ILLUSTRATION lr MIKE AMUS
IS FISHING
GROUNDS
FOR DIVORCE?
It needn't be if a husband
uses as much intelligence
in coping with a wife
as he does with a trout
3k
... V-.i5
n vii. ii i
My lete's line was dangling
casually, when our guide yelled.
A big salmon was nibbling at her bait!
By BOB FOREMAN
ANY ANTHROPOLOGIST will tell you
l that, while Nature intended man
to help perpetuate the race, this endeav
or waa not to divert him from his basic
function of fishing, hunting, and paint
ing on the walls of caves.
Today, women either prohibit men from doing
all the fishing expected of them or they join
them on the water, which Is even worse.
This last condition usually occurs early in a
marriage. The new bride, feigning interest in
Hubby's hobby, says, "I'd simply love to go along
with you on your next trip, Honey." Then she
cuddles up or does something equally insidious.
This happened to me just after I got married,
so I took her along with me. It was the Resti
gouche, that famous Canadian salmon river.
The first day I skillfully cast to and hooked
a fine 28-pound fish. Jubilantly that evening
over a glass of sassafras tea, I made plans to
have the fish sent to a taxidermist
Next day we went out on the river again.
My wife was fishing in her own peculiar way
rod resting in the prow, fly dangling limply in
the water a foot from the boat. Along came a
monster salmon which proceeded to swallow the
fly. A yell from the guide awoke her in time to
seize the rod which was already half out of the
boat. Alternately by horsing the fish and letting
the line go completely slack (a technique un
known to and, therefore, confusing to the fish),'
my wife brought it to the guide's net in 15
minutes flat. This salmon, I regret to say,
weighed 35 pounds.
"We'll have mine mounted, too," my wife said
that night as she consumed some of my sassa
fras tea.
"Shaking hands with mine," I said glumly.
"You're a poor sport," she replied.
"The whole idea of mounting fish is silly," I
said. "What with food prices so high, we'll eat
them both."
Then my bride began to cry, which only goes
to prove women are emotionally unbalanced.
MY advice, despite this disastrous trip, is to
agree to let the little woman join you. Do
this graciously. Don't snarl and say, "In a pig's
eye!" Then here's what to do. Get yourself a
large gob of night crawlers (even if you're a dry
fly purist). Next select the gooiest worm and in
struct the little woman on threading a hook. This
should solve your problem.
If it doesn't, here's another suggestion. Let
her join you on the stream. Do this without a
trace of rancor. Then take the first fish you get
and slit its belly. Examine the alimentary tract
very closely with her "to see what the fish has
been feeding on." Chances are you can now count
on being a solitary fisherman for the rest of your
married life.
Okay now let us assume you are allowed to
go fishing alone. Don't expect enthusiastic ap
proval from your spouse. When you return home
from a long day of casting, flushed with victory,
and you plunk two eight-inch, silver-colored,
liver-fed, yesterday-stocked brook trout into the
kitchen sink, you'll be lucky if you get silent
approval. If she says anything, it'll be: "Take
those filthy things out of my kitchen sink and
clean them in the back yard. And don't dirty up
any of my good knives." While this is most dis
couraging, don't break down and cry. Do what
you are told, or those will be the last fish you'll
ever net
I hope the foregoing tips will serve to alert
you to the nationwide plot by which women hope
to prevent fishermen from living out full and
worthwhile lives.
I must apologize for the loud scream you hear
in the distance. It's my wife. She must have dis
covered my waders in the living room. I was
merely trying to locate a leak, so I filled them
with water and a couple of quarts leaked out
onto the sofa. Is that so terrible? Now if I ex
pect to be allowed to go on the trout trip I've
scheduled next .Friday, I guess I had better buy
her a new sofa. Maybe perfume, too.
COVER:
Photographer Frank Klune, Jr., caught
this angler about to net a trout under the
majestic shadow of the Rockies. For an
offbeat angle on angling, read the story
above, "Is Fishing Grounds for Divorce!"
Family
Weekly
I
July 21, IK
UCW AID I. DAVIDOW Prtndnt and P.UMrr loord of Edilort
WAITER C DREYFUS I'irc rVrjidrnt
PATRICK L OIOURKI ydrTfitig DirnUr
MORTON FRANK Dtrrttor o r,blMer RWafioiu
Send oil advertising comimmkatlora to family Wklv,
in N. Michigan A.... Chicago I, III.
Addr.II oil communication, obout tdltorlol foohim to ftotalyn Abrovaya, Ardon ErdolU Hoi London.
Family Wortlr. 60 I. Mil, St, Now York 21. N. T. jod Ryan, Pom J. OppmMrMf, Hollywood.
C IHJ. PROCISSINO AND tOOXI. INC, IS N. Michigan A., Chicago 1, III. All righli roionod.
ERNEST V. HEYN Ediior.fn-Ci
BEN KARTMAN Cimlln Editor
ROBERT FIT20II10N Managing Editor
PHILLIP DYKSTRA Art Director
MELANII DE PROFT Food Editor