Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 22, 1899)
A LITTLE WOMAN.
Porlmn. vou never knew herT She
Was only known to thoe who love her
And still revert her memory,
Pure as the stars that shine above her.
By God's strange providence bereft
Of father, lister, friends and brothers,
And homeless. Joyless ever left
She freely gave her life for others.
If grief she had she did not tell;
We dared not ask we never knew It;
Her heart was like a hidden well,
Ieep sealed and ouly God saw
fin m n.1 sweet with mercy, swift
She moved her smile of Jy the token;
Her willing hands the weight would lift
From many a heart, despairing brok
en! And many a life bowed down with shame
Beneath her tender touch grew human;
And hps that prayed not breathed her
And said: "God bless that little wom
an:" The day she died they came to me
And Bald: "No boon would we deny her;
Borne word above her grave must be.
Now that the Lord has culled her high
er." I wept but did not weep alone,
Because my grief was theirs In com
mon; Bald I: "Place nothing on the stone
Save this: 'Here lies a Little Wom
1 "I can't stay, an wont. 'Taln't in
human natur'," muttered Ann Friend.
"Always the saine! Sunshine for oth
ers, shadows for me!"
"Where's the slate, honey? Where's
the slater piped a quivering voice, as
Ann stepped Into the dim kitchen and
began to bustle about energetically.
"We mun cross It off, honey; we mun
cross It off. Tls the 21st to-day, and
the boy comes home on the 20th, bless
"Here, 'tis, mother-in-law. Bide quiet
a bit while I sets the kettle on the hob."
'wtvu Aava. five davs." echoed the
old woman. "We mun be busy
and get the place set clean
sheets aired; and I'm thinking,
If vou was to put the things
me I might make the ginger cake he
used to set such store by, ch?
"Now, mother-in-law, I'll not have
vou messing around and making your
self ill." Ann spoke with decision.
"What's good enough for us is good
enough for him."
"But, Ann 'tis my son John 'tis
your own man, Ann!"
Ann's face grew harder and harder
as she left the kitchen and went up
stairs to her bedroom.
"I can't stay, nor I won't!" said Ann
Friend, suddenly, as she stood looking
out of the window. "Nobody could ex
pect me to stay. She won't care so
long as she's got him,' and he won't
care so long as he's got his liberty and
a roof over his head."
Bending down she drew a box from
under the bed and began to pack into
it the contents of the one chest of draw
ers that stood in the room.
At the bottom of the last drawer she
came upon a little bundle of baby's
clothes, and for a moment the hard
ness of her face softened while she un
folded each tiny garment and exam
ined it carefully. Then the cloud re
turned, and the clothes were once more
tied into a bundle and returned to the
now empty drawer.
" 'Tis well she died," she thought to
herself. " 'Tis well she can't be asham
ed of her father. I'll leave them there;
he'll like maybe to see how tall she
Four years ago Ann Friend would
have told you that she was one of the
happiest women in the whole village,
and the village Itself would not have
have disputed the fact. Yet in two
short years the happiness fled, the hus
band was a disgraced man, and Ann,
whose good temper was proverbial,
knew herself to have changed into a
soured, hard woman.
The Inhabitant of the little village
where Ann had been born and bred said
among themselves that Mrs. Friend
was a rare good woman and had borne
the disgrace of her husband's Impris
onment as few women would have
They never knew the rage that took
possession of proud Ann Friend when
the Bhadow of disgrace fell upon her
home. They never knew the bitter con
tempt that filled her heart when she
thought of the father of her child
working out his sentence In the neigh
"If you are innocent, prove it," was
his wife's thought, but the thought was
never put into words, for Ann was one
of those strange characters whose
thoughts are worse than their actions.
The mother believed la her Bon's
word and counted the days for his re
turn; the wife allowed her to believe
that she did likewise. Some of the
neighbors believed aUo In John's inno
cence; the wife held her peace, and
they accounted her loyal.
Every day Ann determined to break
down her long reserve to tell the o!d
woman that she, John's wife, would
rather die than be thero in person to
welcome him home, yet each day saw
the momentous words unspoken.
At last the morning of the 2iith ar
rived. The explanatory letter was
written and pinned on the pincushion;
the box, corded and addressed, stood
in the outhouse on the handcart she
Intended wheeling to the nearest sta
tion; the old mother bad been dressed
In her best Sunday gown and cap; the
coffee stood ready on the hob, and still
the silence of two years had not been
"I may as well see how prison's
greed with him," thought Ann, as she
looked at the clock and saw It was Just
. about 7:30, and then felt Irritated with
the consciousness that this thought had
been behind all her actions for foe last
With a sullen face Ann left the cot
tage and took a short cut through the
fields to where, standing on a low, Sir
clad hill, she could look down uupcr
celved on the roads below. There were
two roads the broad white road from
the distant town that held the prison
nd which wound Its way onward lo
Jh next large town, and the curved.
narrow lane that met it and struck
downward on the left to the little vil
lage of Fraut, passing the Friends' cot
tage ou Its way.
Ann knew that prisoners were re
leased from Newbara Juil at 8 o'clock In
the morning. She knew that John must
come to where the roads crossed. Aft
er one look at the disgraced man she
would have time to run home and start
with ber box in the opposite direction
before he f.ould reach the cottage, so
she stood there and waited, and was
angry with herself for waiting-angry
because the minutes went so slowly,
then angry because they had gone so
fast, when a solitary figure appeared
walking In the center of the road, ruak
It suddenly seem broad, white and
The man, for it was a man, walked
slowly, hesitatingly. He felt his way
with a stick, as if he was blind.
Yes. It was John; but why did he walk
like that, instead of swinging along
in his old hearty manner? Perhaps he
felt ashamed. Serve him right If he
He came nearer and nearer, and, as
nhu on iv that be had a green Bhade
over his eves, the color left her cheeks,
and, forgetting to hide herself as hith
erto, she went to the extreme edge of
the little hillock and looked down in
When the man came to the cross
roads he stopped and stood facing down
the narrow lane for full five minutes.
It was a poor, pitiful sight upon
which the sunshine shone the poor,
maimed face, with lurid smallpox
murks and swollen features. To some
it would have been a repulsive sight
It brought but a hungry, yearning look
into the eyes looking down upon it,
And then, Blowly, deliberately, the
man turned away from the lane, step
ped again Into the center of the road,
and continued his way.
"My God! he Is going away be 1
not coming home!" gasped Ann; and
forgetful alike of hor wrongs, her res
olutions, she tore down the steep bank
crop. Any man who has attempted to
catch a frog knows that it is not the
easiest thing in the world. Science,
however, bus solved the problem and
the farmer goes up and picks bis frog
off his perch just as though he was an
ear of corn on a Btalk.
The growing demand in cities for
frog hams has created this Industry In
a murvelously short time. In all first-
class restaurants In cities frog hams
have become as fixed a delicacy for the
menu as any other of tho food stuffs.
For a long time this demand was tinea
by boys and young nieu, who went out
and gathered the frogs, toads and ev
erything they could get hold of. isow
there are many frog farms Bcauerea
over Indiana. Farmers have round mat
their swamp lands, which have been
considered worthless, have great value
If thev are sown In bullfrogs In the fall.
Streams running through their lands
nre even better for the cultivation of
the froir. and If that stream has marsh
es ou each side and reeds and a mill
dam and some picturesque points it
seems to have a decided additional
Frogs of the best grade-big Ameri
can Tinitfrnir- now command an tne
wav from (10 cents to $1 a dozen, accord
Inir to the market where they are of
fered for sale. The frog farmer should
be able to catch all the way from 100
to 200 a night, or 1,000 a week, and put
them ou the market. There are some
Indiana farms turning out such crops,
This represents a big amount of money
The farmer Is at practically no expense
after he gets his farm well stocked.
The scientific method of bagging the
crop Is the result of an Indiana mau
Ingenuity. He Is Thomas Farrer, of
Slielbyvllle, who perhaps knows more
on the subject of practical frogology
than does any other man In the Missis
slppl valley. For some years Farrer
wns In the habit of going to the wilds
of Arkansas annually ou hunting and
llshlus expeditions. He discovered
while out at night carrying a blazing
pine knot, that tho frogs would cease
DRUGGISTS AND THEIR
WAYS. I ORIGIN OF "HIP, HIP, HURRAH I" I JjJT US ALL LAUGH.
1 hiiJ'f'btt ilfi iff tf f 'f fShJ f't . v f f!,fjft V f,YS
, honey, wim,, t mvmfyrmm IOMMl y,m
. XEMil M lW IM m
ready for , trPim W7F WTL
W '19, W WW4?-
mill? in 4
HI I I Ml I
CATCHING FROGS AT NIGHT.
Why Eonie Pharmacists Hefuee to Re-
peat Certain Pretcrlptlone.
The question Is often asked, says the
New York Tribune, To whom does a
bvslclau's prescription belong the pa
tient or the druggist who fills it? I
one puts this inquiry to a uuuiber of
druggists their answers will U.sagree,
perhaps. At any late, some pharma
cists are accustomed to make a copy of
the prescription In their books when it
first presented, and surrender vue
original to the patleut or the patient s
representative, while others will keep
the original, and regard It as their owu
property. But even In such case tn
will always furnish a copy i: it is de
manded. Ordinarily the patient, n ue
desires a renewal, will go to the same
druggist as at first, and the number on
the bottle which he carries along with
him will serve as a sufficient guide lu
Identifying both prescription aud per
Once In a while, however, a druggist
declines to fill a prescription a secouu
time. This rarely happens, but In-
tances can be found. Naturally, the
druggist wants to relieve Illness, retain
the good will of his patrons, and maae
a sale that might otherwise go to a
business rival Hence be Is uol likely
to refuse unless lie has reason to be
lieve that the doctor who wrote the pre
scription might object to a renewal.
A physician's objection might result
from a desire Vo cbaugo his line o(
treatment after a certain limit had been
passed. He might wish to keep his
patient under observation while the
drug or combination of drugs was lu
use, and then govern himself by clr
cumstanccs. He might fall to explain
In advance his motives, either from for
getfuluess or from a desire to keep his
owu counsel. Some physicians are very
communicative and others are quite the
reverse. Failure to mention the plan
of campaign would not necessarily re
fleet In any way upon the patient. To
be sure, doctors are sometimes ani
mated by a fear that a patient may ac
quire a taste for a drug that In used In
a prescription morphine, for Instance
aud they would rather not promote
such a result. But guarding again!
this contingency for the future would
not imply anything derogatory as to
For these and other reasons ptiysi-
clans have been known to write on a
prescription specific Instructions to III!
it only ouce. One doctor, and possimy
others, has printed blanks for prescrip
tions, and across the top Is printed a
line, "Not to be filled again." net)
the prescription Is actually written, the
doctor will draw his pen through the
word "Not" If he Is wllliug-ns he usu
ally Is to have the remedy used once
more. But If he wants to limit Its ue.
he will leave the negative alone. A
careful Inspection of the prescription
by the patleut would reveal this pro
hibition, or a similar one, In writing.
But patients rarely try to rend prescrip
tions, because the symbols and abbre
viations are seldom intelligible to the
Orders uot to renew are given so rare
ly that they are almost unheard of. It
Is possible that, owing to the exception
al character of a prescription and the
length of time that has elapsed since it
w as first Elleda conscientious druggist
will doubt whether a doctor would like
to have It renewed, aud yet be without
any clear Information on that point.
He might then take the responsibility
of declining to fill it a second time. But
even then be would uot refuse to fur
nish a copy of the prescription.
English at All, but Found on
Egyptian Monuments. ,
"Hip, hip, hurrah," ban always been
regarded as a thoroughly British cry,
typical or the exuberant temperament
of the race. Compared with it tht
"Vive" of the Frenchman, the "Hoch"
of the German and the "Slava" of the
Russian are tame and expressionless.
It Is a cruel blow to find that the
words are not English at all. The oue
eonsolatlon left us Is that they were
not "made In Germany."
A gentleman named Adams has been
investigating the mysteries of the pyr
amids and monuments of Egypt, and
has found the phrase "Hip, hip, hur
rah" among the early hieroglyphics ol
The ouly consolation derivable from
this remarkable discovery Is the argu
ment which may reasonably be de
duced that the presence of those Brit
ish words among the etymological
treasures of Pharaoh land give us an a
priori right to the whole of the Nile val
ley. And this theory Is strengthened by
the fact that according to Mr. A da me
the hieroglyphic "Hip, hip, hurrah,"
means, when translated, "On, on to
An Irish Egyptologist writes to as
sert that the phrase came from Pharaoh
land via Dublin. In the works of Sir
James Ware (1505-1 000), the famous
Hibernian historian and antiquarian of
Ireland, there Is a passage which says:
"Some writers think that Irelaud was
called Scotia, from Scota, the wife of
GaethcluN, and daughter of a King
Pharaoh, but of which name I know
not; and the Irish language was invent
ed from the same Gaethelus, from
whom It was called Gaelic. Other say
that another Scota. also a daughter of
a king of Egypt, married Mlleslus, and
gave the name of Scotia to Ireland."
Thus, says our Hlbernleo-Egyptian
correspondent, "Hip, hip, hurrah," can
well be Egypto-Irlsh, only the trans
lation would have heeu happier at
"On, on, to couquest," for conquer
means to take by force of arms, wulh
plunder Is to take by force of bauds
grab, lu the parlauce of the day. Lon
JOKES FROM THfc PENS OF VA.
PUaaant Incidents Occurring tha
orld Over-Bajlngs that Ara Che.r
tat to Old or Youn Funny Selac
tiaua that Yo Will Knjojr.
Mrs. Dlx-When my husband and
I quarrel we never allow the children
to witness lt.
Mrs. Hlx-Why, how In the world do
yon manage It? i
Mrs. Dlx-We always send them out
of doors so they can hear nothing.
Mrs. Hlx- Oh, now I understand.
I've often wondered why your children
were on the street all the tliue.-Chl-
Mrs. Teck (3:23 a. m.)-lienry, xue
baby's crying. Get up and see what
II. Peck (sleepily) No use. She's
past the point when she merely cries
when she wants anything. Philadel
phia North American.
Koftlelgh-I always weah gloves foh
the aw-purpose of keeping me hands
soft, doncher know.
Miss Cuttlng-Indeed! And don't you
think It would be a good idea to discon
tinue wearing your hat for a similar
"I remember the referendum here in;
Indiana when I was a small boy."
"1 dou't, and I have lived in the State
all my life."
"You have a very poor memory.
Didn't you ever get Into a dispute with
another boy, and fiuully agree to leave
the decision to the crowd?"-Iudlauap-olls
In Hard LucV.
"What's the matter, old fellow?"
"I'm afraid I've got to the end of my
rope, dear boy. Two years ago I trad
ed my riding nag for a bicycle; last
I year I had uo trouble In trading the bi
cycle for a golf outfit, and now I'd
! like to trade the golfing outfit for an
automobile, aud I cawn't." Chicago
That Unite of a Brother
According to Your Birth Month, as
Told by the Mara.
The girl of the period may enjo;
knowing her character as predicted by
astrology in accordance with her birth
. A girl born lu January will be a pru
dent housewife, good-tempered, but In
clined to melancholy.
In February Humane and affection
ate as wife aud tender as mother.
In March A chatterbox, fickle,
stormy, and given to quarrels.
In April Pretty, dainty, Inconsistent
and not given to study.
In May Handsome In person and
contented and happy In spirit.
In June Gay, Impetuous, and will
In July Fair to look upon, but sulky
in temper aud Jealous.
In August Amiable, practical, and
will marry rich.
In September Discreet, affable, and
In October rretty, coquettish, and
oftentimes unhappy without cause.
In November L'beral, kind, amiable,
and thoughtful of others.
In December Well proportioned, gay,
fond of novelty, and inclined to be extravagant
A Terrible Threat.
" . . ..... ii i
"We were out usliiug ana uapi. w
airs was on the point of proposing,
when Jack shouted from the other boat,
Well, have you hooked blm yet?' and
the captain turned very red, and sud
denly changed the subject." Extract
from a private letter. Moonshine.
Just Fared Himself.
Henpekt-Emlly .these blseulbs aren't
the kind that
Mrs. Henpekt (glarlng)-Go ahead,
Henry; go ou!
Henpekt That I used to get down In
Cuba In the war-Brooklyn Life.
Goodly-Why don't you Join our
church? We are as oue large family,
all living in perfect peace.
Wordly Perfect peace, eh 7 lou
have no choir, then?
The ant (to the elephant) Look here,
tny frleud. If you dou't move I'll walk
The Foot of the Hrll.
"They seem to be eternally quarrel
lntr In Bolter's house."
"Yes. You know, Bolter came back
from the Klondyke with a little
money." Cleveland riaindealer.
A Modest Reqnest.
"Madam," said the soldier of misfor
tune, who was touring the country dis
guised as a tramp, "I do not want any
thing lu the way of home-made delica
cies for the interior department, but if
It Isn't asking too much I would be
glad to have you do a little sewing for
"Very well," replied the kind-hearted
ladv. "what can I do for you?" .
" 'Tis but a trifle," said the unrecord
ed globe trotter. "I have a button nere
that I will thank rou to sew a shirt
A Youthful Heformer.
Mother Jtmmle Smith Is a bad boy
and I can't allow you to plfly with him.
Johnnv-Dou't you think he might
get better If be was together with good
boys like me?
Contempt of Court.
The court What do you mean, sir,
by denying your identity?
The prisoner I dldu't want it gener
ally known that I was m sucn uau
company. Philadelphia North Amer
Nearly Kipowd Himself.
Wlfey What makes you stay at the
office so late at nights? Do you gain
anything by It?
Hubby No, but I have several times
come er within an ace of gaining
something. Philadelphia Record.
A Record Breaker.
rushed after the stumbling figure,
caught the man by the arm, and cried:
"John, John, you have taken the
wrong turning! This ts the way home,
"You see, my lass," said John Friend,
leaning on his wife's strong arm, "the
doctor told me I was a sad sight, and
I thought perhaps you would not know
when I was a-comlng out, and I'd go
into Gorrlck for a spell, till my hair had
grown and my eyes and face were a
bit better; but you was always a good
wife, lass; and how I should have got
through these two years without know
hie as vou believed I hadn't done It, I
don't know. You was always a good
And the Innocence Ann failed to be
lieve In when John Frleud was hale
aud hearty she believes in now that he
Is helpless and disfigured. London Tel
Curious Calvary Clover Bui.
A most remarkable little plant, which
Is exciting not a little attention among
plant lovers, Is the calvary clover (me-
dlcago echinus). Though generally sup
posed to be a native of Palestine, this
prettyjind curious little piani win live
and row freely in the somewhat
smoky atmosphere of Chicago.
Admirers of this plant say that to
produce healthy and thriving plants
it Is necessary to sow the seed on Good
Friday, while the more unimaginative
say that some time during the spring
will do just as well.
When the little leaves of the calvary
clover first appear above ground each
division of the leaf has a deep red spot
like freshly split blood upon It, which
lasts for some weeks and finally fades
The three leaflets composing each
leaf stand erect during the day In the
form of a cross, with the head In posi
tion and arms extended, but as the
sun begins to set and evening to draw
on the tiny arm leaflets are brought
together and the top leaflet, or head, Is
bowed over them.
SCIENTIFIC FROG FARMING.
Increased Demand in Citlea Has O ven
the Busineaa an Impetus.
Bull frog farming Is becoming a rec
ognized Industry lu Indiana. Within
the last few weeks the new branch of
culture has been established in many
sections of the State on most extensive
basis. Farmers have found that the
frog is commanding a ready market
and brings prices that cause the farmer
to open his eyes.
Frog farming is being reduced to a
scientific basts.' The farmers have al
ready found that not every frog that
crouk during the hours of the night
has a commercial value. It is ouly the
American bullfrog, whose croak comes
at long-measured Intervals aud sounds
like a grand "amen" above all of the
other croakings that has a commercial
The new farmer has also acquired
scientific knowledge on baggiu ia
croaking as the light paused, but would
not jump into the water. The thought
occurred to him that perhaps they were
charmed or delighted with the light, as
seals are said to be with music. The
thought of trying to catch one of the
big frogs that abound In that section
was carried iuto execution, the result
being that with the aid of a light he
had no great trouble in picking them
up. He found that the brighter the
light the easier his task was and the
more deeply hypuotlzed was the frog.
This began the evolution of the pres
ent calcium light effect which he gets
by taking an ordinary new tin bucket,
shifting the handle to the side and put
ting a lantern Inside of it. The bottom
and sides pet as a reflector, and with
the shifted handle It Is easily carried
and the light thrown full glare on the
frog. When It hits his eyes he Is asleep
and he knows nothing more until he Is
safely inside of a bag which the hunter
swings around his neck.
Quite Content with the Sentence.
"Your worship," said the wily solicit
or, who was defending the stalwart
prisoner in the dock, "you cannot pos
sibly convict my client of housebreak
ing. I submit, sir, with nil deference,
that neither morally nor legally can
you convict him. I will tell you why.
"Mr. Slkes, here, as the evidence
clearly proves, did not break Into any
house at all. He found the parlor win
dow open, as the witnesses admit, and
all he did was to put In his right arm
and remove some unimportant articles.
Now, sir, Mr. Slkes' arm is not he him
self, auu l rail to see how you can
punish the whole Individual for an of
fense committed by only one of his
'Very well, sir," said the cautious
Solomon of the bench, "I have he'ard of
similar defense before to-day, so
find the prisoner's arm guilty, and sen
tence it to six months' imprisonment.
The gentleman himself can accompany
It or not, as he chooses. Mr. Clerk, re
cord the sentence."
Then Mr. Slkes smiled a fourteen
Inch smile, and the plan of the defense
became apparent, as he quietly pro
ceeded to unscrew his guilty cork arm,
and leave it in the custody of the court
But a very short time ago a Sicilian
advocate was found guilty of sixty
three different acts of fraud. For his
industry aud enthusiasm In the cause
of dishonesty he was sentenced to ISO
Most married women have an exag-
4 gerated notion of the ease with which
their husbands ought to make money.
When a girl gets married the women
inquire "how her mother took it," aa
though it was a funeral.
A man thinks himself superior to a
hen, (ft a hen can sit on an egg without
It is easier to quit some bad habits
than it Is to continue them.
Conversation Without Words.
The traveler In a foreign land Is not
necessary helpless because he does not
know the language. Nor was a corre
spondent of the Chicago Record, who
admits that when he entered Italy his
nine words of French and fifteen words
of German were of no great use to
him. He says:
In Genoa I went into a vnot8ra-
pher's shop and selected a dozen pho
I pointed at the photographs and
looked at him enquiringly, which
meant, "How much?"
He nodded his head and wrote "14"
on a slip of paper.
I nodded, signifying, "1 wIU take
He walked over to a calendar hang
ing on the wall and pointed to 29; then
he walked back and picked up the pho
tographs and shook his head, which
clearly meant that he could not allow
me to take the ones I had selected, but
would have others printed by the 20th.
Thereupon pointed to 25 on the cal-
edar and said, "Iloma," which meant
that I should depart for Home on that
He nodded and then pointed to 30
and asked, "Eh?" which meant, "Shall
you be in Rome until the 30th?"
I nodded violently.
"Hotel?" he asked.
I wrote my Rome address on a slip of
"Poste," be explained.
Then I departed. Ordinarily a shop
per selecting-a 'dozen photographs to
be printed to order and forwarded to
him at the next town, would spend ten
minutes or more in making Inquiries
and giving directions. Our total of
conversation was Just five words.
A Man with Two Hearts.
A colored man named William King,
of New Bedford, Mass., has two hearts.
The case is thus described by Dr.
Munroe B. Long, of the Muhlenberg
Hospital staff, a physician of high re
pute: King has one heart on the right
and one on the left side of the chest.
whose separate beats in unison can
plainly be determined. By certain mus
cular contractions King let one heart
drop to the left lilac region, where I
clearly heard the beating; then let the
other heart drop to the right Iliac re
gion, where its beating was also plain
ly heard. When I told King he must
be lacking a diaphragm in order to
achieve the movement of those organs,
he showed me a letter from the late
Prof. Samuel Gross, of the Pennsylva
nia University, stating that fact, the
professor having cut into Kings side
some years ago and fonud no dia
phragm. King has been none the worse
for this physical eccentricity, for he
has lived to be over SO years old."
The truth that occupies a nutshell
finds some minds too narrow to give it
A man's head is apt to feel lightest
when be has a heavy load on.
Tolo played without the regulation
sticks, merely by the substitution of
cycles for horses, is a new game anion;
riders, though It requires no smali
amount of skill. It Is obvious that the
later form of game is possibly only for
expert wheelmen or wheehvomen.
When the bn.l te struck, not with a
stick, but always with the front wheel,
It means that the wheel must be lifted
clear of the ground to give It the neces
sary play, and that Is a feat beyond the
average rider. The rules for the new
game are the same as those of the stick
polo, and the player must always, on
penalty of a foul, keep his elycht to the)
left of an imaginary line drawl from
the opouents' goal to the cent of the
ball 1. e., must keep the ball on his
right hand side. Then, to make a
sharp stroke, the front wheel is llfte.
the left hand brought sharply back and
the ball Is struck with the rim and tire
of the hinder part of the front wheel.
It sounds like a perilous feat, and Is
somewhat, though not more so than the
game plnyed with sticks. In practice
for either falls are frequent and Inevit
able. The rule about keeping on one
side of the ball Is evidently framed In
order to avoid as far as possible such
disastrous coll slons as would ensue
from crossing right athwart a rider.
"No," said the conscientious candi
date, "I'd like very much to secure the
nomination, but I cannot tell a lie.
"Oh, that's all right," answered the
old politician, "here Is pen, ink and pa
peryou can write It.
"Why did you place such a tough
fowl before me?" asked the indignant
lady patron of the wuiter in a down
"Age before beauty, always, you
know, madam," was the gallant reply.
And then, woman-like, she smiled and
paid her bill without a murmur.
Humor In the Barnyard.
Traveler I must get to the railway
station as soon as possible which of
you has the fustest horse?
Cabman (pulling a paper from nis
pocket) Here, read this! Three years
ago I was fined four marks for fast
driving. Unsere Gesellscbaft.
"What's the new boarder's
ncss?" inquired the neighbor.
'I dunno," answered Farmer Corn-
tossel. "He keeps sayln' that the folks
In his town love him fur the enemies
he's made. I guess mebbe he's a base
ball umpire." Washington Star.
ITe Knew Her.
Von Blumer How Is it you are tak
ing luncheon alone? I thought I saw
you going down town with your wife
Wltherby You did. But she saw
something In a window that she want
ed to look at, and I told her I would
wait outside. I'm going back late this
afternoon to catch her as she comes
out. Detroit Free Press.
P ain Girls.
"This Is the era of the plain girl In
business," said a leading uiillluer, "and
the girl whose beauty Is so Insistent
that none may deny It has to stand
aside for her plainer sisters. You will
find that Is tho case In nearly ever.v
business establishment In the big
"Not that there la any aversion to
moderate beauty In the employes thai
Is often to be desired; but pronounced
loveliness Is entirely too attractive,
both to lis possessor and contemplator,
to facilitate the interests of employers.
"Go into any large milliner's and yon
will see scores of girls behind the coun
ter who are quite plain, although not
positively ugly. You will seldom find
one whose charm of face or grace of
form Is so near to perfection as to hold
Restrictions on Marriage of Offlcer.
Before a French officer Is allowed to
marry, the lady of his choice has to
prove that she has an Income of 10,000
francs per annum. The police of the
district have to furnish the war minis
ter with a confidential report as to the
lady's conduct and reputation, and, if
that is satisfactory, the marriage may
The Heal 8ufTer. r.
"I see In this account of the wedding
supper that 'the table groaned with
the delicacies of the season.' "
"Yes, but I'll bet that was nothing to
the groaning of the man of the hous
' when he had to pajMfciTflill."
Says an old bachelor: "A man never
finds out a woman's true value until
be marries her. In nine cases out of
tea be overestimates It,"
Saucy young Mrs. Plppy Say, Aunt
ie, lend me your bloomers.
A Matrimonial Venture.
Blinkers Hello, Winkers. I hear you
married a woman with an Independent
Winkers tsadly) N o; I married a for
tune with an Independent woman.
New York Weekly.
A Chaiiiie of Air.
"What you want is a complete change
of air, my man. hat are you doing
"I'm working in a roof garden, sir.
But I've got another Job in view that'll
give me the change you rlckomlnd."
"What Is It?"
"Drivln' a garbage cart, sir." Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
"He says his wife's new $18 bonnet Is
"Ah! It must have a bee in it" Phil
The K d.
He You can't expect me to be pleas
ant all the time.
She Oh, no; the very best I can do
is hope that you will be simply agree
able sometimes. Philadelphia North
"he Reaaon He W Abeent,
Solicitous principal Well, my boy,
you were not present yesterday; were
you detained at home by the Inclem
ency of the weather?
Pupil No, sir; I couldn't come 'cause
At the Ftart.
The Bride (rapturously) Oh, Jack!
isn't everything Just lovely!
The Groom (devotedly) Yes, darling.
Aud aren't you aud I Just everything.
Dr. Ends There Is nothing serious
the matter with Frederic, Mrs. Blakly.
I think a little soap and water will do
him as much good as anything.
Mrs. Blakly Yes, doctor; an' will I
give It to blm before or after his meals?
Fhooplna; by Gaal'cht.
"Is this ribbon green or blue?"
"What color do you want?"
"Well, this Is green." Chicago Rec
ord. . .. . .
A Koyal Visit.
A former servant of the Queen on
her Osborne estates gives this account
of a visit paid by her majesty to his
humble home, which, It may be added,
was the first cottage built after the
Queen's arrival at Osborne: "Yes, tho
Queen and two of the Princesses
Princess Royal and Princess Alice, if
I minds right have eaten at my table.
They have. It was this way: My son
used to have his dinner set for him
alone, 'cause he worked later than me,
an' one day the Queen and the Princess
es come into my cottage just as be was
a-set jdown, an he run away a bit
frightened, you know, an the Queen
set down an' tasted the dinner, an'
give the Princesses some of the 'toltles,
an they says to my missus, "They's
better than what we gets up at Os
Latest Table Trim.
Thelatest ornamentation for the dining-room
table is a dish of Jelly, in the
midst of which are three or four small
i.tric Uchts. The effect is pleasing
I and picturesque. . i