Pii- Latest U. j,5oiuteiy pure Not a Bloated Aristocrat. Lord Carmarthen, comptroller of the queen's household at a salary of (4,000 a year, is the eldest sou and heir of the Duke of Leeds and is as abbreviated in stature as his father. Whereas the lat ter is exceedingly portly, Lord Car marthen is quite the reverse. On one occasion, when addressing a meeting of the electors of Brixton, a London sub urb which he has represented in par liament, a certain section of the audi ence shewed itself indisposed to hear him. Finally one of the interrupters cried out,,," We want no bloated aris tocrats here I" The little marquis pa thetically turned to his hearers and ex claimed: "Gentlemen, I must appeal to you. I may be an aristocrat, bat do I look bloated?" Which retort turned the laugh against the interrupter and scored one for Lord Carmarthen. San Fran cisco Examiner, ' The Conscientious Elder. The late Dnke, of Hamilton, during the races at Hamilton some years ago, invited certain tenant farmers to the palace to witness the sports. Among those who oame were some elders of the kirk and one who held a similar office in the Free church.. After the races were over the dnke asked the Free church elder how he had enjoyed himself. "Grand, your grace, just grand, and I've won some bits o' bawbees, too, but dinna let on to onybody, for I'm an elder." . ' ' "Tut, never mind that," said the duke. "So-and-so and So-and-so have been betting, too, and they are elders." "Ou, aye! They are elders nae doot, but they are auld kirk elders, an they're no nearly so strict aboot their duties as us Free church folk. " Realm. "Old Parr's" Tombstone. When "Old Parr," the "British Methuselah," died in London in No vember, 1635, at the age of 153 years and was buried in Westminster abbey a slab was set up over his grave. One of the very last services the late Dean Stanley did was to have the inscription, which had become almost obliterated with age, recut The following is a copy of the inscription thereon: "Tho: Parr of ye County of Salop. Borne in A. D. 1483. He lived in ye reigns of Ten Princes, viz K. Edw. 4, K. Edw. 5, K. Rich. 8, K. Hen. 7, K. Hen. 8, K. Edw. 6, Q. Ma., Q. Eliz., K. Ja., K. Charles. Aged 153 yeares, and was Buried Here Novemb. 15, 1635." Do Ton Own a Flag? Every household should own a flag, just as much as it should - have bed linen. The flag should not only be owned, but put out on every occasion on which there is the least exouse. Patriot ism is inborn, to be sure, but lots of In born sentiments need development and fostering. Love of country is one of the things that we cannot bring out too early or have too strongly demonstrated. High Breeding. "Madam, you expect the baron to propose for the hand of your daughter. Is she then in love with him?" "Sir, a well bred young person never falls in love with a man until be has made her an offer of marriage." Hu nioristischo Blatter. Wear of Shoe Leather. We wear away two inches of shoe leather in a year. A pair of boots that would "last a lifetime" would conse quently have to be provided with soles from eight to nine feet thi':k. , tutu t do the mending Not the Merchant. ' He wants to make as much as he can by selling you inferior bindings which he claims are "just as good" as S. H. & M. But you do th; mcnd.ng. Insist on having J'isis Velveteen Skirt Binding and you save the mending:. If your dealer vt 111 not supply you we will. fJ t -1- J : ll 1 1 oenti jot samp.es, snowing isucis aim inaioi isns, to the S. H. & M. Co-, P. O. Box 699. New York City. I could get relief , from a most hor- rible blood -dis ease I had spent hundreds of dollars trying various remedies and physi cians, none of which did me any good. My finger nails came off and my hair came out, leaving me perfectly bald. I then went to OT SPRINGS Hoping to be cured by this celebrated treatment, but very soon became disgusted and decided to try S.S.S. The effect was truly wonderful. I commenced to recover at once, ana alter i naa iaicen iweive uoi ties I was entirely cured cured by S.S.S, when the woria renowned Hot Springs had failed, pur Book on the Dlteiie an a its Treatment mauea ran u I EASY ENGLISH FOR SPANIARDS. No Man Need Want Bread and Butter If He Can Say "Sombrero y Bota." Some time ago two Chilean gentle men, friends of each other, agreed to visit Europe. One of them resolved to proceed overland to Buenos Ayres, and from thence to Montevideo, where he would join the straits steamer, while the other preferred to make the journey by sea. . In due time the steamer arrived at Montevideo, and the two friends met again. After the customary salutations were over they commenced to compare notes of their respective trips. The trav eler by sea complained that the Chilean stewards on board professed a profound ignoranoe of their native tongue and persisted in answering all questions put in that language with a "What, sir?" or "Beg pardon, sir I" "Only imagine," he said, "that during all the voyage from Valparaiso to Montevideo I have been unable to obtain pan con mante quilla, because the stewards either would not or could not understand me. " "My dear friend," replied the over land route man, "I will tell yon how to overcome that difficulty. There is a considerable number of Spanish words which can be made to do duty as Eng lish. It is merely a question of pursing up the mouth and speaking harshly through the teeth. For instance, in the ease of pan con manteqnilla, the Span ish words to be employed are sombrero y bota. Make the trial and you will be convinced of the efficacy of my method. '' Next morning the two friends sat down together to breakfast, and the overland man, nudging his companion, whispered. "Try my method. " Imme diately afterward one of the Chilean mozos who was unable to comprehend the meaning of pan con mantequilla ap proached, and the passenger, screwing up his mouth and speaking through his teeth, exolaimed, "Sombrero y bota. " "Some bread and butter? Yes, sir," came the answer, and the passenger had no difficulty after that in procuring pan con mantequilla. Chilean Times. HE WAS A BAD SHOT. Tet Every Time He Fired the Bullseye Gong Bang. A good story on the late General Dan McCauley of Indiana is related by Jude John N. Scott, now of Port Townshend, Wash. On Judge Scott's last visit to Wash ington he, with his old college chum, General Joe Fullerton, and General McCauley, went on a trip up the river to one of the clubhouses. The two former gentlemen wanted to indulge in some target practice. General McCauley protested vigorously. Being pressed for his reason, he said the faot was he was .such a bad shot he had made up his mind to quit it last time he tried it. He had never hit the bullseyein his life, he confided to them, and he was a little ashamed of it. After some little trouble they con vinced him that they were both worse shots than he, and they'd shoot for Vplace." . First the judge shot and made a fair showing, and then General Fnllerton, making a better, and last General Mo Cauley, who hit the bullseye. No one was more astonished than the general himself. He began to be inter ested. They took another turn. Again he hit the bullseye, and: yet again' and again, and the ringing of the gong was music in his earv The others declared they'd shoot no more with -him and threatened dire re venge for his deception , In vain he assured them that it was the first time in his life he had hit the bullseye. He treated liberally, and they all enjoyed the jaunt, particularly the boy who tended the target, who was sev eral dollars wealthier for their visit They came back to town, dined at Gen eral MoCauley's expense, and he de clared he had made the hit of his life.' "Dan never suspected us," laughed the judge, "of having bribed that target boy to ring the gong every time he shot. And he couldn't soe the trick in it be cause his bullets never even touched the target, not one "-Washington Star. It Didn't Prove Suitable. "We can let you have the bridal chamber," ventured the genial hotel olerk as he rubbed his hands and looked confidentially across the register at the youngish couple. '''.'' "That is very kind of you,'" replied the young man as he drew a nervous flourish beneath the abbreviation "and wife" and laid down the pen. "But we contemplate remaining ten days or so, and you might need the room." ' '.'You shall not be disturbed, I assure you," continued the clerk, "and the apartment is a lovely one. " "Airy?" asked the young man. "As to that," and a gleam of intense pride surmounted the clerk's face, "I will say that the room contains seven windows, all opening upon-tiny veran das." - The young couple looked at eaoh oth er. Then the young woman spoke. "I don't think we shall care for that room. You see, our three children will be here with their nurse in the morning. They can all climb like goats, and I'm sure they would be falling off those verandas inside of 15 minutes. " "Front," murmured the- clerk in a voice that betrayed deep emotion, "show this gentleman and this lady up to the sky floor and have the maid put the nursery in order, "Truth. DRESSING TABLE CATCHALL. A Convenient Trifle Easily Made and Often Used. Every woman knows the convenience of a box or basket into which she may drop her rings, pins and the like when she is either too sleepy or too lazy to put each in its proper place. - The reoeptacle shown in the illustra tion is easy to make and becomes a pretty addition to the dressing table, be sides providing a place for the little trifles that often litter it. To make it, buy a small round basket of 'Japanese make, or, if yourefer it, of sweet grass, and three pieces of light weight brass rod, long enough to make a stand proportionate in size. Line the basket with soft silk and make two full pockets, one to be attached to each side. At the hardware shop buy a quantity of inch brass rings and crochet them ever with heavy knitting silk the shade of the lining selected. Arrange these last in rows one below the other to form lambrequins, and sew each fast to the other at the points of joining. Let each lambrequin end in a point, and to do so make each succeeding row of rings two less than the last Sew the two fast, one to each side of the basket at the rim, and then proceed to arrange the stand. Tie the three ends firmly together with a bit of fine cord wound round and round, then tie over it a bow of hand some ribbon. Stand the tripod upon a table and hold the basket in place while the point where each rod falls is mark ed. Tie the basket firmly at each of the three points and attach the three ribbon bows. . Bational Dress In Bicycling-. . Ladies who ride cycles appear to be pretty evenly divided on the question whether a short skirt or knickerbocker is the most rational dress for their pas time, but an incident which occurred last night outside a newspaper office points to the suitability of the latter. There is a custom which is general here of carrying at. night a paper Venetian lantern within the spokes of the wheel, instead of a regulation lamp. One young woman has found that the plan may be pretty, but it is dangerous. She came into contact with the curb, upset the machine, and the candle in the lantern set her skirts alight, and there was a rush on the part of gallant pedestrians to put the flames out, which were hap pily extinguished before much damage was done, except to the1 lady's knees. "Had I worn knickerbockers," she said, "I should have come to no harm. " London Telegraph. Woman and the Bible. If the ladies who are engaged in com piling the proposed Woman's Bible will send for a copy of Mrs. Louise Mann heimer's translation of Nahida Bemy's "Jewish Woman," they will secure a lot of valuable material toward proving that injustice has been done their sis ters of Biblical times. For instance, in one place where the word "obey" is used the Correct translation would be "be alike unto. " The author also shows that frequently where the women in the Bible are made to appear in an inferior or dependent position a full knowledge of the circumstanoes places them upon an equality with the men. Chicago Israelite. Chain Maiden. At a recent wedding a very pretty feature was the "chain maidens. " Four attractive young ladies with chains of roses preceded the bridal party up the broad central aisle of the church, tying all guests in their pews and stationing themselves at equal distances,' holding the ends of the chains, until after the ceremony and until the bridal party and immediate friends had left the church. Then they gracefully twined the chains about themselves and followed the party to the carriages, thus releasing the guests from their pews and preventing the orowding of the bridal party, which so generally , occurs. Philadelphia Presa A Spirited Old lady. Mrs. Mary Ann Smith of East Lyme, Conn. , lately celebrated her ninety fourth birthday. Four days before this vont she led forth a party of women to mend the roads she had vainly petition ed the selectmen to repair. One petition after another had been presented to the town fathers, without avail, but the women and children, with old Mrs. Smith at their head, cleared the loose stones from the road and made a safe passage of what had for weeks been a perilous track. Pauline de Grandpre. Mile. Pauline de Grandpre probably knows more of the prison life of French women than any one else in France. She lived in the St. Lazare prison as the housekeeper of her uncle, who was chaplain there during the empire. In the 25 years that have elapsed since he died she has devoted herself entirely to visiting female prisoners and obtaining situations for them when they have un dergone their sentences. GOT A BABY BOY NOW HAPPINESS IN A SOUTHERN MAN'S HOME. Heed the Bed Flag; of Danger at the Railroad Crossing A Warning to America' Men. "For twenty-six years I have used tobacco in great quantities, and of late years teoK to cigarette smok ing," writes Mr. W. E. Bimpson.of jus (jompt, .ua. "I want to go on rec ord that tobacco has robbed me ot many years of life ana a great deal of happiness. I re alize it now as I compare my teel- lNgs ana ray con dition with that of a year ago, when I was a tobaeco saturated cigarette fiend. "Many and many atime did I try to quit smoking inyselt into eternity, dui 1 couia not nut through a dav witnout suft'ennir extreme nervous torture, -which would in crease hour by hour till finally, to save myself as it seemed from almost Hying to pieces, I had .0 light the little white pipe stick and swallow the smoke. 1 "One day I read in my paper 'Don't To bacco Spit and Smoke Your Life Away,' just wbat I was doing; it came to me like (be warning ol the man who waves the red Hag .!' danger at the railroad crossing, and said that JMo-To-Bac was an aosoiutely guaranteed relief from tobacco Blavery . "1 dia not believe it, but like a drowning man grasping at a straw, 1 commenced taking No- To-bac. "Tue effects were magical; it destroyed the nerve craving and uesire for cigarettes, lwo boxes, would you believe 11? made me well and strong, "I have gained mentally, physically in vigor and manhood, and Willi the brain free lrom the nicotine and a breath no longer befouled with tobacco smoke, I am 00 happy to-day to write No-i'o-isac did it all a year ago, so the cure is time-tested and tried, not only in my own case, Dut several of my friends who have also oeeu cured. " We have a baby boy now. "My wife and 1 leel that all this happi ness started from the time when 1 mm useu Nu-l'o Bac, and in evidence of our ap preciation, and in order that the memory of the h ippmess may be perpetuated in a living form, we want to name our baby buy aiter the man tnat wrote the line -houi Tobacco opit and Smoke Vour Life Away.' "JNo-Tu-jlac ii popular here and all our druggists sen it. ixardiy a day pasties but souieoody asks me aoout .No-lViiaj, so 1 dont't want you to nesiiaie to use tutse lines iu any way tnat you think will make known to sulleriug humanity the happi ness that there is iu No-lu-Bao for tue many men with nicoiiuized b.aius and weakened lesoiutioiiss, if tuey will only uia&e up their mind tu save me waste ui vital power to say notmiig ot the money now going up iuto sinoke aud out in to oacco spit.'' "Er man dat am alius lookin' fob. trouble," said Ui.cle Hueu, "am' likely ter git aU'p mleu, ao m. t ei now ntar-sigliusd ne is. ' CONSUMPTION CUBED AN ABSOLUTE REMEDY FOR ALL PULMONARY COMPLAINTS. T. A. S locum ofl'er to Bend Two Bot tles Free of Ills Beinedy to Cure Consumption and All Lung Troubles An Elixir of Life. ' Nothing could be fairer, more philan thropic or carry"more joy in its wake than the offer of T. A. Slooum, M. C, of 183 Pear, street, New York. Perfectly conn dent that he has an absolute remedy for the cure of consumption and all pulmon ary complaints, he offers through this pa per to send two bottles tree to any reader who is suffering from lung trouble or con sumption, also loss of fiesn and all condi tions of wasting. He invites those desir ous of obtaining this remedy to send their express and postofnee address, and to re ceive in return the two bottles free, which will arrest the approach of aeath. Al ready this remedy, by its timely use, has permanently cured thousands of cases which were given up, and death was looked upon as an early visitor. Knowing his remedy as he does, and be ing so proof-positive of its beneficent re sults, Dr. Slocum oonsiders it his religious duty, a duty which he owes to humanity, to donate his infallible remedy where it will assault the enemy in its cidatel, and, by its inherent potency, stay the current of dissolution, bringing joy to homes over which the shadow ot the grave has been gradually gr6wing more strongly denned, causing fond hearts to grieve. The cheap ness of the remedy offered freely apart from its inherent strength, is enough to commend it, and more so is the perfect confidence of the great chemist making the offer, who holds out life to those already becoming emaciated, and says: "Be cured." The invitation is certainly wof thy of the consideration of the afflicted, who for years, have been taking nauseous nostrums without effect ; who have ostracised them selves from home and friends to live in more salubrious climes, where the atmos phere is more congenial to weakened lungs, and who have fought against death with all the weapons and strength in their hands. There will be no mistake in send ing for these free bottles the mistake will be in passing the invitation by. - - 1 A RAZOR If you send us I08. eo cents. OR, Wl WILL SEND A 3-BL.ADE PENKNIFE also guaranteed to be beat Quality p-r J 60 Coupons, or ur 2 Coupons and 60 cents. You will find one coupon inside each 2 ounce bag, and two coupons inside each 4 ounce bag of BIJGKWELL'S GENUINE DDQIPI TOBHGCO. SEND COUPONS WITH NAME AND ADDRESS TO Blackwell's Durham Tobacco Co., Durham, N. C. - Buy a bag: of this Celebrated Smoking Tobacco, and read the coupon, which gives a list of other premiums and how to get them. 2 CENT STAMPS ACCEPTED. MAN WAS MADE TO MOURN, Perhaps, but rheumatism need not add to the calamities to which we are moie or less sub ject, when there is such an efficient means of counteracting the dire complaint as Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. When the liver, bowels or stomach are out of order, or the kidneys or nerves troublesome, the Bitters is also an ef ficient remedy. It prevents and remedies all malarial disorders, When the snow turns to rain, And the streets run with mud, Good 8t. Peter, relrain, It man falls with a thud. WHAT'S A BUMP ? In our peculiar vernacular, we say a bump on a log and a bump on a human being. What one might oall a bump an otherone would call a thump. Thus we have a bump from a thump and a thump from a bump. In like manner, a bruise may cause a bump, and a bump may cause a bruise, or perhaps a thump may cause both. Well, what's the difference, so long as we suffer from either bump or bruise, we want to get rid of it. That's true, and the surest, quickest wav to oure a bruise is at once to use St. Jacobs Oil. Then the question will be not what it is, but what it was, as it will promptly disappear. 100 REWARD 8100. The readers of this paper will be pleased to learn that there is at least one dreaded disease that science has been able to cure in all its stages and that is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Cure is the only positive enre now known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional disease, requires constitutional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system, thereby destroying the foundation of the disease and giving the patient strength by building up the constitution and assisting nature in doing its work. The proprietors have so much taith in its curative powers, that they offer One Hun dred Dolnrs for any case that it fails to cure. Send tor list of Testimonials. Address, F. J. CHENEY & CO.', Toledo, 0. far-Sold by Druggists, 75c. Hall's Family Pills are the best. Piso's Cure is the medicine to break up children's Coughs ands Colds. Mrs. M. (i. Blumt, Bpragne, Wash., March 8, 1894. FITS. All fits stopped tree by Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. No fits aftei the first day's use. Marvelous cures. Treatise and 2.00 trial bottle free to Fit cases. Send to Dr. Kline, 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa. Try Germea for breakfast. THE AKKMOTOK CO. Uoefl lull Uio world's windmill business, because It Mas reduced tbe cost of wind power to 1.'6 wbat it was. It has many branch nouses, ana supplies its gouas uiu repairs at our door. It caa and does lurnisn a . oener anicie iot leiis muuer uiau otheos. It makes Pumping and Geared, Steel, Galvanlsed-arter. Icomnletlon Windmills. Tilting ft tKv ana Fixed Steel Towers, steel Buzi saw r Frames. Steel Feed Cutters and Feed Grinders. On application It will name one til ot these articles that it will furnish until January 1st at 13 the usual price. It also makes Tanks and Pumps of all kinds. Send for catalogue. Factory t 12th, Rockwell soil Fillmore Streets, Cblcai If you want a sure relief for iimrjs, use an AllcGck's Bear in Mind Not one of the host of counterfeits and imi tations is as good as the genuine. W Chich8ters English, red TtwMRONIvu THE ORIGINAL AND GENUINE. boxet Mled with blae rlbbOIl. Tke an AU pUU to pasteboard boxes, pink wrapper, 4& in stamps for particulars, testimonials, 10.000 Testimonials. Nam Pommf. CH1VUKHXKU CUKMIDAI, CO. it the name of Woman's Friend. It is mx uniformly success ful in relieving the backaches, headaches rl C J 1 V . and weakness which burden and shorten a woman's life. Thousands of women tesuty lor it. it win give health and strength and make life a pleasure. For sale by. all druggists. BLUMAUER-FKANK DRUG CO., Portland, Agents. Ilou r . . . . ' IVIINING marine . ... WARE-HOUSE "WHER DIRT GATHERS, WASTE RULES." GREAT SAVING RESULTS FROM THE USE OF UBIIsSIIBWUUil Guaranteed to tw best quality Ml. I e nianaiHuanwaowi EWarc April, May are most emphatically thj months for taking a good hiooa punuer, . A J .... J because the system is now most in neeu of such a medicine, and because it more quickly responds to medicinal qualities. In winter impurities do not pass out of the body freely, but accumulate m tne oiooa. Apr The best medicine to purify, enrich and vitalize the blood, and thus give strength an1 Viiiilfl nn thfi svstem. is Hood's Barsa- parilla. ' Thousands take it as their Spring Medicine, and more are taiting it wiuay than ever before. If you are tired, "out ol sorts," nervous, have bad tase in the morning, aching or dizzy head, sour stomach and feel all run down, a course of Hood's Sarsaparilla will put your whole body in good order and make you strong and vigorous. It is the ideal Spring Medicine and true nerve tonic, because Sarsaparilla Is the One True Blood Purifier. All druggists, fl Prepared only by C. I. Hood & Co., Lowell, Mass. TTnnrl'c Pille are purely vegetable, care 1100(1 S JTllla fully prepared. . 25 cents. ipriiTC ufiuTrn on newnovelti es. AlltNIO IVAN I LU Biff Money I Pacific In troduction Co., 119 Bush St., Room 6, Sau Fran cisco, Cal. kricanType Founders Co. Electrotypers . Stereotypers... Merchants in Gordon and Peerless . Presses, Cylinder Presses, Paper Cutters, Motors of all kinds, . Folders, Printing Material. - nnillPl9MorJne Habit CnreA in 10 flrlllr i to BO nay. No pay till cured. pains in the back, side, chest, or Porous Plaster Cross ffk Diamond Brand J Thn mIv Rma. fln. miV MHihla pill tnr a.fa. Wo? athrr hlad. afto SubaHtutUnM maul JmUaKmuA are dangt'roan oaHterfett. At Druggists, or lend as and "Relief for Ladles, in letttr, bj return Mali. Sold bT all Loeal Drueirista. 8U81 Madlasa t)u., I'llILADELPHIA, FA. The very remarkable and certain relief given woman by MOOEE'S REVEALED T?.EMEfYv han aivnn MACHINERY ce FIRST COST... BY CORRESPONDING WITH THE WILLAMETTE IRON WORKS Portland, orecon l3a 03 ood s ifiuellLambersoit 203 " 3 - 5 - PORTLAND. ILUSTRSIED CATALOG rREE' , RENALUO. ' WARRTRn T.A nTITB I . "AI 1HI8: b snflerintr for beeu sufl'erlng for years from troubles known as Female Wealeneet and have beeu able to get no help. You have pain In your back, across yout body and down your limbs, headache, or other easily recognized symptoms of female troubles. Our preparation "RENALDO," a health lotitn, Is the prescription of a celebrated specialist on female diseases in whose hands It has been the means of curing hundreds. It will cure you I It destroy) ,fi germs which may be present and to which all th se troubles are due, but is perfectly harm less to the patient. The pregnancy will not be harmed by our wash and so Is of great use to relieve many .of Its trubles as vomiting, etc. We will mail on application circulars containing extensive description of th use and action of this great remedy. Ons box of "Kenaldo" is sufficient for 8 months' treatment with full dl rectiens, $5. We also have "Renaldo" In cap sules at $1 per small box, or tfi per large box, 8 smaller. Lady agents wanted; can make 5tc $10 per day, as every lady wants Kenaloo. Re mit by registered letter, P. O. money order, or express money order payable to KINO CHKMICAL CO., box 1099 Ban Jose. Call fornia. MRS. WINSLOW'S S&NG - FOR CHILDREN TEETHING - For sale by all Dnnlnts, 5 Cents m bottlo. i:iirf! AU ELSE FAILS. I Best Coiuth Syruo. Tastes Good. m iime. Bold by druinrtsts. SJgV&'llJ ') IS1SL IMJUII MJIilH HI. in m . N. P. N. U. No. 633-S. F. N. V, No. 71ft