ANYTHING !
ORA-FIX
S
holds
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day!
Uu On Dwihiri CImrmt, to
BBTTCR .. . by Mo KB S SON
Couldn't Wear
Wedding Ring
Mrs. Koh let's Hands
Weft Red, Rough, Sort
Until Sh Ud RESINOL
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I'm wearing my ring ngain , . . Wo
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km4 fWff Tsw Skim Dfrfrtssf
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BUY U.S.
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mm
The fjdj I M
Hardest 'A . t. M
Years . f . f f
for 4M ';
Children-1 V 1
and - . J '
Parents 3IS i M t
Between the ages of 11 and 15, youngsters go through a difficult
period as they test their grasp on maturity and their parents' patience
By SIDONIE MATSNER GRUENBERG with Llewellyn Miller
HARD-PRESSED PARENTS of jUI)!Or-high
youngsters are giving wide circu
lation to a current joke.
"When do you want us to bring
him back?" ask the grandparents of
a 12-year-old as they pick him up for
the day.
"When he is 16!" his father retorts.
These years between 11 and 15 are
a fascinating age, delightful and re
warding in so many ways. It is not
the easiest time in a youngster's life,
however. And it is a time of some be
wilderment and anxiety for parents.
This is a period of very rapid physi
cal and emotional growth, and often of
perplexing and inconsistent behavior,
as boys and girls, ambitiously trying
to put childhood behind, reach out for
cibly for more privileges than they
are ready to handle. So far In their
young lives they have taken themselves
pretty much for granted. Suddenly, they
discover themselves as individuals.
They feel an imperative need for rec
ognition of the stunning fact, "I am
me and growing up!" If they can't get
enough recognition any other way, they
will try the well-known "shock meth
od" of outrageous behavior. They don't
do this with deliberate calculation, but
l Family Weekly, April 14, I960
are impelled by strong forces that they
understand dimly, if at all.
One of these is an intense need of
assurance that they are "wonderful
me," because characteristic of this tran
sition period is a wavering between
confidence and doubts of one's ade
quacy to meet the challenges ahead.
At no time does a youngster need
the support of parents more, but at
no time is it more difficult to give,
since the growing pains of these "be
tween" years so often evidence them
selves in extremes of behavior.
We may expect outbursts against the
authority of adults during this time.
Amenable little girls may stage dra
matic scenes of protest if anything
"the gang" does is questioned or for
bidden. Boys often go through a streak
of destructive mischief. Both are apt
to be untidy, dilatory, silent, and with
drawn, if not actually defiant.
Patty, 13, startles her father with a
flip, "Oh, Dad! Don't be a square!"
when he decides that an hour is too
long to giggle on the telephone.
Joel, 14, gives an insultingly bored
sigh when asked where he is going,
answers simply, "Out," and is gone.
Certainly, these disconcerting mo
ments are no source of happiness, but
they should not make parents feel that
they have failed. It is entirely normal for
youngsters to act in such ways. If they
are to grow, they must test their grow
ing powers. Only by going a little too
far can they learn where proper boun
daries lie.
No matter how wisely you have
guided your children through their
earlier years, it is unrealistic to ex
pect them to be unwaveringly obedient,
polite, and appreciative, during the "be
tweener" stage. It is just as unrealistic
to jump to the conclusion that they are
skidding fast into delinquency and must
be stopped by drastic measures.
What they are really asking for,
and what they need far more
than punishment or reproach, is your
steady support of them as important
and loved individuals. They need this
most when they are most out of hand.
This is easier said than achieved.
While our children are small, we grow
accustomed to their unquestioning ad
miration of us as possessors of correct
answers about everything. It is hard
for us to descend from this pedestal.
It takes effort to deal mildly with such
(Continued)