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Do
Childhood
Conflicts Still
Haunt You?
This husband once had a
"nosy" sister and now re
sents his wife moving his
things for housecteaning.
'By Edith G. NeiSSer author of "Brothers and Sisters"
Ellen adams often complained that her husband Burt was
secretive. "Why?" she would ask herself or anyone who
happened to be around. "Why should a man be so cross
with his wife if she asks him where he had lunch or with whom
he played golf? It takes two weeks for Burt to tell me when he
gets a raise. I mustn't touch anything of his, even when I'm
cleaning.'
"Otherwise he's wonderful, but he sees red if he thinks I'm
being snoopy."
Mothers-in-law seldom are credited with straightening out
tangled relationships, but the senior Mrs. Adams was able to do
just that when she came for a visit. '
She listened sympathetically to her daughter-in-law. A few
days later when she heard Burt storming because Ellen had
opened a letter of his by mistake, Mrs. Adams said, "Burt, you
sound as if you were telling off your sister June when she was
six and you were 10. You always called her 'snooper.'
"But you're a man now, and nobody's spying on you."
"June was the world's worst," Burt replied, "and you always
took her part. I guess Ellen does remind me of her sometimes,
but a man has a right to keep something to himself."
Neither Ellen nor Burt changed miraculously after this con
versation, but it did mark the beginning of an improvement.
When Burt was able to admit why he was so insistent on privacy,
having it seemed less important Because Ellen realized the
cause of his outbursts, they disturbed her less; she stopped
prodding him and waited until he voluntered a piece of news.
Experiences in a person's early years undoubtedly contribute
to his emotional makeup as an adult. Many good, useful qualities
in your personality were probably strengthened as you played
and worked, quarreled and made up with other members of your
family during childhood.
Right now, however, ghosts left over from your childhood in
the form of rivalries and resentments may be influencing your
feelings toward your wife or husband, your in-laws or associates,
as well as toward your grownup brothers and sisters.
Take the case of Frank Wells, whose work suffered because
certain of his attitudes were warped by events of long ago. Frank
had two sisters, bossy as only older sisters can be.
Years later, a job promotion landed him in a department with
a woman supervisor. Before long Frank's output lagged, but he
blamed his superior's unreasonable and contradictory directions
not his own mistakes.
Frank's poor performance on his new job was such a contrast
with his previous record that at last his employer asked him to
have a talk with the plant counselor.
After Frank answered a few questions, the counselor suggested
that here again was the same situation which had plagued Frank
as a boy: a woman who gave orders and checked on how they
were carried out, who stood between him and the boss as his
sisters had stood between him and his mother, rekindled in Frank
24
Family Weekly, January 12, 1951