,
Baby Large Income Tax Payer
Lights of New York
By
WALTER
TRUMBULL
Current
Wit -U ' .
Humolrt j
This may be old, but It was told to
me at an unpublished story. There
Is man lu New York who liked to
have people around blm, so ho used
to Xeep open house on Sunday after
noons. It got so that n good many
peryont came regularly to eat, drink,
KANSAS GIRL CHAMP
Al
V$ y -,
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Miss Florence Melchert, twenty
r ear-old freshman In Kansas Agricul
tural college, has been declared the
MUtanding 411 club girl in the United
Hates. She went from her home In
H-anklln county, Kansas, to the Inter
tatJonal Live Stock show at Chicago
lo receive the trophy given by Sena
tor George H. Moses of New Hamp
shire. I WHAT WE MOST!
Br THOMAS ARKLE CLARK
TV.. - Kf I t f
i IHinoii.
xk--X":-.':'-x-:-:xx-..h-x:"
David, all thlnga considered, was a
pretty human and a pretty successful
man. It is not an
easy Job being king,
I Imagine, but Da
vid stands out with
all of his. human
weaknesses as the
Ideal ruler and the
Ideal man. Ter
, . .
fujT' J son why. He says
JTxSri 1 in one nt hl
psalms: ne thing
have T desired ...
that will I seek
after." He had a
high purpose and a
determination to accomplish It. Most
of us want too many things and so
often miss getting or doing much of
anything worth while.
Story, whom I have known for some
years, has a good mind, I think, and
husky, healthy body. He has. In addi
tion, a college degree which should
have given him some balance and
tome training. He has drifted from
one thing to another, however, for the
last ten years and always with en
thusiasm. When he joined church I
1.
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mi
The Truant
A BOY MAY MENTALLY
STAY OUT Of SCHOOL
AHD VET RtCEIVE
100 f fOR RZOUltkRj
ATTENDANCE.
f
SUCH ISLIFE--BZZZZ
ifcrv: " a jtv r- www iworwf t.
nasS'iffi' yA'-yy or mil
smoke and lalk. The man, while not
rit.'h, was pretty well off and, at vari
ous times, helped some of his visitors
financially over tough spots In the
mad. He felt that they were his
friends. .Many of them didn't need any
help. Sunday afternoons were gay
affairs.
Then came the crash nnd the man
was wiped out. The next Sunday ho
made a little speoeh. He said he was
embarrassed, but the truth was that
he had been caught out on a limb tn
the falling stock market and was flat
broke. He hoped to get back on his
feet, but he was broke now.
"But I still have' this apartment,''
he said, "and I hate to see these
pleasant Sunday afternoons discontin
ued. We still could meet here, but
nnd It Isn't easy to say I haven't
money enough Just now even to pro
vide things to eat, drink and smoke.
I thought, if you each would put In
two or three dollars, we could buy
some stuff and still continue these
pleasant times."
The guests assented with enthusi
asm: but the next Sunday none of
them arrived. They haven't been
back since.
A writer got what he thought was
a fine chance to show a new play
with an amateur dramatic club, In a
town near New York. . lie Induced
several well-known producers to at
tend the try out. One big scene
showed a mother discovering a man,
who had been her lover, making vio
lent love to her daughter. The moth
er was supposed to enter In sports
clothes, but the woman who played
the part had heard that there would
thought he would be a power for good
among our young people, but be has
scarcely seen Inside of the church
since. He Is too busy. He was going
to be a teacher when he entered col
lege economics or accountancy or
something like that Then It was
business, law, the consular service, a
half dozen other things, and up to
date It has really been nothing per
manent, for he no sooner is possessed
of one desire than he Is seized with
another. He has the desires, but he
does not seek after them very long
and so realizes nothing.
I have watched my young nephews
Just getting ready for high school with
a great deal of Interest They are
strong, healthy, active young savages
full of desires of all sorts. Eatuig
and play and adventure and new ex
periences all take their attention and
fill np their time. Rut since they
were ten they have been hero wor
shipers. They have had one Idol and
one great desire. Their Idol Is an
athlete, and their one great desire Is
one day to gain athletic glory, to be
In the game, to carry the ball, to clear
the bar, to make the long plunge In
the water, and then to see their pic
tures in the metropolitan paper the
following, morning and to read all
about It They train constantly, they
practice winter and summer in doors
and out. They run and Jump and
hurdle wherever and whenever they
may be. They have scales In their
sleeping room to weigh themselves at
regular Intervals to see how their
physical development Is coming on.
They go to bed early In order that
be notables In tlio audience and, at
the last moment, decided that she
would be more effective n n negligee.
When the time for her entrance ar
rived, she was making the change,
The pair on the stage sprain apart
at the proper cue; but no mother ap
peared. Thcv made love some more;
still no mother. The situation grew
strained. Finally, the girl impro
vised. 1
"I thought I beard mother," she
said. "I'd better go see where she
is," and she walked off stage.
The man, left alone, opened books,
lit cigarettes and stalled for some
moments, but there was no slgu of
mother or daughter, so he said:
"I must see what has become of
them," aud he walked off, leaving the
stage empty.
By this time the visiting producers
were tn hysterics nnd tho curtain fell
on another play gone wrong.
A man never really Is fat until he
commences to catch his safety rasor
In the folds of his double chin.
There Is a handsome doorman In
front of a Fifth avenue apartment
who looks like a German drill ser
geant He spends all day marching
np and down, calling taxis and open
ing automobile doors. The other
night an Inhabitant of the apartment
house discovered what the doorman
did with his evenings. He saw him
standing stiffly In front of an armory:
probably waiting for some one to
come out and put a uniform on him,
so he would feel free to call a taxi.
& 1I0. Ball SyndtcaU.)
To Restore Queen's Toy Village
Paris. riant 'made to be sent to
Austria by Marie Antoinette to prove
that she was falsely accused of ex
travagance In building her hamlet of
doll houses at Versailles hare been
found and are to be used In restoring
the hamlet to Its original condition.
A favorite resort of tourists ard
students of history b been this ra
glle, Imltatliyi vll'sgt of peaOiif
houses In which the qneen, bored by
the formality of counts, used to plsy
at life on the farm. But In recent
years Its houses, built only to serwi as
playthings, have bsen falling too
ruin. And had It not been for t
Itockefeller repair fund the vu'n
would probably have become si
plete. Most of the Interiors are bleak ex
panses of bared lath, corners b ack
with cobwebs and floors rotting. Te
thatched roof of Marie Antoinettes
own little cottage In the village tn
fallen In, and the hole Is now fOTixl
with tarpaulin. Six months ago H1
poplar fell on the little Imitation mil,
crushing an antfe of the roof nfl
causing a whole wall to lean.
they may get a proper amount '1
sleep. They drink no coffee: they n
no tobnrco; they eschew whatever 1
said to be -Wrl mental to the grow"n
athlete. They read books on bow t
play the various games in which tie"
are Interested and like Iail tr
can say "Cne thing have I desired,
that will I seek after."
One of these days you are going tn
read In the newspapers that I!'b Is
captain of his college football team
nnd that John has broken the recmd
In the pole vault, for what we nnt
desire and constantly geek aftr vm
are likely to win.
(5). 1330 Vitern Nwpnr Unl-.n )
Repaint Kilting Catet
naylelgh, Knginnd. Three of the
six kissing gates In Loveland are to be
repainted. ,
Disasters
Paris. Mine. Ij'.'lmas l'raja, fatuous
soothsayer and confidante of sev
eral great political figures, predicts
'hat 19M will see the end of Fu.sdsm
fit Italy and a violent revolution In
(iermuny, accompanied by economic
vid material catastrophes in every
part of the globe.
"I see," fche says, "the violent death
if Italy's greatest statesman followed
fy a complete transformation of the
political regime. Oerinany will be
tDrmented by revolutions cuuslng eco
nomic and financial ruin.
tfP5 UOMSEMSE
W L, vqU SEE
mo, But.
HEAPP HIS
PROPELLER.
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Eululla Tasso Conrnlei, an Argentine Inrant, who possesses a fort tins which
brings her $1,2D0,(HH per annum. It was revealed by a recent government
report that she la the biggest Income tax payer In the Itepuhllc.
The entire hamlet Just now looks as
foul a wreck as anything in the war
xone In 1918.
Money available for Its restoration
raised a new problem. How did the
hamlet look when It was fust built In
the Klghteenth century? Nowhere In
any of the archives could p'ans show
ing the color nnd texture of the orig
inal walls be found. It wrs known,
moreover, that the restoratwn made
some 40 years ago was mere guess
work and probably Inaccurate.
In the library of the Puke of Fer
rari In Momtune, Italy, lay a price
less "album" of original drawings of
the hamlet made by MJeket, the archi
tect who built it They were colored
drawings. The queen bad had the
little book made to send back to her
home In Austria to prove to her fam
ily that the hamlet was after all a
simple little affair and not the king
dom hankruptlng folly which rumor
had made It
The book never got to Vienna. Marie
Antoinette had to answer to the
French revolution on the rharge of
reckless extravagance, and the click
of the guillotine ended the argument
about It.
Patrice Bonnet, rhlef architect of
the Chateau of Versailles, has been to
Italy to copy Mlckel's colored draw
ings. It Is from these that the ham
let Is to be reconstructed.
One of the discoveries made In the
album Is that the hamlet when new
was a faked antique. It was built
nut to look like a new hamlet, but
like one weathered and softened by
time.
Built In the reign of Louis XVI, It
looked as antlipio ns If It had been
there since the time of his great great
grandfather. The renewed hamlet will be exact
ly ns Marie Antoinette saw It first,
with a toy wooden mill wheel In the
toy mill stream, and with soma of
the accretions of later years removed.
Only It will be stronger, for hidden
In the toy houses will be frames of
for '31 Are
"Argentina and Brazil have not yet
completed their political revolutions
and there will b several violent
changes, without great bloodshed,
during 1031. Spain also will be tossed
upon the stormy sea of political con
vulsions.'' Madame Fraya prophesies that war
Is fast approaching In Kurope but that
1!).'!1 will be passed under the constant
panic of war without actual lighting.
During this time .Frame will conilnuo
to consolidate Its position through
the efforts of a "young tnnn" whose
iTfy
S tsi -it. M ."J
S J?' X iw I No. I
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reinforced concrete that will prevent
any such general collapse as mukei
the hamlet a dilapidated ruin today.
FOR THE AFTERNOON
This creation of mldas gold crepo,
trimmed with black crepe and mu
chine embroidery, makes a smart mod
el for afternoon wear. The bloiiwi
features bell shaped sleeves, and the
flare In the skirt stiirts above the
knee In inset panels. A black felt
turban, rose beige chiffon hose and
black leather pumps are worn. It It
a gown formal enough for afternoon
tea and not too fussy for business
engagement a.
Predicted
political star has not as yet nrlsoiu
"I am afiald," she laments, "that
the coming year has many unhappy
events In store for tho world. The
United Slates will be even harder hit
by the economic depression, but will
emerge victorious from the struggle.
Tho women of America will play a
large part in the re 'establishment of
financial and economic order.
"Kurope will be tested by violent
tempests ami earthquakes while Hind
lar caatastrophes throughout th
world will take thousands of lives."
By Charles Sughroc
("I V IK
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1
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i u j l -- i wi
HAND HIM A FAN
,f-' t
Bum, who had Just fulfilled a 1JV
tlniu ambition nnd bought a fur coat,
went strutting dowu tho street, ,llu
met a poor friend, shivering with qyld,
who tald: .
"Say, Kam, It's pretty cold today,
ain't II r . ,
"I It I" tald Mum, peering ; out froui
(lit depths his fur collar, "Now,
you know, 1 really haven't looU.i) at
tho paper today." Wall Street jour.
naL
W.ath.r ..
"Rain fulls more frcuneutlv l
twiH'n the hours of three and night tn
the morning than at any other time,"
I-ot Angeles Weather Man llvrthef
told a group of reporter! thn other
uay.
"For once yoo'it rluht" agrH'l una
of the reporters. "There's alw ay t a
storm at toy house when I come homa
between those hours."
SHE'D BE HAPPY
She I could be happy with you U
I only had a crust of bread, r
He Vouil like my crust
Permanent Qufition .
A mn ccmund for f't r pow'r
'hy nvr lfv at a Inns,
A la th quoollona of the hoiir,
Wbkb Is, "Wlioi Ruing to be bouf
Tttoughtfulneit '
"There, darling." s.ild the bride of
a few months. "I made a hn?Fd em
broidered penwiper for your annlvei
aary."
"But, sweetheart," sighed the young
husband, "you don't need penwtpert
for the modern fountain pnj.
"Oh," snld the bride, "but I Mught
you a leaky pen to go wjt tr ILVOil
cago Dally News.
Broad Vocabulary
Mrt. Streatham Sinythe (staging ber
first rweptlon) And, Mary, from 7
to 8 o'clock I want yoti to tam In the
drawing room and tall the guests'
names as they arrhe.
Maid I'll do my best, mum. I sup
pose Just the first thing that comet
Into my head about 'em will do!
Humorist
NEW KIND OF PLUM
Khe Have you noticed Jano'i
tipiomh?
lie What klml of a plumb?
A Claitie Confettion
Dln(f-ne rciiiiukiil, "Ah, n,,., i
Da earth thrre l no liotoi'it elf,
Vor. to m-ak trulhrully mi free,
I'm soiiollilnn nf a hlulT myself!"
Search Him
Seeing a foreigner emerge from the
bathroom In his barber shop, minus
his collar ami with his coat on hit
nrm, tho proprietor demanded sternly,
"I "Id you take a bath?"
"I no take da bath," snld the new
nntvul meekly,- "I leave It In da
tub."
A Painful Thought
Vlsllor (at 111 in studio)-oW do you
make your alar weep m realistically?
Mroctor I Just remind her of her
Incomo tax.
One Never Knows
Splvvent was attending hit first
opera and was pu..led.
"Is she singing In Ungllshr he whis
pered to his neighbor.
"How do you expect me to tell?" re
plied the old timer. "She's a soprano."
American Legion Monthly.
Cause for Complaint
Prison fiovemor-You say you havo
o complulnt to make? Well what
Is It? ' '
Convict-There ain't enough cxltt,
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