On The Side
(Distributed by King Ftum Syndicjta,
Ry E. V. Durling
Have you had your vacation?
Was any of your holiday spoiled
by rain? In Britain there is
available a form of protection
called "holiday insurance." This
type of policy pays off so much
for every day it rains during
the holder's vacation. Whether
or not it has been a rainy day
is decided by a reading taken
between 10 a m. and 6 p.m. If
one-tenth of an inch of rain falls
between those hours the insur
ance company .pays off. The rec
ord pay-off is that of a young
man who collected for 10 days
of rain during a 14-day vacation.
Horset and Women
"How about a tall, slim,
brown-eyed, black-haired young
woman born under Virgo?" asks
a New Yorker. The query is not
sufficiently specific. How about
her in what way? As a wife? As
a private secretary? Or what?
Generally speaking tall women
have excellent style sense, are
very affectionate and try hard
to please. They like to be treat
ed like babies. Have a habit of
sitting on their husbands' laps.
Makes them feel "cute." As for
brown-eyed women. They are
notoriously flirtatious. Regard
ing pronounced brunettes it has
been said they are "the natural
man conquerors." When a bru
nette and blonde battle for the
same man, the brunette usually
wins. Such are the findings of
our horses and women experts.
In their character analysis, the
astrologers ignore hair coloring,
eye coloring, height, etc. This
our horses and women experts
consider the weak spot in astro
logical analysis. They say it is
ridiculous to claim a green-eyed,
redhead born under Virgo has a
character similar to a blue-eyed
brunette born under the same
sign. However, what the star-
gazers have to say about Virgo
females will be discussed later
in the semester.
Asking
Queries from clients. Q. Who
Is the patron saint of registered
nurses. A. St. Agatha. Q. When
did the great French actress, Sa
rah Bernhardt, appear at the
Palace theatre, New York?
What was her salary? Was W. C.
Fields on the same bill? A. Sarah
Bernhardt appeared at the Pal
ace for three and a half weeks
beginning May 5, 1913. Her sal
ary was $7,000 a week. W. C.
Fields was on the same bill, the
third week, beginning May 19.
So was Owen McGivney. Dur
ing the second week Ed Flana
gan and Neely Edwards (the
Hallroom boys) and the Miller
ship Sisters were among those
on the bill with the divine
Sarah.
Superior Sax
Men are jealous of women be
cause they can't have babies.
Such is the claim made by Dr.
Ashlev Montagu in his book ti
tled "The Natural Superiority of
Woman." How about this, mis
ter? Do you wish you could give
birth to a baby? Suppose hus
band and wife could alternate in
having a baby? Do you think
the wives would worry about
the anticipated event as much
as husbands do? I mean, wpuld
wives pace the floor at the hos
pital as men do now? Also would
arguments result as to which
had given birth to the better ba
bies, husband or wife?
0tr There
Fish is reported as now being
the most popular item at Paris
hotels. Evidently even the na
tives have grown weary of being
served low grade meat with an
attempt having been made to
disguise its quality by smother
ing it with sauce.
Sobriety Test
Am informed a sobriety test
used by the Leith, Scotland, po
lice, is to require the person
charged to say: "The Leith po
lice dismisseth us. Sounds sim
ple but is said to be difficult.
Try it on your wife the next
time she drinks more than two
cocktails at a party. Of the so
briety tests calling for voicing
words, I think the "truly rural"
test is the most reliable. If you
are a young old timer you will
recall a song titled "I can say
truly rural."
Malheur Nominee
Injured in Accident
Burns U.R) Homer Schnell
of Vale, Democratic nominee for
Malheur county clerk, was in
critical condition in a hospital
here today after a one-car acci
dent about 11 miles west of here
early yesterday.
Schnell apparently had at
tempted to avoid striking a
cow on the highway, police re
ported, and lost control of his
car.
A passenger in the car. Mrs.
Verna Bernice of Portland, also
was listed as in critical condi
tion by hospital attendants.
Tuesday, August 21, 19S8
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