When Your Child Doubts GOD
i
"Why does He permit evil?.-
ignore my prayers?" A noted clergyman tells how
. to answer these questions when
they arise in your home
by BISHOP JAMES A. PIKE
as told to Lester David
Bishop of the Protestant
Episcopal Diocese of Cal
ifornia, whose ABC-TV
program has won a Rob
ert E. Sherwood award.
A woman came to me recently in considerable
distress."My husband and I are shocked," she
said. "Our son he's 12 has told us a dreadful
thing. He said he doesn't believe in God."
I astounded her with my reply. Instead of
wringing my hands, I said, "It's a wholesome sign."
At some time in their lives, many children voice
a degree of skepticism about religion. Don't be
agonized, though. This questioning is healthy. It's
proof that they are beginning to think for them
selves about religion.
A child's faith will be stronger after it has been
tested and proved. He will no longer believe it's
the thing to do, but because he wants to; because
he sought answers and found them himself.
How should parents handle a child's doubts?
Here are three important rules:
1. Don't recoil in horror. This kind of reaction
will only make him retreat into silence, bottling
up his questions for fear of shocking the family.
The child must feel free to ask whatever is
troubling him without chastisement or ridicule.
2. Give honest answers. Don't offer glib replies
which won't stand up as the child grows older and
more perceptive. Don't put off a child by saying
that the subject isn't fit for him to discuss. And if
you don't know an answer, say so frankly and get
aid from your minister.
3. Let him spar back and forth with you. Don't
insist on instant acceptance. Don't be upset if he
does some verbal fencing. This means his mind is
working. He'll emerge with deeper understanding.
As parents know, children are apt to ask some
pointed questions when their logical little world
starts to unravel. For example, a key question put
to many parents is: "I was very good and I prayed
hard for a bicycle (or dog or whatever) and didn't
get it. Why?" My own daughter Connie voiced this
one: She had prayed for a horse and it just never
floated down from the sky.
In reply, we can tell our children: "Sometimes
God doesn't give us things before we are ready for
them. We must always leave the answers to our
prayers up to God.
"Then again, often our prayers will be answered,
although not in the specific way we expect or
want. God may give us other wonderful blessings
even better than the things we asked for.
"When we pray, we must always bear in mind
those words from the Lord's Prayer, Thy will be
done.' This means we should not ask God to do
what we want, but accept His will.
"Of course, prayer is much more than asking for
things. It is a way of being with God, of coming
closer to Him, of talking to Him directly."
Children may also wonder, as Connie did, how
God can hear all those prayers with everyone
talking at once. "All those millions and millions of
people talking doesn't it all sound like gobble-gobble-gobble?"
she asked.
I replied: "God is so big, so loving and so eager
to hear all of us that He can listen and understand
everyone at the same time."
Still another basic question revolves around
good and evil. It may be put this way: 'If
there is a God and He is so good, why does He
allow so much evil in the world?" Or like this:
"My Mommy and Daddy are so good why does
God send us so much trouble?" Or itinay involve
a single happening: "Why did God let Aunt
Martha die? She never hurt anybody."
I don't blame parents if they are stumped by
this. Whatever way it's worded, this is one of the
most difficult questions in all theology. Though
there may be no completely satisfactory reply, I
would tell a child this:
"We know there is much evil in the world
wars, sickness and the like. But a good God is also
a God who lets us all be free. This means that He
allows human beings to do what they want. So
many evil things come about because people use
this freedom they have in the wrong way. ,
"But we, in our family, are going to use our
freedom in the right way by doing good, being
good and loving God.
"Some people who do evil things only hurt them
selves. If they drive cars too fast, for instance, they
may crash and die. Of course, they may also hurt
others who are innocent. Why should the innocent
die? Why did Aunt Martha have to die?
"Well, there are some answers we just don't
have, some mysteries we don't understand. These
mysteries are part of the wonder of religion. We
must trust, because we know that God will give us
the strength to live through the things we find so
hard and so sad."
Perhaps, in the final analysis, the best way to
convince a child that there is a God, good and
loving, is to bring Him into your daily life, live
with Him and work with Him. The example that
you set in the way you live, especially in your
attitude toward children, reveals very clearly to a
. youngster that your own belief in God really
makes a difference.
Ifiift&iiirAf-
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