Hunters Who Give
Me a Pain
in My Duck Blind
By BOB FOREMAN
Women may prefer
Fashion-Plate George to
sloppy me but ducks don't.
t: . . T-i
Syr :;v J .
W ) IUUSTRATION IY MIKE RAMUS
Nero was a nice fellow compared with the guy who fiddles
with decoys while his hunting partner does a slow burn
AN avid duck hunter I know main
stains that choosing a partner for a
duck blind is as serious a decision as
choosing a wife.
The analogy falls apart a bit when you con
sider that the duck season is a lot shorter than
the matrimonial season. Nevertheless, I'd like to
be divorced forever from some of the people I've
shared a duck blind with.
Take George H., for instance. George is a fash
ion plate. You'd think he was competing for Best
Dressed Gunman on the Housatonic River. When
George comes to the house to pick me up so we
can do battle with our feathered friends, his at
tire enables nay, encourages my wife and
daughters to make odious comparisons.
This isn't fair because George is the only man
I know who has his waders shocshined all the
way up to the knees while mine are patched
and muddy. George's shooting jacket is always
pressed, and his hat is Bpanking new he must
buy a dozen of them a season. I try to explain
to the women in my home that the gloss and
glitter of George's clothing flares the birds away
and that my well-worn equipment is just right
But, being women, they're convinced that I'm
just naturally sloppy.
When it comes to being Beau Brummell of the
mud flats, however, George doesn't rate with
Harvey M. Harvey's clothes make him as ex
asperating a blind buddy as George but for a
different reason. Harvey is given to wearing red
shirts, jaunty mauve hats, and Technicolor
neckties that would make even the bravest duck
chicken out when it comes to landing near us.
What's more, Harvey is also a poor sport. Once,
I offered to rub a little mud on his shirt and tie,
and he got mad. Some fellows just don't appre
ciate a friendly gesture.
Another pal I can do without is Grant L.,- the
decoy fiddler. He burns the midnight kilowatts
reading up on how to make designs with his de
coys. He knows every pattern the "J," the dia
mond, and all the others. It doesn't seem to both
er him that every book he reads contradicts the
one before.
Unfortunately, Grant has 120 decoys and in
sists on lugging every one along. He won't tol
erate any help setting out his decoys', but he
allows me the privilege of picking them up. This
means Grant gets to toss them out in the morn
ing when they're nice and dry and warm
while I'm permitted to lift them out at dusk
when they're ice-coated and the temperature is
minus 10.
Once, Grant and I got up at 4 o'clock to beat
the other hunters to a spot where the only chance
you have is that first big flight of birds leaving
the marsh for the open water. By 5 o'clock we
were in our blind, and Grant began to fiddle with
his decoy designs. By 7, birds were streaming
by, and he was still out there. I fell asleep and
awoke at 9. By then, he had the decoy problem
solved and the duck problem, too. There wasn't
a bird to be seen the rest of the day.
Mabtin L. is a garrulous nuisance in a blind.
After I've carefully picked a place and as
sured him this is where the birds will flock in, it
just so happens that we don't see a speck in the
sky all day. This creates a perfect situation for
him to launch into one of his epic tales about the
great gunning he had the previous week and how
we should have gone there.
The main trouble with Martin is that you can't
get him to offer a single suggestion while you're
planning a day of gunning. He's much too cagey
for that.
A couple of other types I can do without as
blind partners are the Moon Shooter, who blasts
away when the birds are a mile out of range (so
he can get the first shot) ; the Claim Jumper, who
insists he's the one who downed the bird when
we both shot at the same time; and the Sharp
shooter, who picks off a bird after I've missed
it with both barrels.
What kind of chap would I like to go gunning
with? Well, I'm looking for someone who is a
poor enough shot to make me look good, who
would go all-out to make me comfortable, who
won't make my wife mad at me (any more than
usual) and who would be gentleman enough to
overlook it if happened to commit any of the
sins herein attributed to others.
COVER:
A duck hunter, photographed by
Dennis Hallinan, places decoys
to lure his quarry. For a comic
primer on odd ducks ( of the human
variety), see the feature above.
family HfcUcly
November U, 1$3
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