li
ITOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION SERIAL.
By
Geo. Barr
McCutcheon
A Fool and His Money
Copyright, 1913,
By Oeo. Barr
McCutcheon.
♦ ♦ <t> ruin. In great trepidation, I had all of she went on in a business like manner the bottom ot this hill, w aiting for — *•
♦ the gates and doors locked and rein “ and I believe we will get along innrh “ W a it!” she eried. “ Are you realty,
S Y N O P S IS O F P R E V IO U S
♦>
truly in earnest»”
forced by sundry beams and slabs, for better together if we stay ap art.”
I N S T A T.T.MT.NT 3
“ Most em phatically! ”
Ambiguous remarks ordinarily reach
I knew the overpowering nature of the
I n th e o p e n in g in s ta lm e n ts o f “ A
♦
“ Then I— I shall surrender,” she
my intelligence, but I was so stunned
Fool an d H is M oney,” Geo. B a rr M c
collective tourist.
C u tc h eo n '« c h arm in g novel, se ria l
by preceding admissions that I could said, very slowly— and seriously, I was
I
may
be
pardoned
if
I
digress
at
this
rig h ts fo r w hich h ave b e en sp ecially
glad to observe.
tim e to state that the party of one only gasp:
e o b ta in e d fo r th e H om e a n d F a rm
“ T h a t’s more like i t ,” I cried, en
‘ * Do you mean to say y o n ’ve oecn
M agazine S ection, we le a rn o f J o h n
hundred and sixty nine, both stern and
thusiastically
B ellam y S m a rt, th e young m an who
opopsite, besieged my castle on the next subsisting all this time on my food »”
ia tellin g th ia sto ry . H e has ju s t
“ On one condition,” she said. “ Y e«
“ Oh, dtar me, no! How can you
ilay but one, with the punctuality of
w ritte n h is fir s t novel, a n d a t th e
locusts, and despite all of my precau think that o f me» Gretei merely eooks must agree in advance to let mo stay
« sam e tim e h as fallen h e ir to an im
m ense fo rtu n e le ft him by h is uncle.
❖
tions, all of my devices, all of my ob the food I buy. She keeps a distinct on here for a month or two. I t —it at
* H e ia 35 y e a rs o f age.
jections,
effected an entrance and over aud separate account of everything, most imperative, Mr. Kmart.”
A fte r a viaift to London, S m a rt
‘ * I shall be the sole judge of that,
ran
the
place
like a swarm o f ants. The poor thing. I am sure you will not find
«> ta k e s a tr ip on th e R iv er D anube.
«> A fte r fin d in g an old w o rld tow n, he
feat that could not have been accom anything wrong with your bills, Mr. madam,” 1 retorted, with route d ig n ity
<è> d ie —'v e rs an a n c ie n t castle, w hich he
plished by an armed forced was sue Smart. Bnt did you hear what I said a “ By the w a y ,” I w ent on, knitting ray
<e> p u r-h aa c « fr.im ita ow ner, th e C ount.
brows, “ how am I to get into your auks
cessfully managed by a group of peda moment ago»”
- W ith h is s e c re ta ry , P o o p en d y k e, he
of the castle» Hehmiek says ba'a tang
“ I ’m not quite sure that I did. ’
gogucs from Ohio, to whom “ Keep o ff
❖
ta k e s pcssessio-i o f th e im m ense
“ I prefer to let m atters stand just as tho keys. ’ ’
<e> s tru c tu re , w h ich is su p p o sed to be
tho G rass’’ and “ No Trespass” are
A good deal depended on her a o -sw o
«> te n a n te d only by th e c a re ta k e r and
signs of utter impotence on 'he part they are. Why should we discommode
h is fam ily, t h ? Sehm icks. To S m a r t's
each other» We are perfectly satisfied
“ They shall be delivered to you t o
of
him
who
puts
them
up,
and
ever
shall
am azenien:, th e fir s t n ig h t, he h e a rs
morrow morning, Mr. Sm art,” she -ettd,
be, world without end. They came, they as we— ”
th e cry of a b a b y . L a te r he d isco v er*
“ I will not have my new cook giving soberly. “ Good n ig h t.”
a w o m a n 's face a t a i u p p e r w indow .
saw, they conquered, and they tried to
Ho is to» m uch in te re s te d to a tte n d
The little window closed with a »nay
notice, madam. You surely can 't ex
buy picture postcards of me.
to h is e u rre su au eo cc. an is rb-sired by
h :s se c re ta ry .
S m a rt d e te rm in e s to
I mention this in passing, lest you pect hex—or him— to prepare meals for and I was le ft alone in the «mining
solvo th* m y ste ry of th e e a st w ing of
moonlight. I was vastly excited, ev«a
two separate— ”
should be disappointed. Moro anon.
th e castle an d e n te rs a w indow by
“ I had n ’t thought o f th a t,” she in thrilled by the prospect o f a sleepleas
Punctually at nine o'clock, 1 was in
ineanc of a la d d e r, lie is bl< ek ed by
the balcony, thanking my lucky stars terrupted ruefully. “ Perhaps if 1 were night. Something told me I woaritrV
a s to u t d o o r on w hich is p in n e d a
n o te re n d in g : ' ‘P lease k eep o u t. T h is
that it was a bright, moonlit night. to pay her—or him—extra wages it sleep a wink, aud yet I, who bitterly to-
ia p riv a te p r r j e r t y . ” L a te r he m eets
There
was every reason to rejoice in would be all rig h t,” she added, quick sent having my sleep curtailed in «be
th e w .ma.», wh » ( r e a lly pu zzles him.
the
prospect
o f seeing her face clear ly. “ We do not require much, you slightest degree, held no brief agarmad
....................................
• • • • • • • •
circumstances. In fact, I rather to-
ly when she appeared at. her secret little know. ”
C H A PT ER IV.
I laughed rather shortly— meanly, I veiled in tho promise o f tueturnal dim-
window. Naturally, I am too much of a
t: action.
Fearing, however, that
1
I Become au Ancestor.
gentleman to havo projected unfair fear.
‘ * This
is
m ost
extraordinary, might drop o ff to sleep at three sa
R U E to the ¡,r.imi«e she had e x tr a c t means o f illuminating her face, such as
four o ’clock and thereby run the riafc
ed from me, I I .,d o ff my w ork the use of a pocket electric lamp or any madam! ’ ’
“ I- I quite agree with yon. I ’m of over sleeping, I dashed o f f to the
men the next m orning.
They thing of that sort. 1 am nothing if not
trooped in b rig h t and early, consider gallant— when it comes to a pinch. Be- aw fully sorry it had to turn out as it head of the stairB and shouted ft»
ably augiaeutcd by fresh re c ru its w h o ,sid es. I was reasonably certain th a t she has. Who would have dreamed of your Brittan.
“ B ritton ,” I «aid. “ I want to bn
came to shar the b -n tiits of mv in would w ear a thick black veil. In th is buying the place and coming here to up
called at seven o ’clock sharp ia the
nocuous prodigality, and if I live to .b e 1 was wrong. She wore a white, filmy set everything»”
I resolved to be firm with her. She morni n g .” N oting his polite straggle
a thousand I hall never again expert one, but it served the purpose. I natu
seemed to be taking too much for grant to conceal his astonishment, I told him
eaco such a noisome half hour as the rally concluded that she was homely.
“ Good ev en in g ,” she said, on open ed. “ Much as I regret it, madam, I am of my seeond encounter w ith tho lady
one spent in listening to their iudig
compelled to ask you to evacuate— to across the way.
nant protests against my tyranieal op ing tho window.
“ She w on ’t be expecting yro a t
“ Good ev en in g ,” said I, contriving get out, in fact This sort of thing c a n ’t
pression o f the poor and needy. In the
seven, s ir ,” he remarked. “ And, aa
end, I a-jreed to pay them, one and all, to conceal my disapopintment. “ How go on. ”
She was silent for so long that I ex for that, she may be expecting to enB
for a full d a y ’s work, and they went is the bab y»”
“ Very much better, thank yon. It perieneed a slow growth of eotnpunc on yon, instead of the other w ay
away mollified, calling me a true gentle
man to iny face and heaven knows what was so good of you to step the work tion. Just as I was on the point of round.”
slightly r e e d in g from my position, she
“ R ig h t!”
said
I, considerably
men. ”
to my back.
gave me another shock.
“
W
on’t
you
take
o
ff
yonr
veil
and
dashed.
I spoke gently to them o f the sick
“ D o n ’t you think it would be aw fully
” Besides, sir, would it not he safer
baby. With one voice they all shout stay aw hile»” I asked, politely faee-
tioua. “ It is n ’t quite fair to me, yon convenient if you had a telephone pnt to w ait till the tourwt party ras coma
ed:
in, Mr. Sm art»” she said. “ It is such and gon e»”
It now. ’ ’
“ But our babies arc s ie k !”
a
nuisance to send Max or Rudolph over
Her
next
remark
brought
a
blush
of
One octogenarian—a carpenter's ap
(To Be Continued.)
to town every whip-stitch on errands
prentice— heatedly informed me, through eonfnsion to my cheek. A silly notion
when
a
telephone—
in
your
name,
of
Sehmiek, that he had a child two weeks bad induced me to doc my full even
old that would die before morning if ing regalia, tp ik e to ’l coat and all course— would be so mueh more satis
deprived o f proper food and nourish N othing eonld have been more ludi factory. ’ ’
“ A telep h on e!” I gasped.
ment. Somewhat impressed by th is p iti cronsly incongruous thnn my appear
“ Circumstances make it quite unwise
ful lament, I enquired how his wife ance, I am sure, and I never felt more
for me to have a telephone in my own
was geting along. Tho ancient, being uncomfortable in my life.
* * How very nice you look in your name, but yon could have one in yours
in a placid state of senility, courteous
without creating the least suspicion.
ly thanked me for my interest, and an new suit, ’ she said, and I was aware
W a U h fe r “ T h e B ia r j of a W o
swered that she had been dead for o f a muffled quality in her ordinarily You are— ”
d e n t,” which w ill « p p w «very weak
“ M adam,” I cried, and got no far
forty nine years, come September. I elear, musical voiee. She was laughing
In thia apace. I t w ill prove totereat-
at me. “ Are you giving a dinner they.
overlooked the slight discrepancy.
lng and p ro fitab le for rro ry yo«n<
“ — perfectly free to have a tele
p
arty»”
During the remainder o f the day, I
tn»n and woman who withes to make
I usually dress for dinner,” I lied phone i t yon want o n e,” she continued.
insisted on the utmost quiet in our wing
“ The doctor came th is evening and it
a aucceaa in life.
o f the castle. Poopendyke was obliged with some haughtiness. “ And so does
really w asn't necessary. D on’t you see
to take his typewriter out to the Poopendyke,” I added as an after
yon could have telephoned for me and
stables, where I dictated scores o f let thought. My blush deepened as I re
ters to him. I caught Britton w histling called tho attenuated blazer in which saved him the trip » ”
(It was due to the most stupendous
in the kitchen about noon time, and my secretary breakfasted, lunched and
exertion o f self restraint on my part
severely reprimanded him. We went dined without discrimination.
that I said: “ Well, I ’ll be— jiggered ,”
“ For G retel’s benefit, 1 presume.”
quite to the extreme, however, when we
I . M W A L K E R , PrrsldecV
instead of something a little less nniqoe.
“ Ah! you do know Gretei, th en »”
tiptoed about our lo fty halls. All of the
P ortland. O re to n
“ Oh, I ’ve known hpr for years. Isn't Her audacity staggered me. (I was not
afternoon we kept a sharp lookout for
W r ite s a No tr e n ti« to »raw er
prepared
at
that
time
to
speak
of
it
as
she
a
qnaint
old
dear»”
the doctor, but it he e«me we were none
“ I shall discharge her in the morn superciliousness.)
the wiser. Britton went ifcto the town
“ M adam,” I exploded, “ will yon be
at three w rb the letters end a telegram in g .” said I severely. “ She is a liar
to my friends in Vienna, imploring and her husband is a poltroon. They good enough to listen to me» I am not
them to look up a corps of efficien t ser positively deny your existence in any to be trifled with. Tomorrow sometime
I shall enter the east wing o f this build
vants for me and to send them on post shape or form .”
“ They w on ’t pay any attention to ing if I have to knock down all the Guaranteed Wear Ever Hosiery Fas
haste. I would have included a request
for a competent nursem aid i f it had n ’t y o u ,” said she, with a laugh. “ They doors on the place. Do you understand,
Men and Women
been for a report from Poopendyke, are fixtures, quite as much so as the madam »”
Ladies’
8pccia! Offer
I
do-
hope,
Mr.
Smart,
you
can
ar
w
alls
themselves.
Y
ou'll
not
be
able
to
who announced that he hr J caught a
glimpse of a very nursy >ook rg person discharge them. My grandfather tried range to break in about five o ’clock. Par U n i t e d Tim o On)J —
S ir p a ir o f <mr fiooot *#c ra is e Isdied’
at one o f the upper windows earlier in it fifty years ago and faded. A fter that It w ill afford me a great deal of pleas
ho made it a point to dismiss Conrad ure to give you some tea. May I ex go ar.n t.o.1 bore id black, tan or v b .te « .lo re
th e day.
w ith w ritte n guarantee, lo r > 1.00 and IO S
I couldn’t, however, for lb« life of every day in the year anu Gretei every pect you at five— or thereabouts» ’
for po«ta«o, «te.
Her calmness exasperated me. I
me understand why my neighbor en other day. As well try to remove the
SPECIAL OFFER FOB MEN
joined such rigid silence in our part of mountain, Mr. Kmart. They know yon struck the stone balustrade an em
ca
n
’t
get
on
without
th
em
.”
phatic
blow
with
ray
fist,
sorely
peeling
the castle and y et permitted 'h at eo.i
P a r a Halted Man «nip. six
•*
founded dog of bers to yowl and bark
“ I have discharged her as a rook,” the knnckles, and ground out:
finest »Vo eel«« Gu*r»Dte»d Ho»« »«J « lir a
“ For two eents I ’d do it t o n ig h t ! ” w ith w r itte n (a a r a o -.o and a pair »1 '-ok
all day. How was I to know that the I said, triumphantly. “ A new oae will
“ Oh, dear—oh, dear! ” she cried well know n X m l P s ra d tM O artors lo r One
beast had treed a lizard ia the lower be here by the end o f the w eek .”
DoUar, and 10« to r portae«. eta.
ball and coubln t disledge it t
O h,” she sighed plaintively, “ how mockingly.
Toil know the»« bra«; they itood Ik e te rt
You must be a dreadful wom an,” 1
Britton returned w ith news. The glad I am. She is an atrocious cook. I
w h-n nil otber» fniled
T b e j » ire real foot
ferrym en, with great joy in the telling, d o n ’t like to complain, Mr. Smart, but eried out. “ First, you make yourself « in f o r t Tb ep hern no w-nmo to rip 'I bey
never
beeone
lone»
m
4
bn<(J
no Ike «bvpo
at
home
in
my
house;
then
you
succeed
really
it
io
getting
so
that
I
c
a
n
t
eat
informed him that the reason for tour
is k n it -w, r a t PT. »~1 in
T b -y a r e Ona»,
iats partiea was just beginning and that anything she sends up. It io jolly of in stopping my workmen, steal my eook aatood ta r h a mean, for alyls, for «aperio ly
w e might expect, with th m, to do a you to get m a new one. Now we shall and men servants, keep us alt awaye of m aterial end w orkm oaahip, aboolo ly
with a barking dog, defying me to my ■Aaioieaa and to waor ms month« wilbowt
thriving a n l prosperous bum neve dur be very happy.”
r a bow pair frao.
'B
y
J
o
v
e
l”
said
I,
completely
stag
very face— ”
ing the next month or two. Indeed,
Dos’»
delay, tend ia year order before
"
H
o
w
aw
fully
stern
you
are!”
word already had been received by the gered by these rev latians. Unable to
“ I d on 't believe a word you say offer azptroa. G iro ewrreet aiae.
tourists company's agent in the town tiad suitable words to express my sus
th at a party o f one hundred and six ty tained astonishment, I repeated: “ By about a siek baby—or a doctor? It s all WEAR EVER HO8IERT COUP ANT,
poppy cock. Tomorrow you will find
nino would arriva the next day but one J « v e!” but in a subdued tone.
Dayton, Ohio.
“ I have thought >t over, Mr. Smart,” yourself, bag and baggage, sitting at
from Museben, beat on visitin g my
<>
**
*
*
T
TH E STORY
of a S T U D E N T
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