An Expert in Psychology Tells:
4
What I'm
Teaching My
Children
About
Marriage
Youngsters should learn
about the joys and pitfalls of
marriage from the people
who love them most their parents
By ROBERT D. WETTZ, Ph.D.
CemuHino pdtologitl In privet procrlc; former Chief PrychoJoglif,
U. S. Public HhMi Sok., MidwMtarn Madkol Citr, Si. tovh
as told to Lester and Irene David
A re YOU giving your children vital les
xxsons in marriage?
Well, you should be. After 23 years as a consult
ing psychologist and marriage counselor, I can say
this: there would be far fewer divorces if parents
devoted as much time and attention to marital in
struction for their children as they do to piano and
dancing lessons.
In our house, my wife and I have given marital
training a high priority in the raising of our three
children. We regard it as crucial to the development
of a young person as cultural or career guidance.
After all, a good marriage makes the difference be
tween a happy, fruitful life and a barren, perhaps
even a miserable, one.
In the storybooks, the prince and princess marry
and live happily ever after. In real life, however,
one cannot take that "happily-ever-after" part for
granted. I have explained to my children that:
"In the first place, you must find the right prince
or princess, or the applecart is upset right there.
"And secondly, happy marriages don't just hap
pen. They must be worked at all the time."
Those two statements are the heart of my "home
marriage course." They are so significant that I
hope you will go back and read them once more.
Now, before I go into the all-important specifics,
I should make a few general things clear.
Marriage instruction, of course, cannot and cer
tainly should not be as formal as violin lessons or
speech therapy. We don't really hold classes at our
house! We simply talk casually at odd hours about
the basic elements in boy-girl and man-woman re
lationships, about emotions, self-understanding,
life goals, and the very practical, sensible things
that make up a successful marriage.
The dinner table is an ideal place for these dis
cussions and so is the living room when the fam
ily gathers in the evening. If you do this in your
home, I can predict that the questions will fly bo
fast that the youngsters will forget all about tv.
At what age should parents begin to train their
children for marriage? It's never too early to start;
some of the principles can be instilled at any age.
But talks about dating and choosing a mate should
wait until the young people are old enough to be
interested in them.
What, exactly, am I teaching my children about
marriage? Here are the main points my wife and
I stress in our informal conversations with our
daughter Betty, 15, and our two Bons, Steven, 13,
and William, 17:
Shop carefully for a wife or husband
The most important ingredient of a successful
marriage is picking the right mate.
I put it to Betty this way : "You wouldn't dream
of buying the first dress you saw on a rack that
appealed to you. You would look over the selection
carefully to see if there was something even better.
If nothing turned up, you would have no hesitation
trying elsewhere. Is it wise to be less particular
when choosing a life partner?"
And yet countless girls and boys settle for the
first person they are attracted to. If they are lucky,
the partner will turn out well. More often, how
ever, that "first item on the rack" isn't any special
bargain at all.
'To select a mate wisely," I tell Betty and the
family Wnkly. rirtury 24, 1MJ