' "Honor thy father and thy mother."
. if f Deuteronomy 5:16 the ten commandments.
induce her to keep her father-in-law all the time.
"I would," she explains, "except that it wouldn't
be fair to my own children."
Henry P. is a successful advertising man. He
has a comfortable home and is devoted to his
family, but he isn't happy.
"The problem is having my mother-in-law living
with us," he explains. "She's a swell person, and
she's always doing little favors for everyone. But
she's got strong opinions and is very outspoken.
"Her pop-offs don't bother me any more, but
they irritate my son and daughter. They've stopped
bringing their friends home because Grandma is
always there, waiting to denounce whatever
they're doing. We're providing a nice home for
Grandma but not for our own children."
Walter W. has stopped dating Marian T., the
girl he would like to marry. "It's no use," he
confides. "I can't afford to get married as long as
I'm the sole support of Mom and Dad. And I don't
think it would be fair to saddle Marian with being
a full-time nurse for. two old folks."
Virginia B. is annoyed with her mother. "She's a
wonderful person," Virginia admits, "and she's
done a lot of wonderful things for us. She gave us
the down payment for our home. She always
brings nice presents for the children. But she's
so demanding of us all!
"She calls up at any time of the day or night
and demands that we run errands for her. She
wants us to come to dinner twice a week regard
less of our own plans. She feels free to drop in
whenever she pleases. My husband says she's
driving him crazy! But what can we say?"
These tax case histories are all from one small
neighborhood. Multiply them by several mil
lion, and you begin to sense the magnitude of the
problem summed up by the question: What do
you owe your parents?
Legally speaking, children are responsible for
the support of impoverished parents. The burden
falls on sons and single daughters; a married
daughter without independent income can't be
compelled to contribute to an indigent parent if
her husband, who has no legal responsibility to do
so, refuses to help.
In most states, "neglect of parents" is a serious
criminal offense punishable by fine and imprison
ment However, there are few prosecutions, al
though thousands of complaints are lodged every
year by individuals and welfare agencies.
"Angry and hurt as they were, I've never known
parents who would agree to send a son or daughter
to prison for refusing to support them," one prose
cutor explained.
Money, of course, isn't the only hurdle. What
you owe your parents isn't purely legalistic. It has
a moral side, too.
Is the debt greater to parents who scrimped and
saved to provide better education and opportuni
ties for their children? Can they be repaid with
intangible offerings like kindness, consideration,
and giving them a sense of being wanted and
needed by those they love most?
No one pretends there is any simple solution to
the problem of several generations living together
in the same imperfect world. But all authorities
agree that a little more kindness, tolerance, and
mutual appreciation by the golden agers, their
adult children, and their grandchildren would
help ease the frictions and tensions of modern life.
Certainly nobody wishes to return to the days
when life was shorter and less complicated!
(Family Weekly welcomes your views on this
vital problem, in 300 words or less. Letters mutt
be postmarked no later than midnight, Feb. 9. If
roe print your letter, you will receive $25. Letters
must be signed, but names will be withheld on
request. We reserve the right to edit contributions.
Letters cannot be returned. Address Parents,
Family Weekly, P.O. Box Z, Chicago SO, III.)
Recommended Pamphlets Available
Four authoritative pamphlets on this subject
may be obtained from the Association for Family
Living, 32 W. Randolph St, Chicago 1, 111. Please
enclose check or money order for 25 cents, plus
five cents to cover postage and handling, for each
pamphlet ordered. The pamphlets are:
"When Parents Grow Old" by Elizabeth Ogg.
"When You Grow Older" by George Lawtoh
and Maxwell S. Stewart -
"Making the Most of Your Years" by Evelyn
Hart
"How to Be a Good Mother-in-Law and Grand
mother" by Edith Neisser.
Family Weekly, February 1, 1959
7