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by Dick Emmons
GnoraalMd by
1 04 Hutkttaf j
Ine of the glaring weaknesses in
the Held of child denial results from the
fact that for every child, there happen
to be two parents.
Children know this. At least, as soon as
they can count to two, they know it. Then
they begin using a stratagem known as
Playing Mommy OfT Against Daddy, and
Vice Versa.
So far as I have been able to determine,
medical science has done little to reduce
the number of parents needed for child
birth, and it seems to me they're mighty
slow getting around to it. Meanwhile, the
child performs as follows:
"Daddy, can I have a nickel for an ice
cream cone?"
"Certainly not. Do you know what
nickels cost these days?"
(Runs upstairs to find mother sewing
on the bias.)
"Mommy, can I have a nickel for an
ice-cream cone?"
"Goodness, child, don't ask me! You
know very well your father never gives
me any money!"
(Runs downstairs again.)
"Mommy says you're the one who has
the money, Daddy!"
Daddy, construing this to mean that his
wife has approved the expenditure, hands
over the nickel without further argument.
Childhood has won again on the tried and
true divide-and-conquer theory.
My suggestion to these parents would
be for the one approached first to affix
a small tag to the child's pinafore read
ing "I said 'No' " and properly initialed.
Unless the offspring in question is a clever
forger, this message should get through to
the second parent and give him or her
some clue as to what took place elsewhere
in the house.
(In the event that the child is a clever
forger, the parents might give him a sheaf
of blank checks and sit back to watch tks
money roll in.)
Say"No
to Children
Another group of parents falls easy prey
because they don't know how to say "No."
Instead they say, rather dully, "Oh, all
right, go ahead." This type of parent
needn't concern the reader unduly, how
ever. I am convinced that almost all of
them live in our neighborhood and go
around saying "Oh, all right, go ahead"
to their children at the very same time
we are saying "No" to ours in answer to
the same request.
This makes for a certain amount of
unrest around our house, and it is with
these parents in mind that I shall now
describe how to say "No" to a beseeching
child. Place the tip of the tongue on the
roof of the mouth near the front teeth
and, enunciating clearly, say "Know." If
all goes well, this should come out sound
ing like "No."
Those sensitive parents who simply
can't force themselves to make this sound
may try shaking their heads vigorously
from side to side, as though bothered by
oat-flies. Any child who interprets this
as a sign of assent should be examined at
the earliest opportunity by a competent
pediatrician or perhaps a psychiatrist, if
one can be found with a short couch.
Even when the parent has mastered the
art of firmly answering children in the
negative, he may find that all is not won.
Many an earnest parent has come apart
at the seams when forced to cope with a
shrewd little artifice known in the short
pants world as the Tommy's-Daddy-Said-He-Could
routine. Garnished with moist,
round eyes turned upward reproachfully,
this ruse has seldom been known to fail.
Logic, a feeble trait at best, has no place
in combatting this approach. It will got
you nowhere to point out that Tommy's
father is one person and you are someone
else. In the child's mind, Tommy's daddy,
having granted the request, is already es
tablished as someone pretty special while
you, having denied it, are nobody.
Perhaps the best course for you to pur
sue is simply to mutter, "Tommy's daddy
is an utter fool."
Let me qualify this last bit of advice
by saying that individual circumstances
should be considered carefully before the
remark is made. If you happen to know,
for instance, that Tommy's daddy once
played for the Chicago Boars, this is not
the best thing to say.
Some cHkr ewrsi would be better. "Oh.
aU rijWt, & ufcwftl," is oiv? ptibility.
FAMIIY W B B ft L V i Mjian a... Chicago i. mi.
Urw4 Df mow Pubiith'; Waller C D'ev'ui. Ata'e PjbNihe'; Ben Ka-fnjn, E,1lio.at Doctor; Patrick O Roufte
iverti3 D"i.to': Melange De Pro", food ruitor; VfV.H.aii A Fitter, A'l Director; Robert Migibbon, Managing tj rer-
Auooate EJitort. Kcvm V. B'own, Jack Ryan, Hoiore Singer, Jerry me n. New Yet.
A.iii'fii alt comfnuntcatioflt about editorial lirr to Fa l Weekly. IM N. Michigan Ave.. Chicaqo I
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