THE FISH INDUSTRY. Statistics of Columbia IMver Salmon Pack as (Jlven In Annual Ileport of Commissioner Read, of Oregon. Fish Commissioner F. C. Keed. of Oregon, has filed hii annual report in the office of the governor. The report covers the year ending October 81, 18119. If is a voluminous document and covers the year's work in detail. On the subject of hatcheries the re' port reviews the progress in locating and contracting the buildings anil the work accomplished in the state during the pant year. The number of chinook salmon eggs taken from the different hatcheries in Oregon tributary to the Columbia river for the year 1800, is as follows: T'pper Clackamas hatchery 1,200,000 Balmon river hatchery ftnt.mifl Clackamas hatchery 1,000,000 Total for Oregon !,800.0U0 Chinook. salmon eggs taken on the Washington side of the Columbia: Chinook hatchery tsm.ooo K .llama hatchery 4 Wind river hatchery J.Sno.OOO Mttle White Halmon hatchery. ...10.OOO.0u0 Chewaukum hatchery 1.000.1WU Total for Washington 19,300,000 Total for Columbia river 23.100,000 From the salmon that were marked by Mr. Hubbard, hatched from eggs taken in 1806, there were caught our ing the season of 1898, 875 fish weigh' ing from 10 to 50 pounds each. Dur ing the season of 1899 the packers and dealers have neglected to watch for the marked fish as well as they should, says the report, but between 40 and 60 have been reported, the average weight being nearly 10 pounds greater than those taken in 1808. The report shows a falling off In the number of cases of salmon canned dar ing the past season on the Columbia as compared with 1898. This is in part accounted for by the increased number of pounds of salmon handled by the cold-storage concerns. The following statistics of the sal mon pack are given: Spring pack, Oicgon side Variety. Cases. Value. Chinook 191. liW $1,061,014 00 Wuehaoks 22.1T.5 121 7f.2 m Bteelheaus U.963 19,797 CO Total 2113,218 11,202,043 50 I Spring pack, Washington side Variety. Casea. Value Chinook 60.BH0 t 277,750 W Itluebacks 7.060 40.975 00 BteelhelicU 3,340 15.030 00 : Total 61,490 I 333,755 0G ' Spring pack, both sides Total...'. 294,708 11,598,398 50 Fall pack, Oregon side- Variety. . Casea. Value. Chinook 12.902 I 88. 059 OC RIlverHlileS 21,443 M,4:l 50 Steelheuda 222 919 00 Total 34,507 t 155,551 50 Fall pack, Washington side Variety. Casea. Value Chinook 2.4f.O f 11.025 00 BllviTHiiles 7.7:10 34.875 00 Bteellieads 650 2,925 00 Total 10,850 Fall pack, both sides Total 45.417 Total on Columbia... 340. 125 Total on coast rivers. 74,932 f 48,825 00 t 104:376 50 1.MU.775 00 271,53a 00 Total 415,057 12,072.307 60 Amount and value of each species of fish consumed locally and shipped East for the year 1899: Pounds. Value. Fresh salmon 2,199,2:19 I175.IM9 Suit aalmon 1,380.860 108 s8 Htuigeon f'9,910 3.591 Smelt 280.500 14,025 Bhad 275.380 11.015 Crawfish 138.248 13.824 C,itHh 62,380 2.095 Tom cod 9.000 260 Halibut 81S.400 22,472 Cod 11,500 920 Herring 11,175 335 Flounders 6.800 232 1'erch 4,625 787 Oysters 590.SUO 14.770 Clams 110,900 2,218 Total 6,448,617 1370,848 Northwest Notes. Republic is soon to vote on the ques tion of incorporation. A Portland man has bought 25,000 pounds of wool at Ashland at 15 to 18 cents. Washington has a stringent law for the protection of hotelmen from board bill jumpers. TheTairhaven coal mines, At Coke dale, have been sold to the Great Northern railroad. Demand has outstripped the supply of lockboxes at the Spokane postaoffice, where 702 are now in use. A gravity water supply, to be piped nine miles, is under consideration of llaker City's common council. Baker City is talking of a "modern pavement" for its leading business street, to relieve the present "disgrace ful unpaved condition." Approximately a sum of $200,000 in delinquent taxes was paid into the county treasury this year on Whatcom city property. Of this sum, about $50,000 was the interest penalty of 6 per cent. Treasurer Boeder has placed this to the credit of the county, and the city of Whatcom has entered a de mand for it. The matter will be taken into the courts. Arthur Iluey, who went from his home, near Walla Walla, to work in Umatilla county harvest fields, early in the fall, and who was sought by his parents for weeks after it had come time for him to return home, has turned np alive and well. lie went to Redland, Cal., and a newspaper paragraph tell ing of his parents' search induced him to write home, and soon follow his letter. An electric light plant and water works system are two improvements that are almost a necessity in Burns, and the News thinks steps will be taken early in the spring to inaugurate the two systems. A Gilliam county man recently sold 52 head of beef cattle to the Union Meat Company, of Portland. The prioe was $3.50 per 100 for steers and $3.10 for fat cows. Twelve head of the cat tle averaged 1,300 pounds, and one steer brought $46.67. Through the failure of some of the shingle mills of Whatcom county to close, under the agreement recenty reached to limit production in the in terest of better prices, a break-up was imminent in the Whatcom county asso ciation. But a meeting was held and the recalcitrant concerns promised to quit work, there was a new election of officers. and harmony and strength were restored. The Lakeview Examiner reports a sale of 77 head of beef cows at 6 cents per pound, and that the seller "has a special lot of beef Christmas oows that he is holding at 6' cents." TRADE QUIETING DOWN. Undisturbed, However, by an Cnfavnr- abla Money Situation. Bradstreet's Rays: General trade in wholesale and manufacturing lines is quieting down, but it is worth noting. It is undisturbed by the money situs tion, the influence of which has been confined to speculative circles, lloli day trade, on the other hand, has been given a decided impetus, and com pari sons With the same period of preceding years are 'uniformly favorable, little doubt remaining that although retail trade in seasonable lines has been af feoted in some localities by unfavor abltt weather, holiday specialties have enjoyed exceptional activity. As re gards prices, it is a notable fact that as many staples have advanced this week as there have declined, while by far the larger number of quotations have remained steady or firm. The strength of textiles is still a most not a ble feature of the general situation. Cotton goods are hesvily sold ahead by agents, and a very large spring hnsl nets has already been booked. Raw cotton is firm and unchanged en the week, partly owing to the light re oelpts and to reaffirTnation of a short orop estimated by the department oi agriculture. Manufactured goods, where not advanced, are firmly held. Wheat, lnoluding flour, shipments for the week aggregate 8,250,649 bush els, against 5,133,831 bushels last week, 6,243,659 bushels in the corre sponding week last year, 4,464,899 bushel In 1897, 8,634,620 bushels in 1896 and 2,050,043 bushels in 1805. Sinoe July 1 this season, the exports of wheat aggregate 97,550,926 bushels against 109,720,853 bushels last year and 118,809,197 bushels in 1898-09. Business failures in the United States for the week were only 210 as com pared with 220 last week, 234 in this week a year ago, 283 in 1897, and 859 in 1896. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Baattla Markets. Onions, new, $1.00 1.25 per sack Potatoes, new, $16 20. Beets, per sack, 75 85c. Turnips, per sack, 60c. Carrots, per sack, 60c. Parsnips, per sack, 75 85c. Cauliflower, 75c $1 per dozen. Cabbage, native and California, 75 90c per 100 pounds. Peaches, 6580o. Apples, $1.251.50 per box. Pears, $1.00 1.25 per box. Prunes, 60o per box. Watermelons, $1.50. Nutmegs, 5075o. Butter Creamery, 82o per pound; dairy, 17 22c; ranch, 22o per pound. Eggs Firm, 80 81c. Cheese Native, 16c. Poultry 9 10c; dressed, ll18o. Hay Paget Sound timothy, $12.00; choice Eastern Washington timothy, $17.0018.00 Corn Whole, $28.00; cracked, $23; feed meal, $33. Barley Rolled or ground, per ton, $31; whole, $22. Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.85; blended straights, $3.10; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $6.00; gra ham, per barrel, $3.80; whole wheat flour, $3.10; rye flour, $3.804.00. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $16.00; shorts, per ton, $17.00. Feed Chopped feed, $20.60 per ton; middlings, per ton, $22; oil cake meal, per ton, $82.00. Portland Market. Wheat Walla Walla, 6152o; Valley, 52c; Bluestem, 63o per bushel. Flour Best grades, $3.00; graham, $2.50; superfine, $2.15 per barrel. Oats Choice white, 84 35c; choice gray, 85o per bushel. Barley Feed barley, $ 1 6 1 6 . 50 ; brewing, $18.00 19.00 per ton. Millstuffs Bran, $17 per ton; mid dlings, $22; shorts, $18; chop, $16 per ton. Hay Timothy, $9 11; clover, $7 8; Oregon wild hay, $6 7 per ton. Butter Fancy creamery, 60 55c; seconds, 4245o; dairy, 87)-g40c; store, 25 85c. Eggs 1820o per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c; Young America, 14c; new. cheese 10c per pound. Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.00 8.50 per dozen; hens, $4.50; springs, $2.003.50; geese, $7.008.60 forold; $4.606.50 for young; ducks, $4.50 per dozen; turkeys, live, 14 15c per pound. Potatoes 50 60c per sack; sweets, 22Jio per pound. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90c; per sack; garlic, 7c per pound; cauli flower, 76o per dozen; parsnips, $1; beans, 5 6c per pound; celery, 70 75o per dozen; cucumbers, 50c per box; peas, 84c per pound; tomatoes, 75c per box; green corn, 12 15c per dozen. Hops 8llc; 1898 crop, 66o. Wool Valley, 1218o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 814c; mohair, 27 80o per pound. Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers and ewes, 8)tc; dressed mutton, 6 7o per pound; lambs, 7)io per poand. J Hogg Gross, choice heavy, $5.00; light and feeders, $4.60; dressed, $5. 60 6.00 per 100 pounds. Beef Gross, top steers, $3.604.00; oows, $3(38.50; dressed beef, 6i 7o per pound. Veal Large, 67c; small, 80 &Ho per pound. Ban Fraueisoo Market. Wool Spring Nevada, 1215oper pound; Eastern Oregon, 12 16c; Val ley, 2022c; Northern, 10 12c. Hops 1899 crop, ll12o per pound. Onions Yellow, 7585o per sack. Butter Fancy creamery 24 25c; do seconds, 22 24c; fancy dairy, 21 22c; do seconds, 19 20o per pound. Eggs Store, 25 27c; fancy ranch, 86c. Millstuffs Middlings, $17.00 20.00; bran, $14 15.00. Hay Wheat $7.00 10; wheat and oat $7.509.00; best barley $5.00 7.60; alfalfa, $5.00 7.50 per ton; straw, 85 45c per bale. Potatoes Early Rose, $1-00; Ore gon Burbanks, 60o1.10; river Bur banks, 4575o; Salinas Burbanks, $1.00 1.J5 per sack. Cirrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia, $2.75(38.23; Mexican limes, $4.00 5.00; California lemons 75c$1.60; do ohoice $1.75 2.00 per box. Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.60 2.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom inal; Persian dates, 66,Hio per pound. THE GOOD NEW TIMES. TnoUCH the "old folks" Ulk of the good old Hum s, When laud was plenty sod cares were so few; let the "young folks" listen with doubtful smiles. Convinced they were not as food as the Those were ry sleigh rides, grandpspa, I know; While inmla ne'er danced Uth ss dear "grmutma'r;" But some things could b said 'bout a mod ern lies u, And a cosy Jaunt In s palaca car. Those were wonderful loaves dear "grand mn'r" msile. And she brolilered yonr socks with a won drous darn; Tet she wondered sometimes, I'm sure, If It nnld, (Would hurt left had she dared for a prom enade And enjoyed to have spun a little street yaru). No doubt her pupa, great granpa, you know, Itenlly frowned when she purchased ber wedding dress, And sliched as be wished for the "good old times," When bonnets were cheaper and dresses took less. While his great-grandpa, I've heard It ssld. Wouldn't spar the wool fc: bis daughter to weave; But sighed for the fashions of Taradlse, And longed for the Ug leaves of Mother Eve. Boon forgotten Is pnlo, when pleasures are o'er, "Dints nee enchants ns," the poet was right; Who wnnders his memory hack to deplore. The collar too high or the boots all too tight I The maiden who lingers o'er past hours of bliss. Forgets as she day-dreams of heroes snd flues. Flow her lulr wouldn't crimp and ber (loves wouldn't fit; For "deeply depraved are Inanimate things. There are bountiful times In these good new days; There ore lives as beautiful, pure and true, As any who moved tn the simpler ways; And It umy be a trifle better, too; Blnre find with Infinite, loving denim, Is raising the nations nearer to Ulm; And the steady sweep of the centuries, Ever chants a progressive, happier hymn, Then a glad New Tear, this my earnest wisn, I send In honeful. jubilant tone: That the coming year, rkb freighted with ove. May prove the best that you ever have known. Exchange. I Hla'o Yftii Prpcpnta C ILL A SrRAGUE seemed to blow j In at the door with a gust of wind I ) and a drift of mow. Then, having kicked a pair of snow encrusted over shoes into a corner of the ball, Miss Lilla ran upstairs tn a hurry. "See here, mother," said Lilla, "it's a'J over now. 'What, dear?" Mrs. Sprague asked, looking up absently from a letter she was writing. "It's all over I tay, It's all over be tween Randolph oh, what a foo foo fool I've been!" And the flung herself, sobbing, on a big horsehair sofa. "But why, Lilla?" "Don't ask me like that, mother. Don't! I've told you before. And this this is the sec sec second time. OhI" More tobs. I don't understand you, daughter," said her mother, leaving her batch of Christmas correspondence and going to carry comfort to the tragic figure on the horsehair sofa. "lie's run away again!" Lilla roared. "Done what, dear?" "The same as he did before." "Wrhat did he do before?" "Mother, I told you, day before yes terday ran away from me. lie thought I didn't aee him." "Mr. AVatts ran away from you?" "Yes, mother, and I'll never speak to him again. Day before yesterday he at least hail the politeness to bow. This time he Just turned and went down a side street. He was with that frump of a cousin. I Just hate her, and him, and the whole lot. "Don't be foollfih, child. Mr. Watts will be here to explain it all. You'll see." In answer to this Lilla only rose from the sofa, grimly took off her wraps and hat, muttering: "Yes, I'll see," and dis appeared through a door that led to her own room. Mrs. Sprague did not follow her daugh ter with any further attempts at conso lation, neither did she guess what Lilla was going to do, and that was to write a note: Dear Sir In ease you may wish to make any explanation of your very strauge conduct on two occasions this week. I wish you would spare yourself the trouble of doing sny bucIi thing, either personally or In writing. Your ring ball be returned by mall, registered. "LILLA SPUAOLE." That little projectile which Lilla fired at her fiance very nearly ended the life of Randolph Watts; at least, so Watts said. He could not think, or he might have seen an easy way out of the horri ble maxe into which he had got himself. His transgression stored him in the face. He had run away from Lilla twice and had even congratulated himself oa his escape from her and chuckled over It se cretly. How was he to convince her that his evasion was not an evidence of dis loyalty to her? It was only three days before Christ nas and Watts had promised himself that, whatever future Christmas might hare Id store for him, that Christmas shonld.be the huppicst be had known so far at least. That night he lay awoke until he was exhausted. Nest morning he got up and went to his business mechanically. The first ray of comfort came with his cousin, Mra. Sucher the same whom Lilla had spoken of as a "frump." "Why, Randolph," said Mrs. Sucher, I I ft II. t 7 I M.. V i i 758, "it is all over now," said lilla. as she entered the office, "what is the matter with you? Have -you been 111?" "She saw me," was ail Randolph could say. "Yes. I came t&r.i to you again about It I forgot "Oh, it's no use now, Cousin Mattlc. She will not 'receive me or my letters' never." "Pooh! Did Rhe tell you so?" "She wrote to nic I mustn't go there." "Look here, Randolph," said the com mon sense matron, "this Is all nonsense. If Lilla Sprngue won't receive me, she must be a ninny " Mwn .HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS. mC - rtril -IssSNiSS "Don't tay that!" "I wilt say that But anyhow, her mother will see me. I am going now to call on Mrs. Sprague. And now, look here, about this bracelet." "Shall we go on with that?" said Watts, with a faint smile. "Of course we thalL, stupid. Illgglns says he has tried to set the watch with the face In, as you wanted it, and he can't make any better job of It than Moore could. Now I think I'd better go and take it back to Moore's and tell them to set it with the face out, don't you?" "Very well," said Watts, with almost childish resignation. "And then the miniature can go Inside with the original crystal over it, eh?" "Very well." "And then I'm going straight to Mrs. Sprague's." "Are you?" First to Illgglns' Mrs. Sucher went, where she took possession of a remark ably pretty and uncommon gold bracelet, a tiny old-fashioned watch and the min iature. Then to Moore's, where the left the bracelet, the watch and the minia ture. Then to Mrs. Sprague's. As Mrs. Sucher entered Mrs. Sprague's private and individual sitting room she heard a whisk and rustle of skirts and a door closed behind a rapidly retreating figure. "Lilla not well?" said Mrs. Sucher, with an Incredulous laugh. "Too bad. These Christmas preparations are umle- Tit- . r on, it's no tjse mow, cotrsi.v mattib niubly fatiguing. I have spent three weeks, my dear Mrs. Sprague, running about town in search ot the right present for the right people." "You must have laid yourself out to be generous," said Mrs. Sprague. "I am generous. I give my time and labor to help other people give presents. That brings me to the object of this Tisit. Can you keep a secret?" "Yes," said Mrs. Sprague, "snd I nm burning with curiosity. So make haste and tell me." "Oh, then you know?" "You were with Randolph Watts when he ran away from Lilla yesterday. How was it?" "You promise not to tell her? to keep It for three days? Very well. Yon see, he wants to give her a bracelet he had made for her, with a very pretty motto on it In enamel. Then he wants to give her a beautiful little watch that beloajred to his poor mother, and he has had a lit tle miniature of his mother made to fit in behind the watch. First at took the watch to Moore's. That was the day h ran up against Lilla, when he had the whole package in bis baud, snd ws afraid she would ask him, and ran. ? terday, just as be was taking nie to hold a consultation on that wonderful brace let, we saw Lilla coming along. 1 said to him: 'Randolph, If she meets ux she'll want to walk along with us, and thoj the whole plot is ruined. Let's turn down here before she sees us.' But it teems she taw ut after all." On Christmas morning, In suite of many earnest assurances from her moth cr that that morning would bring a clear inir-up if all her trouble, Lilla was as ter ribly cross and out ot tune with the chimes as she had been for four days past. Moreover, she swoke with s head arhe. She found a stocking tied to the head of her bed, as she had eivn-cted, and took the stocking down and opened It mechanically. Then the found the brace let with a frap of paper in which, In her mother's writing, were the words, "Press the spring and look Inside, behind the watch." And when she looked s lovely, loving fnce looked back at her a face that was very llk Randolph Watts own, And at the bottom of the stocking away at the very toe was another pa per which said, "The bracelet nuijht to tell you why I ran away. R. W." Then she laid her bead and bracelet on her pillow, and wet both bracelet snd pillow with tears until her headache was all gone. A Happy New Year. Delight and pathos are Inextricably mingled with the thought of New Year's day, says the Boston Watchman. , It Is only a conventional point of time; any other would do as well. Every day closes an old year and begins a new one. but for all that we cannot help feeling that this day, which Is agreed upon throughout Christendom for the beginning of a new year, is somewhat unique. The pathos comes from the review of the past, and from the sense that another notch has been cut for us on the stick of time. The delight arises from the anticipation of the now and better experiences of the year to come. What interest any rational person could have in having his fortune told is a mystery. The zest and charm of life consist largely in the fact that each day is like a new page In the story. If you wish to enjoy your book you do not. whon it Is half read, turn to the closing chapter to discover how it turns out. You do not thank anyone for telling you the plot. It Is io with life. There Is in finite satisfaction In each day's contribU' tion to the record. You do not want to anticipate it. It would be a curse if anr one could tell you just what the year would bring. It is just at reasonable to suppose that the year will be happy as sad. Who oaa tell? Who can control that? Are we not In the hands of God? That Is the reason for a happy New i ear s day. CHRISTMAS AND THE CHILDREN HE little folks are talkln'-they talk hub uuyiuiug 'Bout Santy Claus a-comln', an' what he's goln' to bring; An' the mother never scolda 'em or tells 'em 'bout the noise; They're Just the sweetest little girls the uesi uk uiue ooysi Because they know that Bsnty Claus knowi An' while he's loading up hit sleigh he' watcnin or em. tool An' them that minds their mothers, they gets the most of toys They're Just the sweetest little girls the Hod, llttlA hr. wot They've Just been wrltln' letters to Banty inuB earn liny An' tellln' hlra Just what they want an showln' him the war To where the house Is. so he'll know Just where to leave the toys, Fer Just the sweetest little girls the best oi nine uoys; They're glttin mighty anxious fer the days An' all of 'em are nappy an' they make their mothers sot She never has to scold 'em or tell 'em 'bout tne noise, 'Cause they're Just the sweetest little girls me uesi oi nine uuys. Atlanta Constitution. Beat of All Gifts. The best of all gifts at the present time is yourself. Make yourself In some way more pleasant and helpful to others. You may have been neglectful of them; be mindful henceforth. You may be quick in temper and have spoken hastily; pat on restraint and spr-ak kindly now. Re strain all evil habits and make yourself a joy and a help to others. They will bless you. If I wuz Santa, and Btnta wus me. D'you know what I would do? I'd load with presents the Christ mas tree And have 'em all marked "For Willie B., With p'raps for Charlie a few. I S.-1'm WIllirB. First of AIL If Santa Clans would ask the hone. Who has to pull the loads. The gift he'd like for Christmas He would shout, "'Uood Koads!" It is better to give a Christmas bog than to receive one from a pugilist. m MCIIKST IN AMERICA THE CLAIM MADE FOR A MEXI CAN GYPSY. It la Bald that the Number and Value of Hla Poaaewlona Is Far Beyond the Wealth of VanderbilU, Aatora, Rocke fcllera or Goulds. If you believe one of the Romauys of Milwaukee then the richest man In North America Is uot oue of the Vandcr bllts, Astors or Rockefellers, but a Simon puro gypsy, whose uauie Is aim plo John Smith. He Uvea In Mexico, la SO years old and the owner of countless acres, of myriads of cattle and sheep, of gold, silver and ouyx in lues, of railway aud bunk stock and of plantations with out number In the heart of Mexico's richest states. Smith's wealth has never been figured up. He cannot tell himself. His sole ambition Is to become the richest man In the world. And It Is this hope that keeps him vigorous aud drives dull care away. John Smith has no settled borne. He has a hundred homes on his different estates, and be move from one to another. In each be sees what Is going on, and gives bis orders. Then he moves on again. The Milwaukee gypsy, a solid business man, wbo comes borne now with the story of John Smith's amazing wealth, saw blm at Orizaba. They became great friends. "God alone knows bow rich I am, " snld Smith, simply, "but I think I am the richest man on the continent" Smith was plainly dressed In a suit of English tweed, with bobnall Bhoes, But his home was a revelation. Outside It was a vefltablo fortress, with stout wallsof masonry, looplioled for defense, If necessary. A two-story wall Inclosed It In a space as big aa two blocks, and a great moat surrounded that There were the regulation drawbtldgea and portcullises. Two massive Inner doors barred the last entrance. Once open It was a wonderful place, with a courtyard In the center, where played perfumed fountains and where a beautiful garden grew. The entire lnelosure was paved with brilliantly polished ouyx the ransom of a king iu cost taken from one of his mines. Even the stables where Smith's herd of pet Jerseys were housed had the same costly flooring of onyx. Servants lounged about, but one of the old man's eccentricities was to have his own children wait upon blm at table. It was an Incongruous picture to see him clattering around on the splendid flooring In his coarse suit and hobnails, while a soft light fell on the strange scene shed by great candelabra of solid gold from hla mines. Smith Is an English gypsy. He went to Mexico before there were any rail ways there, and was the first man to haul machinery from the coast to the gold mines which now yield him an In calculable Income. He got in on the ground floor on everything that has made Mexico so rich to-dny. But his life has been a series of ad ventures. Twice he has been shot down by Mexican thieves who attacked his gold trains. He was left for dead each time. All the gypsies In Mexico are wonderfully proud of him and call him "Our John." Milwaukee Cor. St. Louis Post-Dispatch. IMMENSE SPIDERS Insects In Ceylon that Are Beyond All Comparison. Far up In the mountains of Ceylon there Is a spider that splits a web like bright yellowish silk, the center net which Is five feet in diameter, while the supporting lines or guys, ns they are culled, measure sometimes ten or twelve feet, says the Cleveland Leader, and, rldlngqulckly In the early morning. you may dash right Into the stout threads, twining round your face like a lace veil, while, as the creature who has woven It takes up bis position In the middle, he generally catches you right In the nose and, though he seldom bites or stings, the contact of his large body and long legs Is anything but pleasant. If you forgot yourself and try to catch him, bite be will, and, though uot venomous, bis jaws are as powerful ns a bird's beak, and you are not likely to forget the encounter. The bodies of these spiders are very handsomely decorated, being bright gold or scarlet underneath, while the upper part is covered with the most delicate s'ate-cclored fur. So strong are the webs thnt birds Ihe size of larks are frequently caught therein, and even the small but powerful scaly lizard falls a victim. The writer has often sat and watched the yellow raouster measur ing, when waiting for bis prey, with his legs stretched out, fully six Inches striding across the middle of the net and noting the rapid manner In which he winds his stout threads around the unfortunate captive. JEFFERSON'S DEBUT. How lie Flint Played Rip Van Winkle Hla Audience. "My approaching appearance was the Important dramatic event of my life. I had been five years from America and was on my way bnme, and I felt sat isfied that If this new version of 'Rip Van Winkle' succeeded In London my way was quite clear when I returned to the United States. "On Sunday evening, being alone In my lodgings, I got out for my own admiration my new wig and beard, the pride of my heart and which I was to use In the last act I could not resist trying them on for the twentieth time, So I got In front of the glass and ad justed them to my perfect satisfaction. I soon became enthused, and began act- ng and posing in front of the mirror. Iu about twenty minutes there came a knock at the door. " 'Who's there?' said I. " 'It's me, If you please,' said the gentle but agitated voice of the chambermaid. 'May I come In?" 'Certainly not ' I replied, for I had no desire to be seen In my present makeup. 'Is there anything wrong in the room, sir? said she. " 'Nothing at alL Go away, ' I replied. " 'Well, sir, ' she continued, 'there's a policeman at the door, and be says as ow there's a crazy old man In your room, a fllnglu' of his arms about and a-g oIb' oa hawf uL and there' a crowd of people across the street a-Mocktn op the way.' "I turned toward the window, and to my horror I found that I had forgotton to put down the curtain, and, as II seemed to be, the entire population of London was taking In my first night I bad been unconsciously acting, with the lights full up, to an astonished au dience who bad not paid for their ad mission. As I tore off my wlf and beard a shout went up. Quickly pi.tllng down the curtain I threw myself on a chair, overcome with mortification at the occurence. "In a few minutes the comical side of the picture presented Itself, and I must have laughed for an hour. I bnd been suffering from an attack of nervous dyspepsia consequent upon the excite ment of the past week, and I firmly be lieve that this continuous tit of laughter cured me. "Joseph Jefferson's "Rem iniscences. , fi On one occasion the Prince of Wales visited a Hindoo school In Madras. The youngsters bad been drilled Into the propriety of saying "Your royal high ness" should the prince speak to them, and when .the heir-apparent accosted a bright-eyed lad, and, pointing to a pris matic compass, asked, "What Is this?" the youngster, all in a flutter, replied: "It's a royal compasa, your prismatic htghnesa." Robert Hllllard, the actor, brought a young Englishwoman to see "El Cap! tan." She was much Impressed with De Wolf Hopper, and remarked: "What a charming man your Mr. Hopper Is. Tell me. Is he married?" "Been mar ried three times," was the reply. "Three times!" she repeated; "and they are all dead?" "No," was the answer; "dl Torcefl." "Ah!" she rejoined, "I see; he Is a Grass-Hopper." A young lady, who had greatly en Joyed John Kendrlck Bangs' "House boat on the Styx," thought It only just to wrlto a few lines expressing her de light She ended her letter with: "I did so much enjoy your 'Houseboat on the Sticks.'" Mr. Bangs politely an swered: "Dear Miss: If you have stud ied mythology, and without doubt you have, you will realize that considering the ungodly heat where those Styx are supposed to be located, it would be Im possible for them to support the house boat until my lines were finished. Yours truly, J. K. B." The late Hall McAllister some years ago entertained a visiting scientist at the Union Club, before Its amalgama tion with the Pacific, and during the evening a particularly foggy one made eome whimsical remark convey ing the Idea that fog was an excellent conductor of sound. The scientist took exception to this novel theory and asked Mr. McAllister on what It was based. "On phenomena which we hove all ob served," returned the ready Jurist; "on an evening like this we hear the fogi born quite distinctly, but when there la no tog we cannot hear it at all." An Iowa Judge recently related an amusing Incident that had occurred In his court when a colored man was brought up for some petty offense. The charge was read, and as the statement, "The State of Iowa against John Jones," was read In a loud voice, the colored man's eyes bulged nearly out of their sockets, and he seemed overcome with terror and astonishment. When he was asked If he had anything to say, or pleaded guilty or not guilty, he gasped out: "Well, yo' honah, ef de whole State o' Iowa Is agin this one pore nigger, I'se gwlne to give up right now." An English police Inspector being In formed that a hotel-keeper was serving game out of eeasou, visited the restau rant In plain clothes ond ordered dinner: "Walter, partridge for me." The Inspec tor finished his dinner leisurely, and then said to the waiter: "Ask the pro prietor to step this way a minute." "What for?" "I wish to notify him to appear In court to-morrow and answer for selling partridge out of season. I am a police officer, and have secured the necessary evidence against him." Walter "It wasn't partridge you had." Police Inspector (uneasily) What was It then ?;' Walter (cheerfully) "Crow." The Inspector swooned. Disraeli, It is said, laughed only once In the House of Commons. Gladstone had made an Impassioned speech In favor of the union of Wallachla and Moldavia. Disraeli pointed out that the result would be the extinction of the Independence of these people, and the only thing left would be the remorse which would be painted with admira ble eloquence by the rhetorician of the day." In reply, Mr. G'adetone said that he would not be guilty of the affected modesty of pretentlug to be Ignorant that that designation, "the rhetorician of the day," was Intended for himself. Mr. Disraeli interrupted with the re mark: "I beg your pardon; I really did ' not mean that." Gladstone's face ex pressed amazement and Indignation, and Disraeli sat down with a satisfied smile that told of his enjoyment Bhakapeare and Sanitation. An amusing paper entitled "Shak- speare and Sanitation" was read at the recent provincial meeting of the Incor porated Society of Medical Officers of Health at Stratford-on-Avon. Among other things the author related the following: "It Is Interesting to find that the name of John Shakspeare, the fath er of the poet first appears In the rec ords of the municipality as owing a fine of twopence for having made a dirt heap with his neighbors Adrlen Qulncy and Henry Reynelds, In Henly street; and on another occasion he stood amerced' In fourpence for fall ing to keep his gutter clean." Ualn, Evaporation ami the Ocean. Lieut Maury calculated that If an Inch of rain fell over a fifth part of the surface of the Atlantic, it would mean an addition to Its volume of 300.000.000 tons of water; and that It the same amount of water evaporated from the ocean. It would leave 16,000,000 tons ot sea salt The patient usually has more confi dence in his physician than the latter baa la bliceelf.