"Odd, the Jobs I Do
s that fabulous
99
you read about In MADEMOISELLE
BY DICK EMMONS fT-
"I have looted at a lot of furnaces in my time but I have never been able
to recognize one. We really don't understand each other, furnaces and I.'
I F I am to believe an announcement from the
Chamber of Commerce of the United States (these days
you've got to trust somebody), we as a nation arc now
observing National Recreation Month.
Apparently this means that 170,000,000 Americans are
lying around in hammocks this very moment, fanning
themselves with eucalyptus leaves.
Well. I hate to spoil a round figure, but I think the
Chamber of Commerce better make that rend 1G9,9!I1).S99
Americans. Because I'm not in a hammock.
I'm under Fred Finlayson's bathroom sink.
Not by choice, understand. It would be a unique set
of circumstances that could put me under Fred Finlay
son's sink by choice. I am under here because my wife,
Helen, has a nasty predisposition to offer my services to
all comers. And some goers.
I was in a hammock half an hour ago. That's when
Betsy Finlayson trotted over from next door to have a
glass of iced tea with Helen. I've got plenty, Helen said,
tell Fred to come over, too. He'd love to, Betsy confided,
but he's fighting the bathroom sink. He took off the
elbow pipe to clean it and now he can't get it back on.
It was then that I tossed my eucalyptus branch re
signedly over my shoulder and prepared for the remark
I knew would come.
"Dick's very good at elbow pipes." chirped Helen.
"He'll have it back in place in no time."
"Oh, I couldn't disturb your husband," Betsy
whinnied. I sank back, smiling inwardly.
Helen could, though. So here I am.
At that, it's better than the Incident in Sinclair's Base
ment which took place on a black night hist February.
'Toor Phyllis Sinclair," my wife groaned, hanging up
the telephone receiver.
"I know I'm going to regret asking, but what is the
matter with Phyllis Sinclair, whoever she is?" I said.
Helen sighed. "The Sinclairs just moved in a few doors
down the street. Her husband, Jim, is away on a business
trip and their fuV.nee isn't working. I told her tC come
over here and bring the children."
O
I sighed with relief. "Good idea. Maybe they'd like
some hot chocolate or "
"I also told her you'd be glad to go have a look at the
furnace while they're getting warm here," Helen
breezed on.
"Now wait a minute," I objected. "I have looked at a
lot of furnaces in my time but I have never really
recognized one. We don't understand each other,
furnaces and I."
My protests went unheard. In no time I was trying to
get into the Sinclair home (the poor woman had locked
the doors and left the house dark). I slid through a
basement window, letting my feet dangle until they
touched something that felt solid. It wasn't. It was an
extremely mobile baby carriage which sped me across
the darkened basement and bucked me off near the
preserve closet.
I was just counting my limbs wlTen a man's voice
barked. "What are you doing in my basement? Where
are my wife and children?"
"They're being taken care of," I answered.
"They're WHAT!" he screamed. "If you've so much as
touched one of I hem, I'll "
"No, no. They're at our house. Your furnace went out
and " I started to get up.
"Don't move!"
"Look, I'm your neighbor. I don't kidnap people. I
haven't kidnaped anybody in years!"
The telephone rang and he took the call on the base
ment extension, keeping his flashlight trained on my face.
"Sorry, old man," he said when he hung up. "I guess
it's my error. That was your wife. She wanted to know
why it was taking you so long. She wants you to hurry
up because Mildred Doyle just called her."
"Mildred Doyle?"
"Yeah. Her refrigerator is making a funny humming
noise. You're to stop by and have a look at it. Your wife
says you have a nice touch wilirefrigerators."
I got up and walked stiffly out of the Sinclairs' house,
making a funny humming noise.
USE AT HOME . . . look ynnr loveliest.
Your prettier, trimmrr linurr rxcilrs
roinitntic 1: la rut's! NYw noun nritv . . .
new happiness lor a new YOU!
Reduce
waist, hips, tummy
in size -ISO DIET!
NEW no vibration, no massage, a
truly easy NOLI TORT way!
ROMANCE begins with a pretty
figure. Now you can lose excess
inches from your waist, tummy,
hips and thighs. ..without diet or
weight-loss. ..QUICKLY, EASILY
...while you REST luxuriously at
borne.' Relax-A-cizor gives you a
delightful new kind of beautify
ing slimming exercise that re
quires NO EFFORT! You RE
LAX and enjoy reading, sewing
...even SLEEPING while Relax-A-cizor
removes those excess
inches almost like magic... aid it
docs NOT make you tired like
regular beauty exercises.
FIRMS . . . TIGHTENS . . . TRIMS
Diet may cause sagging and loss
from bust, neck and face. Relax-A-cizor
docs not; it, instead, firms
and lighliin your waist, hips,
thighs and abdomen. FACIAL at
tachment exercises muscles around
EYES and THROAT. Don't ml
your health... this is the safe, sen
sible, economical home method
praised by thousands of users.
Home model 6 arntcd by Un
til rtiriteri' Laboratory.
FEATURED IN MADEMOISELLE liv llinlll,
A lli-uiitv iditiir 2 lull iit!. M.m li Til
I-..-. HI-.AI) WHAT (lllli:H tSI.HS
SAY: " I im hrs rrnimril limn iiliiliiinrti "
- Mn M. K. "2V' Irmn lupv" - M. A.
"Dri'ss sir was III. iiiiw 12." (.. V.
MAN V WOMKS I.OSK AN INCH (III
two Tilt: I-1 it si' i i:u days: v.m m.iv
lm- lix - or MOIll:.
CDFC If V'lii liw in nr nrrir cilv llstf-il
'""li.l.iw. I K II. I' I ION K Iiiiiimii.i
iintwrrs I fur I hl-.K uilufin.iliiiii. lltlh
HOOKI I T. HUT. HUM. I III V I Ml N I
ip hliuntun Al SO SOI I) IIY M Ml, ON
MONI.Y HACK (.1 AIIAN I I K. in ..r. m,
wlif-n- riiiiip.inv li.iv Mil M iiriMiil;ihrv
M.NI) ( OIT'OV
TELEPHONE TODAY . . .
V Y.nL Cily Ml' 8 Will
JE, -i Nio.irk MA 'i-.'.ll I
-I 1'lnl.nl. Ir I.i I II I -2'tliH
hii.tim KI-; ti-'lll III
Dc lr.,11 WO 11 II I
i w ST 2-.Vihtl
l.iml I'll I -2202
i.im iv .i SI I -2'iH2
Ann, Ir. Ol. 5 HOIHI
all (Hit flf!
tifii ry.ir i
I 980 M. LJ Cleneff. lot Anfeles, Calif., or I
I 665 Fifth Ave., New York Cttv, or
17 Nt State St., Chitano.
' Sriid in 11 -A IN; ciiviIi.ik' frr
I lion at unit r-ilti mt!
' infnrrii.t
of W.tlit, Ittpt
o
nu n will lull. ( I'l.liASK ITHN 1 i
, I NAMK ... .
I Alllll O - - j
O I :ity , . .. WINK .SIAIK I
I Tri.KriifiNr. . ...
l'Ma m.irmi fur inutft fc-riliniMI'iK rt nl
Family Wrrlclii. Junp 23, IS57
23
o
o