PACIFIC COAST NEWS
Commercial and Flnanelal Happening
of Interact In the Growing
Western Stat.
Improvement at Ballard.
A permit has teen granted to the
Seattle Electric Company to bnild a
new trestle for the Ballard division of
the Consolidated Street Railway! Com
pany, extending along the ihore of the
bay between Omaha and Alva itreeti,
and the right was also granted to build
another trestle west of the present one
along Salmon Bay. It it the intention
of the atreet railway company to ex
pend $50,000 In the Improvement of its
line to Ballard to meet the trafflo de
mand! created by the growth of that
city, and to that end three new motor
cars of 160-horse power each have been
ordered frum Eastern manufacturers,
fhe track will be taken up and laid
along the new trestle and on Western
ivenoe the line will be reconstructed
In a modern manner.
Saw Hill to Be MoTed.
Tatton & Holsches, of Scoggin val
ley, have leased the old mill site, 12
. miles west of Forest Grove, formerly
swned by Colonel T. B Cornelius, and
will commence at once the removal of
their saw mill from Scoggin valley to
that point. The mill at this location
Willi be accessible to large supply of
the very finest yelllow fir, and situated
10 miles from Scghers, where the lum
ber will be loaded on cars and shipped
to Eastern parties, who have plaoed
two large contracts with the mill.
There is not an idle saw mill in Wash
ington county, and this year, owing to
the demand for lumber outside of the
itate, will be the best year for the In
dustry in the history of the county.
A to liming School Warrant.
The state superintendent has deliv
ered an opinion to the effect that school
district warrants should not be issued by
the clerk or signed by the directors un
til thoy have first been audited and
tllowed; nor should the warrants be
delivered by the clork until he has pro
cured the signatures of the directors.
"The usual way of doing this is at a
meeting of the directors. After the
claim is audited, the warrant should
bo signed as a part of the transactions
of the meeting, and the clerk should
then deliver the same to the party to
whom it is due. It might, however,
come under some method of procedure
covered by some by-law that the board
has adopted."
To Saw Mors Lumber,
The lumber business is aotive in
Clackamas county, and new machinery
Is being added to increase the capacity
of several mills. Miller Bros., of
Eagle creek, are having improvements
made that will increase the cutting
capacity of their mill to 10,000 feet
daily. F. L. 8. Bagby, of BagbyBros.,
Molalla, came up from Portland, where
he had placed orders for machinery
that will increase their cutting capacity
to 13.000 feet per day. The latter firm
la doing considerable business in the
way of furnishing oak lumber to boat
builders in Portland.
State Park Infected.
The gardoner of the capltol grounds
la Salem has found indications of the
dreaded Ban Jose scale on some of the
trees, lie immediately began spray
ing, and will spray not only the affect
ed trees but Also all the trees and
shrubs under his care.
Faoiflo Cont Chat.
A Eugone man has loadod 100 bales
of hops on one car.
Burns intends to build a stone
to supply a long felt want.
jail.
A Nestucca man has 775 cases of
cheese awaiting shipment.
The Spokane exposition is incorpor
ated with a capital stock of $10,000.
Thirteen knot sawyers at a Falrhaven
sawmill went on a strike last Monday
morning.
At Endicott a 8-year old ohlld of F.
E. Staufleld full into a watering trough
and was drowned.
Fish Commissioner Rood says that
the Coos bay salmon hatchery will be
built the coming summer.
The superintendent of the Stockton
mine, Susanville district, it is reported,
will erect a 40-stamp mill.
William Kingsley, a logger, was
killed by the north bound passenger at
Machias, Snohomish county.
O. Finnigan, a train dispatcher, wai
found dead in bed at Seattle. Heart
disease is the presumed cause of death.
loo new militia organization, Com
pany M, of Whatcom, was mustered in
to tho Washington National Guard last
week.
Charles Dully, a Coquille City boy,
has shipped a box of 23 dozen frogs tc
Ban Francisco. He gets 75o to $1.50 a
dozen for thorn.
Hohart W. MoNeill, a well known
citizen of Seattle, who died on the 27th
at San Jose, Cal., will be buried at
Oskaloosa, Iowa.
Some ranchers on Toison creek report
that In their part ot Harney county
stock feed is as good in the mountain!
as it was in April last.
Two citizens of Burns have leased
land to the northeast of the town, foi
the purpose of constucting a first-class
race tack and baseball grounds.
In the Silver creek country, Harney
county, a week ago, snow was all gone
and it was raining.
" Edward Marshal Brown is dead in
Tacoma as a result of a disease con
tracted in the Philippines while serv
ing as a member of the First Washing
ton. J. F. Allen's store in Fox valley was
entered last Tuesday night by burglars,
who rilled the money drawer, but took
nothing else. They got about $10 in
change. J
G. K. Hiatt hauled a log at his
Edgecomb works on Tuesday which he
estimated to be worth $1-5, says the
Snohomish Tribune. The stick con
tained euough first-class lumber to build
a commodious residence.
The Harney County News says that
Burns is by far the most aggressive city
in Eastern Oregon, and the present
year will witness the erection of many
substantial business buildings.
A crowd of young toughs have been
disturbing religious services at Free
water. Three of them were arrested
and fined last week, and it is thought
the annoyance will now stop. 1
WEEKLY TRADE REVIEW.
i.arge
Deliveries Made on Previous
- Contract.
R. G, Dun & Co.'i weekly review of
trade says:
This year starts with much of the
year's business already done, and all
comparisons will prove misleading if
that fact is not taken into account.
Last year the certainty of great im
provement had come before the year
opened, and there was a rush to get in
orders before wotks became crowded
and prices advanced. This year the
works are already crowded for months
ahead in most lines, andprkes had al
ready advanced so fur that recoil had
already commenced in some branches,
and was thought probable in others.
With the exception of woolen manu
factures, the chief industries have met
less new business in January than last
year, though deliveries on previous con
tracts have been larger than a year ago.
Wheat rose 1 cent, but soon reacted.
Atlantic exports were only 1,406,592
bushels, flour included, for the week.
Pacifio exports have been '4,200.300
bushels in five weeks, against 8,670,854
bushels last year.
Speculation in cotton has raised the
price to M cents, without improve
ment in the demand. The receipts
from plantations still fall so fur behind
last year's that low estimates of yield
are expected.
Wool is rather weaker in some
grades, but stronger in others, so that
the average of quotations is steady, not
withstanding some sales at concessions.
The iron and steel industry is so far
tied op by contracts reaching through
most of the year, that the effect of pro
duction exceeding consumption is felt
only in some instances.
Failures for the week have lieen 232
in the United States, against 224 last
year, and 84 in Canada, against 25 last
year.
PACIFIC COAST TRADE.
Seattle Market.
Onions, new, $2.52.50 per sack.
Lettuce, hot house, 40c pr doz.
Potatoes, new, $18 20.
Beets, per sack, 75 (S 85c.
Turnips, per sack, 60c.
Carrots, per sack, 60c.
Parsnips, per sack, 75 85c.
Cauliflower, 75c.l per dozen.
Cabbage, native and California,
$1.00 1.25 per 100 pounds.
Apples, $1.25 1.50 per box.
Pears, $1.00 1.25 per box.
Prunes, 000 per box.
Butter Creamery, 81o per pound;
dairy, 1722c; ranch, 20o per pound.
Eggs 20o.
Cheese Native, lOo.
Poultry 13 14c; dressed, 14 15c
Hay Puget Sound timothy, $12.00;
choice Eastern Washington timothy,
$18.0010.00
Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23;
feed meal, $23.
Barley Rolled or ground, per ton,
$21; whole, $22.
Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.25;
blouded straights, $3.00; California,
$3.25; buckwheat flour, $0.00; gra
ham, per barrel, $8.80; whole wheat
flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.804.00.
Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $14.00;
shorts, per ton, $16.00.
Feed Chopped feed, $20.00 por ton;
middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal,
per ton, $80.00.
Fresh Meats Choice dressod beef
steers, 45o; cows, 44?4c; pork,
4 He; trimmed, 6c; veal, small, 6c;
large, 4c.
Hams Large, -13c; small, 13;
breakfast bacon, 12 Kc; dry salt sides,
8o.
Portland Market.
Wheat Walla Walla. 62 58c;
Valley, 62o; Bluestem, 54o per bushel.
Flour Best grades, $2.90; graham,
$2.25; superfine, $2.15 per barrel.
Oats Choice white, 85 30c; choice
gray, 84o per bushel.
Barley Feed barley, $1516.00;
brewing, $17.50 18.60 per ton.
Millstuffs Bran, $17 per ton; mid
dlings, $22; shorts, $18; chop, $10 per
ton.
Hay Timothy, $10 11; clover,
$7 8; Oregon wild hay, $6 7 per ton.
Butter Fancy creamery, 6055c;
seconds, 42 K45o; dairy, 8037c;
store, 22s27io.
Kggs 1616o perdozen.
Cheese Oregon full cream, 18c;
Young America, 14o; new cheese lOo
per pound.
Foultry Chickens, mixed, $8.00
4.00 por dozen; hens, $4.50; springs,
$J. 60(38.60; geese, $7.008.00 for old;
$4.5088.50; ducks, $6.007.00 per
dozen; turkeys, live, 12o per
pound.
Potatoes 55 80o per sack; sweets,
8 2 40 per pound.
Vegetables Beets, $1; tumips, 90c;
per sack; garlio, 7o per pound; cab
bago, lo per pound; parsnips, $1;
onions, $1.602.00; carrots, $1.
Hops 7 lOo; 1898 crop, 66o.
Wool Valley, 1213e per pound;
Eastern Oregon, 8 14c; mohair, 27
80o per pound.
Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers
and ewes, 4e; dressed mutton 7
iHo per pound; lambs, 7 Mo per pound.
Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00;
light and feeders, $4.60; dressed,
$5.506.00 per 100 pounds.
Beef Gross, top steers, $4.004.50;
cows, $3. 50 4.00; dressed beef, 6n'
7 ?4 o per pound.
Veal Largo, 7 8c; small, Sy
9c per pound.
Run rnnpiiiMi Market.
Wool Spring Nevada, 1215o per
pound; Eastern Oregon, 1216c; Val
ley, 2022c; Northern, 1012o.
Hops 1S99 crop, ll13o per
pound.
Butter Fancy creamery 2728o;
do seconds, 252tlo; fancy dairy, 23
2t!e; do seconds, 1821o per pound.
I'-gS8 Store, 15 18c; fax.cy ranch,
19c.
Millstuffs Middling, $18.00
21.00; bran, $14.50 15.00.
Hay Wheat $8.50 9.50; wheat and
oat $u.609.00; boot barley $5.00
7.00; alfalfa, $8.00 7.50 per ton;
straw, 30 45c -per bale.
Potatoes Early Rose, 90c$l; Ore
gou Burbanks, 75o1.10; river Bur
banks, 50 $ 75c; Salinas Burbanks,
80it.ai.10 per sack.
Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia,
$2.753.25; Mexican limes, $4.00
5.00; California lemons 75c$1.60;
do choice $1.783.00 per box.
Tropical Fruit Bananas, $1.60
2.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom
inal: Persian dates, 66.Wo per
pound.
A day or so after Sir Lawrence Alma
Tadema,' It. A., had been" knighted, a
lady called upon blm and Lady Alma
Tadema and expressed herself to blm
as follows: "Oh, dear Sir Lawrence, I
am awfully glad to bear of the honor
you have received. I suppose, now that
you have been knighted, you'll give up
painting and live like a gentleman!"
A young minister who did not scrapie
to fish for compliments, was once In
vited to take dinner with a douce old
elder, as reticent as they make them.
Manipulate the conversation as he
would, the young man could not get his
bust to say "sermon," and at last he
boldly Introduced the Important subject
by remarking directly, "That was a fine
text I bad to-day." But the elder knew
his man. "Ou, ay, there's naethlng
wrang wl the text!"
Father Macklln, who married Mrs.
Hazen to Admiral Dewey at his rectory
In Washington, some time ago wrote to
Mrs. Hazen when her quarterly pew
rent was due. In bis note he said that
her pew, No. 61, In bis church was get
ting moldy, and bo feared she might be
going to some other church than his.
On the wedding morning (says the Phil
adelphia Press) she reminded him of It,
and said: "Now, Father Macklln, could
you col say my pew 4s 'MUdewey,' In
stead of that very ugly word?'
Dean Hole, of Rochester, England,
tells of a very Innocent and gentle cur
ate who went to a Yorkshire parish
where the parishioners bred honses and
sometimes raced them. lie was asked
to Invite the prayers of the congrega
tion for Lucy Gray. He did so. They
prayed three Sundays for Lucy Gray.
On the fourth the clerk told the curate
he need not do It any more; "Why,"
said the curate, "Is she dead?" "Xo,"
said tho clerk, "she's won the steeple
chase." The curate became quite a
power In the parish.
Congressman John Murray Mitchell,
of New York, went to Sing Sing prison
a few days ago to Inspect the place.
Upon leaving the prison be went to the
telegraph office at the depot and handed
this dispatch to the woman operator:
"Mrs. J. M. Mitchell, Tuxedo, N. Y.:
Have Just escaped. Expect me home
tonight. J. M. M." "Aren't you afraid
of being captured?" asked the operator,
frightened almost to death. "I trust
the Western Union Telegraph Companj
to keep my secret," replied the Con,
gressman. "Don't say a word to an.r
body." "I promise," said the little
woman. The Congressman concealed
a smile as be left the office to board
the train for New York.
Algernon Dougherty, of the United
States diplomatic service, has qualities
of his own to account for his success as
well as being the son of the famous
"Sllver-Tongued Dougherty," of Phila
delphia. One of the rules of the arts
tocratlc Parisian concierge Is that while
one may ride up In the elevator, oue
must not ride down. It was Mr.
Dougherty who broke down this rule
In a bouse In the Rue de Maturln. He
started down, and the concierge stopped
the elevator. "It Is forbidden." "By
whom?" "The proprietor forbids It,"
said the concierge. Mr. Dougherty
drew himself up and said: "Tell your
proprietor that I forbid him to forbid
me anythlug!" and rode on down. And
now, even the timid maiden ladles on
the sixth floor play with that elevator
as though It were a tame cat.
Col. Sheffield Phelps, owner of the
Jersey City Journal, was the richest
newspaper man In America several
years ago. From his father, the late
William Walter Phelps, he Inherited a
fortune of several millions, but after
he was graduated from Yale he began
active newspaper work as a reporter on
the World In New York. Once he was
sent to report the wedding of the da ugh
ter of a Wall street man. The report
ers were met at the front door by a
servant, who quickly separated them
from the guests and led them to the
host's private room, where the banker
met them In person and gave them type,
written slips containing the Informs
tlon they were sent for. Then chauv
pagne was opened and the banker took
some cigars from a drawer In his desk.
"Have one," he said to Phelps; "they're
genuine conchas. I Import them my'
self." "Thanks," said Phelps, pleas'
antly, as he took the cigar; "have one of
mine. They're real oscuro maduros."
WHAT SOUTH AFRICA IS.
Vast riutenn C,000 Feet Above the Sea
Lay of the Land.
Allen Sangree contributes to Alnslee's
an article on South Africa. This Is how
tho country appeared to him: "Vou
land in South Africa at the foot of a
mountain 3,600 feet high. They call it
Table Mountain, and the veil of mist
that, excepting on very clear days, over-
haugs It, South Africans are pleased to
term the "Tablecloth." Presenting a
front of solid rock 1,000 feet In height.
perpendicular as a wall, and for half a
mile on top quite level, this mountain
offers tho best natural sign-board on
earth. Time and again have English
firm i attempted with fabulous sums to
secure It for advertising purposes, but
as yet there has been no such deface
ment.
"Table Mountain makes the tip end
of the Dark Continent. Below It nestles
the city of Cape Town, a beautiful bay
stretching out In the foreground. On
the west the mountain breaks off ab
ruptly, and the railroad skirts about It
to the Interior. On the east It slopes
off Into a hilly, picturesque formation
known as the 'Lion's Back,' and then
gradually rises Into the Drakensburg
Mountains. This !s the only great
mountain range south of the Zambesi,
and by noting Its location, one may un
derstaud In a trice just what South
Africa la geographically.
"Steaming along the East Coast from
Cape Colony northward, you nave the
Drakensburg In view nearly all the
way to Belra. a distance of 2.000 nilles.
In Cape Colony and Natal the moun
tains In many places dip to the water's
edge, and with a field glass one may
see on their crags and peaks smoke curl
lug np from the native Tillages. In
Portuguese territory the mountains re
cede slightly from the coast, and at
Pelagoa Bay there U an Intervening
stretch of lowland twenty mllei wide.
At Belra th!a has Increased to sixty
miles. At the Zambesi the Drakens
burg ends.
"To get Into the interior of South
Africa from any of,th five East Coast
landing places, Port Elizabeth, East
London, Durban, Delagoa Bay and
Belra, one must first cross a short ex
tent of lowland, and then ascend steep
mountains. Having arrived there, the
traveler Is conscious of little or no de
scent, five-sixths of the whole interior
being a vast plateau that extends to the
Zambesi on the north, the Atlantic
Ocean on the west, and varies In alti
tude from 8,000 to 6,000 feet above the
sea level.
"A fringe of tropical country, where
bloom the magnolia and the rose, where
flourish the orange, pineapple, lemon,
guano, grape, banana, the cotton and
the tea plant; a long stretch of moun
tains running parallel with the Indian
Ocean, the highest peaks of which are
capped with snow, and In whose valleys
wave tracts of wheat and corn; a vast
prairie, dotted here and there with
patches of scrub woodland, mission sta
tions, and Immense farms with millions
of sheep and cattle grazing thereon; a
few thousand hamlets scattered like
oases over a great landscape, made
black by the native Africans who live
In thatched huts and, wear but a breech
clout; a dozen large' towns, where Is
heard the clang of the American trolley
car and the clatter of the police patrol,
and about which men cluster as flies
gather to a Jar of sweets; the remnants
of a once mighty zoological garden, In
cluding many leopards, beautiful and
lithe, baboons, antelope, Jackals and
crocodiles, a less number of hippopot
ami, and a few herds of buffalo, ele
phants and giraffes; some Iron ore,
some coal, some copper, and a llttlo
silver; forty miles of gold and 100 acres
of diamonds. That Is South Africa,"
NEWSBOY
With a Bide Line that Pays a Dividend
on Hi Shrewdneua.
There Is a boy In Philadelphia who
some day Is going to be a millionaire.
He Is only a newsboy now, and sells
papers every afternoon at one of the
railroad stations, but when be cannot
manage to make a sale be exercises his
wits and the result Is generally sure.
The Saunterer has often noticed this
particular lad, and after purchasing a
paper one afternoon last week stood
near by In the hope of seeing something
Interesting. He bad not long to wait
A young man was coming down the
steps that lead from the train floor to
the street He was dressed In a frock
coat and silk hat, and moved slowly
as If preoccupied. Oue urchin tackled
hi in when be was half way down with
a "Pos'crlp," and the young man shook
his head. Then the Saunterer's young
friend saw him.
Stepping up to the man the youngster
halted him and said, with the pollteni ss
of a Chesterfield; "Beg your pnrdon,
mister, but dey's souiethln' on yer coat
Want me to take It off?"
The young man stood while the boy
passed his hand over the back of the
coat, and brought to view three or four
long strands of golden hair. The look
of confusion and apparent guilt on the
face of the man was worth seeing. He
hastily ran bis band Into bis pocket
pulled out a quarter and tendered It to
the boy and fairly ran the rest of the
way to the street.
The boy stood chuckling, "ne's dead
easy," he remarked. "I got dera from
my sister," and be pulled out a handful
more from his pocket and showed It
to the Saunterer. "You see, everything
comes In handy In this line," and he
went back to bis business of selling the
wary and preying upon the unsuspect
ing. Olrf-Fashloned Notions.
Men who save a margin from a com
fortable Income often look with amaze
ment upon the "thrlftlessnees" of the
poor. This time-honored point of view
Is happily Illustrated by the Journal of
Samuel Breck, a gentleman of means
and fashion, who made this entry In the
year 1S20:
"Mrs. B. discharged a servant girl
to-day for fibbing and mlscblef-maklng.
She had been for nearly three years
In my family. No sooner was she en
titled to receive a few dollars than she
squandered them In finery, bedecking
herself In merino shawls, chip bonnets,
and so forth, without laying up $15,
though she bad received from $1.60 to
$1.25 per week."
Mr. Breck did not believe In Innova
tions. They have such a vulgarizing
tendency!
"Steam," said he, "In many respects
Interferes with comfort in traveling,
destroys every salutary distinction In
society, and overturns by Its whirligig
power the once rational, gentlemanly
and safe mode of getting along on a
journey. Talk of ladles on board a
steamboat or In a railroad car! There
are none. To restore herself to her
caste, let a lady move In select com
pany at five miles an hour, and take
her meals In comfort at a good inn,
where she may dine decently."
Partly Correct.
Most of the stores In the remote busi
ness sections of the city are constantly
annoyed by children of the neighbor
hood coming to the door and asking for
cards, empty boxes and similar articles.
The clerks are. of course, down on the
youngsters, and the warfare never
ends. The other day a small boy poked
his bead In the door of a West Side
store and called out:
"Say, mister, got any empty boxes?"
"No," said the clerk, not very politely.
"Got any cards?"
"No."
"Got any almanacs?"
"No."
"Got any empty bottles?"
"No."
"Got' any sense?"
"No! yes no yes you mfserablellt-
tie wretch." And the clerk flew at hi
tormenter, but the latter had fled. Ohio 1
State Journal.
A Great Treat.
Two little London girls, who had
been sent by the kindness of the vicar's
wife, to have "a happy day In the coun
try," narrating their experiences on
their return, said:
'Oh. yes, mum; we did 'ave a 'aooy
day. We see two pigs killed and a gen
tleman burled." London Tid-Blts,
The man who thinks he knowa It all
Is the man who acquires the least
wealth as a result of his knowledge.
HOMESPUN PHILOSOPHY.
Observation on Commonplace Things
by the Atchison Globe Han.
Some women amount to nothing out
side of their church.
The older the man Is, the fewer the
things bat agree with blm.
We have an Idea that suet pudding
Is the howitzer of food stuffs.
You needn't go to war to test your
courage: have your teeth fixed.
No difference what you do on Sun
day, you are not satisfied on Monday.
Fancy goods, after Christmas, have
about as Inviting a look as cold gravy,
When a brakeman Is on his way to
dinner, he says be is going to take on
coal.
If a man bas a little ability, people
abuse him because he docs not "do"
more.
No boy thinks be bas had enough
candy until he has started a tooth to
aching.
In order to fully appreciate a cigar,
a man should always be trying to quit
smoking. .
After a man passes 40 be Is greatly
encouraged If he has enough hair to
get a tangle In It.
An old man's Idea of a useful person
Is one who always has time to play a
game of checkers.
We have noticed that most old people
wear old clothes, and that young people
wear good clothes.
Fodtlcal success, like anything else,
depends almost entirely on the amount
of rustling a man does.
When a woman dislikes a man, It Is
her favorite mode of abuse to charge
that be leads a dual life.
A good many men boast of their
methodical habits who never have any'
thing but unpaid bills to file away.
The gossips In Bible days must have
had a good time. If they knew of the
things going on that the Bible tells
about
It Is one Indication that people are
getting old when they advocate that
all young people should "be taken down
a peg."
Always make It a point to tell every
secret told you, and your friends will
finally stop bothering you by telling
you any.
By "appearing at perfect ease In so
ciety," Is meant that one laughs and
talks as loud as If on the back porch
at home.
If a man living In this part of the
country should tire of fried eggs, we
don't know what on earth he would
eat for breakfast
If yon want to make trouble for an
enemy, tell his wife that a daughter
In the family has musical talents which
must not be burled.
In every home you will find at least
a half dozen skin lotions and toilet ar:
tides on a girl's dressing table, and $
boy with bands chapped and bleeding.
The oldest story In the world proba
bly Is the one told by the boys when
they return from hunting: that they
killed a duck, but that they couldn't
find it
Too Great a Task.
Mackllu, the actor and dramatist,
once boasted In the presence of Samuel
Foote that he had brought his memory
to such a state of perfection, through
severe training, that he could "learn
anything by rote on hearing It once."
Foote scribbled on a card for a few
minutes and then passed the card to
Macklln, asking him to read and repeat
what was written. This was the far
rago: "She went into the garden to cut
a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie,
when a great she bear coming up the
street -pops its head Into the shop,
'What! no soap?' So he died, and she
verv Imprudently married the barber
and there were present the PlnLnnles
and the Jobllllies and the Garyulles and
the grand panjandrum himself with
the little round button at top, and they
all fell a-playlng the game of catch as
catch can till the gunpowder ran out of
the heels of their boots." It Is needless
to remark that Macklln's memory did
not stand the test Boston Transcript.
Washington la Not Typical.
Washington city Is not the United
States. It Is not a representative Amer
lean city. Its population Is not typi
cal. There Is no commerce in Wash
ington. There Is no manufacturing In
Washington. There are no large mer
cantile bouses In Washington. It is a
city largely made up of drones from
the Idle attaches of legations to the
young army officers with "soft things;'
from the yawning Government clerks,
who kill flies with rulers, to the lazy
negroes who loaf and sleep and snore
In the galleries of Congress. It Is a
city of people without homes except
for the new rich, who seek there "so
cial standing" which they could not at
tain tn more settled communities. It
Is a city of boarding houses, Inhabited
by men and women who live In abject
fear of losing their Government Jobs,
San Francisco Argonaut
Comnetltion in Mlraolea.
A zealous Mohammedan In India pro
poses to Lord Curzon that the British
government can a public conference of
all the rellclons for the Duroose of de-
termlulng the validity of their preten
sions Dy competition In the perform
ance within a year of some unspecified
but manifest miracle.
By this means he hopes to prove that
Mohammed was greater than all oth
ers, and that his religion is the right
one.- If he falls to do this he offers
himself for crucifixion a mode of sac
rifice which the prophet did not or
dain, and which would prove nothing
except that Mirza Ahmad of Kadlan.
the author of the proposal, had courage
enough to make a martyr of himself
In the Interest of his faith. New York
Tribune.
Paving; Stones of Tar.
Paving stones, with coal tar as one of
the Ingredients of -their
must be regarded as a novelty. The
Germans are making artificial paving
stones by mixing coal tar and sulphur,
adding chlorate of lime and then break
ing up the mass and adding broken
glass. This Is reduced to a powder and
subjected to severe pressure, and the
paving stone Is ready for use.
This Is said to be a woman's age, yet
women have UtUe to say about their
age.
It's a short street that has no turn for
the organ-grinder.
0TJB BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Joke and Jokeleta that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Saying's
and Doing that Are Old, Cnrions and
Langhable-The Week'a Hnmor,
Hardacre-JoIng to build a wash
bouse In the yard, Zcke; what kind of
stone would be the best for a founda
tion?
Crawfoot Did you say a washhouse,
Zeke? Well, It seems to me soapstone
would be good as any.
Sinister Delight.
"I can't understand why women en
Joy seeing foot-ball."
"I'll tell you. It Is because It makes
the men look as If tbey had been clean
Ing house." Indianapolis Sentinel
A Heal Dilemma.
Fanny Footlights 1 bad a quarrel
with the manager and threatened to
leave the company.
Polly Plnktlghts And wasn't there
anybody to take your part?
Fanny Footlights Only my horrid
onderstudy. Philadelphia Record.
Not Happily Expressed.
She I think one should give up danc
Ing when oue Is getting on for 80. We
none of us grow younger, you know,
He Ah! Miss Lambkin, you can't
ay that! Moonshine.
At the Polle.
"A woman tried to vote here to-day."
"How'd you get rid of her?" '
"Told her to send It by mall, so that
It would be sure to receive official at
tention." Philadelphia North Ainerl
can.
Utilitarian. "
"Frederick, our marriage anniversary
comes this year on Thanksgiving Day."
"Is that so, Bertha? Well, shall we
give each other a turkey or ducks?"
Indianapolis Journal.
Expensive.
She What did papa sny?
He He sold he'd be delighted to
have me for a son In-law, ouly be
couldn't afford It
Good Cheer.
"Now tell me, doctor, candidly.
there anything really the matter with
my wife?"
"Yes. Her vocnl chords are sadly af
fected. I'm afraid she may lose her
voice."
"Say, drop In on your way back from
the office and chat a while, will you?
Things have been going badly with me
lately, and It's so comforting to hear
you talk." Chicago Times-Herald.
Might Hit the Barn.
"I had a glorious dream," said the
turkey.
"What was It?" Inquired the goose,
"I dreamt that Instead of assasslna
ting us with an ax the gun would be
used In the future."
"I don't see any difference; the farm
er will kill you, anyway."
"Yes; but I dreamt the farmer's wife
would do the shooting. How safe I
would be It dreams were true."
Realistic.
"Lumps of Ice floating on a green
sea," murmured the poetic girl.
"How glorious!" mused the lover,
who sometimes Imbibed. "All needed
to complete the drink would be a
straw."
Professional Jealousy.
Successful competitor Ah. this is
What I do call fat stock! What d've
think o' this? You can lay yer 'and in
ere for nigh on dree inches, vou can.
What's the matter wi' this?
Unsuccessful ditto Dropsy! Punch.
How She Was Landed.
Bess So Jeannette married a farmer.
I thought she said she would marrv
only a man of culture?
Nell And so she did a man of asrri-
culture.
Her Little Joke.
He Her beauty quite Intoxicates me.
She Perhaps it's her smiles.
Brilliant Headlight.
Mrs. Bender Thoueh it U an int
night I knew you were coming up the
walk. I saw the end of your cigar
glowing in the darkness.
Mr. Keuder-Bush. Marchu. I w.n-.h
not smoking at all.
Mrs. Bender Then It must hav hm
the end of your nose I saw.
A Word of Warning;.
Wife I'm cninir in ......
e o iuu across me
street Just a minute tn kii r t
- . tfuues
good-by. .
Husband-Well, you'll have to hurry.
The train leaves In three hours.
An Explanation.
BIZ28 I nndfrstnnit oi .
j ayvw ui me
as being a miserable cur.
Diggs-Not guilty, old chap. I mere
ly said you were a sad dog and
Biggs-Oh, that's different! Have a
cigar.
Help Wanted.
Pml'o1atMh T .
.v.C:j,u i aw a sign in a down
town store window this morning that
exactly described my condition.
, e ii uj, nuai WHS III
BrokeleIgh-"Wanted-A Cash GlrL"
What She Wanted.
Clerk What do you wish, ma'am?
Mrs. O'Toole Oi Want tn 111 an...
mirrors fit to give as a gift
cierK Hand mirrors?
Mrs. O'Toole N O: ROm thnt t-a bin
w atw J v aviu
aae ye er face In.
A A, If MR
11
A Pertinent Inquiry.
Tom Goode I dropped a 10 gold
piece on the contribution plate last
Sunday.
Jack Potts What was the mattei
with it?
Merely a Hint.
Mr. Borem (11 p. m.) My motto Is
"Pay as you go."
Miss Cutting-Well, I'm willing to
lend you a small amount If It will helu
you out!
Just Bo.
Mack O'ltell Some one has Invented
revolving rubber heels for shoes.
Luke Warme Ah! Another move
ment on foot, I presume.
Extreme Economy.
Ida That family in the brownstone
mansion Is very economical, I hear.
May Extremely! Why, they actual
ly have their last winter's furs made
Into mufflers for their footman aud
coachman."
The Man Behind the Ledger.
"I will cause the name of France to
be remembered with terror throughout
foreign lands!" cried the excited Paris
ian. "What will you do Join the army?"
"No."
"Write articles for the papers?"
"No. I will open a hotel during the
exposition and make out the bills my
self." Washington Star.
A Snre Thins;.
Mlllbank My wife sent 50 cents yes
terday to a man that advertised a way
to make shirt waists last
Barclay-Well?
Mlllbank She got a postal telling her
to make the rest of her clothes first
New York Press. ,
Explained.
There was a loud crash In the doll
department, accompanied by a sound as
of broken crockery rolling over the
floor.
"What caused that?" demanded the
manager of the department, hurrying
down the aisle.
"One of those Indestructible dolls-fell
down Just now," said the .frightened
salesglil. Chicago Tribune.
Ont of Date.
Qulnn Did you notice bow the hero
ine escaped from the burning building
on a telephone wire? Was it not real
istic? De Fonte Yes; but It will lose some
of Its realism when the wireless tola
graph gets a foothold.
A Modern Mother.
Husband It Is a perfect disgrace
how ragged our children look!
Wife I have no time to bother about
their clothes. I have to go to a meet
ing of the Society for Clothing Poor
Children.
Husband That's good. You might
call the attention of that society to our
children! Fllegeude Blaetter.
Unnecessary.
Maude Did you give Tom permission
to kiss you?
Clara Of course not. He didn't ask
It.
Not Particular.
Brown I hear Jones Is looking
around for new quarters.
Smith Oh, I guess he isn't particular
about their newness. He borrowed an
old one from me this morning.
A True Story.
Short If Long calls with that little
bill tell him I'm out
Mrs. Short But that would be telling
a falsehood.
Short Nothing of the kind. I'm out
of cash.
Foiled Again.
T never give money to beggars on
the street" said the pedestrian.
"Oh, very well," replied the seedy In
dividual. "Here's my card; kindly call
at my office and leave your contribu
tion with my bookkeeper."
A Gentle Hint.
He Ida, are you Interested In ath
letic sports?
She (who has waited) Yes; I am
very much interested In the ring Just
now.
Battled.
Itoyster Whoop! Hey! Haw! HIel
Shay, officer, w-where do Ish live?
Officer Snyder How you dink J
know ?
Royster Welsh, which Ish norsh and
which Ish south?
Officer Snyder You vas indoxicated.
Else you know dot der Splnlsh wai
proved der Is no norf and sout
Five Glasses of Water Daily.
Dr. Taylor states that the normal
adult needs thirty-seven ounces of
water a day, and as the average tum
bler holds eight ounces, five glasses
make forty ounces, aproxlmately the
normal quantity. The best time to
drink It are one glass upon rising, one
at 10 a. m.. one at 3 p. m., one at 5 and
one or two on retiring. Instead of the
rather Indefinite five glasses a day It
Is better to fill a bottle of a given size,
the contents of which are to be drunk
during each twenty-four hours. Pa
tients at famous watering places owe
much of their Improvement to the large
quantities of water which they are
obliged to drink, and the same results
could no doubt be obtained at borne by
drinking large quantities of good
water. Medical World.
Arajcon In Disguise.
It Is the belief of some historians that
the name "Oregon" Is Aragon in dis
guise, that It was given to this country
by the early Spanish voyagers, aud
that American explorers so Interpreted
the word given them by the Indians.
The theory Is at least plausible, and in
dicates a strange freak of fat&