With women, it's the "little things" that count and that includes
hubby's minor faults, which can produce a major marital crisis
BY LESTER DAVID
Several months ago, Family Weekly published
"10 Ways to Lose a Husband" describing the wifely
habits that can rock the marital boat. But how about
the other side of the coin? What irritates wives most
. about husbands? Here are the answers, required
reading for all wives and, of course, husbands.
Everyone realizes that excessive drinking, gam
bling away the pay check, infidelity, and other
major transgressions can cause domestic woe for a
man. Few understand, however, that there are other
ways to lose a wife with trifles!
This article, then, deals not with the major faults
. of the male animal in his domestic habitat but with
his minor ones. Sociologist Dr. Ray E. Baber calls .
them "tremendous trifles" which seethe for years,
then possibly explode a marriage.
Of course, an occasional husbandly lapse is harm
less. The seriousness, marital experts agree, hinges
on a wife's boiling point and the frequency of the
offense.
So here are 10 shortcomings the wise husband
will avoid as much as possible if he wants to keep
a wife happy and, ergo, himself.
"My husband treats me like a baby."
Overpro tec ting a wife .can be just as bad as over
protecting a child. Dr. Rebecca Liswood, director
of the Marriage Counseling Service of Greater New
York, points out that men who want to play father
to their wives are much more common than many
persons suspect
Tor a woman who wants to be independent, this
male attitude can rankle and eventually cause a
break," says Dr. Liswood. y
. Tip: treat her like a grownup she is, you know!
"It's nag, nag, nag, or boss, boss, boss!"
Nagging is by no means exclusively a feminine
characteristic. When the American Institute of Pub
lic Opinion (the Gallup Poll) asked wives to name
Family Weekly. January 24, I960
the worst faults of husbands, nagging made the
list of the top 10.
In Kingston, N. Y., a long-suffering wife finally
acted. Her husband had kept up such a barrage of
criticism that one day she walked out, leaving a
note on the breakfast table: "Complaint bureau
closed until further notice."
A word to the wise: nagging is irritating, no mat
ter who does it
The nagging male is likely to be one who wants
to be boss of the house but doesn't know how. His
determination to be the "Big Man" of the family
can cost him his wife's respect even her love.
A Baltimore, Md., mother of three growing chil
dren tearfully told a marriage counselor: "He tries
to run the place as though he were a Prussian top
sergeant, barking orders and expecting everyone
to hop to." Prof. Margaret Benz of New York Uni
versity points out that few women, despite current
opinion to the contrary, really want to be the domi
nant voice in a family they want to be protected,
they want men to make the important decisions.
But an important but they don't want to be
bullied or intimidated, either.
"He insists on handling the money
and he hasn't 'money sense.'"
A Roanoke, Va., housewife told a family coun
selor: "Our trouble is money not the lack of it
but the handling. Bill was brought up to feel that
the man should take charge, but it happens that he's
just not money-wise. I know I'm a better manager,
but Bill won't give up his 'male prerogative.' "
Dr. Judson T. Landis of the University of Cali
fornia sums up the experts' views: "The fundamen
tal thing (in money handling) is agreement If a
couple finds that one system does not work satis
factorily, it is well to try another. Success is more
probable if people can throw aside preconceived
ideas and be adjustable."
"He thinks I can read his mind."
A Florida couple went before a marriage coun
selor recently and cited this example of their trou
bles. The husband was due at an important func
tion at eight o'clock one evening. When he began
dressing, he found to his horror that his blue suit
the one he intended to wear, was rumpled. He
stormed into the kitchen and demanded of his wife:
"Why didn't you take my suit to the tailor?"
"Why didn't you ask me?" she blazed back. "Am
I supposed to read your mind?"
Dr. Harold Kenneth Fink, a Fort Lauderdale,
Fla., psychotherapist and marriage counselor, ex
plains that women can't be expected to anticipate
their husbands' every need. "Most women would
happily attend to their husbands' things, but be fair
tell them what's wanted," Fink suggests.
"He's a penny pincher I have to live
on a dole."
Thrift is a virtue if not carried to the point of
making a wife miserable. Male stinginess ranks
sixth in the Gallup list of husbandly faults and high
in the casebooks of the marriage menders.
An Idaho mother of five, for instance, told a case
worker: "He has no idea what it takes to run a
house. He keeps asking where the money goes, but
rarely gives me enough to let it go anywhere."
Most generous men probably never give it a
thought but many wives also" resent having to ask
for money every time they need something. A Long
Island, N. Y., woman watched her two daughters get
together nickels and dimes to buy Dad a birthday
present "They could do better than I," the woman
said. "I could either buy my husband a gift from
my house money and then run short, or else ask
him for the money for his own present!" y
A spokesman for the Family Service Association"
of America points out that having some money of
her own is important to a wife, providing a needed
feeling of independence. The solution frequently
lies in a joint account to which both have access.
. (Continued on page 14)