Current 1
Wit 17 '
USE THE "NOODLE"
"Say," yelled the traffic officer,
"what do you menu hy speeding ulonir
like mariinau? You'll kill some
body 1 Wby dou't you use youi
noodler
"Noodle?" gasped the new ear
owner, "where In heck is the noodle?
I pushed and pulled and Jiggered
very durn thing on the dashboard
ud I couldn't stop Iter."
Hit Money't Worth
Telegrapher What' the telegram
you want to send
Mr. Newewed It'g to my wife. 1
want to nay : "I love you very much."
Telegrapher You can aend ten
words for the same price.
Mr. Newewed Well, put It : "I, love
you, very, very, very, very, very
piucb."
A Long Hunt Ahead
"Well, what are you looking for
Bow T" old Diogenes was asked.
''I'm trying to locate a family thnt
won't Insist ou buying things If the
old man thinks they can't afford
them," sighed Diogenes, as he pre
pared to place the millionth new but
tery In his old flashlight.
SQUEEZED TO A MUSH J
"Gee, but that girl's mushy!"
"Well, she's been squeezed enough."
John Alio "Went Dead"
Her lies th. body of John H. Black,
Who car wtat dead on th railroad
track.
When th anslne gava It a jar,
Jha H. "went dead" with tat rt of
th car.
Bat He Meant Well
He Why don't you wear your long
earrings)
She Oh, I feel like such a fool with
then on.
Be Tbey are Tery becoming to you.
Long and Drawn Out
"I read In a' magazine that they
have been playing chess for thousands
of years."
"Gracious I Isn't the game nearly
finished r
O, Goth
Jimmy Transfer, please. .
Conductor Where to?
Jimmy Can't tell you, It'a sur
prise party.
No Doubt
"How do you account for the edi
tors always refusing your articles?"
"Weully I haven't er the ghost of
an Ideah."
"Ah I perhaps that Is the reason,"
WAS GIVEN CAS
"Were you given gus when you liml
your tooth pulled?"
"Yes the blutned dentlM tulked all
th tlmel" .
Wat No Adept
Mary In the church yard lira
In a way to make you fchlver.
When upon th gus ahe stepped
Oa noticed ah was no adept.
A Specter to the Good
Assistant The seance Is going
pretty good.
Medium Yes, Just shade more
and It'll be a success. Collier's.
Dri7er by Birth
"Have you been a dentist
long?"
very
"No, I was a riveter till I got too
nervous to work op high."
Solely Ornamental
"They tell me you have a model hus
band, Mrs. Hicks."
"Yus, sir, but ' ain't a workla'
model."
LEXINCJTON NEWS
Mr. Hendrix spent a few duys
in Lexinctofcan.l while hero hewere visitintr Elith Ely Wednef
tuned tho pianos in the Bchot I day afternoon.
h-)use, the hall the Congregation) Mr8. lata Baurenfeini left on
nl church and those in seviral Sunday for Portland where she
residences. .
Mr. and Mrs. J. Heudrix tis st
ed John Purker with hi hnr'esl
injf. They finished with the work
last Tuesday and left Thurtuiav
morninff for Portland. They weie
accompanied on the trip by Mrs,
J. G. Johnson and Mrs. Hendrix'
daughter, Mrs. Myrlie Bloctraeri
A real estate deal was consu
muted in which Harry Drigs be j
came the owner of the forme'
Ed Painter ranch. .
Mrs. W. 11. Munkcrs, accompa
nied by her son and his wife.Mr.
and Mrs. Harry Munkere, on
pleasure trip to White Salmon
and incidentally will setk ye lu
cious huckleberry. Our "Mayor'
is dating the "Mrs." absence.
Mrs Gerald White has gone lo
Portland for a coupfe of we ke
visit w.th her mother.
Mr. Etta Uodson
daughter, Mrs. Mrs.
Smith, paid Lexington
cm r.cenuy. mra. " motored Sunday to Arlington
maktsher homeinColleBePlacvjwhere Mr8 ( ,u BHUrenfthd
Washington. took the train for Portland.
Mr. and Mrs. Jas. BurRoyn. ,,r nd M , A,fred Troedaon
veil knon residnntsof Lexmg. and Frances were calling on Bert
ton, have gone to Portland t Monday,
nake that place their home fo. Hu(chcroft
'l,ewinKr'. .. . s:ns returned from Mc Minn ville,
Mrs. W. 0. Hill is vumng in!s,(nday Mr Hutchcroft met
Portland this week. thom at Ar,inBton.
MissUla McMillan an Mis. Wii. I
ma Leach motored to Hood Hivet
for a few days visit -t Relativity
Miss Mary Slocum furnished!
the music at our local theater inj
.Miss McMillan's absence. j
James Poiuter who has been
living; in St Paul, Minnesota ami
vho has been Pastor of one of
the Canstian churche there, re
turned to Lexington for a visit
with Mrs. Pointei's parents Mr.
aud Mrs. W. J. Dans. The Point
rt will be stationed in Portland
for the coming year ard we are
glad to have them nearer home.
Mrs. Maud Pointer and daiitth
tir Harriet are visiting the Cuts
f trths father and brotherof Mr,
i'oititer.
The Nerve ol Him
What next? That's what a yonnr
inutrnn. who lives In Login, Is won
lirlng. She responded to the ring
lig of Ihe doorbell the other day and
hi the porch was a one-armed man
'I Icuse help me," he whined. The
housewife looked In her puree for
ome change. She thought there
might be a dime there. Hut there
as only five liennles. "I'm sorry."
he sold, "thnt I haven't more change, j
ill here's 5 cents." The mun gazed
al her stolidly. Then he turned away
und without a word descended the
mtn h siens. rhlladelphln Itecord.
Plant Lived Without Air
That a plant cun grow Inside of a
lier'ni-lhally sealed glass bulb wss
Imti'iiistrnted before the National
AcaiViny of Sciences. Water drawn
up ihioiiKh lb roots and evaporated
from the leaves was condensed on the
.Met at the glaa and, rumilii'i down
khI nguln.-i'opula Mechanics Mag
.line.
NATIONAL PARK
IN Couthtrn Utah httndmti of squar mitra at
marvelouily cqlortd paka. chawna. trrrare
and crtlicdtal iptrea makt up the i
01 7 ION NATIONAL PAIK
BRYCE CANYON C.DA SRIAM
KAMA! fOBEST
no am Risi or okano canyon
All rt.-hnJ via tha Unun PaflRr. BrheduM
tmira afford an inriptunvi vacation. Lrr
rodnltela) far.
END FOR 1 REE ILLUSTRATED
BOOKLET
and let u hrlp y -i arrana every detail of th
tour. Include thii aid trip on your way eaat.
VACATION ROUTE
J. W. Howk. Agt
lone, Oregon
SaV ILk"'-! ' ii
MORGAN NEWS
Beulah and Geneva Pettyjohn
joined her.'niece, Mit a Lilian Wi -so
n and journeyed on to Califor
nia where she will spend the win
ter with her tUtere, Mrs. Chas
WiWon of Santa Anna and Mrs.
Sfj more Wilson of Hum ting ton
Bah.
Thus. w. Cutsforth and sot s
returned to Lexington, Friday,
after finishing harvesting1-
Franklin Ely finished heading,
Monday. ,
Mrs. Jim Uardesty visited Mrs.
Pat Medlock, 'Wednesday.
Mrs. Miutu Luuieeuind spent
Fi t jay in lone, assisting her moth
wito her truit canning;.
W. F. Palmateer and son A
finished one week threshing
drain. The wheat all turned -out
very ligh
Mra. lata Baurenfrind v m call
inn on Mrs. iNunh Pettyjohn, Fri
""d T day. Mr. and Mra. Ma tin Bau
Vii nu r4,ricnd Mr8 j8t Burenfelnd
a tinet i ,j .njii v n.,.. ...
, . ...... ...,urtl,
"Is this the Court of Domestic lie
tat ions?"
"It Is. Ilsve yon a ease coming
opt"
"No, I'm one of the relations."
That's Him
"There goes the moat sophisticated
msn I know."
-nut be looks like a bum." .
"He Is."
Hour of Silence
"Why do you think restaurants are
more quiet after I p. in.T'
"Well, the soup la usually used up
bv that time."
Science for Service
True educHllou eoml.lne. theory ...d practice and It. Kml la .-rlce
"reg-on a Lund Grant Culh-m, ,..... t . . ..
- .. . i i. . niirrni irniniiiR esweniini it)
eu' u7 efficiency, combined with apeetaltluln
l lor lemlerahlp In field. tH wo,iern life
Basic and (kneral Training
f In tl sc hool of Iluale ArU end Kclcmea ant) the .lepnrtmciil.
! . """'luHfrlnl JournHllam, tl.e Lll.rnrj, I'hy.lcnl Kducatl.m
g nnd Music.
M Technical and Special Training
U With currlci lu. lending to tbe
AGRICULTURK
CHEMICAL ENGINEER
ING
COMMERCE
ENGINEERING
FORESTRY
j CrHiIunte work In off ed mmt
Keauient laatructlon, the Eiperiun
at-cliillxelii then plication of ncieti
FALL TERM BEGIN
For Itttit cttmlog ntl Inlnrmatiou, eJJrttt
THE REGISTRAR
Oregon Agricultural College
C0RVALLI3
Tires & Tubes Of The Best
Quality
i,0ils, Grease
I INDEPENDENT
See me before sending away for
your Tires. I can give you a real
bargain in tires and tubes.
E. R. Lundell Proprietor
The Garage where you get
"Service With A Snap"
3KJ5a55i!S!35ri5f
Vat Trct$ of Land
CWr On Ownership
Probably the largest slngl "farm,"
If It may ba called auqh, which baa
beu held In the United Btates, Is
Maryland. Lord Itnttlmora waa the
sole proprietor of the grant and to
this day all deeds In th state go buck
to his tills.
The Cngllsh settlers coming to the
southern colonies had a passion for
land. They liked lo ba lords of all
they surveyed and placed their manor
houses accordingly. On of the most
fmmus landowners was William Fits
hugh who acquired more than (M),UOO
acres. Clenrge Washington's Mount
Veiuon farm of 8.000 acres was smalj
beside this.
Thirty-lira thousand acres Is the
site of a remarkable wheat ranch In
Montana, where a college-trained
farmer has Introduced modern factory
methods, for producing grain. Mil
chines do most of the work and the
cost accountant is one of, tlia most
valuable employees. On th same day
that a tenant la plowing up a two
thirds acre plot on Lord Manvera' feu
dal farm In Knglnnd, IS tractnrs pull
Ing gang plows break a lot) foot fur
row six miles long. They plow a
square mils a day. Huston tilobe,
LittU Really Known
of Wild Animal Life
Th cougar la, next lo th wolverine
th oddest Jigger among the wild
thinkers, barring human savages, of
course. A quirk la characteristic ol
the cougars (pumaa, panthers, moun
tain lions, all one). Thy walk alone
and alarm countless) humans out of
sheer conipanlnnablanaas, with no leas
Intention to barm. Ttare ar record
of hungry cougars attacking and bad
ly wounding children and men. In
northern California a local doctor telU
in he was nearby when a boy was
badly clawed and a wensaa who wen
to his rescue was Injured to the death
But these hunger (probably) attacks
are balanced agalnat aisny time
more demonstrations of TrUndllnea
Ilk the cats that walk with lata paas
ershy lu silent dark boars of metro
polliau nights. Wa have been
eager to butcher wild life, especially
the nohle of th forest, that w hsv,
onlj h faintest understanding of the
mental processes of the creatures. The
humor of bear, the pride of th deer
the fancies of the rats, the exuberance
and conscience, of wolves what da
we really kuow about them? Mr
.ipears, la Adventure Magatlua.
Seemed Appropriate
The Women' Debating society was
huMlug a meeting In th tillage hall
and th subject under discussion was
"Our Husbands."
Ths chairman arose and made the
following statement: "Whst w want
la soma sort of organization for eur
husband, and we would like a few
suggestions."
"How about Our Dumb Friends'
leaguer Inquired a member. Stray
bachehtf'e deKree Intlieai htoUof
HOME ECONOMICS
MILITARY SCIENCE
MINES
PHARMACY
VOCATIONAL EDUCA
TION of the mhouls lu nddlllon tn the
ut Station aud K flat.-1 i r t.
-e t.i every day life,
i SEPTKMBER 20
& Supplies
GARAGE
miasms
i. illlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllltlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllU
lIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIHIIIIIIIIIIIlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllilllllllllllllilllllllllir I
V. .f.
Greater Value Lower Price
Hon rkin noo Ptpt if tht Finn Entrtuhmmi or tot6
9 SERIAL STORIES r"'"' "i. "' """'! '
" """" bwak iuim, tin ania at a lol l akKHylln.
SO SPECIAL ARTICLES Vr:Uhu,M
2C0 SHORT STORIES t&ittXZiift
! "Af-fmf Do-ll- Paga Oamaa CtM huJM'l Caa
Coat f AtiueupAy CrmH Nmlun Lor
fa ( CAiMtan' Pmf
DONT MISS THIS GREAT YEARI
Z3
OFFER No. 1
1. Tk Youth Coaapaaioa
&i WMkly Ismi
Radntwct tram 2.B0
Now Only $2.00
CVaeb yaw ckole tad aaad tsit uaao ariia ywu naatuaat la ilia PtlBUMIERg
or Ttua f Area, tiii Younri comi-anion, Bui. Mu. .aw.it.
Illlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllilllllll
-o
HHMMIIMIHMMHIHMMMMIHMIHHHII
The big
IDEA
.adjust now is not fuel but
SACM
14i &
Before you buy, see
at the
Farmer's
Elevator,
MUMlMMMMMMtMMmmMMMMHIMi
Ktf t
Drop in before Saturday
Next weekend you'll have a lot of fun take
along a Brownie and you'll bring it all back.
You'll find a salesman here to show you just how simple
picture-making is with a Brownie drop in before Saturday
and get fixed up for the best time ever. ,
Dttxhflng nd frinting iff tht quality kind.
Bullard'S Pharmacy
TheKodakStore
1 1
'J - - f. Sri(1.V.i",.1.t.f suVjM.. ".iff
&
S3
i?
S3
n
ra
capn, Alklflkt,
OFFER A
I. Tk Ysulh's CwntMaba
2 wkly UauM . . 1A0
X. MaCaU's MagasiM . fl.OO
AU for $2.50
o -
15 cts.
Only in picture csn
you prow that story
about the record catch.
Take a Brownie.