THE HERALD, HERMISTON, OREGON
FINNEY OF THE FORCE
Oh, That Was It!
£ 3
S
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SUCH A BORE
W here There’s a W ill
THE FEATHERHEADS
KiftS PATIE.HT
FIRS tb
pe»T»v
N O C ft* F O R A
MO«« FSACtlCKL
OMB-
“On being offered »70,000,000 for
one of hla properties," we read, “M r.
Mellon replied, 'It ’s a good price, but
I don't care to be bothered reinvesting
»70,000,000.'"
That has frequently been the ob
jection in our own case. “No,” we eay
quietly but firmly, “your proposition
Is Interesting, but really we prefer
not to have the bother of rehandling
and reinvesting »50,000,000 or »00.000-
000; it cuts into our golf so."—New
Haven Register.
■411
a il
P lenty of Slat«
“Put that down on the slate,"
charged the Impecunious citlien of the
dealer who had sent him up a ton of
coM,
3$
“I haln*t got no slate,” snapped the
vender ungrammatically.
“Yon haln't?
Well, when I get
home Til guarantee to dig enough out
of my bln to cover the roof of a
house."
MUST T A K E ITS COURSE
» V Peur»
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ao «* TV “•
Cu«
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Events in the Lives of Little Men
hey M ister , po wu know 1
IFTHEY WAHTA 6 0 0 P 7 M
VOb Acr
in this a n c u s ?
fupTRAJNEP MÏ PööToOo
A in r OF 6 0 0 V TRICKS.
WOOL0 VOO LIKE TO $66
WHAT WE CAM VO?
Off the Concrete
” 71
' f o l l o w THt B lue L ane s t r a ig h t t k R o ó ó h t h e .'
c r a r k AND MAKE CAMP HERE ALONG THE RIVER. THE FIRST^NlGHK
? ? D O A LITTLE FISH IN 6 HERE-THEH EARLY THE NEXT MORN I N *
¿ A R T O U T AGAIN P I L I N G OP THE LIN C O LN H i G H W AT TH6
^ o i HT j ANP COM t in UE. ON THIS ROAD UNTIL WE. HIT HERE THEHf
First Link— “He's golf-crssy." Sec
ond Link— “Let him alone— it’s a dis
ease that has to take its course."
The B etter Plan
T h is liv in g fo r tom orrow
May be som e peop le's w a y —
T om orrow m ay b rltig so r ro w !
L e t's liv e a lo t to d a y !
"I
A N atural Surgeon
belave,” declared the Irishman,
“that me youngest son's born V be a
surgeon.”
“Phwat leads ye t* say thotT” asked
hla friend.
“O1 canght him usin' th* scissors
on a book Ol’d lately bought, an’ be
fore 01 c’d atop him he ent ont th*
appendix."
\
Tough Luck
" I see,” said Jones, at the supper
table, "that the visible supply of coal
w ill be exhausted In 15,000 years.”
“John Smlffen Jones, that’s Jnst like
yon," exclaimed Mrs. Jones snapplly.
" I told yon to order enough for the
whole winter.”
Being a Young Law yer
Ted— I ’m too young to marry yon?
Then you’re too old for me?
Vllet— Oh, maybe I was too hasty In
speaking!
lavino o u r
"TftFlR ITINERARY
RIGHTO
MICKIE, THE PRINTER'S DEVIL
t VAJZ. P L U M S 1
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A0VICS ON
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TA T H A T T H E R E
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AMD I JUST
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T H E «FEED LIMIT FOR.
AUTOS IU T H « STATE IS
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AIIJT NOU R ID IM I
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Second Fish— Not a cent!
First Fish— Well, the poor fish I
COMM AMO TM«
0 0 9 TO SIT POSSI
AMO IF M t oom;
■n r/ to m a m
H IM T H IS IS
ALSO A 9 0 0 0
WAT TJLEAÄU
RASSUUG
IF TOO OOMT
SueetE P, OOMT
R easo n for H ate
«
WarntATO.
" -r
You r o 6o out 3
wash vour r t c e
hands .
A g u y I h ate
Is H erm an Band,
H e p ick s h is teeth
W ith rubber band.
P erfect Confidence
Marlon— I t ’s ridiculous to say that
my diamond ring Isn’t genuine— I
trust Frank implicitly.
Doris— But If I were you Td con
sult a Jeweler.
Marlon— Oht I’ve already done th a t
Tw o Side» to ft
Brandon— It must be terrible for at
opera singer to realize that he can
never sing again.
Bunker—Yes; but It ’« much more
terrible If he doesn’t realize it.
Diatinction
"What does your old man do, Mrs.
Raggs?”
"You mean now or when I was
married?”
"Well, what did he do and what
does he do?"
"Nothin’.”
Ttmmie Has Decided
Ideas on the Matter
H e Could Prove It
Py PERCY L. CROSBY
OapyHehL »y U» M e O i H W>«tRl*r •>«>*
Lifo in Fort Mink
NEXT
New, b o * »hull I com,net till.« dance,
hey?” a«ked Toofus of h li friend, the
pour tinder.
"You call those ligures— heal and
toe.”
“W hat about shoulders?”
W aiting for Him
Jones—You «a.v you never wake np
your wife when you get home? How
do you do It I
Smith—Ob, my wife never sleep«.
Gnawing A n xiety
Beyond Hie Power»
NO THRILLS
"So my wife has an Idea that she
m int (to to Talm Beach for her health.
Isn't there some other remedy for her
Illness, doctor?"
“Yee; I can cure her illness, but I
can’t cure her of the Idea.”
"Blank and hl» wife are going to
separate."
"I auppoee he la worried over who
will get hla children."
“ Not ao much. I fancy, aa over
who will get hla breakfast."
Theoretically
Long Enough
No, 1C» Not Being Don»
Hr«!—Tlie play Isn't nt all true to
Ufa The wife anntlDuouslj asks Tor
Bi oner —
Peke—\Vhlr|i I« quite natural.
Mod—Hut «he set« IL
amendment giving vote« to, women
only.”
So It Co»»
Mr. , ’ester—"You women have the
tote now. What more do you want!”
Daughter - ‘•Another constitutional
" I offer you a lifelong devotion.”
“Well, I ’ll marry you and we'll sea.
I'll put you oa probation for, aay,
twenty years."
a
"Do you know lkeetetn, the great
financier?'*
“Ob, yes!”
"How long have you known him?"
"Five year» at 50 per cent“
J
Moth— 1 don't like these new fam
gled candles. There’« no chance of
getting burnt.
“ So you’re Mr. Blank's secretary.”
“No, hla private eecreta/y."
“ Wbat’a the difference?”
"A private secretary knows more
nd tella less."
First Bird— Don’t yon know better
than to sit on this chimney? You're
getting all dtrty.
Second Bird—Soots me all right.
Illiterate
Mistress (to prospective maid)—Yoa
tell roe you worked three years for a
profiteer's wife and she didn’t give you
the least recommendation?
Maid— No; but that's because she
didn't know how to write.
A Skeptic
Murdock— What did Mr. Dubb do
after missing his seventh putt?
Joyce—Took out his ts;>e measure
«ml measured the ball, then the diam
eter of the hole.