family WeeJclyj July H, 1963 .
WHAT I WOULD
TELL A SON
-
Though he never married and had children of his own, the nation's
No. 1 crime fighter offers this simple but inspiring credo for parents
By J. EDGAR HOOVER
Director, federal Bureau of InvmtigoHon
AS I ponder the problems we find our
xjl selves all but swamped by today,
I cannot help thinking that the rules
which prevailed in my youth would still
work for boys and girls now.
The Hoovers, for example, were a close-knit
family. My mother and father shared equally
the pleasures and the responsibilities of one
daughter and two sons. Our circumstances were
modest; yet none of us ever wanted for any
necessity of life and those necessities were,
then as now, affection and the security of a
balanced home.
Our parents taught us to have a good time,
but to do it without trampling on the rights or
property of others. The boy who went astray in
those days worried a lot more about the punish
ment he knew was waiting for him at home than
about the treatment he might expect from the
police, the courts, or other authority. How sel
dom is this true of "problem" youths today!
Hake no mistake: my young friends and I were
healthy, active boys. We had the same boundless
energy and inquisitive nature that have marked
young people since mankind began. Yet we kept
out of trouble, and when we didn't, we were man
enough to face the music.
Why? I feel there were two basic reasons:
first, we came from well-disciplined homes where
the same definition of right and wrong applied
to all members of the family; and, second, we
honored our mothers and fathers and respected
their word because, by their unfailing example,
they truly merited our honor and respect
If I had a son, I believe I could help him most
by providing him with these five indispensables :
a personal example to follow, an understanding
of the importance of restraint and ideals, a sense
of discipline, a pride in his heritage, and a chal
lenge to meet
. Children certainly need on example to follow.
I feel the most important lesson which my
sister, my brother, and I received at home was
the example set by our honest, hard-working
parents. A plaque on our living-room wall summed
up the whole thing. It read: "To command the
respect of others, one must merit respect him
self." Under this definition of responsibility,
how many of today's parents can honestly claim
the respect of their children? Certainly not those
thousands who subscribe to the "do as I say,
not as I do" philosophy !
As youngsters, we enjoyed life and the humor
ous give-and-take of healthy family relationships,
but that was something far different from today's
child-dominated "democracy," which all too often
creates chaos in the home. Contradictions and
inconsistencies never existed in our household
because my parents took the long view: they felt
that whatever "privileges" their adult years
bestowed on them were inconsequential compared
with the responsibilities of parenthood.
If I had a son, I'd think constantly about the
part I had in helping him become a man. I would
do my level best to understand him, to be a pal
without being a pest to encourage his boyish
love of games and adventure, to direct him .quiet
ly to the right kind of friendships those he
would find, for example, in the Boy Scouts and
the Police Athletic Leagues. I would not go out
of my way to make life hard for him, but I would
guide him to an awareness that life is not meant
to be easy and that the best rewards come from
the hardest efforts.
We would not have a forest of rules to cramp
our growing up together this son of mine and
I but both of us would know the handful of
expectations I had established because I loved
him. And both of us would know I'd see to it
that he fulfilled those expectations, or else.
To help him grasp that while life may be hard
it is also rewarding, I would impose the gentle
pressure of performing regular tasks well within
his capacity at each age level. I would gradually
increase my requirements and penalize him pro
portionately if he let them slide until that wel
come day when he would begin to put the pres
sure on himself. '
Criminals Share a Common Fault
Above all, I would teach him to tell the truth
and I, in turn, would tell him the truth no
matter how it hurt or embarrassed. Truth telling,
I have found, is the key to responsible citizenship.
The thousands of criminals I have seen in 40
years of law enforcement have had one thing
in common : every single one was a liar.
In addition to setting a good personal ex
ample, I would also teach a son the importance
of restraints and ideals.
Contradictions arise continually in the lives
of teen-agers, for today our youth must cope
with the specter of an adult world rife with in
consistency. To the youngster, adults often appear
by their attitudes to be saying: "Ignore traffic
regulations!" "Make your own rules!" "Cheat
whenever you think you can get away with it!"
To turn the screw harder still, there are the
unreasoning demands of an often arrogant juve-