MAIL TRIBUNE, M.dferd, Onion, Tu.idty, May 20, 131 f
Try and Stop Me
-By BENNETT CERF-
A CUSTOMER had been waiting forty minutes at a restaurant
without being able to attract the attention of a waiter.
Finally he grabbed one by
the coattails and demanded,
"How about something to
tat here?" The waiter
yanked himself loose and
sneered, "Who's got time to
sit down?"
That fellow they found
with two black eyes and a
big lump on his head was
the "humorist" who walked
into an antique shop seven
mornings in a row and
called out cheerfully,
"What's new?"
I They tell of a hunter named Shephard
Who was eaten for lunch by a lephard.
Said the lephard, "Egad,
You'd be tastier, lad,
If you had been salted and pephard."
t) 1951. by Bennett Cert Distributed by King Features Syndicate.
In the Day's News
By FRANK JENKINS
The state of Oregon held a
primary election Friday. It
turned out to be a very quiet
affair. If there was anything
out of the ordinary about it,
it was the fact that NOTHING
OUT OF THE ORDINARY
HAPPENED.
In this presumably cock
eyed world, that is rather in
teresting. ' "
"I70R the governorship of
Oregon, two glamorous
young men Democratic
Nominee Robert Holmes and
Republican Nominee Mark
Hatfield will oppose each
other at the generel election
next., fall. Both were clearly
the choice of their party. Both
won their nominations de
cisively. In the campaign that lies
ahead, let's hope they put less
tress on glamor and more
stress on the economic facts
of life. One can't help won
dering at times if in our poli
tics we don't tend to put TOO
MUCH stress on glamor and
TOO LITTLE stress on hard
facts. This isn't a DREAM
world, you know. It's a world
in which realities play a big
part.
I think we need to remem
ber that. Too much dreaming
and too little hard - headed
business administration are
responsible for a lot of the
things that bother us in this
modern age.
Let's hope these two per
sonable young men formulate
platforms and policies not
just programs designed as
fiypaper to catch votes, but
rious statements of their be
liefs and their intentions.
I can't hejlp thinking we
sed to get back nearer to the
original two-party system con
cept of a CONTEST BE
TWEEN PRINCIPLES. One
trouble with our politics is
that it has been trending too
much toward PERSONAL
contests.
That leads us in the direc
tion of a GOVERNMENT OF
MEN, rather than a govern
ment of laws. As one looks
around the world in these
days, it is hard to escape the
conclusion that a government
of men is a dangerous thing
We need PRINCIPLES to
see our stakes by.
SPEAKING of principles, it
seems to me this is one of
our big problems:
HOW MUCH CAN WE AF
FORD TO SPEND FOR GOV
ERNMENT?
We? can have relatively in
expensive government or we
can have very expensive gov
ernment. What we have de
pends largely on what our po
litical people think we want
and will VOTE FOR.
If they think we want big
government and big spending,
they will give us big govern
ment and big spending. That
much is certain. It is proved
by past experience.
rpHAT poses the big ques-
- tion:
What DO we want?
In tryin to answer it for
yourself, keep this fact in
mind:
What government spends,
it takes out of the pockets of
the taxpayers. That is to say,
when government takes a dol
lar out of your pocket you no
longer' have that dollar to
spend for yourself.
TTMMMM. Reading back
over this stuff, it sounds
pretty heavy. Let's close on a
lighter note.
The teletype tells us that
city and county health offi
rials in Portland report that
a local infestation of head lice
is out of control. Dr. F. Syd
ney Hansen, county health
officer, says it appears that
even DDT is not entirely
effective against the parasites.
He says his office is so swamp
ed with "people 'coming and
asking if they have lice and
most of them do that we
can't get any other work
done
"CWEN head lice, you see, has
become a public problem
in these modern days, to be
handled with public money
In the older days of our
nation it was a PRIVATE
problem and it was solved
with the aid of a fine-tooth
comb.
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honest value. Try it
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