Florence Ostern
IXIE TOBIN and her house guest.
Nan Madison affectionately known
as Nertzy lay tanning themselves on
the upper balcony of the Tobin do-
"Here comes your poppa from Princeton,'
Nertzy announced lazily. "Potential poppa, 1
should say."
"If you mean Mr. Nippert Ames is calling
on mother," Ellie replied with hauteur, "what
of it?"
"You tell me." Nertzy drawled. "Not that
I don't think your mother's a grand gal, Ellie.
Terribly attractive, and everybody says she
makes Portia look like a shyster. But when
she takes on youths of tender age "
"She isn't taking him on, silly." Ellie's
plump good-natured . face attempted a scowl.
"Naturally, mother being an attorney is inter
ested in somebody who's just passed the bar."
. . "Naturally," Nertzy echoed dryly.
"People don't understand," Ellie went on
plaintively, "that mother's a permanent widow.
Nothing could hold her for long but het prac
tice. Certainly not a kid like Nip."
"Don't I know it," Nertzy agreed bitterly..
"When Nip begins to pall she'll give him the
busy signal, like she does all the rest."
"Well, what can I do?" Ellie shrugged
chubby shoulders.
"Nip would be perfect for somebody like
us," Nertzy sighed dreamily. "Nineteen's more
in his line than thirty-seven."
"Nobody tries to take man away from her
own mother," Ellie answered, speaking for
herself. "At least not outside an O'Neill play.
It's morbid." She frowned a moment, then
struggled to her feet "Say, maybe we'd bet
ter go down and join them. For all we know,
Nip's .making a fool of himself this very
minute."
Iv"E never been so darned excited," Nip was
saying, when they walked into the room.
"Just think, my first cass!"
Ellie's mother was smiling in her fascinating
shadowy way. "You know, Nip, if there's
anything I can do"
"Sweet lone! But this case is practically in
the bag. A lovely lady is irked by a disgust
ingly wealthy spouse. I'm charging extreme
mental cruelty and a very stiffisb fee. The
gentleman will not contest. Pretty?"
"As one attorney to another, Nip," Mrs.
Tobin asked curiously, "whose house is about
to divide itself?"
"The Bell woods'. Bellwood's Better Baking
Powder- A rich aunt steered her to me."
Nertry coughed. "No use wasting ourselves
on the desert air, Ellie." She grinned impish
ly at Nip. "S'long, Gladstone or do I mean
Blackstone ?"
"Right," Nip called after her. "Gladstone's
the bag."
"I guess Nip would be furious if he lost his
first case," Nertzy speculated.
"He won't." Ellie was confident. "You
have to be plenty dumb to lose an uncon
tested case."
"I was just thinking," Nertzy's voice grew
wistful, "what a small world it would be if
Mr Bellwood hired your mother to contest
the suit."
The two girls exchanged a long, significant
glance.
"Tell me," Nertzy pressed, "what do yon
know about Mr. Bellwood's private life?"
"He golfs," Ellie mentioned dubiously.
"Every Saturday afternoon."
Nertzy jumped up. "Come along, lazy
Bones! We'.ve got golfing to do."
THE two girls stationed themselves on the
club veranda. "The minute you see him,
rush over and sign up," Nertzy advised. "If
we're lucky we'll go on with him."
Two matrons, dressed in spectator sports
wear, sauntered down the veranda and settled
near the girls. Their talk ran monotonously to
babies, braised beef and Bridge.
"Have you heard," one of them whispered,
"that the Bellwoods are about to split T'
The other woman made a clicking noise.
"Nobody dreams, of course," the first wo
man went on. "But ber maid told mine, Ger
tie Bellwood only married :': tor his money.
Now she thinks r''i j happier with a prop
erty settlemen'
"Is Be!'o 1 ying to let her get away with
that?" tut -yf j asked indignantly.
Nertzy had to strain her ears to catch the
reply. "Of course. You see he doesn't sus
pect about Petto. It he did oh uh " the
voice broke off in sudden confusion. "Good
afternoon, Mr. Bellwood!"
Nertzy turned and saw a large, rather dis
tnr"i hrd looking man. She turned to poke
Ellie. but Ellie was already at the book furi
oi"lv signing up.
Nertry was positive the gods were pulling
for them tint afternoon, for the next fout out
were themselves. Mr. Bellwood and a bereted
mule he presented . Robert Varela.
"I'm Miss Madison," Nertry introduced her
self after the fashion of the links. "And this
is mv friend. Miss Holstein."
Ellie said afterwards that it was inexcusable
E
giving her a name which was shared by prac
tically every cow in the country.
With an apologetic giggle. Nertzy took het
position up at the tee. "Bobby Jones is better
than I am," she explained. "Half the time I
just pick up my ball and carry it on to the
next hole." '
"So we can make it before sundown," Ellie
stuck in cheerfully.
At the thirteenth hole the men decided to
quit for dinner. Mr. Bellwood looked worn
but resigned; Mr. Varela, on the other hand
seemed to be restraining himself with diffi
culty. "Gosh," Nertzy sighed, "I'm thirsty."
Mr. Bellwood courteously suggested that the
girls join him in the club cafe.
"Then I'll see you later, Bellwood," said
Mr. Varela, grasping this opportunity to break
away.
MR. BELLWOOD looked inquiringly at
Nertzy.
'Tea, please," she murmured. "A nice hot
cup of tea."
"Tea! In this heat" Ellie gasped, but a
: well-aimed kick silenced her. -
Nertzy drained ber tea valiantly, then squint
ed at the few remaining leaves.
"Ever have your fortune read?" she in
quired casually of Mr. Bellwood.
'Tm afraid I'm something of a skeptic"
His smile was faintly condescending.
Nertzy nodded. "Lots are. But it's fun
just the same. I'd love to tell yours." Nertzy
fixed her big trusting blue eyes upon him.
"Why -er thank you,'' Mr. Bellwood sur
rendered "I didn't know you could" Ellie began,
but this time Nertzy kicked her hard enough
to induce paralysis.
Nertzy instructed Mr. Bellwood to pour some
fresh tea, drink it and invert the cup. "Now
turn k in the saucer three times and make a
wish," she directed. Mr. Bellwood peered
fearfully over one shoulder before following
instructions.
"Yon will soon have cause to forget your
business troubles," Nertzy canted rather sinis
terly. "You are shrewd, but not shrewd
enough."
Mr. Bellwood's moustache twitched with
amusement
"Your home," Nertry went on, letting him
have it full blast, "is about to totter."
An involuntary exclamation escaped Mr.
Bellwood. "Why why that's extraordinary!"
he cried. "'Nobody knows of it but my wife's
attorney.
Nertzy continued to twirl the cup.
"You are laboring under the delusion that
this uh marital discord has- been of your
making." Nertzy .was really getting into her
stride. "The leaves say your wife has been
deliberately stolen from you, Mr. Bellwood. I
see the initial B. Do you know a B?" she
questioned gently. "A Bob? A Bill? No.
A Butt? No, no Bett-ah . . ." Nertzy
valiantly tried to recall the name.
Mr. Bellwood's fist made the dishes dance.
"So Betto's the reason Gertie wants a divorce!"
he thundered. "Betto," he explained," is the
name my wife has for that fellow Varela who
went around with us this afternoon." Mr.
Bellwood was getting red in the face. "Well,
just let her try and get the divorcer
Quick, triumphant glances flashed between
the girls.
"What else do you see in that fool cup?"
Mr. Bellwood ordered.
Nertzy obligingly turned it again. "1 see
another woman entering your life, Mr. Bell
wood. A good woman. She comes to you
clad in the garb of Portia."
"An attorney?" Ellie interrupted, anxious
lest Mr. Bellwood be ignorant of Portia's iden
tity. "What's her name?" Mr. Bellwood snapped.
Nertzy was not one to overact. "A teacup
is not a telephone directory, Mr. Bellwood. 1
can only say that the woman is near very,
very near . . . And the leaves warn you not
to delay."
Mr. Bellwood was breathing hard. "lone
Tobin's the only woman lawyer I know of."
NIP came to dinner Monday evening, with
gardenias in a square black box for Mrs.
Tobin. For Nertzy he brought a big pink
lollypop wrapped in cellophane. She acted as
if he had stabbed her in the back.
"1 shouldn't bore the girls with this," Mrs.
Tobin said, "but I can't keep k, Nip. Had a
new client today."
"That's nothing unusual." Nip's grey eyes
danred admiringly.
"But wait till you hear who it is," said Mrs.
Tobin lightly. "M. G. Bellwood himself!
He's hired me to contest the divorce."
"So, you've taken it!" Nip didn't seem too
thrilled.
"Think I'd miss the opportunity?" Mrs.
Tobin came back gaily, but a wholly unfemi
nine light of battle flamed in her luminous
eyes.
From then on the dinner became a rather
stilted affair.
"If I look in at the Applcton party," Nip
Uh-huh! Nertzy Interferes in a
Budding Romance ! But NOT Because
.There's Anything Amiss-She thinks
She'd Be More Suitable as the Bride !
Illustrated by
A. G. SKRENDA
said to Nertzy when the boys called for her
and Ellie, "how's chances of getting a dance?"
Everyone felt positive this was said with no
other idea than to pique Mrs. Tobin. That's
why Nertzy was so stunned later to see Nip
pert Ames in the stag line.
"Everything comes to the woman who
waits," was her greeting when he cut in.
'Tm supposed to believe you were wait
ing?" "Like this." She let her tongue hang out and
proceeded to pant like a puppy.
"Crazy!" Nip shook his dark head, amused.
DURING the course' of the evening Nip
brought up the Bellwood case. "I have
to win it," be said. "Can't let lone Tobin
beat me. Things would never be the same
again."
"That's what I figured," Nertzy agreed soft
ly. Then, hypocritically: "Poor Nip!"
"That's all little Nertzy knows." He lit a
cigarette with alarming insouciance. "Ever
hear of Exhibit A?"
"Animal or mineral?''
"Exhibit A," Nip enlightened her, "may be
almost anything, but the moment it is dis
played in court, it invariably becomes "suffi
cient evidence' "
' Nertzy leaned forward anxiously. "And
and you have an Exhibit A?"
"A pip," he assured her. "A note to Mrs.
Bellwood scribbled on a telephone pad by her
allegedly devoted husband."
"What did he write, Nip?"
"Oh, nothing much just that it would be
the happiest day in his life if the little woman
cut her throat, or words to that effect."
"Then how can Mrs. Tobin prove ?"
Nip stooped down and tousled Nertzy's
bright hair. "That's just the point. Mrs. To
bin can't."
THE picture of the judge handing Nip the
Bellwood decision was beginning to up
set Nertzy's digestion. That's why she found
herself, the afternoon before the trial, hesitat
ing outside a door marked:
Nippert Ames
Allorney-at-Law
She hadn't the faintest notion why she had
come. Nip seemed surprised, but pleased.
Nertzy perched herself on the edge of his
desk. "Thought I'd drop around and see
what a regular law office looks like." She
surveyed his modest surroundings. "What, no
secretary!"
Nip grinned. "She'll materialize after I win
Mrs. Bellwood her freedom. Like to apply
for the position?"
Nertzy burst out laughing. "Me in a law
office! I'm greener than spinach. Imagine
rearhinn my time of life without having
r,i:r,sed an Exhibit A!"
Nip rose magnificently to the bait. "Thai's
enilv rectified." He wait over to his yawn
C'.. 'Here! Cast an eye on the licllwood
Exhibit."
Another young attorney stuck his head in
the door just then. "A cash customer," he
hissed to Nip. "Can you come over and wit
ness a will?"
Nip excused himself to Nertzy. "I'll be
right back."
The door closed behind the two men and
she found herself alone with Exhibit A. She
read it, breathless.
You tali of suicide, Gertie, but
1 am not frightened. You'd never
do anything to make me that
happy.
At the third reading, something hit Nertzy
like a thunderbolt. With her heart pounding
in her ears, she tried the various pencils on
Nip's desk. She didn't call it by the ugly
name of forgery, for, as she reminded herself,
all she did was add the tiny syllable un- at the
end of the third line. But it seemed to give
Mr. Bellwood's note a much kinder tone.
NIP returned just as Nertzy was folding
op the papers guiltily. "All wised up?"
he asked. He put an arm about her and gave
her little bug. "I'll ring you the minute I
win tomorrow. It's funny, Nertzy, but I've
had a hunch all along you've been rooting for
me."
After that Nertzy felt horrible. In fact she
went borne feeling like a criminal. She made
a mental note to ask Mrs. Tobin how many
years a citizen could get for tampering with
legal evidence. But Ellie's mother didn't ap
pear at dinner to relieve her mind.
"Mother's with Mr. Bellwood again," Ellie
mentioned. "You know his case comes up in
the morning."
Sleeping tablets, warm milk and one hundred
fence-jumping sheep failed to put Nertzy to
sleep. She hadn't even the excuse of having
acted from a purely selfless motive. Wasn't
she crazy-mad about Nip? Didn't she, all
along, feel this might send him rebounding in
her direction? Most likely she wouldn't ever
sleep again until she'd confessed the whole
thing to him. Of course he never would look
at her after that. Just the same she was going
to phone him the first thing in the morning.
The night went on and on and on . . .
N
ERTZY awoke to find a brilliant sun
pouring through the windows. She lay
there for a blinking moment before bounding
out of bed. Ellie came upon her just as she
was beseeching the supervisor to try Mr. Nip
pert Ames' office just once more.
"She'll be able to raise the dead about as
easy," Ellie pointed out. "It's almost eleven.
Nip's in court. Why, what's the matter,
Nertzy? Don't you feel well?"
"I'm all right," Nertzy muttered. Yes she
was! As all right as a month old corpse.
She walked slowly back to her room and
locked the door. She tried not to think, but
her mind was maliciously active, conjurinij up
pictures of Nip's face, accusing and not lit
tle perplexed. "But why? Why did you do
" ... I've had a hunch you've been rooting
for me."
Nerlzy felt horrible . . She wondered how
many years a citizen could get for tampering
u :lh legal evidence.
it?" He'd be sure to isk her that. And what
could she tell him?
"Hey, Nertzy!" Ellie was calling. "Nip's
on the phone. Wants to speak to you."
Trembling violently Nertzy crept to the tel
ephone. "Hi, Blackstone!" she quavered
feebly.
"How's my little mascot?" he was demand
ing. "Just like poppa promised. I won the
ease."
"Nip!"
"By a default," he was explaining. "lone
didn't appear. Tell you about it when come
over. She home yet ?"
Nertzy put the receiver back with cold, stiff
fingers. So Mrs. Tobin cared enough for Nip
to deliberately lose the case . , .
It wasn't easy to pack and cry at the same
time, so Nertzy concentrated on the crying.
She found a hat and jammed it on, utterly
unconscious that her coat had gone over her
sleeping pajamas. At the front door she
bumped into Nip.
"N Nip!" Nertzy gulped. "I mean con
congratulations. I mean, it was grand Mrs.
Tobin doing all that for you."
"For me?" Nip echoed. "Sa ay, when a
woman decides to marry a man it's impractical
to fight his wife's divorce. lone phoned me
the glad tidings early this morning. Not that
I was surprised. Knew she fell for Bellwood
the day she met him."
Nertzy sat down weakly on top of her suit
case. "Oh!" she gasped. "Oh!"
"It's just as well she didn't contest that
case," Nip was saying ruefully. "I must have
been blind or something thinking I had
slick exhibit. When I -ed at it again this
morning it sounded all sweetness and liqrrt to
me." From his poker expression Nertzy
couldn't tell whether he suspected anything or
not.
"Nip, I "
"And may I inquire where you are going
all dressed up in your sleeping pajamas?" he
interrupted dryly.
Nertzy looked down aghast. "Oh, for irood
ness sakes!" Then suddenly she gimleil "I'm
running home. The folks have been sending
threatening letters,"
"How about letting me drive you?" hr -suggested..
"It mightn't be such a bad idea it I
were to meet your family."
Nert7V glanced up quickly "Sounds a il
the i-m'lcman has honorable intentions."
At that Nip swooped down, pausing just
lonr enough to remark: "If he han't, the
l.uly can start a swell breach of promise suit"
Copyright,
PACE SEVEK