TOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
12
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION SERIAL.
By
George Bari
McCutcheon
A Fool and His Money
Copyright, 191S,
By Geo. Barr
McCutcheon.
one that Max under any circumstances
I could scarcely believe my ears.
would be permitted to serve, I took my­
"B ritton," said I severely, "yon are self off once more to tho enchanted
8 Y H O P 8 I8 OP P R E V IO U S
side the gates—aeh, that terrible in
brute. I am surprised. You forget balcony. I was full of the fever of
IN S T A L L M E N T S .
«•
vention of hisl ” groaned old Conrad. there is an innocent babe— maybe a col
In the upvninff installm ent« of " A
romance. A perfect avalanche of situa­
"M y poor sons are faint with fatigue, Ipction of them—over there. And a dog.
Fool anil Ilia M oney,** (loo. B arr Me
tions had been tumbling through my
Cutcheon’ a oharniing Revel,
Burial §> mein herr. You should see them per We shan’t do anything heathenish, Brit­
brain for hours, and, being a provident
rig b ls for which have been Rpcntally
spire—and hear them pant for breath. ’ * ton. Please bear that in mind. There
sort of chap in mv own way, 1 decided
obtained for tho Hom e and Farm
-•/
" I t is like the blowing of the forge
but one wav: we must storm the to jot them down on a pad of paper
M agazine Section, we learn of John
•>
B ellam y Sm art, the young man who
•> bellows,” cried his wife.
"M y poor place. I will not be defied to my very before they quite escaped me or were
is te llin g thia story,
li e has ju a t <$>
nose.” I felt it to see if it was not a submerged by others.
w ritte n his firs t novel, and at the <!» little boys!”
same tim e has fallen h e ir to an im-
•»
"Fetch them at once, Conrad,” said little out cf joint. " I t ia a good nose.”
The night was very black and tragic,
nw nitt fortune le ft hi in by Ins uncle.
I, cudgelling my brain for a means to
"Tt is, sir,” said Britton, and Poop- swift storm clouds having raced up to
H e ia 35 years of age.
A fte r a v is it to London, S m art <8> surmount a present difficulty, and but endyke, in a perfect ecstasy of loyalty, cove rthe moon and stars. With a radi­
takes a tr ip on the ltiv e r Dana be. <«• very slightly interested in Britton’s shouted: "L ong live your nose, sir!” ant lanthorn in the window behind me,
A fte r fin d in g an old-w orld town, he <£> noble contraption.
Mv German vassals waved their hats, 1 sat down with mv pad and my pipe
discovers an ancient castle, which he
The brothers soon appeared and, as if perceiving that a demonstratibn was and my pencil. The storm was not far
porchaaea from its ow ner, the C oant. 4>
W ith his secretary, Poopendyhe, he <$> to give the lie to their fond parents, required without in the last knowing away. I saw that it would soon be
takes possession of tbs
immenBe
booming about my stronghold, and real­
puffed complacently at their pipes and what it was about.
structure, which is supposed to be <ii
yawned
as
if
but
recently
aroused
from
tenanted only by the caretaker and
"Tonight w e ’tl plan our campaign,” ized that my fancy would have to work
bis fam ily, the Schmicks. T n S m a rt’ s fi> a nap. Their sleeves were rolled up and said I, and then returned in some haste faster than it had ever worked before
Bwasemcnt, the fir s t night, he hears <«• I marvelled at tho size of their arms.
to my balcony. The mists of the wan­ it half that I had in mind was to be
the cry of a baby.
<£
"
I
s
Britton
dead!”
I
cried,
suddenly
ing dav were rising from the valley be accomplished. Why I should have court­
fxioking otn at a balcony one night <•>
cold with the fear that they had mu­ low. The smell of rain was in the air. ed a broken evening on the exposed bal­
S m art secs the w hite fig ure o f a
woman silhouetted
H e im m ed iately d> tinied
against this brusque English [ looked in vain for the lady's tresses. cony, instead of beginning my labors
begins a hunt for Schnuck, the care- <v
overlord
They were gone. Tho sun was also in my study, remains an unrevealed
taker, to solve the mystery o f who
They smiled. " H e is waiting to be gone. His work for the day was done. mystery, unless we charge it to the ac­
the
woman
may
be.
W ith
the <£
Schmleha he endeavors to break down A» pulled up again, sir,” said Max. "W e
wondered whether she was putting up count of a much abused eccentricity at­
a heavily barred door into th a t sec
>> left him at the bottom when you sent
her
hair with her own fair hands or tributed to genius and which usually
tian e ft he castia, hut fails. S m art *£>
for
us.
It
is
foe.
us
to
obey.”
was
there a lady’s maid in her menage. turns out to be arrant stupidity.
learns th a t souvenir hunters from
Of course, everything had to wait
(To Be Continued.)
New York are demanding to buy the
Poopendyke and T dined in solemn
castle heirlooms.
S m a rt’ s visitors
while my obedient vassals went forth grandeur in the great banquet hall, at­
demand to buy the curiosities of the
and reeled the discomforted Britton to tended by the clumsy Max.
castle a’though he assures them tim e
*
G O P H E R K 1B A S
and tim e again they are net on sale. <?> the top of the steep. Ho sputtered con­
Mr. Poopendyke,” said I, after
Th ey th in k he is holding ont for a <■» siderably until he saw me laughing at Max passed me the fish for the second a chemical compound th a t esrrtos certain
higher p r ie j.
’’he would be buyers
him. Inatantly he was a valet onee time on my right side—and both times death to gophers and molas. N o t a poison,
are maul ting, and are roughly eject- &
and easy to nae. B etter than trapa ba-
ed from the caetla.
Sm art discovers 4» more, no longer a crabbed genius.
across my shoulder—‘ ‘ we must engage safe
caaso tt gets r d of them aU a t once. Price
a woman’s face at an upper window
<»>
I had thought of a plan, only to dis­
butler and a footman tomorrow. * 1 .5 0 . M oney order.
H e is ton much interested to attend <J>
to his correspondence, as is desired by
•' card it on measnring with my eye the Likewise a chef. This is too ranch.”
TH E GREEN C H E M IC A „ COMPANY,
his aeesetery.
T h e story continues.
<S> distance from tho ground to the lowest
Might I suggest that we also en­ 364 East 26th Street N orth. Portland. Oregon
« window in the east wing, second floor
gage a chambermaid! The beds are
back. Even by standing on the shoul very poorly— ”
■ ■hAfK OUGHT to clean them all up dors of Rndolph, who was six feet five,
I held up my hand, smiling confi­ G O IN G E A S T or
M before we begin on the ro I would still find myself at least ten dently.
C O M IN G W E S T
mane«, sir. That'a my sug feet short of the window ledge. Happily
We may capture a very competent
gostion. Wo shan 't feel like stopping a new idea struck tne almost at once.
chambcrmain before the beds are made
H'c can Save you Money
for a lot of ailly letters By the way,
In a jiffy, half a dozen carpenters up again,” I said, with meaning.
air, when do you expect to start on the were at work constructing a substantial
"She doesn’t write like a chamber­ Rednced n t n 0« Household Goods. Pianos,
romance!” He usually spoke of them ladder out of scannings, while I stood maid,” be reminded me.
Antomobilee, etc. Through coatelid a U d ear«
prom pt
delivery
and
careful
as romances. They were not novels to over them in serene command of the
Whereupon we fell to studying the insuring
handling.
Fnopendyke.
situation.
very aristocratic. chirogTaphy employed, Rates and inform ation fu m iahed on request.
1 came to my feet, the light of ad­ The Schmicks segregated themselves by my neighbor in barring me from my
venture in my eye.
and looked on, regarding the window own possessions.
Pacific Coast Forwarding Company
"This very instant, Poopendyke,” I with sly, furtive glances in which there
After the very worst meal that Frau
201 W ilc e a B uild—« . Portland. Oregon
exclaimed.
wns a distinct note o f uneasiness.
Schtnick had ever cooked, and the last
Ilia fare brightened. He loves work.
At last tho ladder was complete
"Bplendid! 1 will have your writing Resolutely I mounted to the top and
tableta ready in— ”
peered through the sashless window. It
"F irst of all, we must have a ladder. was quite Wack and repelling beyond.
Have you neen to th a t!”
Instructing Pritton and the two broth
* ‘ A ladder!' ’ he faltered, putting one era to follow me in turn, I climbered
foot bark through tho window in a over the wide stone sill and lowered
most suggest! vo way.
myself gingerly to the floor.
" O h ,” said I, remembering, " I
I will not take up the time or the
haven't told you, Lave H liookl Up apace to relate my experiences on this
Binee " T IN E S ARE HARD,” now is the time for yon to
there in that window. l»o you see first fruitless visit to the east wing
realize a profit on your old bundle of freight bills that yon have
th a t!”
of my abiding place. Suffice to say, we
perhaps regarded as nothing more than waste paper.
‘ ‘ What is it, eirf A ru gf”
got as far as the top of the stairs in
Do yon know that the freight and express chargea that von
" Rug! Great Scott, man, don’t you the vast middle corridor after stum
pay are many times in error, due to oversight on the part of the
know a woman '■ hair when you see bling through a series of dim, damp
clerk in assessing proper charges, or to errors in classification,
It! ”
rooms, and then found our way effect!)
weights, etc., and that which you pay to the transportation com­
• ‘ I've never—er—never seen it—you ally blocked by a stout door which
panies in excess of what actually belongs to them for their services
might say—just like that, rs rt nairf
under their legally published tariff rates amounts to considerable
was not only locked and bolted, but
money that yon might eonnt as profits in the eondnet of your
‘ * It ia. You do see it, don't yon I ’ ’ bore a most startling admorition to
business! It ia a fact that unices business concerns, however
"H ow did it get there!”
would be trespassers.
•mall employ expert rate and traffic men to look after their trans­
"iiood! Now I know I ’m not dream-
Pinned to one of the panels there
portation affairs they lose annually a large amount of money that
tug. Cornel There's no time to be lost. was a dainty bit of white note paper
could be saved. OUR BU8INX88 IS TO SAVE THIS MONEY
We may be able to get up there before with these satiric words written across
FOB YOU FROM YOUR OUÏ FREIGHT BILLS.
the hears u s!”
its surface tn a bold, feminine hand:
We can greatly benefit you and your business as a member of
I was through the window and half
Please keep out. This is private
this association, our staff of traffic experts are the best that
way across the room before his well property.”
’
.
,«
money can produce, and ws are saving merchants throughout ths
meant protest cheeked me.
Moat property owners bo doubt would
country thousands of dollar» yearly in overcharge» found on ex­
"F or heaven's sake, Mr., Smart hove been incensed by this calm defl
pense bills which were erroneously charged by the railroads and
express companies. A membership in thin association entitles you
don’t be too hasty. We can't rush in ance on the part of a squatter, either
to these savings, together with such further services as quota­
upon a woman unexpectedly like this. ...ale or female, but not I. The
tion of rates, routing of freight to receive lowest rates, collection
Who knows! She may be entirely— " impudence of the usurper appealed to
of lose and damage claims, Inter State Commerce Complaints, and
Ho caught himself up sharply, blinked, me. What could be more delicious than
many other services beneficial to merchant*.
and then rounded otn his sentence in her serene courage in dispossessing me
The cost of membership is only $10.00 for the first venr’n
safety with the word " deshabille. ”
ith the stroke of a pen, of at least
servies; ths second year’« service does not cost you anything ia
I was not to be term'd aside by drivel two thirds of my domicile, and what
cash, as we take $7.50 to cover the second year s service from
of that sort; so, with a scornful laugh, more exciting than the thought of wag
the overcharges found in the expense bills only, and we further
1 hurried on and was soon ia the court ing war against her in the effort to re
guarantee to refund to vou tinder onr contract more than the
yard, surrounded by at leant a score gain possession of it ! Really it
amount of cash that you originally pay for the membership.
of persons who madly inquired where quite g'orioua! Here was a happy, es
Let us have your application today.
the fire was, and wnnted to help me chanting bit of feudalism that stirred
to put it out. At last we managed to mv romanlie sou! to its very depths,
get them back at their werk, and I in wan being defied by a woman- an
st ueted old Conrad to have the tallest smasonl Even my grvsping imagina
T H E T R A N S C O N T IN E N T A L T R A F F IC A S S O C IA T IO N .
ladder brought to me at once.
tion eonld not have asked for more sub
<11-41* Panama Building, Portland, Oregon.
"There is no such thing about the stantial returns than thia To put her |
Osatlomsa:
eastle, he announced hlardly, puffing to MMtl To storm the castle! To make
I hereby app>Y ,o r memherahig ia Ute shove rarned A n o e is tio a to
away at hi« enormous pipe. Ilis wife her captive and chuck her into my
a ll of the b e .e fito uudar r o a r gsweral m em ber.top contract, sad I endos
shook her head ia perfect serenity dungeon! Splendid!
w ith d M t l te r » 1 0 .0 0 to eoror mcmberahip tea.
Boinewhat dashed, I looked about me
Wo returned to the eourtvard and
in quest of proof that they were lying held a counsel of war. I put all of the
to me. There was no sign of anything Schmicks on the grill, bnt they stub
that even resembled a ladder.
bornly disclaimed all iatereot in or
"Where are your so u s!” I demand knowledge of the extraordiuaiy oec«-
Addr.RR
pant of the east wing
ed.
"W
e
ran
smoke
her
ont.
stv,"
said)
The old eouple held up their hnnds
Brittoa.
in great di tresa.
Britton has them working
« ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ their Harr
souls out, turning a windlass out­
♦
Mr. Merchant!