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by Clark W. Blackburn
General Director, Family Service
Association of America
with Theodore Irwin
At one of our Midwest family agencies recently,
an attractive young housewife unburdened her
troubles to a caseworker.
Edna Lawson (that's not her real name) ex
plained that she had been in the habit of taking
late-moming coffee with a neighbor, Mrs. Pace,
and revealing a distorted picture of the Lawsons'
domestic affairs. One morning, Edna burst in hys
terically and announced, "George hit me! He's a
real brute!"
At the time, Mr. Pace a night-shift worker
was at home and heard all about the Lawsons "vio
lent" squabble. Incensed, he vowed he would "whip"
George that evening. By then, however, Mr. Pace
had cooled off, and he calmly discussed the epi
sode with George. It turned out that Edna had not
been "beaten"; she had accidentally fallen against
the kitchen table.
What George resented most, our caseworker
learned later, was that his wife had taken her diffi
culties to a neighbor especially to another man
instead of airing them with her own husband. Evi
dently, the lines of communication between the
Lawsons had broken down. It took a great deal of
adjustment before the couple was reconciled.
In contrast, I recall another floundering mar
riage in which the couple awoke in time to the fact
that they were drifting apart. After discussing their
problems dispassionately, they hit on a simple solu
tion. Paul, the husband, had Wednesdays off on his
milk route, but his wife spent that day visiting her
aged mother in a nursing home. By merely switch
ing Paul's free day to Tuesday, the couple could
be together more often.
The underlying point is that Paul and his wife,
the Lawsons, and millions of other couples can
profit by a periodic self-appraisal of how their fam
ily life is getting along whether or not discord is
on the surface.
What about your own family? Is your marriage
a good working partnership? Are relations with
your children well-grounded? See for yourself by
taking this quick family-life checkup. For each
question, circle the answer that seems most appro
priate to you and your family. Then compare your
answers with those at the end selected by experts.
Do you feel closest to
( a ) your best friend ?
(b) your parents?
(c) your husband (wife)?
When in trouble, do you discuss it first with
(a ) your parents?
(b) your husband (wife) ?
(c) someone else?
3. Are disagreements started by you
(a) rarely?
(b) most of the time?
(c) half the time?
4. After an argument is over, do you feel
(a) it was good to get it out in the open?
(b) that you lost?
(c) that nothing was settled?
5. Have physical relations with your mate
(a) grown distasteful?
(b) become routine?
( c ) continued as an important part of your
marriage? -
6. When out with friends or in social gather
ings, does your husband (wife) usually
(a ) leave you to your own devices?
(b) make you feel ill-at-ease?
( c ) seem glad to have you along?
7. When you are affectionate to your children,
does your husband (wife)
(a ) show genuine pleasure?
(b) seem resentful?
(c ) try to attract their attention?
8. When buying things for the house, would
you prefer to
( a ) do it yourself?
(b) have husband (wife) along?
( c ) leave it to your spouse?
4 Family Weekly, January 10, 1960