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Mr 6
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3
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EAT ANYTHING
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Parents ii Without
Partners
ir r r V
By EDWARD R. SAMMIS
Single parents are helping one another face those crushing questions:
"Why don't I have a mother?" '"Why don't I see Daddy any more?"
"TV TY HUSBAND and I are divorced, and our
lVx six-year-old son doesn't see his father
any more. Recently, he has begun telling his
playmates that his daddy is dead. This is too
much. What should I do?"
The anxious mother's question unsigned to guard her
privacy was passed forward to the speaker's platform
during a meeting of Parents Without Partners, an organ
ization dedicated to helping mothers who have lost their
husbands and fathers who have lost their wives.
The answer to her query came from a child-guidance
counselor who was the group's guest speaker that eve
ning. He explained that every effort should be exerted
to make the father realize the serious emotional plight
of his son. But if this failed, a "father substitute" should
be found among family friends some man whom the boy
could look up to as a model in things masculine.
Until recently, this mother and others like her were
pretty much on their own in meeting the problems of
rearing children with only one parent in the house.
But today, the Parents Without Partners organization
is giving such people help, both through professional
counseling and through the friendly exchange of view
points with others in the same plight.
Since the organization was founded five years ago in
New York, it has grown to include chapters across the
country. In addition, a number of independent local or
ganizations have modeled themselves after it.
There is room for all of these groups, for the extent of
the problem is tremendous. Four million married persons
in the U.S. are living apart from their spouses, according
to the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare,
and nearly G.500,000 children live with only one parent
because of death, divorce, separation, or desertion.
But statistics only hint at the cnormousness of the
problem. They cannot reflect the sense of loneliness
and isolation, of frustration and helplessness, the sup
pressed feelings of guilt and anger felt by parents who
arc trying to rear children without the help of a partner.
When these troubled people gather at Parents With
out Partners meetings, there is a flood of questions.
How can I keep my fatherless (or motherless) children
from feeling they are inferior to their playmates?
How can I deal with the tensions that arise when my
children visit my divorced spouse?
What about dates? I have chances to go out, but I
don't accept because I'm afraid it might upset the chil
dren. How can I explain to them my own social needs?
Members of Parents Without Partners get helpful an
swers to these and thousands of other questions. Each
problem is considered individually, but these five points
of general advice have proved fruitful:
1. Try to get rid of the hostile feelings resulting from
the breakup of your marriage. Such feelings can only
harm the emotional life of both you and your children.
2. If you are a "part-time father," you must realize that
the emotional security of your children depends on your
active participation in rearing them even after the di
vorce or separation. Financial support isn't enough ; love,
affection, and moral leadership are necessities.
3. Recognize that possessiveness toward your children
may develop as an attempt to compensate for the loss of
your mate. Fight against it, so that your child's growth
toward independence will not be impaired.
4. Try to overcome the feeling of being "cut off." Cul
tivate outside interests and hobbies. The single parent's
emotional life is reflected in that of his (or her) children.
5. Keep your child from feeling that his predicament
is strange. See that he gets to know other children who
are being reared by single parents.
Such suggestions fall on fertile ground because a new
attitude is developing toward the broken home. There is
a growing tendency to pick up the pieces and try to "get
on" with normal living.
To help single parents help themselves, the Parents
Without Partners organization has expanded to include
national workshops and a monthly journal.
And the mail grows steadily heavier at the organiza
tion's headquarters 80 Fifth Ave, New York, N.Y. as
more and more single parents discover that there is a
group dedicated to helping them with their problems.
"The plight of the single parent seems to arise from
the highly organized state of our society," says Mrs. Ela
Hathaway, one of the pioneers in the movement. "There
fore, the best way to meet it seems to be as other similar
problems have been met by organization."
Family Weekly. July J. 1962