VOICES
A12 • HERMISTONHERALD.COM
“You need to go away to college. Find your own
identity. Figure out what you want to do in life. I
don’t want you feeling trapped like I did.”
If we are not available,
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Going away
to college
BY DIANE LUND
Special to the Hermiston Herald
In my mind I knew it was
inevitable. That didn’t stop
me from feeling panicky. My
daughter was going to college.
“Mom, hurry up, what’s tak-
ing you so long?” said Elissa,
who stood by the front door, her
suitcase in hand.
“You haven’t had any break-
fast,” I replied. “Come get a bowl
of cereal.”
“Mom, I’m not hungry. Let’s
go,” she said.
Tinker kept licking her face.
As if he knew she was leaving.
On her 10th birthday, Elissa had
woken up to find this brown
fluffy-haired dog lying on her
bed. They became constant
companions. Tinker would get
so excited when she came home
from school, he’d jump up and
down begging for a treat. A
neighbor promised to take care
of Tinker until I came back.
Dousing my coffee in the
sink, I reluctantly grabbed the
car keys. Two heavy boxes,
nearly everything Elissa owned,
were in the backseat. I took the
wheel. Neither of us spoke for
the longest time. Finally, I broke
the silence.
“I’m going to miss you terri-
bly,” I said.
“Mom, you’ll be fine,” she
replied. “You have so many
friends. Maybe you’ll meet
someone special.”
I shrugged. Those weren’t the
words I wanted to hear.
When we reached the Mount
Shasta Viewpoint, Elissa
climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Don’t take those curves too
fast,” I warned her.
She sped off. Tightening my
seat belt, I knew it was useless to
say anything. Elissa had a mind
of her own, an eloquent mind
like her father.
Elissa had been the center
of my life since the day she was
born. I adored her. Every time
she did something new, like
learning to tie her tennis shoes,
I’d buy something special, a
book or a doll.
I was astounded to see her
overalls covered with paint after
I picked her from preschool at
the Jewish Community Center.
I asked her teacher what hap-
pened. Elissa had gotten so ex-
cited drawing me a picture, she
hadn’t noticed the smudges on
her clothes.
“She’s such a delightful child,
so adventurous and imagina-
tive,” her teacher said.
Where had the time gone?
Wasn’t it just yesterday when
I had gone to her swim meets,
her piano recitals? Taken her
to Israel to meet her father and
shown her Jerusalem, the city of
her birth.
Now our time together was
drifting away like the sand on
the beach. In a few short days,
she’d be on her own. And unfor-
tunately, so would I.
I had urged Elissa to choose a
college outside of Oregon. Not
wanting to inhibit her life the
way my mother had. Always
checking up on me. Wanting to
know where I’d been, who my
friends were. Never trusting
me to make my own decisions.
Questioning me all the time.
Until I couldn’t take it any lon-
ger and moved out.
Elissa deserved her freedom,
unencumbered by me who
wanted to control her life.
“You need to go away to col-
lege,” I said. “Find your own
identity. Figure out what you
want to do in life. I don’t want
you feeling trapped like I did.”
We had done the college cir-
cuit tour the year before. Visit-
ing the campuses of Pomona,
Scripps, Occidental and Santa
Clara.
She chose Santa Clara. A
Catholic school. In northern
California. As I pulled into the
parking lot, we looked at each
FEEL THE SPEED,
EVEN AT PEAK TIMES.
Nearly 40 years in the busi-
ness have taught me that
readers are bombarded and
overwhelmed with facts.
What we long for, though, is
meaning and a connection
at a deeper and more univer-
sal level.
And that’s why the Herm-
iston Herald will be running,
from time to time, stories
from students who are in my
writing class, which I’ve been
teaching for the past 10 years
in Portland.
I take great satisfaction in
helping so-called nonwriters
find and write stories from
their lives and experiences.
They walk into my room
believing they don’t have
what it takes to be a writer.
I remind them if they follow
their hearts, they will discover
they are storytellers.
As we all are at our core.
Some of these stories have
nothing to do with Hermis-
ton or Umatilla County. They
do, however, have everything
to do with life.
If you are interested in
contacting me to tell me your
story, I’d like to hear from you.
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WELCOME
NEW MEMBER
Tom Hallman Jr. is a Pulitzer
Prize-winning feature
writer for The Oregonian
newspaper. He’s also a writing
coach and has an affinity
for Umatilla County.
other. She looked glorious. A
cold sweat ran down my face. I
helped her unload, carrying the
boxes to her dorm room.
“Don’t get too religious, I
don’t want to see you reciting a
rosary,” I told her.
“Mom, you know me better
than that,” she replied.
I drove home the next morn-
ing. Expecting to hear my
daughter’s voice on my answer-
ing machine. But there were no
messages. My heart ached.
Fumbling through my purse,
I found the crumpled piece of
paper where she had scrawled
her new phone number and
picked up the receiver.
“No,” I told myself slamming
it down. “I need to let her be.”
Walking into her bedroom, I
opened the blinds. Everything
was gone. Her clothes, all her
makeup, her boom box.
Then, out of the corner of my
eye, I saw her teddy bear. Lying
on her bed, its beady eyes smil-
ing at me. I cuddled it in my
arms, crying softly. The yellow
and white fur around its nose
had long ago worn away.
The teddy bear had been a
gift from my mother along with
a pink frilly dress, a polka-dot
sleeper, and diapers.
When I’d lay Elissa in her
crib, I’d wind the key so the bear
could play a soothing lullaby.
Soon it became her timeless
possession.
Had she left the bear to com-
fort me?
The phone rang. “Mom, are
you OK? I haven’t heard from
you and was worried something
might have happened.”
“I thought you were too busy
to call,” I said.
“Mom, you’ll always be in my
life. I love you,” she replied.
I took a deep breath. My
daughter was hundreds of miles
away. Yet we still had a special
bond.
Called love.
When Elissa came home the
following summer, I was thrilled.
We spent several hours sort-
ing through her old clothes and
books in the garage. Tucked un-
derneath her Sunset High School
yearbook was the teddy bear.
“Remember this?” I said,
dusting it off. “It’s yours now. A
token of my love.”
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