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Heppner, Ore., Gazette-Times Thursday, Mar. 14, 1574
Horse sense
ERNEST V. JOINER
VJ.
Sunday, if it should survive an Irishman's Saturday
night, is St. Patrick's Day. Since Morrow County is
predominately Irish it (alls upon me to say some nice things
about them, a task which imposes a heavy responsibility
upon a columnist of English extraction. Happily, my
ancestors fraternized with the Irish, thus validating my right
; to speak up on this auspicious occasion.
The Archbishop of Santa Fe. himself as good an Irishman
as a Catholic, was fond of telling Irish stones. One I recall
concerns a priest's admonishment to a drunk Irishman
whom he regaled after this fashion: "Mike, you are lower
than the beasts of the field. Look at that cow drinking over
, there. She knows when she has had enough." To which Mike
replied. "Sure, and she's fine with that water. But wait "till
she runs across a stream of whisky."
The Irish have earned a reputation for dealing harshly
with each other. Samuel Johnson once wrote, 'The Irish are
a fair people: they never speak well of one another." And
George Bernard Shaw was prompted to say, "Put an Irish
man on the spit, and you can always get another Irishman to
turn him " Of course. Johnson was an Englishman and may
be forgiven: but Shaw was an Irishman and should have
known better.
Pa! O'Brien had become interested in reincarnation by
reading The Search for Bridey Murphy. But after reading the
bestseller he wasn't sure what reincarnation really meant, so
he asked his friend Mike Murphy, who was still happy with
his thought of a stream of whisky. "Reincarnation," Mike
explained, "is when you die and come back to this earth in
some other form." Pat was dubious. "Let me give you an
illustration." said Mike patiently. "Suppose you were to die.
Then you'd be reborn as a blade of grass. While you're a
blade of grass, waving away in the meadow, a cow comes
along and eats you." Pat nodded in understanding. "In due
time you pass through that cow and come out in a neat little
pile in the middle of the meadow. One day I come walking
through the meadow and almost step into the neat, round
pile. But I see you just in time, so I draw back, look down at
the pile and say, "Hello. Pat. You ain't changed much!'
That's reincarnation."
The world is full of distinguished Irishmen. Thomas H.
Cannon, for 30 years High Chief Ranger of the Catholic Order
of Foresters, had been a militant Irishman for every one of
his 84 years when he told this story of "Nine Famous
Irishmen." It goes like this: In the Young Irish Disorders in
Ireland in 1848 the following nine men were captured, tried
and convicted of treason against Her Majesty, The Queen,
and were sentenced to death: John Mitchel. Morns Lyene,
Pat Donahue. Thomas McGee, Charles Duffy. Thomas
Meagher. Richard O'Gorman. Terrence McManus and
Michael Ireland. Before passing sentence the judge asked if
there was anything that any of them wished to say. Meagher,
speaking first, spoke for all nine in this manner . . .
"My lord, this it our first offense but not our last. If you
. will be easy with us this once, we promise, on our word as
gentlemen to try and do better next time. And next time-sure
we won't be fools enough to get caught."
The indignant judge sentenced them all to be hanged by
the neck, then drawn and quartered. Passionate protest from
all over the world forced Queen Victoria to commute the
sentence to transportation for life to faraway, wild Australia,
m 1874. word reached the astonished Queen Victoria that the
Sir Charles Duffy, who had been elected Prime Minister of
Australia, was the same Charles Duffy who had been sent
there as a criminal 25 years before. On the Queen's request,
the records of the other eight sen! with him into exile were
placed before her. And this is what was uncovered:
Thomas F. Meagher was the Governor of Montana in the
United States; Terrence McManus was a Brigadier General
in the U.S. Army: Patrick Donahue was also a Brigadier
General in the U.S. Army: Richard O'Gorman was Governor
General of Newfoundland: Morris Lyene had served
as Attorney General of Australia, in which office he was
succeeded by Michael Ireland; Thomas D'Arcy McGee was a
Member of Parliament a! Montreal. Minister of Agriculture
and President of Council. Dominion of Canada: and John
Miichel was a prominent New York politician and the father
of John Purroy Mitchel. mayor of New York City at the
outbreak of World War I.
I won my wings Sunday. I took an airplane ride with
Orville Cutsforth and suffered neither physical nor emotional
damage. It started a( 7:30 a.m. when the phone roused me
from my slumbers. It was Orville. "Want to see a herd of one
thousand elk?" he asked. Not having seen even two elk in my
whole life. I jumped at the chance of seeing a herd of such
size, forgetting to ask how we were going to sneak up on this
concentration of beasts. An hour later he drew his Jeep up at
Lexington's International Airport and he hustled me and
La Verne VanMarter Sr. into a Cessna 180 and a few minutes
later we were headed toward Black Mountain.
As a former flyer I always allowed my eyes to rove over
the instrument panel in case any malfunction showed on the
cluster of gauges. The rest of the time my eyes were picking
out check points on the ground and observing possible
emergency landing fields. Not Orville. He never seemed to
check the instrument panel, and did a marvelous job of flying
by (he seat of his pants. I asked Orville if he knew his
magnetic compass wasn't working "Yeah." he responded,
"that thing hasn't worked in a year." I fidgeted. "Orville." I
asked. "I don't think your gyro compass is working either."
Well, how about that, he said: Then explained that ij
probably worked on the "off" position instead of the "on"
one. and by some dial-twisting found it didn't work in any
position. How about these other instruments. I screwed up
enough courage to ask. "Well, you know how it is in this
country." Orville responded cheerfully as we pulled up
sharply to clear the trees on Mt. Arbuckle by what appeared
to be 20 feet. "You let a plane set in the hangar with all the
heat and dust and the first thing you know nothing works
right " He did a tight right turn and did a screamer into a
canyon and pointed to a herd of about 16 elk stampeding to
ward forest cover I was too busy observing that the Cessna's
wings were about 100 feet below the canyon rims on both
sides to "oh and ah" over some scampering elk whose solid
footing on terra firma I was beginning to envy. We didn't see
more than 25 elk. but Orville kept up a happy and informative
chatter about the country below-Lkiah. Arbuckle Ski Run.
the Mountains Baldy. John Day River. logging practices and
Penland Lake. If his eyes ever hit the instrument panel
during the flight I'm sure to be damned. He stalled out over
the end of the runway a! Lexington, pulled flaps and landed
nicely in a 30-mile crosswind. I should have known better
than to worry about the flying savvy of a man who's flown the
Alaskan bush, led a flight of Cessnas to Havana, and
barnstormed half the North American continent. He could
probably have made that flight without his Cessna. He still
owes me 975 elk.
f ft , x c
M :- : c
CALIFORNIA
WW
1974 Ttwlryw
Desert flower
The mail pouch
EDITOR:
Your entire editorial page this week (March 7) is just
priceless. I have enjoyed Horse Sense, the Mayor of
Hardman and Lester Kmsolving's column on Easter sunrise
services so much that I entreat you to send me in one
packages five more copies
I am enclosing a check for $2 to cover the cost of the copies
and mailing charges.
This March 7, 1974 edition of your paper justifies my
subscription cost. Thank you for delightful reading'
LULU H BRAGHETTA.
Sonoma. Ca
EDITOR:
Enclosed is our renewal for a year's subscription We have
thoroughly enjoyed the Gazette-Times the past year,
especially the editorial page. Keep up the good work and the
news presentation.
We were in Heppner briefly a year ago and were so
impressed we subscribed to the paper
MR AND MRS LOYAL CRAWFORD.
Canbv.
Back to McGuffey's!
In McGuffey's Fifth Eclectic Reader (revised edition) is a
sketch by John Russell. 1793-1818. author of western
adventure, essays and sketches. His language is clear and
classical, his style concise and vigorous, as found in this
sketch. "How to Tell Bad News." a conversation between Mr.
H. and his Steward.
Mr. H: Ha! Steward, how are you. my old boy? How do
things go on at home''
Steward: Bad enough, your honor; the magpie's dead
H. Poor Mag! So he's gone. How come he to die?
S Overeat himself, sir.
H. Did he'' A greedv dog . whv. what did he get he liked so
well?
S. Horseflesh, sir: he died of eating horseflesh.
H How came he to get so much horseflesh"?
S All your father's horses, sir.
H. What! are they dead, too?
S. Ay. sir: they died of overwork.
H. And why were they overworked, pray?
S. To carry water, sir.
H To carry water! and what were they carrying water for'
S Sure. sir. to put out the fire
H Fire' what fire1
S O. sir. your father's house is burned to the ground
H My fa'her 's house burned down ' and how came it set on
fire"
S. I think, sir. it must have been the torches.
H Torches! what torches?
S. At your mother's funeral.
H My mother dead!
S Ah. poor lady! she never look up. after it
H After what?
S. The loss of your father.
H My father gone, too?
S. Yes. poor gentleman! he took to his bed as soon as he
heard of it.
H Heard of what?
S. The bad news. sir. and please your honor.
H What! more miseries! more bad news!
S. Yes. sir; your bank has failed, and your credit is lost,
jnd you are not worth a shilling in the world. I made bold. sir.
to wait on you about it. for I thought you would like to hear the
news.
Book Review
Have we here an
enemy of history?
"Why should the world be
only as you think it is? Who
gave vou the authority to sav
so''
People tell us from the time
we are born that the world is
such and such and so and so
and naturally we have no
choice but to see the world the
way people have been telling
us it is
"You see. we only have two
alternatives; we either take
everything for sure and real,
or we don't. If we follow the
first, we end up bored to death
with ourselves and with the
world. If we follow the second,
and erase persona! history, we
create a fog around us. a very
exciting and mysterious state
in which nobody knows where
the rabbit will pop out. not
even ourselves.
"It is best to erase all
personal history, because that
would make us free from the
encumbering thoughts of
other people...! personally like
Ihe ultimate freedom of being
unknown. No one knows me
with steadfast certainty, the
way people know you. for
instance
"it doesn't matter what you
say to a plant . You can just as
well make up words: what's
important is the feeling of
liking it. and treating it as an
equal.
"A hunter is not at all like
Ihe animals he is after, fixed
by heavy routines and pre
dictable quirks: he is free,
fluid, unpredictable.
"To assume the responsi
bility of one's decisions means
that one is ready to die for
them. ..It doesn't matter what
the decision is. Nothing could
be more or less serious than
anything else In a world
where death is the hunter,
(here are no small or big
decisions There are only
decisions that we make in Ihe
face of our inevitable death."
"The Teachings of Don
Juan." "A Separate Reality"
and now "Journey to Ixtlan."
Carlos Castaneda. a perfect
example of Western man ti e.
over-rational, over -emotional,
egotistic, self indulgent, and
encumbered bv innumerable
hang-ups). first tells of how he
went to Mexico to learn about
psychedelic plants from an old
Yaqui Indian, don Juan
Instead, he is introduced into a
sorcerer's world, negating
every principle founding the
pseudosecunsy of his formal
life. It's an awesome, mes
merizing world in a desert
oozing with power, where the
mysterious forces of the
darkness, wind. fog. lightning
and thunder are no longer
ordinary elements of nature,
whereeniitiesof the nigh! leap
out of nowhere as death
calmly waits, ready to tap
one s left shoulder, where a
mountain changes into an
enormous field of tiny dots of
light, where a bush changes
into a strange, convulsing,
dying animal, where a coyote
transforms into a luminous
effervescent being. They
aren't simple hallucinations.
Carlos at last discovers that
his original interest in psyche
delic plants is immaterial to
the real knowledge don Juan is
trying to leach him : how to be
a w arrior and how to "slop the
world" in order to "see"
rather than just look. and.
perhaps, eventually how to
become a "man of know
ledge." Like Castaneda s previous
works. "Journey to Ixtlan." is
easy, entertaining, fascinat
ing reading It not only makes
one thinks, but also question
one's own secure beliefs in
what is real and what is not.
Ion Juan continues to get a
kick out of Carlos' antics, and
Carlos continues to be amazed
at don Juan's perceptions and
control over situations For
tunately, this book is more don
Juan and a little less Carlos,
yet one still must admire
Carlos for being so frank
about his stupendous clumsi
ness and insensitivity For the
third lime he can't handle it
and runs at the crucial
moment, saying "It was not
my time Not yet."
At least that ensures a good
market for his next book, and
if you've read this far. you're
probably hooked. -BB
COW POKES
, tJBtTTTiiZ
By Ace Reid MO-
f,
I
"Wul, if somebody would help me tighten this
cinch. I believe I've got em!"
GAZETTE-TIMES
MORROW COUNTY'S NEWSPAPE
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Mayor of Hardman
DEAR MISTER EDITOR:
There's a lot of things to be said in favor of March, but
general speaking the weather ain't one of em.
In most of the country (his is when winter gits in a few last
licks and spring ain't as quick coming around as we'd like.
The fellers at the country store Saturday night was in a mood
as changeable as the weather.
There was Ed Doolittle, fer instant. Ed said he Is alius ,
stove up with a cold this time of year on account his old lady
tells him to wear to much clothes. Ed said she bundles htm up
whenever he goes outdoors, and then he works up a sweat,
takes off a sweater or two, then gits chilled and spends the
night sneezing. Ed said fer shore he wasn't Included in a
health survey he saw the results of in the papers recent.
A six-year checking of 7,000 people, Ed reported, showed
that the best perfection agin catching a cold was to be over 60
year old, to be fairly well to do, to never work on Monday and
to be married with no more than two children. Ed allowed
that the report went on to say somepun about sycosomatic
illness, which means if you think you're catching cold you
are.
Ed said he didn't understand that, but that the survey left
him out on the well off part. Ed said he alius had f iggered that
a head cold was about the only thing in this world that picks
on the just and unjust, the rich and the pore.
Gem Webster said he was in a hurry fer spring so he could
see if any postmen got up nerve to wear them knee pants they
got permission to wear last summer. Clem was of a mind that
men has been gitting sissier ever since they left the watch
pocket off their trousers and stopped striking matches on the
seat of their pants. Clem said one thing fer shore is that if
grown men start wearing short pants for everday work, he
ain't going to be able to laugh at his old lady's Easter hats
any more.
General speaking, the fellers was agreed with Clem's
words about men's fashion, It were Zeke Grubb that allowed
no self respecting men at all and very few circus clowns
would be caught in some of the outfits you see passing fer
men clothes nowadays. Zeke said with the long hair, high
heels, six-inch cuffs in the bell bottom pants, and the
wildflower shirts the men today look like the wimmen did
afore they all took to wearing blue jeans and men's work
shirts.
Speaking of wimmen. Bug Hook urn said he had heard a
rumor that the big oil companies were going to stop using
credit cards The reasoning. Bug allowed, is that they can
sell all the gas they can make fer cash at whatever price they
want, so why bother with all the extry paperwork of sending
out bills ever month.
Bug was of a mind that would slop the country dead in her
tracks SVimmen buy everything on credit, said Bug, and
they got to have them gas cards to git to where the bargins
are Wimmen saying "charge it" holds America together,
was Bug's words.
Yours truly,
MAYOR ROY.
rX ft-'
Perils to
the
Jewish
BY
l.FSTr.RKIVNOl.VIV;
One of ecclesiastical history's oddest couplings is the
current romance between the hyper-Fundamentalist
'hate your parents" Children of God cult and Libya's nitwit
Moslem dictator. Muanimer Qaddufi
Qaddafi. according to "The London Times," has been
identified by the five Palestinians who murdered :tl civilians
in the Rome Airport as having not only bankrolled them, hut
having planned as well to kill Secretary f State Henry
Kissinger.
The comparatively less lethal Children of Ciod, now spread
abroad from Texas and California, have been officially
investigated by the Charity Frauds Bureau of the New York
State Atturney General's Office. A 23-page report from
Attorney General Louis Lefkowitz' office cites: intensive
brainwashing, refusal to permit court officers and police
officials to gain access to records, involuntary imprisonment
and possible violation of domestic relations law through
common law marriages."
What is of far more serious peril to the Jewish communit v
-- whether in Israel or the L'.S is how Moslem oil and
money is affecting Congress t And how it could further affect
it -- by means of future campaign financing )
Take Senator James Aboure.k fDem., South Dakota' for
an example Though he is the only member of the senate who
is of Arab ancestry this parents are Lebanese) and though he
is listed as a member of the strongly anti-Israel Syrian
Orthodox (now called the Anliochan Orthodox! Church,
Abourezk was able to obtain Jewish support for this election
campaign for the senate in li)72. For he promised in writing
"to promote a just and lasting peace settlement in the Middle
East "
Hardly a year later, however, the newly-elected senator
from South Dakota told me - in the presence of two
witnesses:
1 "I know that Israel drove out several million Arabs that
they forcibly ejected from their homes . . . The I'nited
Nations never formally recognized the partition of
Palestine."
2. "I have never heard of any Arab government leaders
calling for the annihilation of either the Israelis or their
government . . . Last summer in Lebanon, I had extensive
discussions with some of the Al Fatah people. Fatah is very
much opposed to terrorism."
Last December, after testifying and voting against
military aid to embattled Israel. Senator Abourezk was sent
on another trip to the Middle East -- this time at the
taxpayers' expense. He was sent by order of the chairman of
Ihe Senate Interior and Insular Affairs Committee - Senator
Henry ("Scoop"! Jackson (D-Wash ). Senator Jackson is a
supposed friend of Israel.
Wrhen Senator Abourezk (who does not belong to the Senate
Foreign Relations Committee) returned to the U.S., he told
the Washington Press Club on Feb. 6:
"I am told by the Arabs that the reason that Ihey were
shelling from the Golan Heights was . . . the Syrians to
prevent the law of squatters' rights from taking effect
started lobbing shells down on those settlers."
If this "justification" of Syrian shelling of Jewish farm
families for 20 years was not fantastic enough to match the
general tenor of Arab propaganda. Senator Abourezk offered
more and better. For he also passed along the information
that many Arabs believe that behind Arab terrorism is a
secret force: Israeli Intelligence.
Then, after denouncing "tin horn dictatorships" in Greece
Brazil and Chile, the senator, when asked about Arab
dictatorships, huffily described them as "monarchies "
Considering the fact that he is a freshman senator
Abourezk has been extraordinarily well paid for his lecturing
- such as the $10,000 he took in for just one engagement (in
the heavily Arab area of Detroit ). While Abourezk had one of
the senate's worst attendance records, he made $w ooo for 13
lectures in 1973 - or $20,000 more than Senator George
McGovern made for making 19 lectures (and havinc a f ir
better senate attendance record i. '