Page 2 IIKI'I'NKR (ORE.- GAZETTE-TIMES. Thunday. Jnury J, U74
Horse sense
1
kknext v. joiner
Happy New Year!
The object of a New Year, the late G.K. Chesterton once
said, "is not that we should have a new year. It is that we
should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new
backbone, new ears and new eyes. Unless a man starts on the
strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is
quite certain that he will never exist afterward"
Forgive me if I didn't put on the lamp shade, dance
around the unlighted Christmas tree, kiss all the neighbors at
the fatal stroke of midnight and play "Auld Lang Syne" on
my trombone this New Year's Eve. It is difficult to welcome
1974 when I know it's going to be worse than 1973, which was
worse than 1972, w hich was worse . . . The last time I engaged
in New Year's Eve hilarity was back in the 1930s when the
national anthem was "Happy Days Are Here Again," or so
President Roosevelt taught us. But that was before we got the
bill for our betterment. Back then, any change had to be for
the better, which shows how times and things can change.
Our New Year's gift is that we must all work at our jobs from
Jan. 1 to June 1 just to pay our taxes, and if that doesn't make
us 5-12ths slave we should burn our dictionaries. A horrible
thought is that our children will one day look back on these as
'The good old days!" Well, Happy New Year, anyway; and
try to make it through June 1, after which you can start
working for yourself.
Habit is hard to break, and having a few horns on New
Year's Eve is one of them. Pat Buttram told a story one time
about the two fellows who had been having a few at the local
tavern on New Year's Eve. "I just hate to think of going
home." one said, "it always takes me an hour or more to go
to sleep." And the other one said. "That's funny, I always go
to sleep the minute I hit the bed." And the other one said. "So
do I, but it takes me an hour or so to hit the bed."
Over at Beaverton, the Oregon Graduate Center has
received a $21,000 grant of your tax money (not mine: mine
was spent to provide color television sets for Tanzanian
natives) to develope a sex attractant that will cause
hairy -chested male tussock moths to charge toward it and
wind up ground into chicken feed. The idea is to plant the
female's sex attractant in the woods, see how many male
months are interested, then decide how to dispose of those
who fly blindly into those woods in search of a sex orgy. The
headline in the Oregon Journal read. "Sex Might Spell Doom
For Moths." Considering what sex has done to doom us
mortals, the guys in the money-lined smocks may have
something there!
"""" Before we leave the subject of sex. how about the
American Psychiatric Association decreeing that homo
sexuality should no longer be considered a mental disorder,
but a normal condition? Gay organizations claim 20 million
members in the United States, they say, and maybe that
figured in shrinkers' unanimous vote to make the condition
"normal." If homosexuality is now a normal condition,
doesn't that make the rest of us a little queer?
There is an unbelievable shortage looming for 1974.
Politicians. All over Oregon, and in all states with recently
enacted laws calling for complete financial disclosures of
eleced officials, men and women are resigning their offices
rather than publish their private financial conditions. The
law demanding that public officials bare their private
iinancial affairs is a monstrous invasion of privacy to which
any person, in public office or out, should not be subjected.
Does a person's ability to conduct a public office depend upon
his assets and liabilities? Of what value to the public is a
glimpse into the private financial affairs of an office holder?
If a candidate were found to hold $10 million in stocks and
bonds, would it bar him from political office? Does not this
practice tend to keep able and responsible people from
seeking office? The impact of the Oregon law on financial
disclosure, as witness mass resignations over the state, is to
discourage all but the indigent (who have nothing to disclose)
from offering themselves as candidates. Imputation of the
law is that a man who has amassed some wealth through
hard work and industry is unfit for office, whereas a man who
has been unsuccessful and can produce a negative balance
sheet is a proper person to be put in charge of public affairs.
Any person, including the president, is entitled to the privacy
of his financial records in the absence of evidence of a
criminal act. It was a revolting spectacle to see President
Nixon's personal income tax report reproduced on the front
pages of the national press a few days ago. What's the next
invasion of privacy by a curious public, the bedroom?
Not long ago Norman Rickert was privileged to get a
traffic ticket foroverparking in Pendleton. A short time later
he got one for overstaying his welcome at one of our own
beloved Heppner parking posts. Like any citizen worth his
salt, he was complaining to his friend Bob Lowe, who
maintains things around Pioneer Hospital. Bob. being a little
inclined toward Longfellow, wrote Norm a poem to console
him. While I have a firm policy against publishing anybody's
poetry. I am reclassifying this one "editorial" to avoid
breaking the rule:
DEAR NORM:
Some people park throughout the day
ami never pay one cent;
A few folks get all the tickets:
Where have the minutes went?
We live in a town named Heppner.
The town that is our own ;
But a 2 buck rap in Pendleton
Really makes one beef and moan.
If I were you. I'd walk to town:
Or perhaps. I'd ride a bike.
Some days there's not a chance to win.
No matter what you'd like.
So leave your Saab on the driveway
And ride your bike to (own.
Let the policeman keep their tickets.
it may keep your pressure down.
Our city needs more money
To bring it up to par:
It will come from our own pockets
When we over park our car
So pay your parking tickets.
It is a petty fine.
The more they get from you. Norm.
Is less thev'll take of mine.
197). lkl.itt
d ttiknw Sydot
, HK-WMWHCE MiMEl-
Vfk 7i
"Happy New Year, everybody!"
The mail pouch
EDITOR:
The Horse Sense column of December 20, 1973 had an
interesting item about the custom of being the first of a
household to shout "Christmas Gift." The item further stated
that you did not know "how the custom started, or where it
went." It is my guess, Mr. Editor, that you do know, but are
baiting your readers to see how many nave roots in the Old
South.
According to my great-grandfather, who e- ilantation
owner prior to the Civil War, the custom .ed by the
Negro slaves. Ordinarily, the slaves. ;, ,mg at the
master's house, went to the back door, .. on Christmas
morning they were permitted to knock on the front door.
When the master answered the door, the first to shout
"Christmas Gift" received a gift from the other. It was the
custom for the plantation owner to be a little slower in
responding, much to the slave's delight. The master then
proceeded to give a gift to the slave.
Later generations of Southerners took the practice to other
states as they migrated from the Old South, but a gift was not
always expected, merely the distinction of being the first
member of a family to shout the words to another was
sufficient.
mrs. sam g. McMillan,
Milwaukie, Ore.
EDITOR:
I enjoyed your Horse Sense of Dec. 20. just like I've enjoyed
all your columns since a mutual friend, Joseph Wolfskillof El
Monte, Ca., gave me a subscription to the Gazette-Times as a
Christmas present. Although I've never been in Heppner, it's
like reading a newspaper from home.
An item in your Christmas column caught my eye. The
custom of "Christmas Eve Gift" and "Christmas Gift" is
undoubtedly Southern in origin. Prior to the War Between the
States slave owners used to encourage their slaves in this
custom. . . .
DELSCHRADER,
Arcadia, Ca.
(ED. NOTE--I appreciate the information. When your new
book, "Jesse James Was One of His Names," is published be
sure and save a copy for me.)
EDITOR:
Back in the good old days you could order a hamburger and
pay for a hamburger. If you wanted french fries or salad you
ordered them and paid for them.
Someplace along the line, it became impossible to do this.
Now you must pay for french fries whether you do or don't
want them.
All of Heppner's eating places practice this form of two-bit
robbery. With the cost of living getting higher all the time,
I'm sure there must be other people who resent this practice.
LOIS M. ALL YN,
Lexington.
(ED. NOTE-I'm with you! A good hamburger doesn't need
added garnishment. It makes me wonder if restaurant
owners have checked the cost of the potatos they dispense so
liberally. What used to be a very cheap food is skyrocketing
in price. How about cutting out the fries and adding another
ounce to the weight of the hamburger meat, fellows? Such a
Heppnerburger could become nationally famous!)
Hillsboro is taking out its parking meters. The way it is
going. Heppner w ill be the last town in Oregon to admit they
don't regulate traffic or produce significant revenue
t
EDITOR:
This is a message to those people who do not file Oregon
income tax returns and who might automatical discard the
tax packet when it comes in the mail. Keep it ! It contains the
application for your property tax refund.
You are eligible for this refund, whether you are an owner
or a renter, if your household income is less than $15,000 a
year and you are an Oregon resident.
But you must apply to get the refund. Just follow the simple
instructions which are printed in large, easy-to-read print.
For households with a head over 65 and income under
$5,000 (including Social Security or pensions) the form
provides an optional short form in the right-hand column.
This requires no calculations for a homeowner; all you need
to know is you property tax. For a renter, the only calculation
is to multiply all the rent you paid in 1973 by 17 per cent.
The maximum refund under the optional form is $200 or
actual property taxes, whichever is lower, for homeowners.
For renters, the maximum is $100 or 17 per cent, whichever is
lower. Anyone with property taxes over $200 or rent over $50
a month can get a larger refund by filling out the regular
form in the left-hand column.
Extra application forms will be available at post offices,
courthouses. Oregon Department of Revenue district offices
and most banks after Jan. 1.
If you have any questions after you read the instructions,
send a card to the Department of Revenue, Box 1000, Salem,
Oregon. 97310. Include your telephone number and someone
will call you.
The 1973 Legislature passed the property tax refund law to
help most Oregonians They gave you the opportunity, so use
it.
(MRS.) BETTY NIVEN. Chairman.
Oregon State Housing Council,
Salem,
2 deer-and a
chair reaction
Charles Ray Ackerman, 19,
Flying A Ranch, was arrested
by the Oregon State Police,
Dec. 21, for illegal possession
of game animals, after a
chase lasting nearly five
miles.
The State Police had found
evidence of two freshly killed
deer, and managed to trace it
to the Ackerman home. As
police approached, Akerman
fled in his vehicle with the law
in pursuit.
Ackerman finally crashed
through a gate, damaged his
vehicle and was unable to
continue his flight.
He was arrested for eluding
the police and illegal posses
sion of two deer, both found in
his vehicle.
Ackerman was lodged in the
county jail. Canyon City,
pending his appearance in
Justice Court, Dec. 24.
Ackerman pleaded guilty to
the charges and was sen
tenced to 30 days in the county
jail, fined $305 for attempting
to elude the police and was
fined $205 and given another 30
days in jail for illegal posses
sion of game animals. His rifle
was confiscated by the court.
Prior to his court appear
ence it was found that
Ackerman has a warrant
pending against him for re
ceiving and concealing stolen
goods, and is also wanted by
the United States Army for
being absent without leave.
Office to assist
in farm fuel
To better serve farmers and
food processors in allocation
of scarce fuel, Jack B.
Robertson, Director of Region
10, Federal Energy Office, has
established an "agriculture
desk" in the Seattle head
quarters. Chief of the agriculture desk
is Richard Sainsbury, for the
past 17 years a manager and
supervisor with the Agricul
tural Stabilization and Con
servation Service of the U.S.
Department of Agriculture.
Sainsburv will devote his
COW POKES
full time now to resolution of
agricultural and food pro
cessing needs for fuel.
National Energy Director
William E. Simon has slated
that since farmers are being
asked to greatly increase their
production, they must receive
the fuel needed "to do the job
we've asked them to do."
Sainsbury telephone num
ber in Seattle is area code 206,
442-7270. Address of the Feder
al Energy Office is Room 1151,
Federal Office Building, 909
1st Avenue, Seattle, Wn. 98104.
By Ace Reid
Jib.
t
DRY CULCH
ANNUAL
RODEO .
70
' I
i-zo-n
"Wul Jake, you ain't much of a bull rider, but
you shore know how to hold a crowd's attention!"
GAZETTE-TIMES
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: Tmes was established Nov. II, 1197. The two were consolidated
Feb 15, MU
Member: National Newspaper Assn , Oregon Newspaper Publishers
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Ernest V Joiner Publisher
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Garettc T.mes is a' tautt
Mayor of Hardman
DEAR MISTER EDITOR:
Clem Webster (old the Mien l the country Btore Saturday
niuhMhnt besides the fact he ain't got many years left ha
was .rry to lose 1973 ferever. In spite o all he
TrS ilat m uc have saw during the year Clem said, he Ml
Se Kg 1973 fer 1974 is jumping out of the fry.ng pan into
"'Lmking back on the year looks a heap belter than looking
alS . d -"d Clem. He said he recalled I back In 1972
5m ks was looking to the next year when the boys was
con i g home from Vi.nam. And there was other high spots,
Z Kheth Tavlor didn't git married onct and she even
wen. back to her old man in time fer Chhs.mas. The
Z publicans changed Cape Kennedy hack to Cape
Ca veral. hut the Democrats got thru the whole year
without dedicating Grand Coulee Dam agin which says
I , epun in favor of the two party system. Clem allowed.
Serai speaking, wen. on Clem, if you don t consider he
Republicans, lt)7:i was a pritty good year. But we caught a
tiger by the tail at the Watergate, and we ve been hanging on
fer dear life ever since.
Ever time we think we can turn the tiger loose. Nixon or
somebodv in his outfit comes up with another "disclosure
that makes us tighten our grip, Clem said. Nixon has spent so
much time digging holes to fill up holes, declared Clem, til
nohodv knows who or if anybody is running the country
Natural Ed Doolittle was disagreed with Clem Mister
Editor hut afore Ed could git the floor. Zeke Grubb jumped
up to sav the Federal Guvernment reminds his of a mea nmg
n onct'heard ol a tanatic. He said a fanatic is a feller that
l.,ses sight of his objective and redoubles his effort.
Zeke said Richard Nixon is like the shortstop that kept
making errors til the manager went out to show him how to
plnv The manager missed the first ball hit to him and
allowed that the shortshop had the position so messed up
nohodv could play it. ....
Fd final butted in to sav that the Republicans at least is
cleaning up their own house, which is more than he could say
fer the Democrats. Ed said he was looking to 1974 when the
President can git down to dealing with the country's real
problems.
Ed recalled the story about the mama that had two sons.
One went to sea, the other become vice president, and neither
one was ever heard from agin. Ed said Mrs. Ford is going to
hear a heap from her boy Gerald, that is being called
".superveep."
General speaking. Mister Editor, Ed was pushing hope fer
1974, and all the fellers joined with him. Clem said he had
heard that faith was believing what you know ain't so, but he
was heading into 1974 on faith.
Clem said he ain't lost hope. There's alius hope fer folks
that find out about their troubles by watching $700 color
televisions, was his words.
Yours truly,
MAYOKROY.
..
11
The
disciples
BY
LESTER KIXSOLVING
"If the Church could successfully begin to deal with its
own brokeimess, it could more credibly witness to broken
humanity."
So observed the Rev. Kenneth Teegarden of Fort Worth,
just after he became president and general minister of the 1.4
million-member Christian Church i Disciples of Christ) at the
denomination's national convention in Cincinnati last
October. 1
His statement came as the 5,000 delegates were busily
engaged in the familiar church convention activity of giving
the nation lots of advice, by way of resolutions.
There were resolutions on what the U.S. should do in
regard to strip mining, amnesty, the poverty program, farm
workers, trade with Cuba, The Chilean Coup, Watergate, the
Middle East, capital punishment and the White House.
But the impact of all these generally worthwhile and
rightfully expressed concerns seem inevitably blunted by the
apparent inability under the denomination's present law to
require any real standard of conduct or belief from its clergy,
once they have been ordained.
"We have no court systems or hierarchical systems,"
explained Dr. Teegarden when asked alout the Rev. James
Jones of Ukiah, Ca. Jones, "The Ukiah Messiah," has some
10,000 of his parishioners convinced that he is raising the
dead, because they believe his claim that he is Christ
Reincarnate.
In New Jersey, researchers going through the papers and
personal effects of another notable Disciples minister,
discovered that the late Rev. Arthur Ford was a notorious
cheat.
For as a famed medium he staged seances -- even on TV -which
fooled such sophisticated (although deeply mourning
and therefore unbalanced) people as the late Bishop James
A. Pike.
Yet the Rev. Mr. Ford, who secretly and extensively
researched his clients (revealing "amazing" knowledge of
incidentals in order to convince people that- contact had
indeed been made with their departed loved ones) was
neither investigated nor was he ever unfrocked or deposed by
the Disciples.
While Ford was not listed, for several decades, in any
Disciples' local conference, he was nevertheless able to
retain the credentials of ordination in a generally respected
denomination; which was useful in his occupation.
In a lighter and more amusing vein, which may herald
something of a new occupation, the following ad has
appeared regularly in Canadian newspapers in the Toronto
area:
"Marriage services by the Rev. B E. Leslie, ordained and
registered in Ontario. For appointment or free brochure,
please phone 671-4322."
Result: 300 weddings in little more than a year - with
people coming hundreds of miles for the services of the Rev.
Mr. Leslie, at $15 to $."0. (In Southern California, this trend
was noticed by Mormon Bishop Earl Bunker of Alhambra,
who anounced that he will, solemnize any and all weddings -
at no fee whatsoever.)
The Rev. Mr. Leslie requires no marriage counseling and
operates with no questions asked -- questions on religion, that
is.
"What they believe is their privilege," explained Leslie -who
had three pastorates in four years prior to his present
occupation. "I'm a Christian (Disciples) minister and what I
believe.is my privilege."
Indeed it is. For among the apparently undisciplined
Disciples this "Marryin' Sam" might without fear of any
means of denominational censure or restraint, retranslate
the Scripture lo read: "Go ye into all the world and - earn
your fee. with no questions asked."