The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, November 24, 1899, Image 4

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II E may not b
Trael In hlHtory,
theology and that,
Fhb has never paid
attention to n B
harp or A flat;
I know lt' very cer
tain that tho plan
eta In the skies
IIae not botht-rail
with her akllt In
muklug Inxcloua
puQiptla plea.
She has never wor
r I rl r over
qim-tlons called
The inraterlea of cy-
rllntr Kh baa had atrenih to refuae;
Bha would cut a sorry figure In tile social
I'ut the a perfect paragon concocting
pumpklu plea.
Her mini haa never waded through the lit
erature of guxh,
Her rheeka hare urrer rrlmaoned other than
with nature's bluah.
She len t vereed In iubtle ways and fashion
able ilea
But ahe'a queen of ail creation when sue
builds pumpkin plea.
Hue haa not applied for membership In any
cooking fad,
Bha has never murmured polltlra to make
all nature sad
But she's nilKhtr Intellectual In wreitllng
with the tics
Burroumllna; the arranging of Thanksgiving
pumpkin plea.
.A5S Pooo'i "Joqkcy.
rJO ES, I come out better with 'em
y thun I eipected," said Phoebe
" Podd across the barnyard fence to
her neighbor, Mrs. Tripp, who ald:
"i'bey's aa fine n lot o' turkeyi as I ever
tee, Misa Podd, and you'd great lurk 'to
do ao well with 'em. Turkeyi are dread
ful hard things to raise. Don't you think
"I'm, they be; an' I do'no ai I shall
ever try It again. They need ao much
coddllu' when they're little things on
they eat ao much I doubt If It pays to
bother with 'em. But I thought I'd try
It once Just to see how 1 come out, an' I
didn't lose a single one. One of 'em had
the pips, too; but I coddled it through all
right." s
"You'll sell some of 'em at Thanksgiv
ing time, I s'pose?"
"Oh, yes; I collate on selling all but
that young gobbler, an' I'm goin' to eat
I'm short of grain and it won't pay
me to buy feed for a lot of turkeys.
They'd eat their heads off in six weeks."
"Yes, I s'pose so. Who you goin' to
have for comp'ny Thanksglvln'?"
"I ain't quite sure yet; but I guess It
won't be hard to git someone to come In
am1 help eat a plump, Juicy young gob
bler like that."
"No, indeed. We're all goin' over to
Hebron to eat dinner with my husband's
sister. They're golu' to have a big faru'
ly reunion there, an' sister counts on hav
lu' over forty to dinner."
"It must be nice to have that many
own folks," said Miss Phoebe, with a
sigh. "Here I ain't got any kin at all."
"There's your cousin Thyrza," said
"I don't count her as kin," said rhoe
be Podd coldly, and she manifested her
resentment of Mrs. Tripp's suggestion by
turning about abruptly and walking into
the house, while Mrs. Tripp walked down
the country road toward her own home,
nying to herself: "If ever there was a
set piece I'hoebe Podd is one. There's
nobody on earth she'd plight to have and
she'd like to have help her to eat that
young gobbler as Thyrza lHane and her
boys, but she'd die, Phoebe Podd would,
before she'd ow n up to It."
Miss Podd lived on a profitable little
farm left to her by her parents, who had
also left her cash and stock enough to
make her one of the "best off" women In
the neighborhood In which she lived. She
lived alone, with the exception of a hIred
Miss Todd and her cousin Thyria had
been more like sisters than cousins in
their Intimacy until a tritliug disagree
ment had resulted In their complete es
trangement, and It had been five years
Since they had spoken to each other.
Mrs. Deane had become a widow dur
ing these five years, and she had been re
duced from a state of eae and plenty to
ont of hardship and poverty. But these
scts had apparently made no difference
mmrm '
with Phoebe Todd, for ahe continued to
utterly Ignore the existence f her cousin.
"I'd like to see myself asking Thyria
Deane nud her young ones to come and
help me eat that turkey!" said Misa Podd
spitefully as "he went Into her spotless
kitchen and banged the door behind her.
"I've a good mind never to apeak to
Saraa Tripp agnlu for mentioning the
name of Thyrza Deaue to me!"
Three duya before Thanksgiving Misa
Podd engaged the services of Jane Gray,
a woman who "worked out" In the neigh
borhood, and the two women dressed the
entire flock of turkeys for market after
Job, the hired man, had done duty as a
The plump young gobbler alone waa
pared, but his end waa to come on
Thanksgiving day.
"Although it'd be a mercy to kill him
now," said Miss Podd to Jane Uray,
"he'll fee! so lonely without his matea.
I'll have Job kill 'lm early Thanksgiving
morning and put 'lm In the Ice house to
cool off 'fore I roast Mm, an' I don't think
I'll have any one here this Thanksglvln.
I ain't feolln' right well ao' I don't feel
able to fuss 'round gettin' up a big din
ner. I don't seem to have any interest
In Thanksgiving thla year."
But her Interest was ar tused when Job
came In on Thanksgiving morning,-and
informed Misa Podd that the young gob
bler was not to be found.
"I've looked high and low for 'lm,
ma'am; an' he ain't to be found nowheres.
I've my s'plcions where he went."
"You have? Well, why don't you come
out an' say what you think?" asked Mist
Podd Irritably.
"I think he was stolen, ma'am."
"It looks like it," said Miss Podd.
"An' Pve my s'plcions who stole 'lm."
"Well, I met that oldest boy of the
Widow Deane's in the woods near your
barn Inst evening just at dusk an' he had
a white an' black turkey gobbler slung
over his shoulders. lie made off mighty
fast when be saw me. I never thought
anything about it until I come to look up
your turkey thla morning, and couldn't
find him."
"And you ain't seen my turkey since
you saw Joe Deane with a gobbler like
mine on hia back?"
"No, ma'am. The last I saw of your
turkey was about 4 o'clock yesterday af
ternoon when I see 'im goin' out toward
the timber back o' the barn. It's my
opinion that the Deane boy swiped that
Miss Podd was In Just the right mood
to be easily led to this same conclusion,
and her wrath knew no bounds when she
had finally decided that Job was correct
In his aurmlse.
"Yes," she said finally, "that boy nab
bed my turkey, an he probably did It out
of pure spite. But then he had a great
uacle on the Deane side who was once
arrested for stealiu' an', the Tailin' has
prob'ly cropped out In Thyrza's children.
But she'll wish she'd raised 'em better
'fore night. I ain't crossed her doorstep
for most six years, but I'll cross it to
day an' tell her to her face what I think
of thla performance. I'll tell her some
thing that'll make that turkey taste
mighty bitter in her mouth, now see if I
It was a raw, cold and sunless day.
Miss Podd's anger had made her forget
that she was not feeling well, and soon
after noon she set forth from her own
snug and pretty home to visit the far
from attractive and comfortable home in
which her cousin lived.
There had no money for repairs of
any kind on the Deane place and Miss
Podd relented a very little bit as she
noted the forlorn aspect of the place. But
she was determined to carry through
what she had undertaken. It was unlike
the Podds to swerve from any fixed res
olution, and Miss Podd's face wore a
hard, grim, resolute look as she knocked
at the Deane's back door.
"I'll face 'em when they're in the very
act of eatin' my turkey," she had said to
Job. "I'll make that turkey change from
sweet to bitter in their mouths!"
Someone called out "Come In," and
Miss Todd entered the Deane kitchen
just as Mrs. Deane and her fire children
had seated themselves at a table ou
which there was no sign of a turkey or of
a Thanksgiving feast of any kind. A
plate of corned beef and a dish of boiled
potatoes were the chief dishes on the ta
ble. Mrs. Deane's surprise when she saw
who her caller was was manifest in her
"Why Cousin Phoebe!" she said.
Miss Podd's sharp eyes took in at a
glance the poorly spread table and the
air of poverty the interior of the bouse
presented, and her first words were:
"Well, Thyrza Deane, is this the best
Thanksirivlnir dinner vou're able to
"Yes, It Is, rhoebe," sold Mrs. Dcnne
with a blush. "It's so poor, I'hoebe, that
I'm ashamed to ask you to share it.
"Where's the turkey Joe brought home
last night?" asked Phoebe.
"We sold it. It was one he earned
buskin' corn all day for Andy Tetlow,
and we were too poor to keep it for our
selves, ao I dressed It and Joe took it to
town after dark lust night and exchunged
it for things we needed more thun we
needed the turkey.
There was silence in the room for a mo
ment and then Miss Podd burst out lm
"I ain't fit to live! No, I ain't! I'm
too miserably mean an narrow contract
ed to be respectable even! I'm "
"Why, Cousin Phoebe, I "
"You lent keep still, Thyrza, an' bear
me out! You know what I come here
for? Hey? No, you don't, an' you ain't
mean-minded enough to guess! 1 come
here to accuse your boy Joe of stealiu' a
turkey from me! I "
"Why, Phoebe "
"You keep still, Thyrza, an' hear me
out, an' then order me out if you feel
like It A Vounz cobbler I had ml..
In" this mornin' an' Job, my hired man,
saw your Joe goin' home las' night with
a turkey on his back, an' I was mean
enough to make myself think it was my
turkey, an' here you are eatin' a Thunks
glvin' dinner of corned beef an' potatoes,
an' more thankful for It, I'll be bound,
than I am for all the good things I've got
In my cellar an" pantry! I'm so ashamed
of myself!"
"Why, Phoebe!"
"But this Is what you've got to do,
Thyrza; you an' the children must go
right home with me an' keep Thanksglv
ln'. I'll kill a pair o' chickens an' we'll
make a big potpie like we had the Inst
time you et your Thanksgivin' dinner
with me. I've piles of pie an' cookies an
doughnuts an' a big pound cake all baked
up! You've got to go, Thyrza, for the
sake of old times! Come on an' welcome
to you all!"
There was no opposing Miss Podd and
in fifteen minutes they were all on their
way to her house, the two cousins walk
ing arm in arm.
When they reached Miss Todd's house
Job met them with a grin on his face.
'That young gobbler's a good one," said
Job. "I reckon he thought he'd be smurt
enough to save his neck. I found him
just now in the shed room. The winder
was up an' I reckon he flew In there last
night an' he found it so comfortable he
concluded to stay right there, 'speshly as
there was a bag of corn there."
"Well, yon get his head right off an
put him in the Ice house to cool off," said
Miss Podd. "Our dinner'll be late, Thyr
ia, but I'll set out a good lunch to kind
o' stay our stummicks an' then you an' I
will pitch in an git up one o' the rcg'lar
Thanksgivin' dinners like we used to gir
np 'fore we was geese enough to fall out.
But we've fell in again, as it were, an'
it won't be my fault If we don't stay
friends the rest of our days." Detroit
Free Press.
"Why School Is Closed.
Teacher And now. Jolmnv tn m
why school will be closed on Thanksgiv
ing aay i
Johnnr So that w mnv .r.-a.
thing to be thankful for. School Bor4
Circular Iaaund Telling F.mlern Iopla
About the Iteaouroea of the
The Northern Pacifio Railway has
Issued a circular gotten out eH3ially
to exploit the resources of Western
Wanhiatou in respect to its timber
and lumber industries. The pamphlet
contains gome hanilosine half-tone illus
t rations of the bii timler in Washing
ton, besides exhaustive statistics ami
other valuable informaton for lumber'
The figures contain dome lnforma
tion calculated to startle even Puget
Sound lumbermen, who ate accustomed
to looking upon these resources iu a
matter of fact way. Tho following list
shows the following rail shipments of
dressed lumber for tho past nine yearn,
over the various roads to points with
out the state of Washington: Hail ship
ments in the year 18U0, 100,000,000
feet; 18U1, 500,000,000; WJ'2, 9(H),
000,000; 18U3, 1,000,000,000; 1891,
1,200,000,001); 1805, 1,900,000,000;
18U0, 2,2r)8,800,000r 1807, 2,800,400,
000; 1898, 8,000,000,000.
In referring to what is considered
by Eastern lumbermen as abnormal
features of Washington timber, tho
pamphlet siivs:
"The growthj" Washington timber
is remarkahie in many ways, for one
thing it has single trees of extraordinary
size. A King county tree recently cut
measured nine feet in diameter at the
butt, four feet eight inches at the top,
was 186 feet long and scaled 4,000 feet
of clear lumber, without knot or blem
ish. From a cedar log 22 feet long
73,000 five to two and one-quarter 18
inch Perfection shinnies were manufac
tured, worth upwards of $150.
"The red fir is not infrequently 250
feet high, the pine 100 feet, the silver
fir 150 feet, tho black spruce 150 feet
and white oak 70 feet. (darg htivo
been found 21 feet in diameter and 120
feet high. Trees from six to eight feet
In diameter are frequently seen in the
forests of tins region."
Oregon Lumbering.
The Booth-Kelly Lumber Company
has stacked on the railroad platform
at Saginaw over 1,000,000 feet of lum
ber ready for shipment to California
and Eastern points. On account of
lack of cars and other rolling stock the
Southern Pacific seems unable to
handle the business. At 10,000 feet to
the car, those of the largest capacity,
the lumber on hand will require 100
The Necanicum Spruce Lnmber
Company, of Seaside, has purchase.
the boiler formerly in use in the old
Knappton cannery, and will use it to in
crease the capacity of the company's
box factory and dryhouses. The new
dryhouse has a capacity of 00,000 and
will soon be completed. An Eugan
band rosaw machine has recently been
purchased in the East and will arrive
t?Vortly at its destination. Tljis com
pany recently purchased 2,000,000 feet
of spruce timber along the becauicum,
and a contract has been let for logging
A New ltonrf to Dawson
J. J. McArthn. who has been in
charge of the ''listruc.tion of the ('ana
dian government's new winter trail be
tween Bennett and Dawson, has arrived
in Skagway, having completed the
trail. The new route is 150 miles
shorter than the old all-river route.
The first 50 miles of it by laud beyond
Bennett is along the grade of the ex
tension of the White Pass railroad to
White Horse rapids. Beyond that
the government force of 80 men cut tho
trail through 100 miles of timbered
country. The road in no place is more
hilly than in ordinary Western regions,
and it leads around the rapids that are
a vexation to those traveling the old
river route.
The first mail to Dawason over the
new route was sent out several days
ago in charge of the Canadian Devel
opment Company, which has tho con
tract to carry American aa well as the
British mails this winter to and from
the Klondike. Koadhouses are being
opened every 25 to 30 miles along the
road, and the terrors of long journeys
in the Arctic region without place of
shelter will not have to be endured in
making the trip to Dawson hereafter.
Transportation companies that will
engage in sledding and general freight
ing over tho new route this winter er-
pect a heavy travel, especially toward
Nome. It is said one company will
put on 250 teams.
Everett's Progress.
Everett has made great progress in
the past year. Its big paper mill em
ploys 150 persons at a monthly wage
of $8,000; and the smelter, iron works,
four sawmlls, a sash-and-door lactory
and eight shingle mills help to swell the
payrolls and give steady employment
to later. New buildings, include a
schoolhouse, a hall, $30,000 court
house, several business blocks, and nu
merous honses.
New Flouring Mill.
Wenatchee is to have a new flouring
mill at once. K. T. I.Iurdoek. from
Chelan. Wash., is to be the nronrietor
and manager of the new enterprise, and
orK win commence at once. Ihe
dllsite has been selected on the Co
lumbia river. The mill will have a
capacity off50 barrels a day to start
ltn, ami tne plant will De increased
3 business demands it.
Will Pot in a Creamery.
T. S. Townsend, of Portland, who
has several creameries in the state,
visited Woodburn last week. He pro
poses to put in a creamery in Wood
burn, provided he can be regularly sup
plied with milk from alxiut 200 cows
by the farmers. He states that the
Willamette valley is the best section
in the world for creamery sites, and
he has a good market for all of his
manufactured products.
Potato Shipment.
Shipment of potatoes to San Fran
cisco from Portland has already begun,
something unprecedented so early in
the season. Farmers are digging, but
there is a chasm in California yawning
for every potato taken out of the ground
in Oregon, and they are going for the
purpose of trying to fill it. The Cali
fornia demand has already caused the
price to rise from 50 to 60 cents.
There are said to be a plentiful supply
of potatoes in Oregon this year, how
ever, and when digging really gets in
inn blast the price will come down
General TnuL C'lintliiuea mi a Mailnium
Volume fur the Year,
r.radstreet's review of trade for the
week says: General trade aud Indus-
try continue at a maximum volume
for this season of the year, while prices
as a wiiole, manifest a strengtn unap'
proached in recent years.
Strength on values is still most not
ablo among manufactured textiles, bu
cereals, hides and leather and the
manufactures thereof have also
strengthened slightly. On the other
hand, pork products and tin are slight
ly lower. Iho great majority of
prices, nowever, remain firm at uu
changed quotations. An active con
sumptive demand for wool is reported
at leading markets, accompanied by
fair export demanj, and a further re
ductiou in stocks.
Cereals do not manifest any striking
change this week, but the resisting
power of the market is appraeutly
greater, more moderate receipts ol
wheat at tne West inducing some cov
ering, and corn is sympathetically
stronger. Another feature naturally
attracting attention at this time of the
year is the demand for but goiierally re
ported small stocks of coal available
Inith East and West.
Lumber displays cbntinuod strength
Bnd advices are of an expected very
heavy cut this winter, both in the
Northwest aud at the South.
Wheat, including flour, shipments
for the week aggregated 4,540,007
bushels, against 4,750,842 bushels last
week; 5,679,141 bushels iu tlie corre
spending, week of 1898. Cora exports
for the week aggregate 4,003,718 bush
els against 4,581,447 bushels last week
3,731,724 bushels in this week a yea
ago; 3,208,790 bushels in 1897; 2,975,
721 bushels in 1890, and 1,743,167
bushels in 1895.
Business failures in tho United States
number 189 for the week.
Reattls Markets.
Onions, new, $ 1. 00 (3 1.25 per sack
Potatoes, new, $ 1618.
Beets, per sack, 85c.
Turnips, per sack, 65o.
Carrots, per sack, 75c.
Parsnips, per sack, !)0c.
Cauliflower, 75o tor dozen.
Cabbage, native aud California, $1
1.25 per 100 pounds.
Peaches, 65 80c.
Apples, $1.25 1.50 per lox. .
Pears, $l.00l. 25 per box. '
Prunes, COo per box.
Watermelons, $1.50.
Nutmegs, 50 75c.
Butter Creamery, 30o per pound;
dairy, 17 22c; ranch, 20c- per pound.
Eggs rirm, 30e.
Cheese Native, 13 14o.
Poultry 11 12Mc; dressed, 130,
Hay Puget Sound timothy, $12.00;
choice Eastern Washington timothy,
Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23;
feed meal, $23.
Barley Boiled or ground, per ton,
$21; whole, $22.
Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.65;
blended straights, $3.25; California,
$3.25; buckwheat flour, $3.50; gra
ham, per barrel, $3.90; whole wheat
flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.75.
Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $16.00;
shorts, per ton, $17.00.
Feed Chopped feed, $20.50 per ton;
middlings, per ton, $22; oil cake meal,
per ton, $35.00.
Portland Market.
Wheat Walla Walla, 50 52c;
alley, 51c; Bluestem, 52c per bushol.
Hour Best grades, $3.25; graham,
$2.65; superfine, $2.15 tier barrel.
Oats Choice white, 84 36c; choice
gray, 32 33c per bushel.
Barley Feed barley, $1616.50;
brewing, $18.00 19.00 per ton.
Millstuffs Bran, $17 per ton; mid
dlings, $22; shorts, $18; chop, $16 per
Hay Timothy, $9 11; clover, $7
8; Oregon wild hay, $67 per ton.
Butter Fancy creamery, 50 55c;
seconds, 42245c; dairy, 8740c;
store, 25 35c.
Eggs 29 30c per dozen.
Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c;
Young America, 14c; now cheese 10c
per pound.
Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.00
4.00 per dozen; hens, $4.50; springs,
$2.003.50; geese, $5.500.00 for old;
$4.506.50 for young; ducks, $4.50
per dozen; turkeys, live, 1314o
per pound.
Potatoes 60 65c per sack; sweets,
2 2o per pound.
Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90c;
per sack; garlic, 7c per pound; cauli
flower, 75o per dozen; parsnips, $1;
beans, 5flo per pound; celery, 70
75o per dozen; cucumbers, 50o per
box; peas, 84cper pound; tomatoes,
75c per box; green corn, 12M
15c per dozen.
Hops 710c; 1898 crop, 56c.
Wool Valley, 1213o per pound;
Eastern Oregon, 8 14c; mohair, 27
30c per pound.
Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers
and ewes, 3Vc; dressed mutton, 6K
7c per pound.; lambs, 7o per pound.
Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00;
light and feeders, $4.50; dressed,
$6.006.50 per 100 pounds.
Beef Gross, top steers, $3. 50 4.00;
cows, $33.50; dressed beef, 6)a
740 per pound.
Veal Large, 87)ac; small, 8
8o per pound.
Ban Francisco Market.
Wool Spring Nevada, 1215o per
pound; Eastern Oregon, 1216c; Val
ley, 18 20c; Northern, 8 10c.
Hops 1899 crop, 7a12o per
Onions Yellow, 75 85c per sack.
Butter Fancy creamery 26 27c;
io seconds, 27a28c; fancy dairy, 25
27c; do seconds, 23 24c per pound.
Eggs Store, 25 32c; fancy ranch,
Millstuffs Middlings, $19.00
20.50; bran, $1 7.50 18.00.
Hay Wheat $7. 50 10; wheat a nd
oat $7.009.00; best barley $5.00
7.00; alfalfa, $5.00 7.00 per ton;
straw, 25 40c per bale.
Potatoes Early Rose, 40 50c; Ore
gon Burbanks, $1.251.50; river Bur
banks, 50 75c; Salinas Burbanks.
1.00 1.10 per sack.
Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia,
$2.753.25; Mexican limes, $4.00
5.00; California lemons 75c$1.50:
do choice $1.752.00 per box.
Tropical Iruits Bananas, $1.50
2.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom
inal; Persian dates, 66io per
: Georgie's Qab i
After me and paw aud the Pupp Had
Lived ou paw'a Cooken Four day paw
"Well, 1 alu't agoln to Put up With
This Outrage enuy Ixinger. I Bin up
agliist soul.) Cold propposlsheus In my
Time and I was Hun over By a Skorch
er Wtinsr, But this here Thing of P.elu
left to Stnrve by a Hartlcss Woinim
whllo She's away eaten Fritters and
frosted Cuke three times a Dny U a
Little Bit tho Worst Thing that ever
hiiened t uie and It alu't dolu my
blstum a Bit of Good."
It tutched my Hart to Look nt paw.
He had a ead countenuuee and a'xnu
47 Greece Spots ou his Ill.ncss Soot.
The pupp was the only one what Seem
ed to (Jit along all rite on Paw's cook
en, Beeoz he wasent brot tip to be per
tlekler about his Vittlcs and got most
of tho stuff paw cooked fcr Me and
So paw Sed we was goin to Go and
Git maw and Little Albert and the next
Dny we went on the Three ocloek tmne.
We got the Uawsons to keep the pupp
till we Got Buck, and when we come
out of the Doepo after paw Hot Ills
ticket the pupp was thare Lookln up in
paw's face and Waggen His tale Like
If the Joke was on somebuddy else.
"Bluine that Duwg," paw says, "If I
Had a Club thay would Be a nock out
rite here Iu On i Bound, and it wouldn't
be no Chance blow neether."
But the tranc come ulong In about a
mlult and paw grabed the pupp when
the Couduckter was Lookeu the other
way and we got In. The pupp lade
Down under the Seat and Kep purty
quiet till it was Time to Git Out the
Ticket. After the eonduckter punched
paw's and putt a Little red card In his
bat He held out his hand and Says:
"Whare's the Boy's V"
"What do you mean?" paw ast.
"Ain't that your Boy?" the man says.
"Yes," paw told Him, "but he's Too
young to pay."
"That Don't go on this Road," the
Conduckter Says. "He'll Be ghavln
Twlct a week In a year or So. Come
on now, I nln't got no Time to Listen
to no Stories about Dates In the Fam
ily Bible."
"I guess you must Be a new man
Ileie," paw Says. "You Don't no the
general manager of This Company Is
my uncle, Do you? What's your
The Conduckter looked kind of sted
dy at paw fer a minute and then sed:
"All rite."
So he went on puuehiu the Tickets,
and after he was up at the other End
of the Car paw Says:
"They ain't nothlu Like Havin' nurve
and Keepln' your Wits about you. I
Hope you'll take after me and always
'no Enuff to keep Cool and Canini When
you git In Tlte places. I wouldn't of
Done a Thing Like That only this Bode
run over a Cow for Uncle Henry Wunst
and Wouldn't pay nothln."
Purty soon the Couduckter Came
Back and Leaned against the Seat In
front of us, and Says to paw:
"So the General manager Is one of
your fiimbly, Is He? When was you
In to See the Old gentleman Last?"
"About a week ago," paw Says.
"It's a pity about His health, Ain't
"Yes. I Couldn't Help notusen He
was fallen purty Fast I Told him he
was Foolish to work So hard. He ot
to take a Best."
"I spose you didn't ast him fer a pass
Beeoz you Felt so Sorry fer Illm," the
Conduckter Says.
"Oh, no," paw anserd, "I Didn't no I
was Goin then and I ain't Had no time
to Tend to it Since."
"Look here," the Conduckter Says,
purty mod, "the General manager's
Been In Yoorup fer Six months, and if
He had enny Keelashens like you I
don't Spose He'd Ever Come Back to
try to live It Down. Now I want a
Ticket fer that Boy."
Then the pupp Seen thay was Sum
thing rong Goin on So he Crawled out
From uuder the Scat and Begin to
"Where's the Best of the Fambly,"
the Couduckter ast "You ain't got a
goto or a caff or a goose or ennythlng
Like that with you, Besides the Boy
and the Dawg, Have you?"
"Don't git funny," paw says, Givln
the pupp a kick that made everybud
dy In the car take an Interest One
man Jlst Behind us Hollered:
'I gess you made a mistake. You
wanted to Git on the Cattle Trane,
Didn't you?" and anuther one on the
other side says to the Conduckter:
'You Better Serch Him. Mebbe he
Has a Babbit or Two Consealed about
his purson."
Then paw Stood tip and Shook his
fist nt Them and Hollered:
'You Fellers ot to Git a Job With
Some Sho. Them Jokes Is So BHte
the publlck would go Crazy over
Everybuddy In the Car Laft But me
and paw Couldn't tell whether It was
at the other fellers or us.
So paw settled fer nie nnd we Took
the pupp and went In the Smoken Car
and the next Stashen was wharo we
Got off.
When me and paw and the Tupp was
standen on the platform All alone and
the Trane had went on I says:
"Paw, Did you Haft to lum to keep
cool and caunn In tlte places or did It
jlst come natcherel to You?" .
raw he set His satchel Down kind
of slow and put his Hand on ml Hed
and says:
"George, Sum day you are agoin to
gro up and Be a man If your life is
spaired and mebby you mite have Chil
dren. Then when thay come In the
Times of your tribble and Sho that
whare thay ot to Have Luv fer you In
thare Brest thay ain't nothing But Dis-
especk you will no what It Is to be a
fawther with a Surpent's tooth Biten
at your Hart. Say, if you tell the folks
ennything about what hapened com in
out Here I'll brake every Bone In your
boddy." Chicago Times-Herald.
Habits nt a Hawaiian Specie Made
FiahinsT Dangerona.
This Is a fish story, but It Is true If the
writing of a man who signs "F. It G.
S." after his name count for fact We
all know the "gar," a long, thin gentle
man like an elongated pickerel that of
ten occupies a stall In our flh markets.
They rarely attain a longtn of aver
twelve Inches here, but ut Aru, FIJI,
and thereabouts they grow much larger
and the bill, armed with sharp tcelh.
Is a weapou to be dreaded. The fish
bask habitually at the very surface of
the water and become extremely ex
cited and in the larger specluu'Ug vi
cious at the slightest nlarm.
The gentleman who describes the In
cident was collecting specimens of
shells aloug the reef In the Aru Island,
natives towing the boat along tho by
ways, tossing the useless specimens
and bunches of coral overboard agalu.
In doing this he noticed that almost In
variably tho large gars that were iu
the vicinity would start out of the wa
ter and dash away at headlong speed,
glancing In aud out of the water like
a shot. One of the fish coming near the
boat, he observed that os soon as Us
direction could be determined the na
tive lifted up a peculiar flat basket that
he carried aud held It as a shield, at the
same time raising his club.
The Idea of using a basket as a shield
seemed a comical one, but was never
theless a good one, as a few moments
later a native some 300 yards to the left
lifted a huge branch of coral and, find
ing nothing In It, hurled It back again.
It fell with a loud crash and almost In
stanly four or five gars darted from
the water, rushed away with Incredi
ble Sjieed. Two of tho largest came
flying toward the boat clearing the
water and glancing out again, aud the
native had barely time to utter a warn
ing cry when one of them passed di
rectly over where bin head had been a
moment before. The other came full at
the native. For a second It was under
the water, then sut with a bound, flash
lug In the sunlight like a meteor.
The quick eye of the native, however,
had followed It and, stepping back, ho
raised the thick basket shield and re
ceived the flying gar full upon It. The
blow was so heavy that for the Instant
the man staggered and was nearly
thrown over, while the fish, evldeully
stunned and confused by this sudden
arrest of Its progress, lashed the water
about him Into foam. A spear was
soon put Into It and the dangerous liv
ing arrow thrown into the boat
Hawalipu Weekly.
Cacti in a not le.
A new method of growing caetl bat
been discovered In the botanical car-
dens of Berlin. All that Is required Is
a shapely bottle, a little rich earth aud
a few cactus seeds that can be bought
of any florist for a few cents. Bottles
In which ereme de menthe or some of
the other cordials usually come, are
well adapted to this purpose on account
of the clearness of the glass and the
grace of their shape. . .V
Having secured the bottle, cleanse It
thoroughly and then put earth In It un
til the bottom Is covered to a height of
alwut an Inch. Sprinkle this earth well,
almost soaking wet, aud then throw In
three or four cactus seeds. Close tho
bottle snugly with a tight-fitting cork
aud seal It close with sealing wax. Tie
a strong cord around the neck of the
bottle and hang It In a window that the
sun reaches for at least several hours
every day. In cold weather the bottle
must not be exposed. The living room,
with a constant temperature of 70 de
grees or more, stilts the experiment ad
mirably. Then the entire process of
growth can be wntched with im mmill
Interest. The opening and rooting of
the seeds, and the gradual development
of the plauts will follow, almost as If by
London Tailors Do Not Kit.
"The best that can be said of the
clothes Imported by American men
from Loudon Is that they are well
made," said Nelson 11. Huntington of
New York, who has spent years abroad
In the study of the hospitals. "They
never fit. Indeed, the art of misfit
seems to be carefully studied. The
garments of both men nnd women
never set well, and even the actresses,
who are supposed to be exacting, suf
fer from the inability or indisposition
of the English tailors to fit the figure.
The finish, however, shows fine and
thorough workmanship. The French
achieve better fits, but the work Is
atrocious, making the best garments :
look cheap and hurried. Not even im
portant buttons are secure. American
tailors and dressmakers surpass every
thing In Europe In making a fit, and the
finish compares favorably with the
English. The New-Yorkers who Im
port garments maae ny rooie ana other .
fashionable Londan tailors had themt
refitted by American tailors until a
year or two ago, when the latter re
fused to touch them at any price."
Plltlmlitlnhld Vrth 1 m,irlinn
Tho Last Opportunity. : '
The Into Col. Robert G. Ingersoll, the
famous skeptic, told many stories of
experiences which grew out of the com
mon knowledge of his skepticism. One
of these related to a visit which he
once made to Bev. Phillips Brooks, be
fore Doctor Brooks became a bishop. .
Calling on Doctor Brooks, he was re-
fused admission because, as the ser
vant said, It was "sermon day," and,
some of Doctor Brooks' own home pm-'
pie bad nlready been denied admission.
But Doctor Brooks learned that Inger-.
soil was at the door, and sent out word
that he should come in. '
After the Interview, and as Colonel
Ingersoll was about to leave, he said:
"Doctor Brooks, your man told me
that you hod denied yourself to some
of your home people this morning. Now
bow Is It that you have admitted me, a
stranger?" ...
"Oh, that's quite easy," said Doctor
Brooks, laughing. "They are mj
church-members, and 1 shall eee'them
again, here or In heaven, but Isn't it
right for me to consider your belief,'
and that I 6hall probably never meet
you again!"
Bridegroom Sent Away.
A Polynesian bridegroom Is consplo
uous by his absence during the wed
ding festivities. As soon as negotia
tions are opened with the family of the
bride, the young man Is "sent Into the
bush," and there he Is obliged to stay
until the wedding ceremonies are com
pleted. Will Be Disappointing.
An English scientist shows that llaulri
air cannot do the great things expected
of It as a source of power or of refriger
ation. The cost of manufacture Is sucb
that It cannot pay to use the air pro
duced by the evaporation of the llould.
for the propulsion of an engine. For
refrigeration a lump of Ice beats a bot
tle of the liquid sir. 1