze You surprise me. Miss Murray Hill When he Pfllla An me he sticks in his ehnir lone- after tua time when he ought to he l,nvin rv. home. nttsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. In the Side Show. Old party-WelL well! Nature wort vrouders! Manager Yes. an' me an' the An ders works the public Xew York i'ress. Sensational. 'Anything new?" innnirari , , 1 ' - v i. AC" porter, as he stood before desk. "Yes," responded the corpulent lieu tenant, "a Chinese was found with a strange wound on the side of his head. He doesn't know who struck him." "Aha! Then I'll Just head that The Mystery of the Chinese Temple.' " DlacardeufU "Lizzie," whispered the. boyish vole, through the knothole, "uie brain l8 wurkln night an' day thlnkln' of you." "'Taint union, den!" piped the girl whose father lays bricks. South African Myatery, Captain Corporal, what became of that tall recruit? Corporal Goodness only knows, Cap Jit r an ouuv.iu .... i " v. camcutj fljj' asked for some cotton to stick In hl ear. Somebody gave him some gun. cotton an we nam i seen mm since. Wouldn't Take OfTenae. Clerk You can't get a room for him here. He's drunk. Wytte (supporting his "weary" friend) I know he Is. What of thnt? Clerk (scornfully) This Is a temper, a nee hotel. Wytte Well, he's too drunk to know the difference. Philadelphia Press. Baffling. ' "It's a very unsatisfactory story!" "Yes?" "Oh, very! I've read the first chapter and the last chapter and I don't know yet how It turns out!" Life. Too Keallntlc. Ida I think Walter Is awful mean. May Why, dear? Ida He wears those horrid mouse colored mocha gloves. He dropped one on the floor and it looked so natural screamed. Chicago News. Revised Version, Miles They say it is good luck to find a pin on the ground with the point toward you. Giles Yes; but It's better luck to flua the head toward you when you happen to sit down on one. A Sherlock Holmes Deduction. Customer You should stable your cows in wet weather. Milkman How do you know but I do? Customer The milk has a rain fla vor. The Day of Beat. The tailor I do all my pressing work on Saturday. The grocer When do you do the rest? . The tailor On Sunday, of course. Nuta for Them. "Well, well!" exclaimed the field cornet, peering Into the darkness, "here comes another one of those British night attacks. They're getting to be chestnuts." "Exactly," replied the Boer general, "so we'll shell them." Philadelphia rress. Hit the Mail. "What did the poor man say when he was accused of taking the cattle?" in quired the tourist. "The right thing, stranger," re. sponded Amber Tete. "What was it?" "I'll be hanged !" Ne w York World. Not Hia Fault. "Sir," began the tramp, as he stepped in front of a pedestrian, "I've seen bet ter days, aud " "Well," interrupted the other, "you needn't blame me for it. I'm not tlia weather man." Satisfied with the Old Kind. - Bobbs I see that a man has invent ed a typewriter that you Just sit down and talk to it and It writes out every thing you say. Dobbs I guess I'll keeD mine. She does not write everything I say, and I'm glad of it A Hasty Retreat. "Why did the young minister Ipavb so suddenly?" "The Maiden Ladies' Home Mission. ary Society took up the task of finding him a suitable wife." Philadelphia North American. Ignorance Not Bliss. "De lack of eddlcatlon Is an orfnl ting," remarked Wrnggy Wriggles, musingly. "W'en did yer find dat out?" asked Hungry Hawkes. "De Udder day. I fiwlned n hn-r from de freight station and lugged it a mile inter ae woods. It was marked 'S-o-n-n.' r' T t'ouf' - ' - Little man. mean? Little brother Oh! that's when a thing is a back number. Puck. The Child Wae Saved. Not that we wish the .u be 'generally adopted-for bicyclists also have a right to iiieh w it proves the resourcefulness of woman, we copy this Incident from the Chicago i osi: The bicyclist - w v iuUg ftiUUg with his head down. The little one hnd toddle intn the road, and 'stood directly In his path. . xue woman saw them both, and was too much frightened to move A mit.lr- witted man would have had time to spring into the road and pull the little one out of the WAV. hilt the n-iimnn seemed helpless. Suddenly she screamed Tf v., no ordinary scream, but an ear-splitting snneK or despair. The bicyclist was so startled that he looked seven ways at once, lost control of his wheel hit the curb, and didn't know where ho was for fully ten min ntes. The child was saved. A woman is not always so helpless a she looks, - . '