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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 23, 1900)
CENSUS OF CROPS. the 5ext Enumeration Will Be Takes In Jane, 1900, of the Prod act of 1899. The first really valuable census of sericulture in the United State was taken in 1850, of the crops of 1849 The next enomeiation of agriculture will he taken in June, 1900, of the prod nets of 1899. Instead of recording several farms on one schedule in the Twelfth census, heretofore, each farm will be accorded a separate blank, the entries on which will not be known to any gave sworn officers of the department No names will be published in connection with information secured from the people Tax assessors, collectors, and equal lzera cannot serve as enumerators, or have access to the census returns, or to the information therein contained. There are more than 6,000,000 farm, plantations, ranches, stock ranges, and market gardens in the United fctates all of which, for census purposes, will be designated as "farms." A "farm" is all the land cultivated or held for agricultural purposes under one management, whether in a single body or separate parcels. The enumerator will ask for the size and value of each farm, the value of buildings, and the aggregate value all machinery, implement, vehicles. harnesses, etc.. use! thereon; and the amount of land owned and leased, re selectively, by said occupant. lie will also ask for acreage and value of each crop, and the acreage improved, unimproved and irrigated lands. The designation "each crop" in . eludes all grains, cotton, corn, rice. fingai cane, sugar beets, sorghum, hay clover, wild grasses, gathered forage flax, hemp, hops, peanuts, tobacco, seeds, nuts, tropical fruits, small fruits, orchard fruits, nursery and greenhouse stock, broom corn, Irish po tutoes, sweet potatoes and yams, all vegetables, including the product of all family, truck, and market guldens etc.; also new or unusual crops, when found. The enumerator will ask for the number and value of the live stock on the farm June 1. 1900. which will be reported under a number of heads, such as horses, colts, mules, asses, cows, heifers, steers, calves, bulls. ewes, rams, lambs, swine, goats, chick ens (including guinea fowl), turkeys, geese, ducks, bees, etc. He will also ask for the quantity and valne ol milk, cream, butter, cheese, raisins, prunes, molasses, sirup, sugar, eggs, beeswax, honey, wool, wine, cider, vinegar, dried and evaporated fruits, forest products, poultry ' and meat products, and generally, all ar ticles made at home, or for the home, from farm materials in 1899. If a person who moves from a farm between tho end of the crop year 1899 and June 1, 1900, will leave a written record of the products and crops of that farm for 1899 where it will reach the appropriate enumerator, tho statis tk-B for bis operation. for that year will not be lost. He will be required to give the enumerator of the district in which he lives on June 1, 1900, the acreage, value, buildings, machinery, implements, and live stock of the farm he then occupies. If every farmer will begin at once to prepare a careful record of all the facts which the enumerator will be in' stucted to record in June, 1900, he will save time for hlmsolf and the olli cer, and insure more accurate returns to the government. The twentieth century will begin on January, 1, 1001. Therefore, the pend ing census will afford to future genera' tious a measure of the strength and condition of the United States at the threshold of the new hundred year cycle, ror that reason everyone should take an active interest in making it as nearly tierfect as possible. If each farmer will make his own report per toot, the aggregated reiort for every community, and for the nation, will be perfect. Spokane is to send a formal invita tion to President McKinley to visit the town in October, when, it is said, he will come to the Pacific coast. North Yakima merchants are not worried because a mild winter has left heavy stocks of woolen goods on their hands; the price pn woolens has ad vanced 25 per cent in tho past three mouths. Thursday 100 horses were shipped irom v alia waua to Vancouver, says the Walla Walla Union. The animals, together with a number of other horses, will be transported to the Philippines for cavalry use. No more horses will be purchased for the government in Walla Walla at tire present time. Blanche Dewey, a 15-year-old girl of Snohomish county, made complaint against her father, charging him with criminal assault upon her, und on the witness stand swore that the complaint was false and that there was no ground for it. Then she was arrested for per jury, and, it is said, will be sent to the reform school. George Gross, at Junction City, has a hog that weighs 525 pounds. C. It. Hunt is about to build a new barn on his Tillamook dairy ranch, for which 45,000 foet of lumber will be required. Telegraph, telephone and electrio companies have appealed to the author ities of Pendleton to protect them from the tin sign tackors, who persist in de facing their property by tacking their advertisements ou the poles in the streets. George and John Duusan, of Wilbur, near Meacham station, are in jail at Pendleton, charged with the larceny of two saddles from Ed Lisncr's barn, and a horse belonging to George Adams, of Pendleton. The burglars who entered Harriet & Lawrence's grocery, in Salem, Friday night, smashed an old empty cash drawer in their efforts to find money, but entirety overlooked the regular till, which contained f 10. Residents of the Arcadia settlement, in Malheur county, are signing a peti tion to the Oregon Short Line to estab lish a railway station there. The gambling ordinance of the city of Pendleton was amended at the last meeting of the city council so as to prohibit the operating of nickel -in-the-f lot machines. BRADSTREET'S REPORT. favorable Increase of Trade ai Com pared to Last Tear. Bradstreet'i says: Satisfactory ad vices as to expanding trade in dT goods and kindred lines come from I number of markets. That the aggre gate business of the country is of good volume otherwise is, however, indi cated bv detailed reports of increases in trade, as compared with last year, confirmed by satisfactory railroad earn' inus rewrts. bv fair gains in bank clearings and by reports of better de- mauds for money in commercial chan nels. A year ago, it may be recalled, extremely stormy weather was exper ienced, and gome effects, notably those on winter gown crops, were very unfa vorable. This year opposite oonditiona have ruled and though some talk of lack of snow in grain-growing regions Is heard no widespread damage from cold weather is yet noted. In fact, unseasonably mild weather has been an appreciable effect on several industries, notably those engaged in the mannfac' ture of footwear,. in discouraging sales of the game actually causing the shut down of some rubber manufactories. and also in the lumber and ice bo ness. The scarcity of snow in t. Northwest will unquestionably affect the log cutting season, and a firmer tone as to values is already perceptible, notwithstanding talk of labor troubles affecting the building trades. The foreign demand for iron and steel seems likely to have a most impor tant effect upon prices of the domestio product. It is conceded that any im portant recession in value would be met by a heavy enlarged export move ment. Failures for the week in the United States number 199, as compared with 231 last week, 160 in this week a year ago, 209 in 1898, 825 in 1897 and 276 in 1896. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Seattle Market. Onions, new, $2.25 2. 50 per sack. Lettuce, hot house, 40c per doz. Potatoes, new, 1820. Beets, per sack, 75 80c. Turnips, per sack, COo. Carrots, per sack, 50c. Parsnips, per sack, 75 85c. Cauliflower, 75c$l per dozen. ' Cabbage, native and California, 1.003 1.25 per 100 pounds. Apples, $1.25(31.50 per box. Pears, $1.00 1.25 per box. Prunes, 60c per box. Butter Creamery, 81o per pound; dairy, 17 22c; ranch, 20o per pound, Eggs 20o, Cheese Native, 16o, Poultry 18 14c; dressed. 1415o. Hay Puget Sound timothy, $12.00; choice Eastern Washington timothy, $18.00 19.00 Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23; feed meal, $23. Barley Rolled or ground, per ton, $21; whole, $22, Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.25; blended straights, $3.00; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $0.00; gra ham, per barrel, $3.80; whole wheat flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.804.00. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $14.00; shorts, per ton, $16.00. Feed Chopped feed, $20.00 per ton; middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal, per ton, $30.00. Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef steers, 7K8c; cows, 7c;mutton 8c; pjrk, 7 trimmed, 9c; veal, 8& 10c. Hams Large, 13c; small, 13; breakfast bacon, 12c; dry salt sides, 8c. PorMand Market. Wheat Walla Walla. 5354Kc; Valley, 63c; Bluestem, 57o per bushel. Flour Best grades, $3.00; graham, $2.50; superfine, $2.10 per barrel. Oats Choice white, 85 30c; choice gray, 84 o per bushel. Barley reed barley, $1415.00; brewing, $17.0018.00 per ton. Millstuffs Bran, $13 per ton; mid dlings, $19; shorts, $15; chop, $14 per ton. Hay Timothy, $10 1 1 ; clover,$7 7.50; Oregon wild hay, $6 7 per ton. Butter Fancy creamery, 5055c; seoonds, 4245c; dairy, 8087Mc; Btore, 25.!s82o. Eggs 1410o per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream, 18c; Young America, 14c; new cheese 10c per pound. Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.00 00 per dozen; hens, $4.50; springs, $3.508.50; geeee, $7.008.00 for old; $4.500.50; ducks, $5.0006.00 per dozen; turkeys, live, 10llo per pound. Potatoes 5590o per sack; sweets, 2 ic per pound. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90o; per sack; garlio, 7o per pound; cab- bage, laO per pound; parsnips. $1; onions, $1.502.00; carrots, $1. Hops 78o per jiound Wool Valley, 1213o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 814o; mohair, 27 80o per pound. Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers and ewes, 4Jic; dressed mutton, 7 74o per pound; lambs, 7)a0per pound. Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00; light and feeders, $4.60; dressed, $5.606.00 per 100 pounds. Beef Gross, top steers, $4.004.50: oows, $3.504,00; dressed beef, 6g 7?o per pound. eal Large, 78c; small, 8a 9, Ho per pound. Saa Franoiaco Market. Wool Spring Nevada, 1215o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 12 10c; Val ley, 2022e; Northern, 10(il2o. Hops 1899 crop, ll13o per pound. Butter Fancy creamery 23 s 24o; do seconds, 22(if22 '4c; fancy dairy, 20 21c; do seconds, 1819o per pound. Eggs Store, 18 15 Ho; fancy ranch, 17o. Millstuffs Middlings, $17.50 20.00; bran, $13.50 18.50. Hay Wheat $0.50 9.50; wheat and oat $0.509.00; best barley $5.00 7.00; alfalfa, $0.00 7.50 per ton; straw, 80 45o per Imle. Potatoes Early Kose, 90 90c; Ore gon Burbanks, 75c 1.10; river Bur banks, 5075e; Salinas Burbanks, 80c 1.10 per sack. Citrus i nut Oranges. Valencia. $2.753.25; Mexican limes, $4.00 5.00; California lemons 75c $1.50; lo choice $1.753.00 per box. Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.50 ?.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom inal; lorsiiui dates, tiuli'no pel xuud. In sentencing a prisoner to lie hang ed for the murder of a soldier, Lord Eskgrove dilated upon the crime as follows: "And not only did you murder him, whereby he was bereaved of his life, but you did thrust, or push, or pierce, or project, or propel the lethal weapon through the bellyband of his regimental breeches, which were bis majesty's!" A story Illustrating the reticence of the Scots Is credited to Ian Maclaren. A train was at a station, when a porter put his head Into a carriage and called out: "Any one for Doun? Change for Doun! Any one for Doun?" No one moved, and In a few minutes the train was speeding along, not to stop again for nearly an hour. Then an old Scots woman turned to a lady sitting near her and said: "I'm for Doun, but I'd no tell that man so." "What Is the price of this pin?" asked a young man In a Paris shop, handling a small silver brooch of exquisite work manship. "Twenty francs, monsieur," said the clerk. "That's altogether too much," said the young American; "It's for a present to my sister; I'll give you five francs for It." "Zen It would be I zat gave ze present to your sister," said the Frenchman, with a depreca tory shrug, "and I do not know the young mademoiselle!" The homeliest man In Congress Is Eddy of Minnesota. He rather glories In the distinction of ugliness, especially as all bis other characteristics are en viable. During his last campaign the enemies of Mr. Eddy charged blui with being double-faced. He met the charge In a manner that disarmed all criti cism. "Great heavens," said Mr. Ed dy to his audience, "do you think that If I had two faces, I would wear the one I am showing you now?" Buckle attributes the great success of Scottish men of science to their pref ers m tr( Cp w w or w w d si t, In time to see It disappear Into the bo - vine's mouth. When his onnonent had made his stroke, Tufts untethered the cow and, with many sounding thwacks of his club, drove the beast to the third hole. There he made her disgorge the ball, and neatly holing It, announced that he had made the bole In tw strokes. His opponent calmly finished the hole In seven and claimed the hole, But I made It In two," protested Tufts, gleefully. "No, you didn't," de clared the other; "you made it In thir-ty-ulue. You hit that cow thirty-seven times, for I counted every stroke," and Tufts conceded the hole. tien. liazen, tlie first head of the Weather Bureau In Washington, found It almost Impossible to persuade the members of Congress to vote for him the necessary funds with which to car ry out his plans. One spring, when the appropriation had been shomefully cut tiown by the economy loving chair man of the committee, Mrs. Hazen was a guest at an afternoon reception at the house of one of the cabinet members, where the most detestable and unen durable weather, untimely and unlook ed-for, was the topic of the moment. As Mrs. Hazen crossed the room to make her adieus, she was waylaid by the ar riving chairman of the offending com mittee, who accosted her thus: "Well Mrs. Hazen, and is this the best your husband can do for us In the way of weather t" Mrs. Hazen looked at htm with a sudden flash in her eyes, then answered, clearly and sweetly: "Yes, Mr. Hlank, the very best for the ap propnauou. me discomfited man fled, In the mfdst of the hardly con realed smiles of the surrounding guests. EXPERTS IN SHIRT IRONING. Laundries that Make a Specialty of New HUirte-Other Specialties. Among the great number of laun dries in the city there ate about half a dozen devoted to the lauudrying of new Blurts. It Is harder work to iron a new shirt than it Is to Iron one that has been worn, nud It takes more time, the new cloth is stlffer, and it doesn't take starch so well as it does after two or three washings, when the shirt works easier In all the stages of its lauudrylug. But though tho shirt Is hardest to Iron the Hist time, It must then be honed its very best; the new shirt as it Is laid down upon the counter for Inspection, or, If custom made, as it Is delivered, must be sim ply perfect, and It Is. It costs more to have a new shirt laundrled than one that has been worn; Ironers get more pay for Ironing them, and, though It takes more time, they earn more money at It than In Ironing old ones. Both men and women are employed in new shirt Iron ing, the women very likely on the finest custom shirts. The Ironing of new shirts calls for the most expert of lauudry work. The collar and cuffs are brought out ex actly in accordance with the design. The two parts of the shirt front are made to match perfectly, with the stud holes, or the eyelets. In one part ex actly over those in the other. In pique shirt bosoms the Hues of the pattern If vertical will be found to be drawn absolutely straight; aud if the lines run crosswise, not only will they be found to be straight, but to meet true at the middle. The same may be said of flue colored shirts with patterns showing vertical or horizontal lines; If vertical lines, they are perfectly true; If horizontal, they are not only per fectly true, but perfectly matched at the center: nud the entire bosom, though ironed on a fiat board. Is Ironed Into a slight! concave shield-like form that Is graceful In shape and a model of uniformity. The perfectly laundrled new shirt Is something that must com maud the admiration of everybody that likes good work, and the Ironing of It Is the top-notch of laundry work. Chicago Inter Ocean. BEATS THE HORSE RACES. Lucky Check that Always Wine Out for the Owner of It. Two young men were lunching to gether one day last week, and one took out his pocketbook to find a certain memorandum. It did not come to band readily, and finally be emptied the con tents on the table. In looking over the pile be came to a soiled and worn out piece of paper. Without looking at the Inside of it, he pushed It over to his friend and remarked: "Take a look at that." His- friend found It to be a check for $50, drawn by the man himself, made payable to currency, and dated several months before. "What on earth have you been car rying this around for?" he asked the man with the pocketbook. of "I thought you'd ask," replied the other. "Well, that's my lucky check. Yoa know, I'm fond of the 'bang-tails, and every few days I drop Into a pool room and make a bet or two. Some times I win. but more often I lose. But this check never goes back on me. When I run out of currency I get dow on any old thing of a horse with the check. That's all I have to do. No matter if it's Beautiful Bill to beat Yellow Tall, It wins. I always get back the check and a wad of currency from the bookmaker. I've bet that check at least a dozen times In the last six months, and I wouldn't take three times Its face value for it." "YNbat makes you wait till you go broke before you bet It?" asked his friend. "Why don't you start In with the check and keep it up till you've got a bank roll?" "Humph!" replied the man wfth the check. "I guess you don't know much about the horse racing game." RIGID CENSORSHIP IN AUSTRIA ewgpapers in Francla Joseph's Do main Must Not Speak Too Freely. '.'he editor of a small provincial pa r In Austria was In great difficulty find a fit subject for his leading ar- le, having, been too intent upon oth business or upon pleasure to pro 'e one. The last moment had come 1 the editor was In despair. He tor ed his brain In vain, when he sud lly was inspired by a happy thought 1 dashed off the lines: After carefully perusing the leading '.icle written for the present number y one of the ablest of our contrlbu rs, we have arrived- at the conclusion 1 tba lt,tmay be """l" preted by the authorities and regarded as an attack upon the government. We ourselves consider It to be perfectly Innocent but, as we are unwilling, for our read ers' sake, as well as for our own, to have our newspaper confiscated, we have very unwillingly, though, as we think, prudently, resolved to withdraw the article. This must serve as the apology to our readers for the-blank spuce In our present Issue." The Journal was published in the evening, and the sly editor, after per forming this little piece of stratagem, left the office in high humor. As soon as he arrived In the office the next morning a clerk came up to him, with a doleful expression, and said, "Herr Redaktor, the paper Is confiscated by the police!" "For what reason?" asked the astonished editor. "For malicious ridicule of the Institutions of the Aug trlan empire by the omission of the leading article," replied the man. New York Press, Distribution of Prize Money. The dispute as to tho amounts ot prize money to which Admiral Dewey aud his men are entitled for the de struction of the Spanish fleet In Manila bay has led to an Inquiry as to the scope of the law applying In such mat ters. It has been learned that the re vised statutes provide that if a prize vessel was of a superior or equal force to the captor, all the prize money goes to the captor; if it was Inferior, half only goes to the captor and half to the Government. The money Is divided thus: To the fleet or squadron com mander, one-twentieth; to the second in command, one-fiftieth, this to be taken from the Government's share, If there is such a share, and to be additional to his share as commander of a ship mak ing a capture. To the fleet captain, 1 per cent., except when the vessel on which he is actually makes the capture; In that case he shares as the other offi cers. To the commander of a single vessel, one-tenth If the vessel was at tached to a fleet or three-twentieths If It was operating alone. All the rest Is distributed among the officers and men in proportion to their pay. For a naval victory the Government gives a bounty of $100 for each officer and man on every vessel of an Inferior force that Is captured or sunk; if the force was supe rior the bounty Is $200 a head, and the total amount Is divided as the prize money is. Wu Tins; Fane's Clever Little Son. The Chinese minister to the United States, Wu Ting Fang, has a little sos. who evinces a wonderful Interest in the deeper subjects of life. Not long ago he was talking to some of his little playfellows, and they were discussing the Sunday school. One boy was In dignant over a text his teacher had given him to explain. "It's a Chinese puzzle, anyway," said the boy to the minister's son. In that case," said the little Ori ental, "I guess I can tell you all about It. What Is the question, anyway?" The Sunday school student, the son of a naval officer, looked at the little Chinaman and answered: "This Is it What's the meaning of the Bible question, 'In my Father's house there are many mansions?1 " The naval officer's son felt confident that he had "stumped" the minister's son. But he reckoned without his host. The little Chinaman looked with con tempt at the American. "Why, don't you know what that means? In my Father's house there are many mansions. That Is an apart ment house." Washington Post "Twenty minutes for dinner" is onr railway time-tabl ANECDOTES OFGEN. tAVVTON.'gTJppQgjjJ SMILE. New Veriloo of the Charge bjr Which 1 Caner Was Captured. Some National Guard officer who served In the Spanish-American war were discussing Gen. Lawton's death and his services In Cuba. One of tbem told the following stories concerning his conduct at El Caney, where be wore the white helmet which was the cause of bis death: "On the morning of July 1 Gen. Law ton wag sent with a force of about 5,000 men to take El Caney, while the rest of the troops were to be engaged at San Juan. ' : "I have seen some mention since the , death of Gen. Lawton of the order sent . to him by Gen. Shatter to withdraw bis troops from El Caney, a proceeding ( which would have been disastrous iu our forces, but I have never seen the statement given to me by the same staff officer. He told me that as Gen. Lawton stood directing the troops an aid from the sta'ff of Gen. Shafter rode up and said: " 'Gen. Lawton, Gen. Shafter directs you to withdraw your troops.' "At first Gen. Lawton was non plussed; then, turning to the aid, be said: 'This is too serious an order to be received verbally, and I shall re quire It In writing from Gen. Shafter.' He well knew that Gen. Shafter. was eight miles In the rear, and tuat a writ ten order from him could not be receiv ed before the charge was ordered. This much is a matter of history, but 1 do not believe that the whole story has been told. "Gen. Lawton, knowing that the aid would soon reduce the order to writing, Immediately sent order to his officers to charge. The aid returned In about twenty minutes with the written order, having only retired a short distance to write, and he delivered It to Gen. Law ton Just as the whole American force stormed across the field In that last desperate successful attempt to take El Caney. When he handed the writ ten order to the General, Lawton point ed to the charging troops and said: 'As you see, the troops have already com menced to charge. Tell Gen. bimrter that God Almighty himself could not stop them now.' Thus the capture of El Caney was due to Gen. Lawton's perseverance un der diff culties." The following story of Gen. Lawton was told by a sergeant in the regular army, who served unuer i.awion iu Cuba, and afterward went to Manila, being now the oldest enlisted man In the Eighth army corps: After the sur render of Santiago the General was standing In the main street of the city looking Into the windows of a shop, his tall, massive form making him even more conspicuous than usual. He wore blue shirt and campaign bat, and was without any indications or nis rank. A young second lieutenant Just from West Point, and so belonging to the class known In the army as "Jobn- ny-couie-lately," was walking down the street, and having a high sense of his own importance, tapped the General on the shoulder, taking him for a non commissioned officer. As the General turned around be was addressed thus by the young officer: "Sergeant, are you a soldier?" "Yes, sir," replied the General. "Then why don't you salute an offl- ;er when you see him?" The General saluted, but with so ab rupt and flippant an air that the anger of the lieutenant was aroused, and he further asked: "Sergeant, what's your name?" "Well," replied the General, assum ing a slight drawl that was sometimes characteristic, "my name Is MaJ. ;Gen, uenry w. lawton. wnats your name" leaving the lieutenant crest fallen and stammering out some lame apology. Intense Cold. The usual results of exposure to ex treme cold are loss of energy, both physical and mental, followed by drow siness and disinclination to move; the mental faculties become torpid and the senses numbed, while the victim Is seized with an irresistible desire to lie down and sleep. If this desire is yield ed to the lethargy passes into stupor nd death follows. Occasionally these symptoms are preceded by others which resemble those of Intoxication. and are due to a peculiar condition of the blood, which at a very low tem perature takes up an Insufficient quan tity of oxygen, and so has an Injurious effect on the nervous system. It was observed during the retreat of the French from Moscow that those who were most severely affected by the cold often reeled about as if Intoxicated; they also complained of giddiness and indistinctness of vision, and sank gradually Into a state of lethargic stu por, from which It was Impossible to arouse them. Other Instances are re corded in which persons became de lirious -and died through a short ex posure to Intense cold. Henry Clay and the Hunter. When Henry Clay was stumping Kentucky for re-election, at one of his mass meetings an old hunter of wide po'itlcal influence said: "Well, Harry. ve always been for you, but because of that vote (which he named) I'm go in' agin you." "Let me see your rifle." said Clay. It was handed to him. "Is she a good rifle?" "Yes." "Did she ever miss fire?" "Well. ves. nnro" Why didn't you throw her away?" The old hunter thought a moment and then said: "narry, I'll try you agin." And Harry was relected. Millions for Snowsheda. Thirty-two miles of snowsheds, cost ing $G1 a foot, or a total of $10,813,440. represents the price one transconti nental railway hod to pay before it could run Its trains over the Rocky Mountain division of Its road. That was merely the first cost; since that outlay fully $1,000,000 has been spent j auuuaiiy m Keeping the sheds in re Jalr and the exposed tracks free from snow. HIj New Graft. Wiekwire Look here. This is the rourth time this morning you have been n here asking for the price of a meal Dismal Dawson-Yes. I am the ab-jent-minded beggar, don't ye know. Indianapolis Press. It Is a good sign when a young girl sats potatoes, bread and meat, instead f candy, yWkles, and that sort of thing. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Fleaaant Incldente Occurring the World Over-Baying that Ara Cheer ful to Old or Young-Funny Belec tlona that Everybody Will Knjoy. Hixon You are the only mon I ever heard of who started out to build a house for $4,000 and actually succeeded In finishing It within the limit How did you manage It? Dixon Oh, that was an easy matter. I had my architect draw up plans for a $2,000 house. Sec? How He Won Her. She-Is It true that all men run after beauty? He-I think not. If they did you would have a crowd around you all the time. Woea of Wedlock. "We might Just as well come to an understanding right now," said the angry husband. "It's hard for you to hear the truth, especially from me, but " "Indeed It Is," interrupted the patient wife. "I hear It so seldom." Wasted Opportunities. Slowboy Then you regard me only In the light of a friend. . Miss Swift-Well, It Isn't my fault If you don't know enough to turn the light down. Such la Fame. Mrs. Parvenu (at the reception) -You are an artist, I believe? Literary Hon Well, not exactly, madam. I am what you might prop erly term a word painter. Mrs. Parvenu Oh, now I understand. You paint signs for a living. CHALLENGED. Judge You're privileged to challenge any member of the Jury now bell impanelled. . , Defendant Well, thin, yer honor, 011 foight that small mon In the core' wld one eye. . :f A Friendly Tip. nicks Huh! I don't see anything very hard about learning to skate. Wicks Suppose you try It once. You may not see It, but you'll probably feel It Diplomacy. She Must you really go so soon? He My dear girl, I've been 'gone' ever since I met you. Death-Dealing Instruments. Soapless Sam I see dey's been anud- der drowned in a bath tub, Petey. Perambulating Pete Yep; say, dem t Ings Is as dangerous as trolleys. Philadelphia North American. According to Rudyard. Larry Be gosh, it's a wonder British proivates don't git mixed. Denny Phoy shud they? th' Larry For th' raison thot ivery mon is named "Tommy Atkins." "Back among the old folks once again." A Long-Felt Want. Borem (an amateur photographer) I understand they have discovered a method of photographing sound. xuiss suiting (yawning) Well, I'm glad to know, it. Perhaps some people win now De able to take a hint when uiey hear It The Professional Shake. airs, fetubb John, I do believe that friend you brought up to dinner is a gamuier. Mr. Stubb Why so, Maria? Mrs. Stubb Because he shook the pepper cruet like it had been a dice box. In Favor. Fearl I almost love Harry. Ruby-But he is such a slow fellow Pearl-Thafs Just it. He actually took fifteen minutes to put on my skates last night. A Beal Sinecure. Tired Tompkins-There's one Job wouldn't mind havln', Horace. uungry Horace (in What's that? amazement) "Lineman fer er wireless telegraph comp'ny." Life. v A Long, tons Time. Bingo-Let's see; when did your sis ter visit us last? Mrs. Bingo-How do you expect me to remember so far back as that? She was here the last time you took me to the theater-Detroit Free presa. NoSiiS Mir r" Femlnln Mrs. Jones Mrs. Brown seems a Jt cold toward her husband of laie Mrs. Smith-Yes, I've noticed j. 1 wonder why It Is. Mrs. Jones-I don't know, unlesi a uiui mm iuc ciyecis a new sacque before the week's out leals, Family Ulatory. ! Little Willie-Say. pa. did you J have another wife besides ma? i Pa-No, Willie. But why d0 j ask? ' Little Willie-The family record the Bible says Domini 1877. you married No Punishment. "If I was your wife, I'd give Jo, dose of poison." "Begor, av ye wuz, I'd take It!" ' Knew He Wae a Good Catch, She And now, Elfred, dear, j- would better go and ask papa. ': He No, darling, It isn't necessa He and I fixed that all up beforeha It's business before pleasure, you km, Philadelphia Bulletin. I She Meant Business. Maude Did Jack kiss you when r accepted him? i Clara Certainly. I wouldn't eons er any -but sealed proposals. Colo; News. i Irish Advice. "Never be critical upon the ladiei; wasthe maxim of an old Irish pe- remarkable for his homage to the 8t "The only way that a true gentlem;' ever will attempt to look at the fan! of I pretty woman Is to shut his eyes' -Collier's Weekly. I J The Usual Way. f Watchmaker All that ails yr watch is that the hands are caugl The big one seems to be holding the L tie one. Miss Gay (demurely) Isn't that tt right way ?-Jewelers' Weekly. i Professional Requirements. Watts-Don't you think a lawyer i quires a better education than a phji. clan? Potts To be sure. It takes a gr deal more skill to separate a man tar , his money than from his life. Indian1 apolis Press. f Where Sense Cornea In. "Laura is foolishly In love with th! man." - "Is he so handsome?" I "No; but she says he can poke afif, with more discernment than any m she ever saw in her life." IndlanapoL Journal. Quite a Different Thing. I Mr. Doe I am surprised that you p: up with your son's extravagance. I Mr. Roxe Oh, I don't' I merely P- up ror it New York Journal. Diplomacy. I Miss Wunder Wrhy do you alwaj? ask Miss Singer to play her own a ceo: paniment? ! Miss Gabby Why, ehe always pis. loud enough to drown her voice. Bali more American. f To Advertise. Friend Who bought your "Fill Row" picture? Artist A hair-restorer concern, A Pertinent Inanlrr. He (at the piano) Do you know dreamt I dwelt In marble halls?" She No; what did you have for stf per? f Old Hndson Bay Receipts. Among some curious records of t; Hudson Bay Company are receipt; which read as follows: "Received P , Lapwing, Jane Goody, as per Invoice in good condition." "Received per 0 prey, Matilda Timblns. Returned P" Lapwing, as not being In accordant with description contained in invoice-1 These belong to pioneer times, wtef white men who settled In new parts li the country were either obliged to re- main bachelors, marrv sauaws or sflri east for wives, trusting to the Ju&s ment of the company to select tn". . and send them out Shingles Made from Stump- ' A new Industry has sprung up In cut-over pine lands near Sandstone Minn. A Michigan shingle manufef turer has located east of town w machinery Riilfnhlo to transform thousands of large stumps Into sii, gles. These stumps now stand fw two to four feet above ground and rt1 as sound as the day the tree was M t Minneapolis Times,