PACIFIC COAST NEWS
Coto-nerolal Slid Flnanolal Bappanluffa
t Intcrctt in th O rowing
WciUra Statas.
' Alaska Criminal Cod.
A bill bill been framed by Senator
Perkins to amend the criminal code
which was adopted for Alaska at the
last session of congress. In this bill,
Senator Perkins prohibits the construc
tion of barricades in streams for the
purpose or with the end of preventing
fish ascending the streams or rivers of
Alaska. It is provided that it shall be
unlawful to fish for salmon except with
rod or spear, above the tide waters of
any cieek or river of less than 600 feet
width, except for purposes of propaga
tion. Seining or catching fish in these
streams for a distance of more than a
third of the width of the stream is
prohibited, and no seine or other net
shall be laid within 100 yards of
another. Fishing for salmon in the
waters of Alaska from 8 p. m. Saturday
until 6 a. m. on the following Monday
is also prohibited, except in Behring
sea and its tributaries. The secretary
of the treasury is authorized to set
aside whatever streams he may desire
as spawning grounds, when he may
consider that fishing operations on such
streams are being conducted so that
the number of salmon taken is larger
than the capacity of the stream to pro
duce, or if the fishing operations pre
vent a sufficient ingress of salmon to
the spawning grounds, he may estab
lish weekly closed seasons, to limit the
duration of the fishing season, pre
scribe the volume of the catch at such
places, or prohibit it entirely; provided
this action is taken after the persons
interested have been given a fair hear
ing in their own behalf.
The secretary of the treasury is also
authorized to require the erection of
sal tnnn hatcheries of suitable capacity
at any fisheries or fish establishments
in Alaska, which are to be maintained
by tiie persons operating the fishery,
cannery or saltery.
Money to Push Railroad Building.
The Bellinghsm Bay & British Co
lumbia railroad has given a trust deed
tn it tirnnertv in Whatcom county to
the Bank of California to secure the
payment of $1,000,000 in first mortgage
tmla Tha deed was executed in San
Francisco on December 1, and was filed
for record in the auditor's oiuce in
Wl.atcnm countv on January 28. The
nnt is the most voluminous of
any ever filed there, and It required
1490.50 in revenue stamps. It is the
mirnnm of the oomoanv to ray off an
itulnhtfldness of about S00.000 on tho
road, and the balance realized from the
ul nf the bonds to the Bank of Cali
fornia will be used in construction
nrnrlr. Tha instrument calls for the
comoletion of 24 miles of additional
mud this vear. on which will be issued
In honds S17.000 per mile. This ex
tension is the one now under survey
from Suinas to Boulder Creek.
Transfer of a Sawmill.
The CoddIuk sawmill, at Tenino,
Wash., was sold to the Douglas Lumber
Company of Chehalis, the members of
the company consisting of L. II. Miller
snd Mrs. II. J. Miller. The firm re
ceutly purchased the timber on the
llocdion donation claim, a mile from
1'euino. and tha mill will be immed
lately moved to the new site and put
In nnerution. It has a capacity of
tbout 18,000 feet per day.
Pai-tflo Ooaat Chat.
Canomah levies a 11-mill school tax.
Reedville school district volos a 2
mill tax this year,
Nine workhorses, at Elgin, have
brought $85 to $100 a head,
Hon. M. Baker, ploner of La Grande,
has been quite ill witn bronchitis.
At Stafford, Clackamas county, the
mercury recently went down to 20 de
greus.
n. Hull has sold his furra near Le
banon to an Albany man.
A dog-poisoner is at work at Glen
coe. One man, a, physician, has suf
ferod the loss of five dogs.
George CUllder's 200-aore farm, four
miles from Island City, has been sold
to John Blochland for $8,600 all cash
but $3,000.
The discovery of two cases of scarlet
(Avnr at Weston brouirht attention to
the faot that the town had no quaran
tine ordinance.
At Lower Cove, a disturbance in a
chicken house caused a boy to go out,
close the door, and faston it with a
string "button." Next morning the
door was open, with a hole in it large
onnmrh tn admit a man's arm. V
boy had locked in a chicken thief, wu
had to cut through the door to reach
and turn the "button."
A logging railroad, projected along
the Clatskanie. will not be built be
cause one or two ranchers unwisely
asked muoh larger sums for right of
way over their lands than the enterprise
would warrant.
The naoole of Tillamook oounty are
urging the extension of the Astoria
Columbia River railroad from Seaside
to their county, but Presideut Ham
mond has stated that work will not be
commenced until 1002, when it is his
purpose to extend the line down the
coast and conneet with the Corvallis &
Eastern at Yaquina bay.
In the year 1899. 23 divorces were
cranted in Walla Walla county, none
being denied.
The United States pays $00.30 a year
for rent in Spokane.
Tacoma's receipts in January were
$24,887; its expenditures, $38,574, and
- the cash balance on February 1 was
$205,237.
About 50 Coeur d'Alene Indians were
entertained at a feast at Tekoa the day
after the close of the recent farmer's
int&ituto.
Europe's national debt is $23,000,
000,000.
Of Walla Walla county's total tax of
$162,892.27 for 1898, all but $4,955 30
has been collected. The tax tor 1899
will be due soon.
The United States secret service
department has undertaken to ferret
out a gang of counterfeiters who are
making life a burden for the owners of
slot machines throughout Seattle. .The
town is becoming flooded with spurious
5-cent pieces, which go into circula
tion through the medium of nickle-io-(he-slot
machines.
STRENGTH OF STAPLES.
tcadlng faataro of tha Trad lituatloa
Tblt waaa.
P.roflatrPAt'g sars: The strength of
staples, and particularly those of agri
cultural origin, is the leading ieaiure
this week, at least. In general trade,
weather conditions have not favored a
big distribution, but, compared witn
a year ago, are still quite favorable.
Enlarged speculation is reflected in in
creased bank clearings, and compari
sons with last year are again encourag
ing, while gains over years previous to
1899 are very marked, in sirengwi oi
demand, and size of advance, cottons
are still easily first. Although the crop
tnnvftment has noticeably enlarged so
active has been the demand for foreign
spinners that fully 38 cents advance is
shown.
The strength of the raw sugar posi
tion has been further increased this
week by bullish reports from European
beet markets, and the expectation mat
receipts of cane sugars are apt to be
light in the future.
Fina erodes of wool are auiet. but
there is still an urgent demand for me
dium grades, and quarter-bloods sen
better, considerable Imported wools
having changed hands in Eastern mar
kets.
A further gain in blast furnace ca
pacity is noted. Current production
is now little below 16.000.000 tons
yearly, and some increase of stocks is
shown.
Wheat (Including flour) shipments
for the week aeureiiate 2.902.857 bush
els. aa-ainst 2.724.937 bushels last
week. 6.580.500 bushels in the corre
stxmdinir week of 1899.
Business failures in the United
States for the week number 231, as
r-nmiiared with 171 last week. 193 in
this week a year ago, 278 in 1898, 80
in 1897, and 881 in 1896.
PACIFIC COAST TRADE.
SeattU Markata.
Onions, new, $2,692.60 per sack.
Lettuce, hot house, 40c per doz.
Potatoes, new, $1820.
Beets, per sack, 75 85c.
Turnips, per sack, OOo.
Carrots, per sack, 50c.
Parsnips, per sack, 7585c.
Cauliflower, 75c(3$l per dozen.
Cabbaue. native and California.
$1.00(81.25 per 100 pounds.
Apples, $1.25 1.50 per box.
Pears, $l.001.25 per box.
Prunes, 60o per box.
Butter Creamery, 81o per pound
dairy, 17 22c; ranch, 20o per pound
Eggs 20o.
Cheese Native, 16o.
Poultry 18 14c; dressed, 1416o
HavPniret Hound timothy. Si 2. 00
choice Eastern Washington timothy
$18.00(819.00
Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23
faarl mnal. 128.
Barley Rolled or ground, per ton,
$21; whole, 922.
Flour Patent, per barrel. S3. 25
blended straights, $3.00; California
t 2K: Imokwheat flour. SO. 00: era
ham, per barrel, $3.80; whole wheat
flour. S3. 00: rve flour. S3. 8034.00.
Millstuffs Bran, per ton, S14.00;
Wirta. ntr tnn. $16.00.
Feed Chopped feed, $20.00 per ton;
middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal,
per ton. S30.00.
i i - , -i
Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef
taara iUlTflKrV PCiWH i 6b 4 t)Ork
4io; trimmed, 6c; veal, small, 6c;
lirae. 4c.
Hams Largo, 13c; small, 13 K;
breakfast bacon, 12cj dry salt sides,
8o.
Portland Markat.
Wheat Walla Walla. 63 64c;
Valley, 63o; Bluestem, 64o per bushel.
Flour Best grades, $2.90; graham,
82. 28: superfine. $2. 15 per barrel.
Oats Choice white, 85 86c; choice
gray, 84o per bushel.
Barley Feed barloy, $14 15.00;
hrnwinir. $17.50018.50 per ton.
AtillBtntTs Bran. $13 per ton: mid
dlings, $19; Bhorts, $15; chop, $14 per
ton.
Hay Timothy, $1011; clover,
$7 8; Oregon wild hay, $6 7 per ton
Butter Fancy creamery, 6065o;
seoonds, 42 K45o; dairy, 8037bo;
store, 82 27 fto.
Eires 1416o per dozen.
Choose Oregon full cream, 13o;
Young America, 14c; new cheese lOo
per pound.
Foultry Chickens, mixed, $3-00
i fill nnr dnznn: hmiH. $4.50: Rnrimrs.
$2.603.50; goese, $7.008.00 forold;
$4.506.60; ducks, $0.007.00 per
dozen; turkeys, live, 12o per
pound.
Potatoes 5580oper sack; sweets,
9 (3t 2 Ma per pound.
Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90c;
per sack; garlic, 7o per pound; cab
bage, lXo per pound; parsnips, $1;
onions, $1.602.00; carrots, $1.
Hops 7 10c; 1898 crop, 56o
Wool Valley, 1218o per pound;
Eastern Oregon, 814o; mohair, 27
80c per pound.
Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers
and ewes, 4,lio; dressed mutton, 7
T Wo per pound; lambs. 7 Wo per pound
Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00;
light and feeders, $4.60; dressed,
fSMWafl.OO per 100 pounds.
Beef Gross, top steers, $4.004.50;
cows, $8.60(3 4.00; dressed beet,
7,40 per pound.
Veal Large, 78o; small, 8s
9 Wo per pound.
In Franelloo Markat.
Wool Spring Nevada, 1215o pel
1. V . " .. i .1 , '5. . i . T 1
pounu; r.aauuu isugiou, at
ley, 20 22c; Northern, 1012o.
Hops 1899 crop, U13o pet
pound.
Butter Fancy creamery 27i28o;
do seconds, 25 26c; fancy dairy, 2!
(320c; do seconds, 18 21o per pound.
Eggs Slire, 1516o; fancy ranch,
19o.
Millstiiffs Middlings, $18.00
21.00; bran, $14.50 15.00.
. Hay Wheat$6.509.50;wheatand
oat $8.50tjt9.00; best barley $5.00
7.00; alfalfa, $6.00 7.50 per ton;
straw, 3045o per bale.
Potatoes Early Rose, 90c $1; Ore
gon Burbanks, 75o1.10; river Bur
banks, 60 75c; Salinas Burbanks,
80c 1.10 per sack.
Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia,
$2.763.25; Mexican limes, $4.00
5.00; California lemons 75c$1.60;
do choice $1.75 3.00 per box.
Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.50
8.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom
inal; Persian dates, 6 6 Wo per
pound.
WONDERFUL SYSTEM.
RA'
ktWAY ACCIDENTS PREVENT
ED BY SEMAPHORES.
Three Type of Blgnals When Third
Ball la Uaed the Sunning of Trains
Will B an Easy Affair and Safety
Will Be Asaured.
In no other corporate Industry have
organization and efficiency been more
highly developed than in the railroads
of the United States.
The most perfect illustration of this
s the enormous amount of passenger
traffic which Is safely handled every
year over the thousands of mllea of rall
glrded country. This has become possi
ble only by the development or a sys
tem whereby accountability Is clearly
and accurately defined, says the Scien
tific American. Presiding over the
great army employed are men of the
highest order of ability men competent
to deal Intelligently with the varied
conditions incident to the smooth and
safe movement of trains. The recent
establishment of a schedule of mlle-
a-minute trains between the Atlantic
seaboard and the Rocky Mountains
certainly indicates the utmost conn
dence by both railway officials and the
traveling public In the devices employ
ed to safeguard traffic.
These consist, so far as the public
sees, of what Is known as the "block
system." That Is. the entire road Is dl
vlded Into short lengths ov blocks mark
ed by towers, each under the Immediate
charge of a signal operator. Three dis
tinct types of signals are recognized
L e., telegraphic, automatic and manual
controlled, the primary purpose of each
being the same namely, the protection
of trains from derailment and collision,
The earliest and now obsolete form was
the "time block," in the operation of
which a certain Interval of time bad to
elapse after a train bad passed into a
INTERIOR Of
block before another was permitted to
eater the same block. But as a time In
terval and not a space Interval was the
obviously It didn't protect.
In the telegraphic block system the
operator Is supposed to keep his Signal
set at "danger" until notified that the
train had paesed Into a block ahead.
But there is nothing to prevent a
"clear" signal being shown through
mistake or carelessness. This Is more
or less overcome In the "automatic"
system, by which the passing of the
train itself Into the next block seta the
signal at clear. It Is necessary, how
ever, to allow the following train to
proceed after a time even against a
danger signal; for It Is Impossible to
know whether the signal Indicates dan
ger because a train remains in the
block or because of the failure of the
apparatus to work properly.
The latest and by far the beAt system
In use Is a combination of the manual
and automatic. In this system the sig
nals are set by hand, but are locked
and released electrically by the opera-
"home" signals top blades for fas
6knof.k and bottom blades for
fkkiort. tracks.
tor In the next tower as well as by the
pa suing of the train Itself, the track be
ing divided Into electrically Insulated
sections for the purpose. Thus, it will
be seen that It Is almost Impossible for
a s'gnal to be Improperly displayed.
About the gemaphorea.
The signals or semaphores are pad
dles normally standing out at right an
gles to the supporting pole, indicating
danger, and variously known as
"home," "advance" and "distant" sig
nals. The borne blade Is square ended,
and, like the pointed advance blade, Is
pa Hi ted red with a white band. The
distant blade Is a "fish-tall" and paint
ed yellow and black. The reverse of
each Is painted white with a black
band. The opposite end of the blade
has a little glass window which shows
red at night. When the outer end Is
dropped It Indicates clear track, and
for the same purpose the light shows
white at night. The light behind the
distant blade Is normally green, and
means "caution." The signals are coun
terbalanced, so that they always return
to danger position, horizontal, it any
thin? imps Tiin! with the mntrnlllni-
mechanism. All the signals are Inter
' locking, so that it Is Impossible to clear
one without clearing the other two.
And not only are the signals Interlock
i lng with each other, but they also inter
lock with the switches of all crossovers
and turnouts.
In the tower, where the operator, who
. la responsible for the safety of the
tratna. Is stationed, are a number ofl
levers attached to the signals by means
of long pipes, a lever and a pipe for
each semaphore. But none of the s!g-'
nals can be set until unlocked electric-;
ally from the next block by the passing
train. It will thus be seen that a clear
signal can not be shown unless all
wltcbe are properly set and the train
has entered the next block ahead. A
collision is, therefore, impossible If the
engineers obey the signals.
The Installation of the system repre
pnta a laree invested capital but so
efficient Is the apparatus and bo reliable
the service, that It has been round 10
"distaht" siohal sbt at danger.
effect a great saving against the
amount yearly spent In fighting suits
for damages Incurred by reason of
faulty apparatus. This, too, aside from
the consideration of human life.
When the third-rail system of power
distribution hna become universal, as It
most assu edly will, the running of each
train will be under the direct supervis
ion and Immediate control of the train
dispatcher himself. The towers, slg
THE TOWER.
nals and opera ors will continue as now,
but the train dispatcher will know from
personal observation the exact location
of each train. Thus, In the train dls
patcher'a office will be a working model
of the division over which he has juris
diction. On each track Is a miniature
duplicate of each train speeding across
the country. These miniatures start,
run and stop in exact synchronism with
the trains on the big tracks, so that the
speed, location, progress and condition
of every train on the division Is known
to the dispatcher at a glance. On the
table In front of him are a number of
"keys." If a train passes a tower
against a signal he Is able to bring It
to a standstill simply by pressing the
proper key, thus cutting off the current
from the offending train and preventing
collision. It Is only another means
whereby the controlling mind is more
effectually employed to still further re
duce the number of accidents, which
are now but one passenger killed to
100,000 safely carried.
Experience Under Flrn.
One of the ladles who went out to
see the fighting at Ladysmith has de
scribed that experience in a lively let
ter. A shell landed not many hundred
yards away, and she ran to get a place
of It.
"Off I scampered. Spoke to the first
soldier I came to. He said: 'Come
with me; I can warn you In time to
clenr before another comes.' So I went
gayly, talking away. Another soldier
said: 'Here comes another,' and be
fore we had time to think the awful
booming and shrieking came and I
wish you could have seen your younger
sister. I Just shut my eyes tight and
clung to a barbed-wire fence, and Whis
pered: 'Good God!' It exploded about
twenty feet away; perhaps not so
much; the earth shook under me, and
my legs felt hot all over."
The Wily Native.
"Nothing," says a man who spent
many years In South Africa, "gives a
native greater pleasure than to read
the countenance of a white man when
be knows the latter wants information.
For a piece of tobacco he will trump
up an exciting story, and for an extra
quarter he will lay it on thickly. I have
often seen them at this game, their eyes
twinkling with delight while they have
been Imparting some confidential state
ment to myself and others; and it is
quite clear that they are making wild
statements as to these supposed battles
and the terrible loss of life which has
been inflicted upon the enemy."
Th Ir Own Ammunition.
A large amount of the small-arms
ammunition used by the Boers against
the English troops is of British manu
facture. As late as 1800 a large Eng
lish cartridge firm, the President of
which is Arthur Chamberlain, the Col
onial Secretary's brother supplied the
Boer government with some millions
of rounds of ammunition. This trans
action was, of course, well known to
the British at the time.
When a girl has her picture taken
she seems to think that her friends
want a likeness of her ribs and collar
bone, and has net dress cut low for the
occasion.
When the women refer to the life of
a married woman as being "interest
ing," It means that the woman Is un
happily married.
The automobile driver should be a
person of horseless genee.
1 1 11 "
lied Tape In Wa.hlnjrton..
A correspondent passing hurriedly In
to the room of the Committee on RJvers
and Harbors to see Representative Bur
ton pulled the knob oil the door,, says
the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
How can I get that nxed, do you
think?" asked Burton. "Shall I get the
carpenter or the locksmith?"
"The locksmith, I suppose."
"No. sir. Were I to send for the lock
smith he would tell me to consult the
architect of the capltol. He has no
authority to fix doorknobs. Doorknobs
are permanent fixtures and are solely
within the Jurisdiction of the architect
of the capltol."
"Do you see that bookcase there 7
said Secretary Ellis. "I caused the car
penter to paste some cloth on the Inside
of the glass doors In order that the
books might wt show. He did the
work, but whf 1 be had finished I noted
that he had n ; cleaned the glass before
he put the c' th on. The thing looked
so dlareputs ile that I asked him why
be had not aned the g'.ass.
"He told e that the glass was a per
manent fix ire and that be had no au
thority to touch It, but that the placing
of the cloth upon It was a temporary
matter and. was entirely within the
province of his labors. The whole
thing's got to be done all over again."
Natural Soaps.
From time Immemorial the Egyptian
soaproot and the Spanish soaproot have
been employed for washing In Southern
Europe and Egypt, and are, to some
extent, exported for use In cleansing
fine articles. In the West Indies and
South America a pulpy fruit, which
grows on a tree known as the soap tree,
Is said to have such cleansing properties
that it will clean as much linen as sixty
times Its weight of manufactured soap.
There is also a tree in Peru, Quillaja
Saponarla, whose bark, in Infusion,
yields a soapy liquid much valued for
washing woolens, and Is largely import
ed to England and other countries for
this purpose. The juice of the soap-
wort, or, as It Is commonly called In
the United States and Great Britain, the
"Bouncing Bet," strongly possesses the
saponaceous qualities. In California
the roots of the Phelanglum Pomardla
num, which grows there abundantly,
are much used for washing. This plant
has a strong odor of brown soap In its
leaves and stems, as well as the roots.
The South Sea Islands and the Islands
of the Carrlbean Sea also produce
plants which are used as soap substi
tutes. Warring In the Choir.
"Rumors reach one's ears that the
power of quarreling within certain
church choirs can only be exceeded by
the high spirit of a body of Irish pat
riots, and that there Is almost nothing
so trivial and invisible but that It will
set a choir by the ears," writes Ian Mac
laren In the Ladles' Home Journal.
"It may be the place in the stall, or
the singing of a particular part, or a
correction of the choirmaster, or a word
of approval to another chorister, or a
remark dropped by: one of the choir so
tender are the feelings of a chorister
anything, or for that matter, nothing,
will hurt. He will sulk, or make un
pleasant remarks, or resign, or drive
some other persons out, and then on
some great occasion all the members
of the choir will resign and take them
selves so seriously that the event will
be considered equal In interest to a war.
"Upon the whole, the choir rather en-
Joys a crisis of this kind, for it gives
stimulus to the artistic temperament.
But there are some who do not enter
wholly into the enjoyment."
Startling.
A Kansas exchange reports the fol
lowing Incident as having taken place
In one of the villages near Topeka:
A woman, In making her usual prep
arations for supper, took a teakettle
to the cistern and pumped it full of
water. Then she carried it to the kltch
en and set It on the stove. In a few
minutes she heard a most remarkable
splashing in the kettle and turned from
her work to examine into the cause.
Just as she was about to raise the ket
tle, a snake stuck its head out of the
spout.
With an excusable scream the woman
Belzed the kettle, ran out into the yard,
raised the lid and poured out the water,
and with It the scalded snake. The rep
tile writhed slowly away, but whether
It survived Its hot bath is not known.
If It did, and If it knows anything, it
will stay out of cisterns in future.
Take This Man's Measure.
"Let's see whether there are any peo
ple to be saved," cried plucky Capt
Watt, of the Jersey City fire depart
ment, as be led the way into a burn
ing building.
When he staggered out of the smoke
and flame again It was to fall Into the
arms of his men, overcome.
"I'm sure, boys," were his last words,
as they carried him to the hospital,
"that nobody's been lost In this fire."
That was the message of a dying
hero to every one of us.
One man with so high and noble a
sense of duty as that, is worth more to
his country and race than a thousand
milllonalies who grovel after gold, or
selfish spoilsmen In office who figure as
prominent citizens.
World' Greateat Stockyards.
The largest stock yards In the world
are In Chicago. The combined plants
represent an Investment of over $10,
000.000.. The yards contain twenty
miles of street, twenty miles of water
troughs, fifty miles of feeding troughs,
and seventy-five miles of water and
drainage troughs. The yards are capa
ble of receiving and accommodating
dally 20,000 cattle, 20,000 sheep and
120,000 hogs.
French Sayings Banks.
The rate of interest in the savings
banks of France Is 34 per cent and
the last statistics published show an
aggregate deposit of $080,000,000. More
than half the depositors are women,
mostly belonging to the working
classes, and of all the adult inhabitants
of France one In four Is a depositor.
Good Reason.
Jimson "There, sir. Is a woman to
whom I never speak as we pass by."
1 Whimson "And why not, pray?"
Jimson "Because we have never
been Introduced. Judy.
Improvements on Natnre.
Celery Is derived from smallage. Fl
berts. etc.. are Improvements of tha
I hazelnut
"What Is the price of this lovely an
tique chair?" asked the shopper.
'Thirty-seven dollars, maaam, an
swered the dealer.
"Thirty-seven dollars !" exclaimed the
lady in astonishment "Why, I didn't
suppose it worth half that much.
Von didn't ask what it was worth,
madam," replied the conscientious
dealer. "You asked the price."
Easily Explained.
She It Is oa!d that one woman and a
sewing machine will do the work of a
dozen women.
He I can readily understand why
that is possible.
She-Why Is It?
He A woman docsn't.waste any time
talking to a sewing machine.
A Parting Shot.
She had presented him with the mar
ble heart, and as he was about to re
move his hat from the hall rack for the
last time he said:
"Perhaps It Is better so, and but for
one thing I should not regret your de
cision." "Indeed!" she exclaimed In surprise,
"and what Is that one thing, pray?"
"Listen, cruel one, and I will tell
you," he answered. "Had we married
and gon to housekeeping I should have
been spared the expense of buying a
refrigerator."
A Favorable Sisn.
"Has my daughter encouraged your
suit?" asked the father.
"Well," replied the young man, I can
only point to circumstantial evidence,
and the dog Is always locked In the
cellar on nights that I call." Philadel
phia North American.
Lucrative Foaltiona.
Pellucid Pete Yep, lady, me profes
sion Is of de highest order. I am sur
rounded by sweet odors, and fair wom
en lavish der smiles on me Greek pro
file. But, alas! I am busy only a
short time each year.
Lady And what is your profession?
Pellucid Pete Soda water clerk.
PARTICULAR.
The tourist You are a centenarian, I believe?
The oldest inhabitant Naw, sir; I'm a Methodist
Satuasi H eraelf
Miss Wanterno I have brought this
book back. Mamma says it is not fit
for me to read.
Librarian I think your mother must
be mistaken.
Miss Wanterno Oh, no, she Isn't
I've read It al through.
How Time Doe Fly.
"Well, well! , Is that you, Jones?
Glad to see you. Let's see; we haven't
met since last year, have we?"
"Right! and come to think of It not
since back in eighteen hundred."
Philadelphia North American.
Easily Gneased.
Erastus (seeing snow-shoe prints
Well, dem looks laik Miss Llllie's feet
steps, sho'. Guess she mus' pass dls
a-way. . -
His Experience.
Brlggs You don't know what you
are talking about 'when you call me a
donkey.
Dlggs I'd like to know why I don't.
I once owned a donkey for three
months. Chicago News.
Nothing Extraordinary.
Mack O'Rell I just met a full-grown
man that sleeps every night In a crib.
Luke Warme Remarkable.
Mack O'Rell Not at all. You see, It
Is a water crib out In Lake Michigan.
Just the Thins;.
Lulu What do you think would har
monize nicely with a straw-colored
suit?
Irene Why, I would suggest new
mown hair. Philadelphia Bulletin.
She Liked It.
"Apsley'i been caught more than once
kissing the cook."
"And didn't his wife interfere?"
"Oh, no; she's the cook."-PhiladeI-tthla
Bulletin.
"Sunday ought to be a day of rest.'
"Yes; on weekdays, however, I catc;
trains for myself, while on Sundays
catch them for myself, wife and threl
children."
In JasvEcd Lines,
"What makes Stubbs' poetry bo pop
ularr r
"It looks so much like a column 0
real-estate transfers." ?
The Worm Turns. '
Policeman Come, move on, now.
The Tramp Say, do you tink I'v,
discovered perpetual motion? PhlW
delphia North American. j
Save HlmT Walk. f.
Ward politician I don't loik the Jol
Boss Why, ye don't do a thing bi
walk down and draw yer pay eacf
month. )
Ward politician I know, but can't y.
send the pay up to me? j
To the Last. i
After she had selected an imposing
column of marble she banded him th
epitaph manuscript.
"But, madam," he gasped, "that cof
umn won't hold half of that wlthou
crowding." i
"Don't mind the column being crowd
ed," responded the widow. "My hu
band was an editor."
' Too Realistic.
Ida I think Walter Is awful mean.
May Why, dear? s $
Ida He wears those horrid mouse-
colored mocha gloves. - He dropped one
on the floor and it looked so natural I
screamed. . 1
Let the Omission Be Supplied.
Jersey Jim Chicago has a warm
heart but a little more of politeness
wud be better. I
'Baltimore Bill On what do yer base
yer wurds, beau? f
Jersey Why, yesterday I reads a
sign on de police station dat sez: "Lodg
ers will call at rear." Why cudn't dey,.
say: "Lodgers will please call at rear'" i
High Rollers. i
Rowland Rantts So our audience to-
night will be composed of ultra swells! .
Roxey Yes, me lord! .Why, If we re-
celve any eggs rest assured they wlil
be (1,600 great auk eggs. f
Her Face. J
"Ah," the man said, "she has an art-f
let's face."-,. '-" '
"Yes," the woman sneered, "and she
uses It Instead of a canvas." Chicago
Times-Herald. : - . - - w ' I
Then She Wouldn't Tell Him. - :
She I would tell you a little piece
of news If I were sure it wouldn't go.7
any further. - r ' t
He You're safe m telling me. There
never was a man who could make a HH
tie piece tf news go further than a
woman. Philadelphia Bulletin. ?
' Bis Hint for a Raise. I
. I couldnot help listening to the storiey
told by a group of commercial men la
the reading room of one of the local ;
hotels. One story In particular I noted,
told by a young hardware drummer. j
"There Is In the employ of our house," ;
he said, "a young man who Is assistant j
bookkeeper. He's a steady chap, minds
his own business, and as shrewd as they
make them. The other day the senior
partner of the firm, who seldom conwj j
around, made a tour of Inspection, and j
as he approached the assistant book- 5
keeper he noticed the solemn express! ,
on his face. Desiring to be congenial W j
said: !
"How are you, young man? I see yon 5
are at your work. That is good. Clos
attention to business will always brlnl f
its own reward. Tell me, what are yo
earning now per week?" j
The young man, without a moment 1 ;
hesitation, answered: "Twenty dolian, j
sir, but I only get half of that'-PhJ-
adelphia CalL
Although the bass drum Is freqaenUJ ;
tapped its notes are never llqul4
. r
1