t HFPPNFR (ORE.) GAZETTE -TIMES. Thrdv. Sr-pt. 13. I7J
Mayor of Hardman
Horse sense
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By
ERNEST V. JOINER
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If you want to know what the world will be like in 2035,
after high-riding ecologists of today have gotten through with
it, read a new book. The Bridge, By D. Keith Mano.
Fortunately, this is a novel, but one which is well on its
Orwellian way to fulfillment. In 2035. all killing has been
outlawed. Fish, animals, plants and insects cannot be killed,
even for food. Ecologists have devised a liauid diet that
replaces food; presto, no human waste to dispose of. Men of
2035 wear tight-fitting suits to protect themselves from
mosquito bites, for it is as illegal to murder a mosquito as it is
to murder a man. The story ends happily for ecologists. who
have decreed that mankind is unfit to live, and is ordered to
commit suicide.
Don't laugh it off. The ecology nuts are already at work
bucking for 2035. Already we can't build refineries because
they give off particles into the air which the ens (ecology
nuts) have decreed is unacceptable. So we have a gas
shortage. We have an oil shortage because our beloved ens
have decreed tliat the Alaskan pipeline would cause
emotional trauma among the moose. We can no longer buy
"pest strips," so we sit all day swatting flies. A man in a pair
of alligator shoes or a woman in a fur coat is in danger of
being publicly assaulted. The ens don't believe in DDT, so our
forests are being devoured by tussock moths. Most
manufacturers of consumer goods are finding it increasingly
difficult to meet "environmental guidelines" drafted and
decreed by the ens. The guy who shouts "Stop, thief!" or
"Help!" is a candidate for the Iron Maiden if he should
exceed noise pollution decibel guidelines.
Read the book. It's scary stuff. Reads just like an order
from the EPA. Then the next time you meet an ecology nut,
do yourself a favor. Strangle the sunnuvabitch.
OTUnnv nrf (nrartr to a nrotwt msrctt gams' Itie ie o
DOT. soap. ecrrciTy, water ano mow i
School has begun and the children are snug in their classes.
Be especially careful in driving near the school buildings.
You might hit an unemployed teacher.
The opinion poll on parking meters will continue for one
more week, then, the results will be published and the ballots
turned over to the City council. The city collected $216 in coin
from the parking meters during August, which averages out
to $8.30 per 10-hour day, based on 26 days per month of
operation. The city also collected $118 in fines, which includes
fines other than for parking meter violations. The latter
amounts to $4 a day for the August period. If revenue is the
"name of the game" at city hall, this can hardly be called a
money-making proposition. The entire income for August
about equals the pay of a man to police the meters and
irritate the motorist. So far in the opinion poll, persons
wanting the meters removed are leading about 5 to 1.
Proponents of the meters should get organized!
The first organization in Morrow County to officially
endorse removal of parking meters on Heppner streets is the
Morrow County chapter of the National Farmers
Organization. Meeting at Beecher's in lone Tuesday
morning, the group voted unanimously to support removal of
the meters. Members attending the breakfast meeting
cheerfully paid $2.75 each for their breakfast-but they
weren't taxed for a place to park outside!
Ed Gonty, known in underground circles as the Terror of
Willow Creek, has a great deal of admiration for the
Department of Agriculture and its very flexible secretary,
Earl Butz. When the price of beef went up. Gonty recaUed,
Butz said we can always eat pork. When the price of pork
went up Butz said we could eat eggs. When the price of eggs
went up he opined that we can always eat bread. And when
the price of bread went up he said, "We can always eat our
words." If you want any other pearls of wisdom, the Terror
has coffee and holds court at the Wagon Wheel each weekday
around 4 p.m.
I have an August, 1907 issue of The Exponent magazine
which carries an editorial item titled "A Hypothetical
Question." Because it is so prophetic, Gazette-Times readers
may be interested in the magazines view of labor unions in
that era :
"When all the laborers, toilers and workers in the United
States are unionized-as, according to labor union and
socialistic tbeorizers, they ought to and ultimately will
be-when, for instance, Reporters' Union No. 13 (of St.
Louis), has a complaint against Editors' Union No. 23, or
Margarine-Butter Makers' Union No. 19, has a deep-seated
grievance against Dog-Catchers' Union No. 44, in which
Sausage-Makers' Union No. 101 is interested (as one would
naturally suppose) as would, likewise be Hot-Tamale
Vendors' Union No. 55 and Meat and Pastry Cooks' Union No.
9, to say nothing of Soap-Makers' Union No. 1. or
Accountants' and Bookkeepers' Union No. 45, each and all
possessing cognate and correlated interests in and between,
(directly in some instances and indirectly in others), the
points at issue the Question to be decided by the "Grand Hih
Chief or 'Lord President,' or by whatever designation the
successor of Samuel Gompers will be hailed in that day, will
be whether in the strike of said Reporters' Union 23, or in that
of the Oleo-Makers' Union against the Dog-Catchers' Union
should a sympathetic strike involve Policemen's Union No.
41.144. Bankers' and Capitalists' Union No. 999 and
Potato-Peddlers' Union No. 16?"
Today, 66 years later, we have the answer to the then
hypothetical question: Yes!
DEAR MISTER EDITOR:
Folks in this country has the idee that if a swaller of
mineral oil is good fer what ails em. quart would be
wonderful.
The fellers come to this finding Saturday night at the
country store after discussing some of our cures that are
worst than some of our diseases.
Bug Hookum had saw by the papers where the federal
Guvernment has spent $175 million telling us about drugs
since 1969. and now a Guvernment -backed study at the
University of California says drug education programs is
doing more to permote use of illegal drugs than to prevent it.
Bug said when it comes to solving our problems we get
fanatic, and he said a fanatic is a feller that loses sight of his
goal and redoubles his effort.
Fer onct. Mister Editor, the fellers was full agreed that
Bug was on the right track. Clem Webster said that in jest
about everything we do, from fighting poverty to putting
football games on the television, we git so carried away doing
it we fergit to quit. And nowhere do we do more damage than
when we start passing laws fer the general good.
We got so excited about thawing the cold war with Russia
we sold em so much gram we're going to run short of flour
after we've run out of feed fer our livestock that we're selling
to Japan so they won't be mad at us fer asking em to cut back
on importing textiles that is hurtina our industry and is made
of cotton we sold em below cost to keep the support price up
fer our farmers that now is having to pay $10 a bushel for
seed soybeans cause we shipped em all to West Germany.
ClemYun out of breath with that, and Zeke Grugg got the
floor to allow as how the all-volunteer Army was another
case of throwng the baby out with the bath water.
Which is what they done when the fanatics in the EPA
allowed DDT was bad fer the country, and turned Oregon's
forests over to the tussock moth, which made Clem wonder
whose side EPA is on. people's or bugs'.
Zeke had saw this report where recruiters in the Army was
doing everything to fill their quotas of volunteers, including
filling out false test forms and physical exam papers for em.
What happens, Zeke went on. is that it's costing the Army $80
million to git them out that had no business in.
General speaking, said Zeke. the more laws you got the
more problem you got fitting the salve to the sore. Fer
instant, he had saw Congress has amended a law to where the
Guvernment can't charge fer using a national park campsite
that don't have plumbing, and found out later the change will
bankrup the Park Service cause almost none of their places
qualify fer fees.
The way things is running. Zeke went on, in another 10
year there won't be such a thing as take home pay, it'll all be
took out in benefits. If Social Security is good. Workmen's
Compensation, hospital and life insurance and profit sharing
is wonderful, was Zeke's words.
Practical speaking. Mister Editor, after all the benefits
and income taxes come out, a feller probably would be better
off taking a extra week of vacation without pay instead of a
raise.
Yours truly,
MAYOR ROY.
Your last chance!
An opinion poll on
parking meters
The Chief of Police says he will be glad to forget about
parking meters on Heppner streets if only the city council
orders him to do so. The mayor and some council members
have indicated they will be guided by the wishes of the public
in any debate over removal of the meters.
Well, what does the public think? Do motorists find
Heppner parking meters helpful and convenient, or do
motorists find them nuisances and exasperating?
Would you spend a stamp to register your support of or
opposition to parking meters?
There is a coupon below. Let's have a poll on the subject.
Fill out the coupon and return it to the Gazette-Times. We
will publish the results in a future issue, but not the names of
those participating in the opinion poll.
Let's vote!
1
I
I
1 love Heppner's parking meters and want
I
I 1 love Heppner's parking meters but want j
I them removed. J
l
them to remain.
1 hate Heppner's parking meters and want j
thm rpmnved. J
I
I koto Uonnnnr't narkine meters but want I
1 ... " f
thorn rn rpmain I
I
-I don't care whether the meters stay or go. J
I
I
1 L
Check one.
(Sign your name)
Return to Gazette-Times, Heppner, Ore.
PosrTixLi
NO
ViSfTCRS
,
if
"He's m suck o s tote of shock oer the women maki' such a
fuss over the price of meat. I don't wont bint
bothered until he gets mj bill!"
Well. . .back to work!"
The mail pouch
EDITOR:
I want to thank you for publishing the two articles by
Josephine Mahoney Baker only a matter of days before she
died. It was to important to her to be published.
I'm sure everybody found her story about Judge
Kilkenny's office as interesting as I did, and there must be
some old-timers left who enjoyed my travelog of last year
(actually, I think it lost a bit in translation).
I've known for almost 40 years that everything I wrote
Josephine was in grave danger of being published in the
Gazette-Times or the East Oregonian. . .
Bless her, she was a truly remarkable woman and a
wonderful friend to have.
ELLIS THOMPSON,
New York City.
L L
Comeback
of the
' oioolina auru
0
By
LESTER KINSOLVING
After the Maharishi ("Great Seer") Mahesh Yogi was
deserted by his cluster of stars - the Beatles, the Beachboys,
Jane Fonda and Mia Farrow - it looked as if he had faded as
rapidly as most of the other holy wonders of religion's "silly
'60s."
But American susceptibility to one of India's leading
exports (bogus holy men) appears to be inexhaustible.
Particularly is this the case when our gross national
gullibility is utilized by such an army of pitchmen as those
who head the 15 regional headquarters of the "Students'
International Meditation Society" - and lately, the
"Maharishi International University."
MIU, one of numerous and unaccredited institutions in the
religious wilds of Southern California, has a president (who
was also one of the institution's incorporators) named Robert
Keith Wallace.
A former research assistant at Harvard, Wallace has
rendered conspicuous service to the Maharishi 's transcen
dental meditation movement (TM). He has deluged various
scientific journals with detailed and impressive-looking
reports that TM can definitely affect such things as one's
blood pressure and rate of sweat.
The lucrative promotion of "packaged meditation" might
have gone on indefinitely and unimpeded except for one of
the nation's most impressive mixtures of brains and beauty:
San Francisco's City and County Supervisor Dianne
F Agents for Maharishi U. had inundated the supervisors
with testimonial letters in a bid to obtain an "educational"
TV license. So the brilliant and beauteous Mrs. Feinstein,
quoting from a New Delhi dateline, pointed out that in
December of 1968 the Great Seer announced to a press
conference in India that TM can alleviate both famine and
draught.
Six months later, noted Mrs. Feinstein, the Maharishi
announced to another press conference that immortality
itself can be obtained through TM. But when skeptical Indian
reporters asked him if he himself had yet attained said
immortality, the great giggling guru simply smiled.
After Mrs. Feinstein noted the Maharishi 's purchase of a
$33,000 Rolls Royce - as well as his statement "I get money
from where it is in plenty, The United States!" - the San
Francisco supervisors decisively voted down the TV bid.
So, for that matter, can a good nap. But no one is reportedly
selling secret instructions in napping for $75 tuition as are the
vigorous hustlers of the Students International Meditation
Society - to a reported hundreds of thousands of people.
President Wallace's scientific reports (reproduced by the
thousands under the masthead of the publishing periodical)
are dazzling large segments of the public - many of whom
worship science.
Many people are also in such awe of Harvard that they
forget that this great university also spawned the
"Better-Living-Through-Chemistry" movement of Dr.
Timothy Leary.
The results of this ingenious scientific press agentry are
awesome. Science Digest magazine has suggested that TM
may be the answer to the high school drug problem. Maj.
Gen. Franklin M. Davis, a TM convert, is promoting TM
centers adjacent to U.S. Army bases throughout the nation.
The Illinois State House of Representatives has passed a
resolution in which they actually describe the Maharishi as
"His Holiness" (the same title as Pope Paul) and
recommend TM to the state's educational system.
A similar proposal has been made in the California
legislature by Berkeley's Assemblyman Kenneth Meade, yet
another TM convert who has in turn converted a number of
his fellow legislators and even the Assembly's Catholic
Chaplain.
A misplaced comma once cost the United State govern
ment $2,000,000!
EDITOR:
In reading the "Mail Pouch" in the Sept. 6, Gazette-Times,
the first letter was from Carol K. Porter, Durham, N.H. I
thought at first it was a little rough, the next two I thought
were pretty sickening, and then I went on to read my letter.
By the time I got it read, the first letter in the column made a
lot more sense and there were parts that I agreed w ith her on
and some I disagreed. The one that I agreed with were there
are a lot of nice people around Heppner that I know but
comparing the Gazette-Times with the Ku-Klux-Klan and the
White Citizens Council of the South, 1 felt it was very unfair to
these two organizations for what is actually wrong with the
Gazette-Times is, it's sick with Chamber of Commerceism
and of all the "Isms" it's the rottenest.
Now I would like to go back to my letter. I would like to
know what right you think you have to over-haul my letter to
the point where I hardly recognized it myself. Part of it you
left out and part of it was your opinion, and that certainly
don't make a free Press and you refused to print Mrs.
Virginia Eddy's letter. Your watered down reason was you
had not the room, but you did have room for a couple sick
ones. I have sent three letters to the G.T. in two years. One
was printed, one got the waste basket and one got completely
over-hauled and then printed. I don't feel I have been abusing
the "Mail Pouch". I always felt it would be an honor to have
that privilege but as far as the G.T. is concerned, that's in
the past.
I'm not going to cancel out my subscription, because I feel
that the Gazette-Times needs a couple good eyes watching it
from this part of the world. But in closing, Mr. Editor, this
case between Carol Tufts Keys of Fossil, Oregon versus Mrs.
Virginia Eddy, Portland, Oregon, I have not closed the books
on and that may be for some time yet.
OTTO H. JORGENSEN JR.
P.O. Box 443,
Scappoose, Oregon 97056.
ED. NOTE-Mr. Jorgensen's letter is printed exactly as it
was written, which will explain why we reserve the right to
correct spelling, punctuation and sentence structure in all
letters addressed to the Mail Pouch. The right to do this
derives from the fact that we own the newspaper.
W It-
-V I af I I 1 v
Float at the Boardman Harvest Festival Parade
points out that potatoes are "No. 1."
Couple returns to the
'scene of the crime
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Penland
of Springfield, Ore. former
publishers of the Heppner
Gazette-Times, were in town
over the weekend as visitors of
Dr. and Mrs. Edward Schaf
fitz. The Penlands published the
Gazette-Times from 1951 to
1960, leaving here to become
publishers of the Livermore,
Ca., newspaper, now a daily.
Penland is in the advertising
department at the Springfield
newspaper after having sold
the Livermore operation.
The couple was active in
community affairs in Hepp
ner, and he served for several
years as a member of the fire
department.
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