Family Weekly January is, mi
WHY GIRLS MARRY
There's a trend to May-December marriages among the famous and not-so-famous;
OLDER MEN
By JACK HARRISON POLLACK
the reasons tell what today's men look for in women and what women expect of their men
Anew and surprising trend is
evident in America, long noted
for its youth worship: more and
more young women are spurning
suitors their own age and marrying
men old enough to be their fathers
even grandfathers in some cases.
Even more astonishing, most of
these May-December matings have
proved to be exceptionally happy,
providing a fulfillment for both
husband and wife that is often
lacking in many of the so-called
"normal" marriages.
Though statistics are incomplete,
sociologists and marriage-license-bureau
officials say that today
more age-youth weddings are tak
ing place than ever before in U.S.
history and are increasing signifi
cantly with each passing year.
Mi
Bing Crosby, al 54, and wife Kalhy
admire son Harry Lillis, now two.
With the life expectancy of the
average American male now up to
67 (it was only 53 in 1920), many
mature men are experiencing a
"second youth" through late-flowering
romances with women in
their early prime. The list includes
such world-famous figures as Bing
Crosby, 56, Andre Kostelanetz, 60,
Charlie Chaplin, 71, T. S. Eliot, 72,
Sir Thomas Beecham, 81, Pablo
Casals, 85, and Bcrtrand Russell, 88.
Love, of course, has never known
any season. History is full of ex
amples of men in the winter of
their lives becoming enamoured of
girls in their springtime.
Today sociologists Indicate there
are five basic, though little-noted,
reasons for the recent increase in
age-youth marriages.
6 Family Weekly, January 15, 1961
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Charlie Chaplin wed Oona O'NeilJ in
1943, he at the age of 54, she at 18.
First and foremost is the rising
life expectancy of men, coupled
with the fact that today's middle
aged and older Romeos are more
physically fit than ever before.
They're younger than they used to
be by every yardstick except the
calendar.
Second, older men are far more
interested in physical love than
generally believed. A recent study
at Duke University's medical
school of 250 volunteers from 60
to 93 years old indicates that if in
dividuals are reasonably healthy,
they can be romantically active be
yond the age of 90.
Third, many men of achievement
outgrow the wives of their school
days and are able to attract young
er and more stimulating women. If
a wife fails to keep up mentally
and spiritually with an exceptional
husband, she may find that she has
lost him to a fresher and more
vital companion.
A fourth reason for recent age
youth unions is the preponderance
of women over men, especially in
cities. According to the 1960 cen
sus, there are only 91 males to ev
ery 100 females in urban areas.
Moreover, there are now three mil
lion more females than males of
marriageable age.
Last but far from least, older
men frequently have stronger per
sonalities than their juniors, as
well as a more mellow approach
to life. A new study by Dr. Ken
neth L. Bloom reveals that older
persons tend to be far more posi
tive in their attitudes and to feel
more optimistic about themselves.
Male movie stars who must
stay fit to stay famous have been
remarkably successful in their
marriages to girls who may be
younger than their own children.
Three years ago, Bing Crosby, at
53, started a new life when he mar
ried lovely Kathryn Grant, 30
years hfs junior and a year young
er than his eldest son, Gary. Dur
ing his second courtship, the Old
Groaner not only crooned to his
fiancee but took her dancing regu
larly. Today they have a two-year-old
son, Harry Lillis, Jr., and (aft
er five sons for Bing) a year-old
daughter, Mary Frances.
Charlie Chaplin's 17-year mar
riage to Oona O'Neill, daughter
of the late Eugene O'Neill, Ameri
ca's great dramatist, has been
spectacularly successful despite a
0k If)
Sophia Loren, wed to film producer
Carlo Ponti, is 20 years younger.
stormy beginning and widespread
predictions that "it wouldn't last."
Back in 1943, Chaplin, at 54,
wooed and won the radiantly at
tractive, raven-haired Oona, then
a dewy-eyed 18. A budding actress
at 16, Oona tried for a part in a
Chaplin film. She didn't get it, but
she did get a proposal of marriage
which she gladly accepted despite
her father's bitter disapproval of
her union with a man 36 years her
Famous cellist Pablo Casals, 85, is
attended by his 24-year-old wife.
senior and thrice divorced. Today
the Chaplins have seven children
ranging from Michael, 15, to year
old Annette and say they plan to
have four more.
Now 35, Oona says she fell in
love with the world-famous come
dian when she was 12 and decided
to become his bride. "You don't
marry a man because of, or despite,
his age," bona says. "You marry
him for the essence of himself
which is a timeless quality. I never
think of Charlie's age at least not
364 days of the year. He still flirts
with me as romantically as before
we were married. Because we
share so many phases of our life
work, children, friends, ideas,
travel there doesn't seem to be
any difference in our ages except
that I guess Charlie has made me
a good deal more mature, and I
help keep him young."
Actor Charles Coburn, 84, and wife
Winnifred, 42, were wed a year ago.
Many older movie husbands have
helped skyrocket their young brides
to the peak of film fame. Sophia
Loren, Italy's No. 1 film queen, was
discovered and boosted to inter
national fame by Italian movie
producer Carlo Ponti, her senior
by 20 years. They were married in
September, 1957, and have main
tained an unusually successful
partnership, both professionally and
domestically.
Though spring-winter marriages
in the movie world have been the
most publicized, there have been
many remarkable examples of such
successful unions among outstand-
Groucho Marx celebrates with his
young bride after wedding in 1954.
ing men in the world of music, lit
erature, philosophy, the arts, and
in the sciences.
Pablo Casals, 85, considered the
world's greatest cellist, is 61 years
older than his third wife, Martha
Montonez, a protege he married in
1957. "Happiness is sharing a life
with a kindred spirit," says 24-year-old
Martita. "That's why I've
probably never been conscious of
the difference in our ages."
Sir Thomas Beecham, 81, is an
other musical Peter Pan. This spir
ited, white-goateed conductor of
London's Royal Philharmonic Or
chestra is 53 years the senior of
his third wife, the former Shirley
Hudson, whom he married last
year. After striking a harmonious
note with her in July, 1959, when
he was 80 and she was 27, Sir
Sir Thomas Beecham, al 80, married
a former secretary who was only 27.
Thomas decided he would visit
her parents.
"I told them that I wanted to
talk about a matter that seemed in
congruous, preposterous, and even
monstrous," he recalls. "They were
so dazed by my oratorical fireworks
that they finally let Shirley decide.
And that's how we got married."
T. S. Eliot, 72, one of the greatest
living poets, is 39 years older than
his present wife. Eliot's first wife
died in 1947. Three years ago, when
he was 69, he married his 30-year-old
secretary, the former Esme
Valerie Fletcher, a pretty, plump
woman from Yorkshire, England.
Friends say marriage has made the
poet more genial and relaxed.
Countless other May-December
marriages are flourishing. Orches
tra conductor Andre Kostelanetz,
60, ex-husband of singer Lily Pons,
recently married a 32-year-old
gill. Writer Alexander King, 62,
has had a delightfully happy mar
riage with his fourth wife, Margie
Lou, 25, during the past three years.
The former owner of the Brooklyn
Dodgers, Larry McPhail, 71, who
has adult children from his first
marriage, has had a good marital
batting average the past 14 years
with his former secretary who has
borne him two more children.
Movie producer Otto Preminger,
54, recently became the father of
twins. His third wife, former fash
ion model Hope Bryce, is 26.
The interesting question is: why
do so many of these partnerships
work out so well? What qualities
do older husbands have which at
tract young wives and keep them
happy?
The "father image" undoubtedly
drives many young women into
older men's arms. According to
Freud, the founder of psychoanaly
sis, every girl's first love is her
father. If she fails to outgrow this
father "fixation," an older man be
comes the substitute, particularly
when he treats her like a little girl.
Psychiatrist Erich Fromm has
another explanation: the immatu
rity of the American male or his
late maturing.
During the last two decades,
psychiatrists, sociologists, and ed
ucators have written millions of
words on how and why it takes so
long for American men to grow up
if ever. Philip Wylie blames it all
on "Mbmism" or those well-known
apron strings with which so many
sons hold onto their mothers long
after they've reached manhood.
Small wonder a woman novelist
once said, "No American man is
interesting until he's 40." The 40
plus man is usually far more sure
of his values including the type of
PS
Conductor Andre Kostelnnelz, 60,
honeymoons with wife Sara, 32.
wife he wants. Very likely, he has
been married before and, whether
divorced or widowed, has profited
from his experience. Unless he is
severely neurotic, he no longer is
Pfwrn - in
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muesli
British philosopher Borl rand Bussed
is 28 years older Ihnn wife Edith.
a victim of Momism and doesn't
make the mistake of comparing ev
ery girl with his mother.
Still another important asset is
the older man's greater capacity
for appreciating a woman. Years
ago psychologist William James
said, "The craving to be appreciated
is the deepest principle in human
nature." Recently, a wise young
woman added, "Young men just
need you to make a fuss over
them. But older men like to make
a fuss over you."
Naturally, not every older hus
band keeps his younger wife. Con
ductor Leopold Stokowski, 78, after
10 years of marriage wound up in
a bitter divorce and custody battle
with his third wife, heiress Gloria
Vanderbilt, 36. Playwright Elmer
Rice, 68, had three children by his
second wife, actress Betty Field,
39, but she left him and later mar
ried a younger man.
Of course, being married to an
older man isn't all soft lights and
sweet music. Some young wives
complain that their older husbands
treat them like china dolls, fail to
give them enough independence,
tire too quickly, are less adaptable,
or always want to stay home.
This, however, seems to be a
minority report. Most young wom
en who have chosen older mates'
seem to feel that marriage is a
man's job, not a boy's and that a
man is not really a man until he
has been aged a bit.
Famill Weekly, January 15, J9G1
7