MEDFORD MAIL TRIBUNE. MEDFORD, OREGON
FRIDAY, APRIL 20. 1962
Try and Stop Me
By BENNETT CERF-
pAGER TO MAKE good in his new job, Eustace Filligrew
arrived at the office at eight-thirty sharp, only to find
the curvy, blonde secretary sitting on the boss' lap.
ine next morning he
showed up at eight fif
teen. The boss and the
secretary were locked in
a tight embrace. As Eus
tace tiptoed out of the
office, the boss looked up
at the clock and hollered,
"Filligrew, if you get in
here tomorrow at eight
you're fired!"
They serve one dish at a
five-star French restaurant
on Third Avenue that isn't
on the menu because it
takes four hours to prepare.
It s called Galantine of Duckling. "Why does it take so long to
cook?" a customer rashly asked the French chef. "That ees be
cause," explained the chef suavely, "we give ze duck an even
chance to escape,"
There's a hanger-on at the Aqueduct Race Track who has a.
positive mania for cleanliness. He's been sponging off his ac
quaintances for years.
1962. by Bennett Cerf. Diitrlbuted by King- Features Syndicate
I lyggXl
I Cv
Your Money's Family
Worth
By SYLVIA PORTER
Copyright, Hall Syndicate, Inc.
WAGE INCREASES
SMALLEST SINCE 1955
Wage increases so far in
1962 are running at the smal
lest average since 1955. The
"floor' under pay hikes is
perceptibly weakening for the
first time ill years. A "zero
round" - meaning no cash pay
increases whatsoever - is
showing up in more and more
contracts.
The wage spiral which has
been part of the American
economic scene since World
War II is slowing to a crawl,
wage inflation is being
brought under control - with
all the good this implies to
the trend of prices and your
cosi of living in coming
months, to the integrity and
buying power of the U.S. dol
lar, to our ability to meet
BOLEX NIKON PENTAX MINOLTA HASSELBLAD
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Reg. $9.95-Special W
LEICA
ROLLEI
HASSELBLAD
BOLEX
competition from foreign pro
ducers of goods at home and
abroad.
In view of the spectacu
lar retreat steel has just
been forced to make on a
price hike, today's report
on what is happening on the
wage front is of unusual
siignificance. Here are the
facts to be disclosed this
week end by the Bureau of
National Affairs, Inc., a
major Washington research
organization in the labor
market field.
(1) The average cash pay
hike in 868 settlements signed
so far this year and analyzed
by the BNA is down to 7.4
cents, compared with 8.1
cents in the comparable pe
riod of last year and an aver
age of 7.8 cents in 1961 as a
whole. Not- since the mid-
1950s has the average been
this small.
(2) In wage contracts signed
in manufacturing industries,
the average wage increase has
been even lower - 7 cents.
down almost a cent from the
same period in 1961.
(3) In nine per cent of the
contracts, there has been no
wage boost, almost double the
"zero" percentage in contracts
settled in the first few months
of 1961.
(4) Not included in this nine
per . cent is the basic steel
wage settlement which also
omils any wage raise in 1962.
Says Donald F. Farwell of the
BNA, "Although I doubt that
the steel settlement will set
off a widesprea.. 'zero round,'
of course it means there'll be
lots more zero settlements
and probably a further de
cline in the average settle
ment level. The lack of a
wage boost in stee. can't help
but- have this effect on other
bargaining situations."
(5) Provisions for deferred
pay hikes - under which
workers are automatically
guaranteed cash wage increas
es in future years - are being
undercut too. Deferred pay
boosts have appeared in 48
per cent of the contracts
signed in this year's first
quarter against 53 per cent of
the contracts signed In 1961's
last quarter. The floor under
future wage increases is
weakening. In the steel con
tract, deferred wage increas
es have been eliminated for at
least the next two years. The
escalator clause was dropped
as well, meaning there'll be
no cost-of-living adjustments
in steel for the next year or
two either. .
These facts shout a tale of
major bread-and-butter im-
Council
CopvriRht, (irntnl t-ralurei Corp.
Editor Note: The taimly Coun
cil consist of a Judge, a psychia
trist, a wunirn's editor, and two
writers. Earh artlrlt Is a ktimtnary
of an actual caht history. The
Council report on problem thai
have been dealt with by rekpon
uble acenciet and coumrlort.
ne0ed; Council Refuses
You'll feel like the bumps took a holiday, too
Get set for Fun and Sun at your Chevrolet dealer's. If yon aren't in a holiday mood already, his buys will
quickly put you in one. Then the real fun begins when you aim a Jet-smooth beauty at vacation land. Bring
on those choppy roads or rolling highways makes no difference because you've got a big cushiony Full Coil
spring at each wheel to take the wrinkles out of the worst roads around. And a team of over ppgjBSjg'
700 insulators and absorbers to wall off sound and vibration. Add V8 sizzle or 6 savings, rich, t?1
roomy interiors, comfort-high seats for easy rubbernecking, a deep-well trunk, easy bumper-
level loading, and Body by Fisher craftsmanship and
you've got about all the car you could possibly want
Jet-smooth Chevrolet
William N.-Among friends,
I have a right to exhibit my
notebook.
Elsie N. - Our friends are
on the spot. They have to
praise that nonsense.
William N. - I'm a painting
contractor, commonly known
as a Boss Painter, and all day
long I'm at the receiving end
of kicks. I get them from
landlords, tenants and the
painters I hire. So when I
get home I turn to the one
thing that relaxes me - writ
ing jingles and limericks in
a big notebook. I write them
about the events of the day.
Even though some of my
friends think they're good
enough to be published, that's
not why I write them. I do so
as a hobby.
I . want my wife to stop
ridiculing me for this. When
I pull the notebook out to
show somebody, she looks at
me as if I'm some kind of nut.
bhe calls it a waste of time
and nags me about using my
spare time for what she calls
better things, like painting
our own house.
But I enjoy saying things
in rhyme. It unkinks me. And
I know my friends like to
look through my notebook.
Elsie N. - What can our
friends do? They have to be
polite even if they're bored.
We invite them for dinner
and out comes the notebook.
Bill forces them to listen.
Then he makes them read it
for themselves, too. I might
as well be the hired girl for
all the chance I get to talk to
our guests. I cook and serve,
and then he gets all the pleas
ure. Just because no one
walks out he thinks his stuff
is good.
ii ne d only spend more
time iixing things around the
house, or coming with me on
a few family visits instead of
working on that tripe, he'd
be putting his time to better
use. It seems a shame that he
keeps writing things which
aren't good enough to be
published, and then inflicts
them on anybody he can but
tonhole. There must be better
ways to relax.
The Council: Bill is prompt
ed by the same innocent mo
tive that impels other men to i
pass around snapshots. He I
wants to regale, cheer, share j J
the pleasures that are his. As. I
with the snapshot-circulators, j
he may misinterpret polite- j
ness ior eninusiasm. .
Neither Bill nor fcisie, How
ever, show any interest in
distinguishing between the j
iwu on lilt? fni i u umtii
mends. Me keeps ngnt on ae-;
claiming, willynilly and ad
infinitum, and she keeps right 1
on assuming all present, ex
cept Bill, are writhing in
agony. So the problem here
is for him to choose his audi-1
ence more selectively, picking j
one or two guests who really I
enjoy word-building and who I
may themselves be secret
penmen (millions are). And
for her, it's to concede that j
some of the company may
honestly relish Bill's novel
method of recording his ex
periences. As for those who
don't, self-preservation is
powerful Instinct and it sug
gests ways
from under,
to make a
with the dishes or fill the ice
bucket.
While we hesitate to pour
cold water on Bill's literary
efforts, we must remind him
that they can't possibly be as
chuckley or titillating to
others as they are to him. So
restraint in unloading them
on good natured visitors is
suggested. Also, he'd better
not be so carried away with
his June - moon . spoon knack
that he hogs Elsie's share of
attention from their mutual
friends. That deprivation may
be eating her more than the
hobby itself. She's fed up
with having her dinner par
ties turn out to be mere ruses
for enticing an audience to
one of Bill's readings.
One idea might be for a
gathering at which Bill re
cites poems about each one
present. That would hold in
terest. Another suggestion is
for Bill to round up his own
coterie, with each reciting to
his heart's content, while
Elsie skips off to the movies.
Bill's hobby is innocent
enough. His flair would be
highly appreciated by frater
nal organizations preparing
luncheon programs, and by
other would-be rhymesters
DST Endorsement
Lebanon -WH- The Leban
on city council has rcfurd to
make any "fast lime" recommendation.
The council had been asked
to vote on a measure recom
mending the following of day
light savings time, following
the lead of the Albany city
council last week.
An informal poll of Leban
on merchants showed that a
majority were in favor of es
tablishing early hours.
A 5
SURVIVES SNOW BURIAL alive Thursday afctr being
Mnrtigny, Switzerland -0JP1 . buried for 16 hours in 26 feet
- Edy Bridy, 25, a Swiss bor-lof snow. He was rer-rted
dor guard, was pulled outlonly slightly injure''.
VE
Easter
He must guard against in
flicting it on unsuspecting, tin
selectcd pals.
11
CARDS HOR
SUNDAY, APRIL 22
When you care enough
to sent! Ihe very best
Cuiant'e 211 E. Main
At Both Monarch Stores
Starting Wednesday, April 18th
6th and Bartlert
(Please Bring a Container)
If you can't buy tha
youngsters a bunny,
bring 'em to either
store so they can en
joy seeing them!
10th and South Fir
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See the new Chevrolet at your local authorized Chevrolet dealer's
COURTESY CHEVROLET
MEDFORD
PHONE SP 2-6115
portance to all of us and to
the entire free w. rid.
In the crucial iphere of
manufacturing particularly,
the wage spiral is disap
pearing and this is helping
to erase the background for
a price upswing. The rea
son is that the rise in the
hourly output of the aver
age factory worker is rang
ing much higher than the
rise in his hourly wage. In
dustry's investments in mo
dernisation of plants and
equipment, its stricter po
licing of costs, waste, meth
ods of production are pay
ing off in savings in the
time employes have to j
work .to turn out an item. 1
in short, while cash pay is
still climbing and tring
benefits are certainly be
coming more expensive,
these costs are being more
than offset by the savings
in production time.
It's not a wage "freeze" but
it's a pattern responsible in
dustrialists running modern
factories can tolerate and
profit under.
We're flashing the signal
that we're into a period of
relative wage and price sta
bility and we Intend to stay 1 1
in it. With the news coming
top of the cancellation of
the steel price rise and the
non-inflationary steel con
tract, we're telling the world
that the integrity of the dol
lar is to be maintained.
Thoe trends have to be if I
we re to stay a first-rate na
tion in a competitive world.
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Aluminum, Floating Landing Nets, 3 Sizes
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SP3-53TL
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tiappiiy. aw last wiejr ic ue-