TH E HERALD, HERMISTON, OREGON Fine Home for Women’s National Democratic Club T H E W ORLD’S GREAT EVENTS Great writers have had “artistic con­ science" to a degree that sometimes caused them painful labors. In 170?, when Joseph Addison, the English poet and eesaj 1st, was undersecretary of state he was given as a matter of official business the tusk of writing to Hanover that Queen Anne was dead. He found It so difficult to express himself satisfactorily that the lords of the regency were obliged to employ 8ouihwell, at that time one of the clerks. For hours Addison had struggled in attempts to draft a suit­ able message, but the last one seemed as Inadequate as the first, and In de­ spair he cart it after Its predecessors Into the waste basket. Southwell stated the simple fact, as he was ordered. In the ordinary lan­ guage of business, and It Is said he then bonsted of his superiority to Ad­ dison In having readily done that which Addison attempting to do hud failed.—Kansas City Times. ALBERT PAYSON TERHUNB ((g) by ............................. D odd. Mead A C om pan y.) The Balkan Puzzle F YOU will look over a map of Europe you will see three great peninsulas jutting Into-the seas that wush the south shores of the conti­ nent. The southernmost and farthest east of the three Is known as the Bulkan peninsula. It comprises Tur­ A C C O M M O D A TIN G M A ID key In Europe, Greece, Serbia, Bul­ garia, Montenegro, eastern Koumella, A woman murmured to another Rumania and other lesser divisions. Incidentally, that same peninsula has woman during an aria at the opera. “That new French maid of the for a thousand years been the hotbed Jones-Brownes Is the nicest creature. of revolt, Intrigue and violence. No other district of the same size So obliging, so very obliging.” "Yes? How s o r said the other contains jso many races, nor so many people who are so widely different In woman. “This morning,” said the first one. religion, politics, customs and char­ acteristics. This jumble of nationali­ “I suw her out with Mrs. Jones- ties dwells side by side, yet never Browne’s baby; this afternoon I saw blending. Turk, Greek, Bulgar, Al­ her with Mrs. Jones-Browne's dog, and banian and a half score of other tonight I saw her out with Mrs. Jon es peoples live shoulder to shoulder, yet Browne’s husband.” each sharply divided from all the CHANCE TO RISE others. The Turk Is the bully of the peninsula. The other races spent cen­ turies lighting and Intriguing against each other, but have merged their various difficulties In a common hatred against Turkey. The Turks, strongest of all Mahomet’s followers, became masters of the peninsula in the Thirteenth century, being at that time the foremost military power of the world. A Most of the Balkan states are Chrto- I tian. For this reason, as well as be- vcause o f the frequent plots and re­ volts agulnst the sultan's government, Turkey has, from time to time, pun­ "Why'd yer take a milk-wagon jobl ished her rebellious subjects by wholesale slaughter and outrage. The There ain’t any chance to rise?” “Believe me there is—at five o’clock Armenian and Macedonian massacres have, at one period and another, every mornln’ 1” aroused the horror o f all civilized G e o g ra p h y Note countries. In May, 1876, Bulgaria and Herze­ W h y G reenland and Icelan d don't sw ap names. govina (then Turkish provinces) Is som ething th a t pussies ms; started one of the periodical insur­ F o r Ice lan d ’s g ree n er th a n G reenland, w h ile rections. The peasants of the Batak G reen lan d’s the Ic ie r, see? district of Bulgaria were preparing to rise when suddenly a large Turkish Literary Note» force under Achpnet Agha appeared, "And so you have decided to plunge surrounded the town of Batuk and commander the natives to y ield ; yourself Into the literary world, doc­ promising that not one of them should tor?” “Yes, Indeed, I have. You have no be harmed. With a credulity unusual in people having experience with the Idea what an enormous demand there “Unspeakable Turk,” the patriot» Is for books on symptoms among the obeyed. Then the massacre began people who haven’t anything the mat­ The prisoners—men, women and chll- ter with them I” dren alike—were slaughtered like Refuge in the Unknowable sheep. Some took refuge In a church. It was burned over their heads. “What do you Intend to talk about Achmet Agha received a decoration In your next speech?” from the sultan for this great killing “The Einstein theory." “Can you explain It?” At news of the outrage the six great “I can come as near explaining It European powers sent a formal pro test to the sultan. He had, earlier, as anybody I have listened to And promised reforms, but had disre­ It has the advantage of not making garded his pledges. Now he gave the you enemies, no matter what you say.” envoys no satisfaction whatever. This was the chance for which Russia Cause o f Delay had waited. Twenty years earlier Grocer (suggestively)—You haven’t Turkey (backed by England, France paid that little bill of mine, y e t and Sardinia) had beuten Russia In Legislator (pensively)—No; It has the Crimea. The wound still rankled. only just passed the second reading. Russia, moreover, had for a long time yearned to absorb her eastern rival BO TH VERY STRONG or to annex as much of the latter’s territory as possible. The other na­ tions, however, had no Idea of allow­ ing the "balance of power” to be thus shifted, and Russia had been able to find no occasion to promote her schemes. Now, under pretext of avenging the Injuries Inflicted on Bal­ kan Christians, the czar declared war (1877) agulnst Turkey. A Russian army crossed the Dan­ ube June 27. On July 13 General Gourko made the difficult passage of the Balkan mountains and advanced on Adrianople, but w as driven back. In December he recrossed the Balkan range, vanquishing a Turkish army of 82,000 at Shlpka pass (January 0, 1878). Osman Pasha, the sultan's Onion— Pm the strongest person In best general, meantime had held his the world. own against the invaders and had at Boarding-house-butter — Are you length occupied the city of Plevna. overlooking met Here he endured for twenty weeks a memorable siege against superior Ain’t It the Truth, Ruth? numbers, but was In the end forced . O ft, w hen a child, I used to wish to surrender. With the fall of Plevna T o be a bird and t w itte r ; the Turkish cause weakened. Phlllp- Fm w is er now— 'tls m y am blsh T o be a h o m a-run h itte r. popolls and Adrlanopolis were taken, * and the Russian armies marched un­ Sura Sign checked on to Constantinople. “So BUklna Is dead. Did he leave Here, however, with the fruits of victory within their very grasp, the much T “I think not. His heirs all seem to conquerors were halted by the powers. The old menace of “destroying the be on the best terms with each other.” balance of power” seemed about to be Musically Expressed fulfilled, and the Russians were for­ bidden to enter the Turkish capital. “I told my husband about those By the pence treaty of San Stefano, gowns that are selling for a song." “What did he say?” however, Rumanian Bessarabia and “He said If-I expected him to fur­ part of Armenia were ceded to Rus­ sia. Bulgaria was made a principal­ nish toe notes I’d better change my ity with home rule; Rumania, Serbia tune.” and Montenegro were declared free countries, and Bosnia and Herzego­ Better Wear ’Em vina came under Austro-Hungarian “Clothes give a man a lot of con­ sway. So ended the Russo-Turkish fidence." war of 1877-1878. Turkey, far from “Yes, they certainly do. I go a lot profltlng by her lesson, continued to of places with them that I wouldn't go oppress her Christian provinces. In without them.”—Hardware Age. 1895 massacres of Christians In Ar­ menia, and even in Constantinople, W hat H e Objected To horrified civilization. Christians In "I hear that Richwood’s daughter Crete revolted, by way of showing ran away with the chauffeur." their disapproval, and asked Greece “Y es; and Richwood Is nearly crazy to annex their Island. A Greek mili­ over IL" tary force w as sent to Crete. Turkey “Well, It Is hard to lose a daughter, at once declared war, thrashed Greece but they took the motor car with In one brief campaign and wrung from the beaten country a heavy war them. Indemnity. P rsm a fsrr« The Balkan peninsula still teems “Karl, Is the man who Just gave with plot, counterplot. Intrigue, mis­ rule and discontent The Balkan you a cigar a friend of yours?” “I don’t know ; I haven’t lit the cigar problem will, perhaps, never be yet"—Vienna Faun. solved. I Humor U tiliz in g Forest Products Dr. P e ery ’» “ D ead S h o t” Is p o w erfu l, b u t sa fe. One done w ill ex p el W orm s or T a p e ­ w orm ; no c a s to r o il n eed ed . A dv. Wise Old Owl I This hundsome old mansion on fashionable New Hampshire avenue In Washington has been purchused by the Women’s National Democratic club for Its headquarters in the national capltul. The club hus made rapid progress In the last few years. England’s Newest and Most Powerful Battleship When Anarharsls visited Solon he found the daddy of all legislators busy compiling his laws. Anacharsls, who was a bold and rather raucous fellow, laughed at him, to quote Plutarch, for Imagining the dishonesty and covetous­ ness of his countrymen could be re­ strained by written laws, which were like spiders’ webs, and would catch, It Is true, the weak and poor, but could easily be broken by the mighty and rich. This was said about 500 years before C hrist—S t Louis Post- Dispatch. Taxi Driver If there is one thing that counts most in getting away fast to beat traffic and for speed in fast runs it’s spark plugs. I use Champions every time. C iu x m r U - u liw iwr:«v •p orli bveau ,« a) i u d o ttb U - n b b td «illim u a . ite c o r e - i u l u o p i « , ctm xtruvtion a n d i u « be. d a l a n u iju i, «U avod vx, C h a m p io n X — fo r F o r d . 60/ C h a m p io n — Car» other than Ford» 75K TOLEDO, O H IO Bell-Ans H alts O ver-A cidity This Widely Used Sure Relief Can Be Depended On Every Time. How disagreeable, how exasperat­ ing, how embarrassing to be a sufferer from gas, belching, heartburn, sick headuche, nausea and other digestive disorders. BELL-ANS for Indigestion Is a harmless, pleusant Sure Relief. Tested by over 30 years' use. 25c and 75c Pkgs. at all drug stores, or send for free samples to Bell & Cs., Inc., Orangeburg, N. Y.—Adv. As Usual The II. M. 8. Nelson, England's newest and most powerful battleship afloat, as It left Newcastle for Ports­ mouth to go through naval maneuvers. It was constructed at Newcastle, and Is named after Lord Nelson, one of England's most famous sea fighters. Turned Down by the Royal Academy COUNTESS DE CAEN Passenger—Is the train running late? Porter—Yes, mum. I don’t know of any new arrangements.—London Opinion. W r lx h t’s In d ia n V eg eta b le P ills co n ta in o n ly v eg e ta b le In gred ien ts, w h jch a ct g e n tly a s a to n ic la x a tiv e , by s tim u la tio n — n ot Irri­ ta tio n . 171 P ea rl St.. N. T. A dv. Old-Fashioned First Girl—Mary makes me sick. Second—Me, too. She tries so hard to be feminine. John Collier, fumed artist, with his painting ot George liernard Shuw, British writer and critic, which has been turned down by the hanging com­ mittee for this year’s Royal academy exhibit In London. “Uncle Mose” Waiting for Relief EYES disfigure youp. L ooks J Don’t experiment on them, ui« MITCHELL EYE SALVE tor ip.ed» • rettet. Abeolutely u t a a ll d r u g g is ts . — HALL A ftUCKEL, Naw York City RURNSandSCALDS ■A Stop the throbbing and smarting nt once with a soothing touch of Resinol Callouses 4 F* Quick, safe, sura relief from painful callouses on the feet. A to ll drug and xhoe jo rs e w r* Z ifio -p a t/s ¿ a ia te fo n « CARBUNCLES Carboil draws out the core and gives quick relief C A R B O IL /A All DtuMlsts — Mone; beck Ouarsnte* - seuRuocetaSiua co- txx. t s m n . W’hen a fool Is angry he opens his mouth and shuts hto eyes. W . N. U-, PO RTLAND, NO. 22-1927. A censor will never think a bad odor Is a delightful perfume, so there’s no serious danger. A hear Is not at all fussy. At any zoo he cheerfully ents anything the children give him. Countess Constance IUIlyer de Caen, descendent of French royalty, who Is In Washington organizing parties of American gold star mothers for visits to the graves of their soldier dead In France. She will also arrange vlsltr by proxy to the graves for motherr who cannot afford the trip to France SEA LAWYER Albert Rooke Makes His Comeback W ins six-year fight for health. N ow w ell and strong a t 6 0 . Husky as ever, he praises Tanlac “U nde Mose” with all his worldly goods waiting on the high section of the levee at Greenville, Miss., for the return of the Red Cross relief steamer to take him down the river to the newly established camp for refugees at Monroe, La. T hey Satiety “Tin afraid w e ll have to postpone Another step has been taken by the execution. The prisoner la very American manufacturers In conserv­ dck.” ing the forest products. Until re­ "What’s the matter T" cently the chips and w aste from the "He wanted to smoke a last dgaret big lumber yards were either sold for