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SERUTAN
When Your Child Lies or Steals
(Continued)
In teaching children to respect the property of
others, we must be consistently careful to respect
their property, remembering that the baby under
stands "mine" long before "yours."
When Marcia was three, her mother gave a little
visitor one of her dolls to take home because Marcia
had two alike and . "Betty wants it so much." Later,
with some logic, Marcia "stole" one of her grand
mother's necklaces, "because I wanted it."
We teach children to be reliable and generous by
consistent example, not by making them share their
treasures. If we force them to do so, we only delay
their understanding of property rights.
Children of five and six usually have learned
that it is not acceptable practice to take things
that belong to others, but we need to be prepared
for a certain amount of backsliding.
When Willy was six, he began taking coins from
his mother's purse. He knew it was wrong, but an
other impulse was stronger, as his parents discov
ered when they looked for the reason.
They had just moved to a new neighborhood.
Willy felt lost without his friends. He was trying to
buy the popularity he missed by dispersing candy
bought with the stolen funds.
His parents were wise enough not to jump all
over him as a thief, which would only have made
him feel more isolated. They made it clear why
members of a family and other people must be
able to trust each other implicitly. Then they dis
cussed his problem and helped him find an answer:
he was supplied with cookies to share. :
Sometimes the excitement of playing cops and
robbers for real prompts older children into a steal
ing streak. There is a certain thrill in taking a risk.
Teddy, 11, was caught stealing apples from a
grocery and was soundly spanked. "If I ever catch
you at that again, I'll punish you even more
severely," his father warned, not realizing that this
threat carried two unfortunate implications.
It put greater emphasis on the "game" not be
ing caught. It also suggested to the child that .his
father had no real faith in his future good behavior.
No matter how the case is settled, leave your
child with the feeling that the episode is now closed,
and that you have complete faith in his ability to
learn from it
Frequent stealing is a serious matter, of course,
and if a child persists, his parents are well ad
vised to seek aid from a child-guidance clinic or
other professional source. Usually parents can guide
a child through such a period if they understand
that stealing often is a sign that the youngster feels
inadequate in some fashion. A child who is having
difficulties at school sometimes will go through a
stage of appropriating various objects. A child who
feels the need of more attention and affection at
home, or. who is suffering from a sense of rivalry
with a brother or sister will do the same.
We must remember that children are not natu
rally moral. Honesty, truthfulness, and regard for
the rights of others are acquired by trial and error,
just as walking is mastered only after tumbles.
We never doubt that the baby will leam to walk
and then run. If he falls, we pick him up. It does
not occur to us to scold him as "bad" for stumbling.
Older children need the same faith that they will
learn to walk in the way of truth and honesty.
Don't put your trust in punishment Punishment
is' like medicine, not like food. The normal child
needs only minute doses of medicine on rare occa
sions, but he needs a steady supply of food. Your
faith in him, your example, and guidance are the
food on which his character will grow strong!
fin an early issue of Family Weekly, Mrs. Gruen- "
berg will discuss another problem of child and par
ent: those fascinating but perplexing years of emo
tional growth between 11 and 15.)
16
Family Weekly, February 38, I960 '