Letters From Elmer, the Dude Ranch Student, to His "Paw"
It's A Long Jump From His
Hard Pan Home To Higher
Education, Elmer Discovers
DUDE RANCHING as a four-year study has been
instituted at the University of Wyoming. It's
not impossible that other colleges and universities
will follow suit, producing hosts of young men and
women entitled to , use the initials ,"B.D.R," on
their calling cards to signify they're "Bachelors of
Dude Ranching." .
Here's a glimpse of what may be expected from
Elmer's letters, as read over his shoulder ...
By Gerald B. Burtnett
DEAR PAW:
Ever since you red in the Powder River
Pantagraph as how the University of Wyoming
was giving a four year coarse in "Dude Ranching"
and sent me down here to Laramie to get some
larnin on the subjict so's we cud turn them 3000
achers of hard pan and boulder rocks into a incum
perducin ranch instid of a govmint pension plan
for rollin off every third rock you can bet I've bin
doin some tall thinkin on the subjict.
Last summer when we was runnin around and
proppin up them cows as hadn't laid down and died
on account of bin so full of granite dust they
couldn't move no further I was beginning to think
that maybe the ranchin bizness wasn't all it was
cracked up to be. But I made a discovery paw.
Down here they signed me up as a freshman,
which is nothin like a fresh cow, but like a green
horn or a dude on a ranch, well, down here they
handed be a thing called a crickulum Or somethin,
which means like the orders you used to give out
to the foreman when we had one and he used to
copy em down in a book, that is if he was one of
the writin kind.
Anyhow these orders call for a tall site of doins.
Seems like they're goner teach us cowhands 39
subjicts in the four years they aim to give this
course. I can't tell you all about em in this letter
on account of I can't read all the names yet.
Yes sir, paw, I'm a goin to lern Inglish composition
and a thing called bo tinny which the head hand
here says is all about flowers and such and an
other called agronomy which is to do with crops.
Then they listed one which said "Anim. Prod.!' and
I thot boy there's where I shine punchin them cattle
up through the shoots but the foreman feller, they
call em perfessers here, says no, thats where we
Washington Courageous In
Battle But Timid In
Affairs of the Heart
ONE OF the few battles that George Washing
ton lost was the battle of love! And of all
the engagements it was perhaps the one he most
wanted to win.
In 1758, Washington delayed ,in New York, al
though Indians were burning and scalping along
Virginia's frontiers. For the first time in his life
he postponed duty in favor of a girl.
The girl was lovely Mary Philipse, whom he met
several months before. She came of an aristocratic
family, was wealthy, and in every way a desirable
match.
Washington escorted Mary and her sister to
dances and parties; they also visited the famous
"Microcosm, or World in Miniature" one of the
popular "cultural" exhibitions of the time.
But a Captain Morris appeared on the scene
a British officer, very hnndsome and dashing. Mary
seemed to prefer him, although her sister assured
George that his own timidity in love was his single
teaches you all the different kinds of farm animals.
Well then we got some more agronomy about
farm mecanix which I suppose is how to start a
1911 lizzie at 20 below and some fizzical edica
tion which has to do holdin a sick horses hed while
you pour salts down him I reckon and some mili
tary trainin. Since we aint had to stand off the
Indians except for some free meals since you was
a boy I don't see what good that's agoin to be
but I'll try. Well paw that's all fur now and I'll
be a writin you all later.
Your lovin sun,
ELMER. .
DEAR DAD:
Well here w$ are back at dear old U. of W.
all reddy, correction ready, to begin our second
year of recreational ranching. As I look back on
my first year, or what I used to call the greenhorn
class, I get a good hearty laugh. Yes sir, I cer
tainly was a greenhorn and a dude at this business
but I'm learnin, wait that orter have a g on it
(and that other word should be ought to). See
what freshman composition taught me already.
Now us sophs, they call us two-year-olds soph-,
mores dad, are heading into the winter corral and
the feed racks are stuffed with such cherce,
choyce, oh, let it go, morsels as chemistry and the
breed history and judging of live stock and farm
management and the good old standbys of phys
ical ed. and mil. training.
But the one I'm looking forward to is public
speaking. My faculty adviser says the ability to
be a good public speaker is very important when
you're handlin a pack of dudes. So you can be
prepared to here the welkin ring, a welkin is nothin
like a dinner bell paw, I mean dad, but is some
thing like a echo I guess. Anyway I learned that
out of a book too.
The chemistry ought to come in handy to test
some of them water holes next year. Be kinda
interesting to know what we been drinkin all these
years don't you think. Or do. you think maybe
the shock would be too great? Looks like a big
year pop, dad, I mean. Love to mom. -Your
loving son,
ELMER.
DEAR OLD PATER:
The class in dude ranching is not as large
this year as it was last or the year before. Some
of the boys and girls have given up and others
were made to give up by irate fathers. You re
member what Buck Hawkins' dad said when he
came home last summer and began telling the old
man how to feed his cattle scientifically. Someone
should have written down that conversation, as
the language of the old West is fast disappearing.
And when we Bachelors of Science get out of here
next year we're going to show some of those un
progressive old timers like old man Hawkins a
thing or two about making ranches pay.
Why this year we are taking up agricultural
economics and general dairying and range and
ranch marketing and general poultry and meats on
the one side. And we have a couple of honeys of
new courses like psychology and zoology to bal
ance up dry subjects like wool marketing and live
stock production. Things will be humming around
our place aftr next year, pater. All the boys are
calling their old man pater now, it is a Latin word
meaning pop. )
And we have journalistic writing on the list too.
That is so we can write pieces for the paper tell
ing how good our ranch is and why the dudes
should come there instead of over to the Hawk
inses. What a chance they'll have with Buck only
knowing two years of how to ride herd on the
dudes and me with psychology up my sleeve to
be able to size up a dude and know wether he
wants to hear about western bird and animal life
or a good talk on the problems of the recreational
rancher with human nutrition, institutional book
keeping' and scientific cooking thrown in.
You bet, pater, the good old Double Cross ranch
is going to be the leading center where paying
guests are entertained in the Powder River
country.
Well, Ethiopia, pater (that's Abysinnia, "ah-be-seein
ya" get it) in any language. Boy will the
guests like repartee like that?
Yours respectfully,
YOUR SON.
DEAR GOVERNOR: .
As I near the end of my senior year at the uni
versity I. cannot help but realize the great gulf
that education has made between the life I used
to lead on that heap of boulders we jokingly called
a rancfi and the man I am today. Within a few
months I shall be a full-fledged Bachelor of Science
with a diploma to prove it. And although it breaks
my heart to do it governor, I must tell you that I
am not coming home. How could I with my knowl
edge of psychology and zoology and Wyoming
'
history and general citizensnip and contracts and
sales and inst. org. and mgt. settle down in that
mangy old cow country again?
You can understand, can you not, governor, that
the lack of cultural and social contacts on the
Double Cross,, equal to those I have become ac
customed to here with the varsity fellows, might
cause me to become an unhappy introvert, a vic
tim of my own misapplied psychological studies?
No, I am not going to waste my ammunition on
Powder River, governor, old boy.
Some of the fellows have been looking into the
opportunities afforded by the cinema and a num
ber are planning to go down to Hollywood where
positions as technical advisers in the making of
motion pictures depicting the outdoor life of the
West should be available. I should not be surprised
but what producers of screen plays would leap at
the opportunity to secure a Bachelor of Science
to direct their efforts.
So if you will keep up the usual monthly remit
tance for a few months after my graduation, dear
governor, I am confident I can secure a position
They're "Dudes" No Longer;
Scholar Learih rhe Correct
Term Is "Paying Guests"
worthy of my education and not only repay all the
funds you have expended upon me but more beside.
I will leave for Hollywood immediately after my
graduation, governor, and you. may expect a let
ter from me announcing my new position shortly
thereafter.
' Your son,
E. SPENCER JONES.
(You see I have changed my name from Elmer
to Spencer as it is more in keeping with my new
position, but I still retain the E. for sentiment's
sake.)
DEAR POP:
Your prodigal son is ready to come home.
When you sent that last check and told me to
graduate and then go out and learn something
for myself I must have been a pretty disappointing
sort of son to a swell old-timer like you. It only
took me a week to make the rounds of the movie
studios down here in Hollywood and then, with
no more money, I had to go to work.
These fellows who ride in the Western movies
all hang around the corner of Sunset boulevard
and Gower street here in Hollywood and one night
I was talking with some of them about a job and
when I told them I was Elmer Jones, the son of
old "Dad" Jones of the Double Cross they got
interested right away. They told me to forget
about being a bachelor of science and remember
how to fork a bron'c and they would get me a job
for old times and your sake.
So I have been riding in "horse operas," pop,
that's what they call them movies down here and
I've got enough dinero in the money belt to come
a high-tailin' home.
So you can be lookin for me any day now pop.
I'm going to use some of. that science of mine
in not remaining a bachelor any longer, tell Mary
Higgins that, and I'm going to take that South
portion you offered me, where the boulders aint
too big to be rolled away for a little clearing. And
I'm going to start raising a dude ranch of my own.
9?
Yes, sir, pop, im going to name the hrst one
"Dude" Jones and my public speaking course will
come in mighty handy tellin him and the rest all
about the days when the West was still tame and
not full up with wild Easterners.
Your lovin son,
ELMER.
Creative Impulse of Clothing Salesman Is
Expressed In Hobby of Artistic Rug Making
fault. As he grew discouraged, duty called more
strongly, and he rode away to the south.
LETTERS came from his friends. They advised
him to return to New York at once to "storm
Mary's heart", and not take "No" for an answer.
George did go north but it was too late. The
brilliant Captain Morris had taken advnntve of
his absence. His engagement to beautiful Mary
rhilipse was announced, and they were married
soon after.
It was the end of that romance, but not the end
PAGE EIGHT
DO YOUR HANDS clamor for something to do V
Try hooking rugs!
According to J. P. Scott, who recently completed
a rug measuring three feet by eight and a half
feet which experts declare is a masterpiece, mak
ing these decorative home pieces liberates creative
impulses, cures "nerves" and furnishes some real
exercise, Scott lives in Los Angeles.
With 18 1 i pounds of old woolen rags, and at a
total cost of $16, Scott invested 249 hours of
leisure time in his rug. Experts value it at a
minimum of $300. Not a bad return, even when
looked at in the cold light of hourly wages!
The real wages are the satisfaction of having
created something both beautiful and useful, Scott
of love. Women liked George Washington. He was
known as the "best horseman of his age, and most
graceful rider." His expense books show orders
given to "Taylors, Hatters, Jewellers, and Sadd
lers." He was always dressed in the latest fashion
find paid careful attention to his appearance.
He wrote innumerable letters to Sally Fairfax,
and treasured those received from her. Possibly
he finally forgot Mary Philipse, but he remembered
Sally Fairfax all his life.
MEN DID NOT always marry their first love
and George Washington, who had several
early romances which came to nothing, finally met
Martha Dandridge Custis. She was a young widow
pretty, charming and very much in love witl
George.
Their wedding was a colorful affair, attended
by British officers in bright uniforms, plantation
owners of Virginia, and all of Washington's
friends.
Martha wore shining white satin, a quilted petti
coat, high-heeled shoes with diamond buckles and
point-lace ruffles. George appeared in a plain,
civi'i-n blt'e-cloth suit: his hair was powdered in
Urn f n' ion of the day.
They made a handsome couple And perhaps it
was as well that he had not succeeded in his first
romances. f r he lived happily with Martha to the
end of his days.
says, and the relaxation from workaday pursuits.
A clothing salesman for over 33 years, Scott has
spent over 82,000 hours on his feet taking care of
a huge clientele. He sought some hobby for out-
-ST!
S
Novel Indeed l the paitlme of J. P. Scott, who It thown
above pursuing hie hobby the miking of hooked ruge.
side interest to relax his mind in his spare time.
nEOPLE whose work requires that they must
stand a greater part of the day will appreciate
Scott's desire to have a hobby where one can sit
down and one that keeps the hands busy. He tried
several ideas and hit on the hooked rug just re
cently as the ideal avocation.
The rags from which his rugs are made are all
wool and selected as carefully as jewels for color.
One requisite is that they must be thoroughly
faded. To make sure that there is no more "run"
left in certain colors, he boils them first, then
hangs them in brilliant sunlight for three weeks.
Satisfied that the colors will not change, he tears
them into strips about one-half inch wide, keeping
the various shades carefully separated. A design
is laid out on a piece of material resembling heavy
sacking. Then the hook is pushed through the base
material from the top and the strips of cloth fed
with the other hand from underneath. That sounds
easy and it is. The opportunity for exercise
comes m the tightness with which the hooking is
done. . '
The more firmly the hooks are made the finer
the rug and the longer it will endure.
THE SKILL and artistry of the rug comes from
the originality of design and the selection of
the color scheme. Blending of the vari-colored rry
permits delicate shadings almost equal to those
secured in an oil painting.
In one floral design on Scott's large rug there
are seven distinct color shadings in one flower
alone. It took two and a half hours to make this
single flower.
Most satisfactory materials are jersey sweaters,
bathing suits, ladies' coats, men's woolen bath
robes and flannel trousers. Some rug makers pre
fer to dye their own rags but Scott ta!;'? no
chances on dyes that might run or fade and Bticks
to wel matured material that has been aged bv
natural contact with air. sunlight and frm-'en't
washings.
Hooking rugs is returning to favor as a creative
diversion, a number of teachers being available for
instruction. The Goodwill Industries have a special
department for old rag connoisseurs and devotees
of the hook may be seen there anv dav as thev
paw over the piles of washed and sterilized. clothes
of happier days in search for a particularly elusive
shade of blue or gold to add to their current ere
ation at home.