Try and
By BENNETT CERF-
A GR0UP 0F theater buffs were discussing (he drama
critics the other night, and trying to select the most
devastating lines ever penned by these dedicated assassins.
.nominations: 1. Walter
Kerr's, "This is the sort
of play that gives failures
a bad name." 2. George
S. Kaufman's, "I saw last
night's opening under un
fortunate circumstances.
The curtain was up." 3.
George Jean Nathan's, "1
always said I'd like John
Barrymore's acting till
the cows came home.
Well, ladies and gentle
men, last night the cows
came home." 4. Dorothy
Parker's, "Obviously.
here was a playwright for the ages the ages of four to
six." 5. Percy Hammond's, "Mr. So-and-So j layed the
King last night as though he was afraid someone . ise migru
play the ace."
Harry Golden tells about Sadie's 12-year-old son who snagged
a job during his summer vacation that paid 520 a week. "And
marAa," he promised, "it all goes straight to you." When he
handed her his first pay envelope, the contents added up to only
1!)'I0 "Ah ha," said Sadie. "Taking out girls already!"
Worried about a gift for the "man who has everything?" Art
Ryon suggests a calendar to remind him when the payments
are due.
1363, by Bennett Cert Distributed by King Features Syndicate
In the Day's News
By FRANK
The news?
Here's a sample:
Pedro Leon, a homesick
Cuban, set out recently from
Las Palmas, in the Canary Is
lands, some 60 miles off the
coast of Northwest Africa, to
CROSS THE ATLANTIC IN
A BARREL, and thus get back
to his homeland.
Beside him in the barrel
wQe two bottles of water,
two loaves of bread and two
pounds of corn meal. These
were to be his provisions for
the voyage - which, if he had
completed it, would have fol
lowed very closely the route
pioneered b y Christopher
Columbus nearly five centur
ies ago.
WHAT happened?
It was brief.
He sailed two yards and
turned over twice in that dis
tance. Two bystanders res
cued him from the surf and
two police men took him to
a first aid station.
From there, two medical
attendants took him to the
local psychiatric hospital.
WELL,
at least his project
makes as much sense as
the contention of our modern
politicians that the sure way
to prosperity lies along the
road of BIG SPENDING, BIG
DEFICITS AND BIG DEBTS.
QUESTION:
Whence came
the name
Canary Islands?
You'll be surprised
TtHE CANARY Islands were
known to the ancients, who
named them Canaria from the
Latin word "canis," meaning
dog, because they iound large,
tierce dogs there.
Canary birds - without
which in a cage, no American
home was complete only a
lew decades ago - get their
name from the fact that they
were first found on the Ca
nary islands.
BACK to modern days:
In Washington, President
Kennedy tells a group of busi
ness men that if Congress cuts
advertisement
Oldat 40,50,60?
Man, Get Wise! PepUp
Thousands are peppy at 70! So. if you frl
wr ,V In 'v m . m r ' ',"''olr : -10. 5(1 or f0.
quit blunlng it on age. If you want to tl
younger, try Ostrc Tonic Ttblctl jt once
Also for debility due to rundown body s laeK
oi iron, the 'Tjdow-.aQjrrliriiis m-iy
rail "peiog old Pub pep in both trxc. lry
Ostrcx - feel peppy, yo.mser. 8-day get
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Counsel With . . .
Mr.
nsurance
F. R. Brennan, C.I. A.
MEDFORD INSURANCE
Agency
PHONE 773-7343
27 North Holly Street
Stop Me
JENKI&S
the budget instead of cutting
taxes and clamps a lid on the
national debt there will be
a DOWNTURN for the Amer
ican economy as a whole.
He added:
"This is the lesson of his
tory, and it mui?; learned."
So
He is progsine another
DEFICIT of about 12 billion
dollars for the next fiscal
year in order to keep the
economy from turning down
ward. A WORD on deficits:
--This dicit financing busi
ness is more or less a govern
ment monopoly. We private
individuals can seldom get
too deep into that kind of
trouble? When we are tempt
ed to do some deficit finan
cing in aGhig way, we go to
our banker, and he says NO!!!
And that's that.
When government falls for
the temptation to do prolong
ed deficit financing, all it has
to do is to reach into our
pockets and take out the
money with which to pay
the interest on the increasing
debt that follows deficit fian
cing.
W
HAT about the principal'
into the deficit financing hab'
it seldom expect pay off
any of the principal. They just
fjass it on dowruto the coming
generations.
Cub kwl ftm
Pack 5 cjy
Cub Scouts tX Pack 5 ana)
tlfrir families recently attend
ed the March meetir! in Jef
ferson school gymnasiu.
Cubmaster WaynP Beenett
presided and colors wer pre
sented by the Webelor0Den.
Glen Duvsen led he pack
in song, followiSfe which all f MM,mLt Ml TaJriain
watched the shoveaaJJ 9 aOLWUIPf PW1 lAIRl)
film, "The Rogue country.
Awards were presented by
Jack Pope to Jerry Crippen,
ornlf hariPP With SUVfT arrow:
Mike Pope, denner; David
Farmed, assistant denner;
Greg Gleaves, lion badge with
gold arrow; and Kent Dysen,
lion badge with silver arrow.
Two lion silver arrows were
awarded to Greg Gleaves.
The Cubbie once again went
to Den 2.
o
CD
Fred Brennav;
FOR ALL YOUR INSURANCE
NEEDS, SELECT A CERTIFIED
QSSURANCE AGENT.
QUALIFIED
ALL LINES WRITTEN
Strictly
Personal
By Sydney J. Harris
(C' Field Enterprises. Inc.
LIFE'S BALANCE
When Chesterton was once
asked that liresomely familiar
question, "What book would
you choose to
have with
you on a des
e r t island?"
he quite sen
sibly replied,
"James vol
ume on 'Prac
t i c a 1 Ship
building." He
was doing
Harrl more than
giving a flip dismissal to this
trite question. He was point
ing out the absurdity of tak
ing a situation out of context.
Most of us would aiftwer7,
with spiritual solemnity, the
Bible or Shakespeare; but
Chesterton, who was both a
deeply religious and a widely
cultivated man. saw through
these pretensions.
On a desert island, of
course, we would want a book
that would help us survive
and escape, if possible. For a
man aloneis no good to him
self, even with the Bible and
Shakespeare for company.
Robinson Crusoe was going
crazy until he came upon Fri
day. Books of a spiritual or
cultural quality must be a
supplement lo life; they can
not be a substitute for it.
If the average man makes
the disastrous mistake of
substituting action for
thought (which always ends
in violence), the thought
ful man often makes the
contrary mistake of substi
tuting books foro'.ife (which
always ends up in sterility).
Indeed? perhaps the .an
tral task of any human life
consists in achieving the
proper balance, theocorrect
tension, between gie con
templative and the practi
cal aspects. For both the
man who thinks too much
and the man who thinks too
little lends to lake the
wrong action in a crisis.
The consideration of subtle
moral, psychological and so
cial values can immobilize a
man from taking action with
courage and dispatch; and,
contrariwise, the ignoring of
such considerations can
plunge us into deeds whose
consequences are quite the
opposite of what we intended.
Life is so hard to anticipate
precisely because each event
is an equation in which on.
term is maaen irom us-- xne
mysterious "x" that dies so
deep within our own Abjure
that we cannot seifT"
What expert bridge players
call "the feel of the table" -knowing
intuitively when to
pass and when to bid - is as
important in living as in
playing. The reflective man
will nearly always pass, and
the impulsive man will near
ly always bid; but true exper
tise consists in cutting across
the grain of one's nature
when the situation seems to
call for it.
It might almost be said that
only if we learn how and
when to violate 3he natural
bent of our temrg?rament can
1e cope with the unpredict
ability ant perrsity of hu
mfn ffirs.
O
Itcrnt lmK$
A number of Jackson eoun
men enlisted in the Navy
$
durinS tarch.
They are undergoing train
ing at the U.S. Navy Training
Center, San Diego, Calif.
The enlistees include Jo
seph B. Sutton, Jr., son of
Mr. and Mrs. J. B. Sutton, 503
Spencer St.; William P. Stone
braker, son of Mrs. Opal E.
Corona, 215 West Jackson St.;
William C. Hutcheson, son of
Mr. and Mrs. William D
Hutcheson, route 2, box 220A,
all Medford; Richard D. Bone,
son of Mrs. Kathryn L. Lanini
71 Scenic dr.; Carl E. Mc-
Guire, soj!,of
Mr. and Mrs.
Clarence L.
McGuire, 1941
p3i.eieie.Mti bld., all Ashland
Roger Cjitton, son of Mr.
and Mrs. John I. Sutton, 263
North Fifth St.; Lloyd M. Rice
son of Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd W
Rice, route 2, box 567R, all
Central Point; and Thomas P.
Smith, son of Mrs. Ruth E
Smith, Star route 2, box 988
Trail
GIRL SHY
Gosport, England -(UPD- The
Rev. Tony Naden says h? has
formed a mixed rugby team
of boys and girls, aged 14 to
20, but is having difficulty
booking games. "Most of
clubs around here seem
the
to
fight shy of Sickling girls,
he said.
LAWN MOWERS
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MEDFOR0
Primary Winner In
Washington - a'PU - Richard
ML Nixon has told newspaper
friends here that he will en
dorse for the 1964 Republican
presidential nomination the
candidate who wins next
year's California presidential
primary.
The 1960 GOP presidential
candidate said that a Repub
lican without the courage to
enter the California primary
would not merit nomination.
The primary will be held in
June, 1964.
Nixon arrived in Washing
ton Monday from New York
and Philadelphia. He planned
to leave today, probably for
Miami. Nixon denied reports
-atfPerV
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that he might shift his resi
dence from Los Angeles to
New York.
Likes Rockefeller
Gov. Nelson A. Rockefeller
of New York appears to Nix
on to be the front-runner now
for the 1964 nomination. But
Nixon emphasized that there
were other available and able
Republicans, none of whom
could be written off. He in
eluded Govs. George Romney
of Michigan and William W.
S e r a n ton of Pennsylvania,
and Sen. Barry Goldwater of
Arizona.
After a talk last week with
Nixon in New York, Rocke
feller ordered former Gov.
OREGON
Nixon Backing
Goodwin J. Knight of Cali
fornia to close a Rockefeller
f o r - President headquarters
just opened in Los Angeles.
Nixon told reporters here
that Rockefeller understood
that no Nixon supporters
would be members of a Cali
fornia nominating convention
delegation of which Knight
also was a member. He said
Rockefeller had to choose be
tween Knight and the Nixon
j people.
' May Be Different
Nixon said that he hoped
! to help define the issues in the
Icoming presidential cam
I paign. He believes that Presi-
dent Kennedy would win a
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THINK ALIKE
Du Quoin, 111. - iJFD - The
three daughters of Mrs. J. W.
Norris apparently think alike.
The daughters, who live in
Illinois, Florida and Missouri,
sent Mrs. Norris identical
greeting cards on her 82nd
birthday.
landslide reelection in a poll
ing today, but that it all may
be different next year.
The former vice president
is confident that the Republi
can National convention could
not ignore a candidate who
had won the California pri
mary. He said it would dis
place the standard political
tests - the New Hampshire
and Wisconsin presidential
primaries.
m .
TUESDAY. APRIL
Women Continue Lead in Mobil Run
Cheyenne, Wyo. - (UPD - The
Los Angeles - Detroit Mobil
Eeonomy run continued on
its 2,654-mile journey today
as cars left here at 5 a.m. lor
Omaha.
The cais headed for the
halfway mark today after
traveling 474 miles from Salt
Lake City to Cheyenne Mon
day, The eight women drivers
continued to get better mile
age than the men, averaging
23.95 miles per gallon, com
pared to the male drivers'
21.67. Mary Hauser was still
in second place with a 28.95
average in her four-cylinder
Chevy II.
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i . a i 4i i.- r
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Les Viland, Livonia, Mich.,
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