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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 8, 1899)
WHEAT BADLY DAMAGED.
riilrtjr Districts Heport Injury to rll
Reports teceived by R. G. Dun &
Co. fiom their corieepondents iu the
grain center of Oregon, Washington
nd Idaho, uliow that the damage to
wheat in 44 districts rims from a nom
inal figure to 50 per cent of the crop,
and, in a few instances. 60 per cent
is exceeded. Sixteen districts stated
that there has been no loss whatever.
Out of the 44 centers mentioned, 80
reported the injury to fall wheat and
22 the injury to spring wheat fl ex
ceeding 10 pel oent. The greatest
damage was caused by heavy rains, and
in many cases the correspondents de
clared that if the storms continued the
crops in their neighborhoods would be
nearly destroyed. In a low fields in
Washington and Idaho, hot weather
also had an injurious effect, and in
some instances cold weather caused the
freezing of lall-sown whoat last win
ter. Reports of the prospects for fall trade
partook of the discouragement of the
farmers in the damaged districts. The
predictions, as a rule, were "fair,"
"not very fair," and "not fluttering,"
while one correspondent thought it
necessay to add to these lines, "there
will be no dietess," and another
tempered his opinion "fair" with
"considering." Many who are sta
tioned In thriving places said the out
look might ba called fair if the lain
PACIFIC COAST TRADE.
Wheat Walla Walla,
Valley, 6l)60o; Bluestem,
Flour Best grades, $3.25; graham,
$2.65; super line, $2.15 per barrel.
Oats Choice white, 4244e; choice
gray, 89 40c per bushel.
Barley Feed barley, $1617;
brewing, $18.50 per ton.
Millstuffs Bran, $17 per ton; mid
dlings, $22; shorts, $18; chop, $16.00
Hay Timothy, $89; clover, $7
8; Oregon wild hay, $0 per ton.
Butter Fancy creamery, 4550o;
seconds, 8540o; dairy, 8085o;
Eggs 17M 18c per dozen.
Cheese Oregon full cream, 12a;
Young America, 13o; new oheese,
10c per pound.
Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.60
4.50per dozen; hens, $5.60; springs,
$3.263.60; gHese, $rt6.60 for old,
$4.50(3 6.60 for young; ducks, $4.00
4.50 per dozen; turkeys, live, 13)69
13'c per pound.
Potatoes 75c$l per sack; sweets,
82ic per pound.
Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90o
per sack; garlic, 7o per pound; cab
bage, 1Jj2o per pound; cauli
flower, 75o per dozen; parsnips, $1
beans, 66c per pound; celery,
70 75o per dozen; cucumbers, 60c per
box; peas, 84c per pound; tomatoes,
60c per box; green corn, 12' 15c pel
Hops ll13o; 1897 crop, 46o.
Wool Valley, 1213o per pound;
Eastern Oregon, 813c; mohair,
S730c per pound.
Mutton GrosB, best sheep, wetheri
and ewes, 8c; dressed mutton, 6)j
7c; lambs, 7c per lb. '
Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00;
light and feeders, $4.50; dressed, $0.00
($0.50 per 100 pounds.
Beef Gross, top steers, 3.60t4.00;
cows, $3.00(3 3.60; dressed beef,
674C per pound.
Veal Large, 67c; small, 8(3
8jC per pound.
Onions, new, $1.60 (g) 1.65 per sack
Potatoes, new, 90c $1
Beets, per sack, $1 10.
Turnips, per sack, 75c.
Carrots, per sack, 90c.
Parsnips, per sack, $11.75.
Cauliflower, 75c per doz.
Cabbage, native and Californii
f 1 1.25 per 100 pounds.
Peaches, 7 5 90c.
Apples. $1.25(1.75 per box.
Pears, $1.75 2 per box.
Prunes, $1 per box.
Cantaloupes, 60c $1.
Butter Creamery, 25o per pound
dairy 1720o ranch, 12 l tj 1 7c per lb.
Cheese Native, 12 13c.
Poultry 13 14c; dressed, 16c.
Hay Puget bound timothy, $79;
choice Eastern Washington tim
Corn Whole. $23.60; cracked, $23;
feed meal, $33.00.
Barlev Rolled or ground, per ton
$31; whole, $22.
Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.60;
blended straights, $3.25; California
$3.25; buckwheat flour, $3.60; graham,
per barrel, $3.60; whole wheat flour,
$3; rye flour, $4.60.
Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $16;
shorts, per ton, $16.
Feed Choppod feed, $20.50 per
ton; middlings, per ton, $22; oil cake
meal, per ton, $35.
Ban Franeiseo Market.
Wool Spring Nevada, 1214c per
pound; Oregon, Eastern, 10( 14o; Val
ley, 1419e; Northern, 810c.
Onions SHveraicin, U0cfl per
Butter Fancy creamery, 2728o;
do seconds, 2226c; fancy dairy.
2325c do seconds, iv&iio per
Eggs Store, 1922o; fancy ranoh,
Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia,
$3.76(3 3.25; Mexican limes, $4 5.00
California lemons, 76o$1.50; do
choioe, $1.75(32.00 per box.
Hay Wheat, $609.; wheat an3
oat. $788; oat. $39; best bar
ley, $4. 60 7; alfalfa, $0.00 7 per ton
straw, 20 (3S5o per bale.
Potatoes Early Rose, 60 90c;
Oregon Burkanks. $1.25$1.60; river
Burbanks, 4590o; Salinas Burbanks,
$1.26(31.50 per sack.
Tropical fruits Bananas, $1.60
3.60 per bunch; pineapples, $2
4.00; Persian dates, 6i3,S.l,c per
INDIANS OF SCOTCH DESCENT.
Infusion of Blood from Acroes tha fiea
In therokee Vein.
Cherokee come well by their stub
bornness, their shrewdness and their
love cf controversy. As Indians they
bad these traits to begin with. As the
result of a strong Infusion of Scotch
blood they added to the strength of the
It Is Scotch history that after the
battle of Culloden many Scotchmen
left their native land rather than ac
cept Eugllsh sovereignty. It Is Chero
kee history that numbers of these
sturdy Scots found homes nud wives
with the Cheroke nation before the
enforced migration of the tribe from
Georgia to the Indian Territory. John
Ross was one of these Scotch exiles
who accepted Cherokee cltlzeushlp. He
became a chief and was given the name
of "Coo-ls-coo-ee." When the nutlon
moved to the territory one of the dis
tricts Into which the reservation was
divided for government purposes was
named "Coo-ls-eoo-ee." Ross founded
a family which became powerful lu
Cherokee councils. He and his son
were frequent visitors to Washington
and had much to do with the treaty
making which gave to the nation the
stroug legal position 11 hold la ltB ft
lutlou with the United States. A de
scendant of Ross, the Scotch exile. Is
one of the officers of the nation to-day.
Tim Adalrs are another Influential
Cherokee clan established by a Scotch
man who came over after the battle of
Culloden. As the descendants of Ad
nlr bv his Cherokee wife grew up they
were seut away to American colleges
and given the best of opportunities for
education. McNalr is another of the
familiar Scotch names Introduced into
the Cherokee nation by Sils bcotcn in-
fusion. The McNalr who came over
after Culloden was a Highlander. One
of his descendants lives on a magnltt
ceut estate of 1,500 acres In the beau
tiful valley of the Graud River. Dun
can Is another Scotch name found
anions the Cherokees. The head and
front of Cherokee opposition to Amer
ican citizenship Is a Duncan, whose
claim to Cherokee citizenship would
not be guessed by any physical charac
teristics. He Is Scotch In loons ana
t,.h in his love of a controversy St.
VAST HELP TO FARMERS.
Experiment Station in the. Weateru
State Doing Uood Work.
Dr. E. W. Allen, assistant director of
experiment stations In the Agricultural
Department, has recently made a pro
longed tour of the West for the purpose
of Inspecting the various stations in
that section of the country.
He states that one of the most Inter
esting linos of Investigation which are
being pursued In these stations Is that
with regard to cheesemaking. The sta
tion In Wisconsin is taking the lead In
this especial work, and discoveries
have been made there which revolu
tionize the European theory that the
ripening of cheese is due to bacteria.
The American experiments demon
strate beyond doubt that the principal
hange In the albuminoids which takes
place lu the ripening process Is depend
ent upon a ferment which Is contained
In the milk Itself and not to the bac
teria. It is believed that this discov
ery will have an Important bearing up
on cheese manufacture in the future.
In the stations throughout the seml-
nrld region much attention is being
given to the Investigation of excessive
alkali in the soil. In many sections,
notably In California and Utah, there
are large regions of irrigated laud
which are practically nonproductive
on account of the presence of alkali.
Investigation makes It plain that this
is due to Irrigation, and In many in
stances to excessive Irrigation. The
water applied to the soil brings the
salts to the surface when It rises. The
work of the experiment stations In con
nection with this problem is to find a
remery for the evil, and this they are
seeking to do by demonstrating that
in most Instances crops do not require
nearly so much water as Is applied to
In Montana, Idaho and other semi-
arid States there is much work looking
to securing forage plants adapted to the
altitude and climate. In those states
most satisfactory results have been se
cured with the cow pea, which is gen
ernllv nlanted with oats. Red clover
Is also found to flourish In that sec
tion even better than in the Eastern
States. In other regions much atten
tion is given to the rotntlon of crops,
Dr. Allen reports a growing friendship
Itoward the experiment stations on the
part of the farmers.
Since fashion has many a time de
creed that some good old custom should
be no more, it Is only fair that now and
again, by way of compensation, she
should sweep out or existence a ioonsu
Something like this fashion has late-
Iv set herself to do, and has succeeded,
at least In New York, according to the
verdict of a daily paper of that city.
The old Idea that It Is a disgrace for
the daughter of fortune to know bow to
earn her living Is now obsolete. The
latest fad of the rich girl Is to master
mnio trnde. New York girls do not
claim orltrtnallty in this respect. They
have adopted the idea from the Princ
ess of Wales, and other royal ladles,
who are adepts at several useful em
Millinery and dressmaking are vigor
ously taken up by New York young la
dles under the guidance or proressors.
Cooking classes are also well attended
by girls who have no idea of going out
One New York girl of the "upper cir
cle" boasts that she has seven different
accomplishments, by any one of which
she could. In case of necessity, earn
her living. Tbey range all the way
from a practical and extensive know!
edce of housekeeping to an acquaint
ance with French so thorough that it
enables her to tutor boys for college
Leather work, book binding, hair
dressing, nursing, law business, and
art In Its various branches, are among
the subjects that now engage the at
tentlon of the young ladies of New
York. Under the loss of fortune sev
eral such ladies have actually turned
their accomplishments to account-
Some people who set out to go to
helL can't get there.
LION BITES NOT FELT.
ATTACK SEEMS TO DULL SENSE
Attacks of Leaser CarnlTora More
Painful tban Those of King- of Ileiata
Experiences Kelated by African
Hunters Corroborate Thla View.
The attacks of the lesser carnlvora,
smaller In proportion to man, are fre
quently very painful; but matters are
so ordered that the bite of a dog or a
ferret is usually more painful than the
Injuries Inflicted by the jaws of a lion.
The Instances quoted are very numer
ous and striking, and properly grouped
according to locality or the species of
the attacking beast. In Somallland
the experiences of the bitten are sup
plemented by Capt. Abud, the resident
at Rerbera, who has had a long expe
rience of cases, English and native, as
most of the former, unless killed out
right, w hich very seldom happens, are
brought to Rerbera.
He states that "the view that no
actual pain Is suffered at the time
seems almost universal. In most cases
It would seem that there was no knowl
edge of the actual contact, even In the
first rush of a lion, much less of any
pain experienced from tooth wouuds."
This was the view not only of the En
glish, but of natives. In one or two
cases where consciousness was entire
ly lost lb j person "came to" while the
Hon was still standing over him, a peri
od of complete anesthesia and uncon
sciousness having Intervened. But
more commonly those who have been
attacked and have recovered are con
scious all the time, and If they suffer at
all do not feel acute pain. This may
be accounted for partly by the shock
given by the charge, which forms the
usual preliminary to being wounded.
A Hon comes at his enemy at full speed,
galloping low, and dashes a man stand
ing upright to the ground by the full
Impact of Its body. Major Inverarlty
states that "the claws and teeth enter
ing the flesh do not hurt as much as
you would think." but that the squeeze
given by the jaws on the bone Is really
painful. When knocked over, he was
still keenly conscious, and felt none
of the dreamy sensation experienced
Major Swaine, struck down by a lion
ess going full gallop, was unconscious
r' TnE KISS-BY
for some minutes and did not know
what had happened until he found him
self standing up after the accident. "I
felt no pain," he writes, "not, I believe,
owing to any special interposition of
Providence, but simply that the shock
and loss of blood made me Incapable of
feeling It. There was no pain for a
few days, till It was brought on by the
swelling of my arm on the twelve days
ride to the coast." Capt. Noyes, at
tacked In the same district by a lion
in 1895, was charged down and bitten,
until the creature left him, probably
when attacked by his servants. His
hand was badly bitten, but he "was not
conscious of any feeling of fear, or any
pain whatever, probably because there
was no time, but he reit exaeuy as u
he had been bowled over In a football
match, and nothing more." A far
worse accident was that which befell
Lieut. Vandezee in the same year, near
Belra. The lion charged him down In
the usual way and mangled his thighs
and fractured one of his arms. "Dur
ing the time the attack on me by the
lion was In progress," he writes, "I
felt no pain whatever, although there
was a distinct feeling of being bitten
that Is, I was perfectly conscious, Inde
pendently of seeing the performance,
that the Hon was gnawing at me, but
there was no pain.
"I may mention that while my thighs
were being gnawed I took two car
tridges out of the breast pocket of my
shirt and threw them to the Kaffir, tell
ing him to load my rifle, and Immedi
ately the Hon died and rolled off on me.
I scrambled up and took a loaded rifle
and fired at the carcass." London
Paying lor Poor Patients.
A unique charity, established by a
rich woman of San Francisco, Is de
scribed by the Chicago Inter Ocean.
A San Francisco doctor performed a
successful operation for a rich woman,
and when asked for his bill presented
one for $50. The woman smiled and
said, "Do you consider that a reasona
ble charge, considering my circum
stances?" The doctor replied, "That Is
my charge for that operation; your cir
cumstances have nothing to do with
It." The lady drew a check for $500,
and presented It to him. He handed It
back, saying, "I connot accept this.
My charge for the operation Is $50."
"Very well," the woman replied. "Keep
the check, and put the balance to my
Some months afterward she received
a bill, upon which were entered
charges of various kinds, rendered to
all sorts of odds and ends of humanity,
male and female, black and white, who
bad been uieuded at her expense. She
was so delighted that she immediately
placed auother check for $500 to her
credit on the same terms, and It is now
being earned In the same way.
flow It Is Managed in Different Conn
tries of the World.
Medical scientists tell us that we
may no longer kiss; that It Injures the
health, and the evils resulting from
the oscillatory habit, if persisted In,
are set forth ad libitum and ad nause
um. Man Is the ouly animal that kisses
as a murk of affection, and the kiss is
undoubtedly as old as human nature.
In the old catacomb pictures of Egypt
fond lovers are depicted in kissing
attitudes, while as far back as Jacob
we are told that this worthy patriarch
kissed Rachel and "lifted up his voice
im.l went" thouirh whv he wept Is
only a matter for conjecture. The Ro
mans divided kisses Into three classes
the osculum, basluin and sauvlum,
which meant the kiss of friendship, of
politeness and of love. The Oreeks
recogulzed but one, the kiss of love. We
of the present day have the kiss of
reconciliation, of respect, of adoration,
to say nothing of the Hobson kiss and
the "Judas kiss." What will the scien
tists give us In lieu of the sweet, tline
honored kiss? Perhaps, after awhile,
we, like the New Zealanders, will rub
noses as a mark of affection.
In Fran-e tin i-a.-rp thousands of op
portunities for plentiful kissing. Broth
ers kiss sisters, husbands wives,
friends each other. It would even be
thought prudish should a young lady
refuse to offer her cheek for a kiss to
. friend of the family on his departure
or return after a long voyage.
In England kissing among member!
of a family Is less common. Men never
kiss one another. Still more restrained
are they in Scotland, where a woman
would consider it beneath ber dignity
If she kissed her grown-up sous, and
mothers are sparing of caresses even
for their little boys. Ia Northern lands
the kiss is reserved exclusively for
The definition of a kiss by a Chinese
is Interesting. A mandarin who trav
eled in the West for the purpose of
learning the European customs was
greatly perplexed lu trying to explain a
kiss a thing unknown In bis coun
try. "The kiss," he wrltcs,v"ls an act of
courtesy, consisting in bringing the
Hps of one person into contact with
the chin of another, whereby a sound
Kissing, however, is not a privilege
reserved exclusively to love; there are
occasions when it is prescribed by
court etiquette. On the occasion of the
crown prince of Greece's wedding the
bride, Princess Sophia of Prussia, the
Kaiser's sister, was obliged to bestow
no less than 150 kisses.
The King of Greece received three
kisses; so did his Queen; so did the
Empress Frederick and the King and
Queen of Denmark and Kaiser WU-
helm and the Empress, while all the
princes and princesses present received
one kiss apiece. The poor crown prin
cess on leaving the church must have
had all the kissing she wanted and
probably bad but few left for the wed
A recent experiment made at Berlin,
where a young German undertook to
press his Hps to those of his sweet
heart 1,000 times an hour, for ten con
secutive hours, with short intervals
for rest, is evidence that there Is a
limit to osetilatfo -achlezsments and
that kissing cannot be carried on as
a continuous performance. Having
kissed his sweetheart 3,750 times in
two hours forty-eight minutes and ten
seconds, this young German's Hps were
paralyzed and he swooned.
A characteristic story of Gen. Lafay
ette was told In a Paris journal some
years ago. .
At Lamarque's funeral the crowd
took out Gen. Lafayette's horses, as
the famous soldier was returning home
from the service, and drew bis carriage
to his hotel with many evidences of
enthusiastic love and admiration. The
scene was a stirring one, and a friend,
In referring to It some weeks after
ward, said, "You must have been very
Lafayette looked at him for a mo
ment In silence, and then, said, with a
"Yes, I was very much pleased, very
much pleased, Indeed. But I never saw
anything more of my horses, my dear
A Fortune in Strawberries.
J. P. Bryant, the Bardwell Ky). mil
lionaire, owns the largest strawberry
patch In the world. It covens 1,700
acres and has made his fortune.
When a bride's husband goes away,
It is necessary to amuse her, as they j
amuse a baby when Its mother goes
down town to a dry good stora.
ADMIRED BY LINCOLN.
Death of a Kentucky Heaut-r Recalls
Koinance In "Abe's" Karly Life.
The death of Miss Mary Love Law
less, of Lexlugton, Ky., recalls the ro
mance of ber girlhood days with Abra
ham Lincoln. Mrs. Lawless was Mary
Love Joplln, daughter of Dr. Joslah
Joplln. She resided lu Mount eruon.
where she became a reigning belle aud
was known throughout western and
southern Kentucky for her extraordin
The occasion of ber Introduction to
Lincoln was the marriage of Judge
Alexander McK.ee, of lllluots, to Mary
Hardin, In Mount Vernon. Miss Joplln
was one of the bridesmaids at the wed
ding and was pointed out to Mr. Lin
coln as the handsomest young girl in
Kentucky. Although Mr. Lincoln was
not handsome, his humor and dash
made blin popular with the girls. Miss
Nancv McKee. a sister of the bride
groom, was maid or nonor ami sioou
up with Mr. Lincoln. She appeared to
show Jealousy of Mr. Lincoln's fre
quent glances and attentions to Miss
Joplln, who was much his Junior.
Mr. Lincoln remained In Kentucky a
week after the wedding and visited his
old home In La Rue County. Owing to
the chaffing of his friends, Miss Joplln
was embarrassed, aud although Mr.
Lincoln called on ber and spoke to
friends of her, she was retiring when
hpr ndmlrer. was nresent. Mr. Lincoln
soon afterward married Mary Todd.
Miss Joplln was married at the age of
20 to James Richard Lawless.
Renncs, the anciifnt capital of Brit
tany, is a strange medley of ancient
and modern France. Its streets in the
old, as well as in the new, quarters of
the town are lined by stately mansions,
with huge portescocheres and Immense
windows, such as one sees lu the aris
tocratic Faubourg St. Germain, at
Paris. At Rennes, also, the territorial
nobility from all the surrounding coun
tries estublish themselves for the win
ter season, after having spent the sum
mer and autumn at their country seats
and chateaus. The whole city bears
an intensely dignified aud stately as
pect, and there Is nothing to suggest
that frivolity which one Is accustomed
to associate with the French charac
The mixture of the old and the new
at Rennes is duo to the fact that dur
ing the last century two-thirds of tne
city was destroyed by fire. The older
part Is very old tho cathedral, for In
stance, having been begun rJ far back
as the twelfth century. -King Henry
VII., of England, presided over meet
ings of the English Parliament at Ren
nes, and it was near Rennes, too, that
the French hero, Bertnind du Guesclin,
routed the English, aud performed
some of his greatest acts of' valor. The
celebrated Madame de Sevlgno made It
for a time her home, and from here
she dated many of her famous letters.
Up to the time of the revolution Brit
tany as a more or less independent
duchy enjoyed a certain degree of au
tonomy and had a parliament of Its
own, which sat at Rennes.
Blind Spot in Every Eye.
Of the many curious facts which are
discussed concerning the eye, what is
knowu as "the blind spot" seems the
least understood. In the eye itself cer
tain things may go on which give us
wrong sensatious, which, although not
truly illusions, are very much like
them. Thus, when we suddenly strike
our heads or faces against something
In the dark, we see "stars" or bright
sparks, which we know are not real
lights, though they are quite as bright
and sparkling as if they were. Vhen
we close one eye and look straight
ahead at some word or letter In the
middle of this page, for example, we
seem to see not only the thing we are
looking at, but everything else Imme
diately about it and for a long way on
each side. But the truth is, there is a
large round spot, somewhere near the
point at which we ore looking, In which
we see nothing. Curiously enough, the
existence of this blind spot was not
discovered by accident and nobody
ever suspected It until Marlotte rea
soned from the construction of the eye
ball that it must exist and proceeded
to find It Philadelphia Record.
Thought It VVaa Beverage.
"These queer, new-fangled names
that they get up for summer drinks
confuse the country folks," said the
clerk at the soda fountain, "and hon
estly I don t much wonder. A man
carrying a big, old-fashioned valise
came wandering In here the other day
at the hottest part of the afternoon and
sat down by the corner. He pulled out
a red bandana handkerchief, and while
he was mopping his forehead, he looked
the place over from top to bottom. 1
could see he was trying to make up his
mind what he could get the most of for
his money, so I said nothing and waited
for his order. Tretty soon he noticed
that sign hanging on the corner of the
fountain: 'Fresh vaccine received
daily. 'Is that there vaxeen fresh?' he
asked. 'Y'es, sir,' says I, thinking he
must be a country doctor. 'Got It In
to-dayf 'Yes, sir,' I said, 'just arrived.
He thought for quite a while and then
he suddenly pulled out his pocketbook.
Oh, well,' he said, 'I reckon y' kin gim
me a glass. "New Orleans Times-
Nothing makes a woman feel quite
so badly as to have company -tall and
catch her husband in his stocking feet,
with holes In bis stockings.
When most men tell a funny story
they have U Ltugn theinselve to show
loUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
joke and Jokslets that Are Supposed
to Hare Beeu Keceutly Horn-Hayings
and Doing that Are Old, Curious aud
Laughablo-Tu Week's Uuroor.
"And now that you are through col
lege, what are you going to do?" asked
a friend of the youthful graduate.
"I shall study medicine," was tne
gTave reply of the ambitious young
"But Isn't that profession already
overcrowded?" asked the friend.
"Possibly It Is," answered the know
ing youth, "but I propose to siuuy
medicine Just the same, and those who
are already In the profession will have
to take their chances."
A Natural Inquiry.
Soft'eish A bwilliant aw-ldea
twucl me lawst evening, aoucner
Miss Cuttlng-Indeed! And did
have a fender on it? .
Not Hi Fault.
The vicar's daughter rapa was very
hocked, Giles, to see you standing out
side the "Green Man'" this morning,
The village reprobate 01 can 'sure
ye, miss, It wus na fault o' molne that
I wus standln' ootslde! I'unen.
Merely a Fusraeation.
Long Have you forgotten that $5
you borrowed of me some time ago?
Short Oh, no; I still have it in mina.
Long Weir, don't you think this
would be a good time to relieve juur
mind of it?
A Contributory Canae.
Sagebrush Sam Yer say Bill died of
a lume arm. How could that be?
Cactus Charlie Why, yer see, his
arm wu. so stiff that he couldn't draw
his gun quick, an' the other feller got
the drop on him.
' The Dlleninin'a Phort Horn.
"I can't invite Mrs. Seron Yellow to
my house any more."
'She gets mad if I don't ask her to
sing, and all my guests get mad If I
do." Cleveland Leader.
From Dlff-rent Pointa of View.
Inventor What Is your candid opin
ion of my device?
Friend It Is practically worthless.
Inventor Yes; I supposed as much;
but even a worthless opinion Is some
times better than none.
Why lie 'turned It Over.
"Fardou me, Mr. Stuffer," said the
landlady, "but will you kindly inform
nie why you turn that piece of pie up
"Because it's an open-faced pie, Mrs.
"What has that to do with it?"
"Well, you see, Mrs. Durham, I was
brought up on pies with an upper
crust" Cleveland Tlaln Dealer.
An Unpleasant Proapect.
Baron To-day you will get the sev
en marks I owe you; I am engaged to a
Schuster (frightened) Surely, Baron,
you will not marry on my account
"She Is two-faced, that Is what she
"Well, she does enough talking to
keep six ordinary faces busy." Indian
Woes of a Wife.
"Oh, that I should have married i
funny inan!" she walled.
'What is the matter, lovely dear?1
asked her most Intimate friend.
"He came home and told me he had
a sure way to keep Jelly from getting
mouldy at the top, ad when I asked
him how he said turn It upside down.
No Cauae for Worry.
Kind Lady It must be awful not to
know where your next meal Is coming
Tramp Dat don't bodder me none.
Ez long ez I know dat it's comln'
don't keer where It comes from. New
1 he Way of the Summer Girl.
Maud What made you accept Chaw
ley so soon?
Madge Why, dear, I wanted to get
his ring secure before Jack proposed.
Coal of Fire.
Ethel Loitle Totklns said you was
too mean to live, 'cause you wouldn
let me play with her.
Fond Mother And what did you say
Ethel I heaped coals f Are on her
head. I said I hoped her mamma
wasn't as mean as you are. Ohio State
noax Mblack's getting religious. I
saw him reading the Bible to-day.
Joax Hub! He was Just looking
through the Old Testament to Bee If
there was any mention of golf In con
nection with the lynx N'oah took Into
Not Wanted There.
Mother-Robby, this Is the third time
I've caught you stealing Jam, and I'm
getting tired of It.
Bobby Well, why don't yc-ti quit
hanging 'round the pantry, then?
"My father," suhl the sweet young
thing. "Is a gold bug. Are you?"
"No," replied the young num. "I be
long In the uiehitioeste plclpes class."
"Good gracious!" she exchtlmed,
"That," he hastened to explain, with
the aid of a practical Illustration, "Is
the scientific name of the kissing bug."
In the Poetry "linninraa"
A correspondent, writing from Tex
"I have two sons In the poetry busi
ness. They can write It by the yard,
or foot Just as needed. I don't know
how you measure it, but what would
you give for five or six yards? My
boys are hard-working fellows, and
they need the money." Atlanta Con
stitution. The Worst Part of It.
De Jones I hear your llrrn
Smyth Yea; but I wouldn't mind
that so much If they hadn't added In
sult to injury.
De Jones How so?
Smythe They advertised for a boy
to All my place. Chicago News.
Of the Kiulit MnfT.
"Did you notice? She has a whlto
silk suit which she wears to the base
"Yes; she told me she thought It ap
propriate. It was made over from an
old ball dress."-I'hlladelphla Bulletin.
Money No Object to Them.
Are the Spenlows rich?"
Rich Is hardly strong enough word
for It. They own a half Interest In an
automobile." Chicago Tlmes-IIerald.
One Attraction, Anyway.
"She's going to marry a liveryman."
"Well, I presume she Is sure that he
has a stable income." Philadelphia
I a foolish yound U.
vio i)w-tried it-on
rit.kn f rionc.l-A
New York World.
No Longer a Joke.
"Squlbber doesn't write any more
Jokes about mothers-lu-law."
Oh, no; you see he has one now."
Knew the Port.
Eleanor's Mother You do Eleanor a
great injustice, my dear. She is not
idle, only delicate. She has no power
Eleanor's Father Humph! I know
all about her power of endurance. It's
the kind that'll let her dance all night
In shoes two sizes too small for her,
and make her too tired the next day
to dust tie parlor. New York World.
He-I am going for a drive In the
country this evening. Would you care
to accompany me?
She I would dearly love to go, but
I'm so afraid of a horse.
He But mine Is so gentle that I al
ways tie the reins about the whip and
let him follow his own inclination.
She And you have both hands free?
Oh, how delightful. Of course I'll go.
Not a Confiding Nature.
Mr. Johnslng I don't like dat Farmer
Jones. He's too 'spltious.
Mr. Jackson What's he done now?
Mr. Johnslng He's done gone an' put
a Six-root, nano-wiau ieuce aroun nis
melftn patch. New York Journal.
A Delicate Matter.
"No," said Miss Cayenne, "I don't
think I should care to vote. Public
affairs are too difficult for me."
"You used to say they were very elra-
"I have changed my mind. It seems
to be almost as hard to determine whom
you should snub In politics as It Is la
society." Washington Star.
Railroad Smoking Compartment.
European railroads have smoking
compartments for men, and women's
compartments. They have now to deal
with women passengers who Insist on
smoking and will not go Into the men's
compartment Belgium, where the first
cases have arisen, now puts up the
sign, "Smoking forbidden," on all
Ilritlsh Boy of Bulk.
At Dearham, near Mayport, the win
ner of the belt awarded for wrestling
by youths under 10 by the Northern
Counties Wrestling Association was J.
Tunstall, of Great Broughton, who Is
only 12 years of age, stands over six
feet In height and weighs about twelve
stone (108) pounds. Birmingham Post
Dolly My cheeks are all on flre.
ner best friend I thought I smelt
burning paint! Boston Globe.
An honest man has very little to say
about his honesty. The sun has no
need to boast of Its brightness.
The short tale Is all right in litera
ture, but the docked horse no doubt
thinks It Is all wrong in fly time.
F W. (