TWO
TIMES FIVE
IS TEN
By JACK WOODFORD
31
m mat, Whiwi Mewiyapir Union.)
HICNUt T. VAN TYIJ8 had all
tho appeariibi' of Mnif
imtii of iurta wolt pollslisd
part. Ill correct, corded
Nurfulk mlt, combined with light tun
ilioci and peurl,ry fedora, small, al
most diminutive pearl plu, couiplotvd
aarlurlul symphony calculated to In
Hum reaped, even lu Kvaueton, where
Kood clothe ar the order of llio day;
where opulence and excellent credit
connection ura the rule,
When h walked up tu the desk
Hldnoy Maaon, the naalaiunt riuhler
uf bunk, underetood thla la way
which uo amount of elucidation on
paper will llltialruta aatlafactorlly.
"Mr. Miinuii?" aald th l ranger In
1'aliu Heuch-Corouado-Newport tun,
aa lit pulled off hla glove.
"Th mini itaoda for service," re
plied Mr. Mnson, with suill number
three, which bo Uaually reaurved for
the bank oltleer over lilui, and the dt
rti'tort. "The nam atauda for serv
let," very nppy; be bad seen It
used In a story featurlni a bank
caehlrr.ln a "luodlah" MunliaUan
truat company.
"I would Ilka to open a email com
mercial account," went on tlie trn
t, rumiiiK the aurfac of bla Im
maculate enactubl of haberdushery
In order to pull forth a wallet that
looked aa though It ware made of the
leather taken from the back of a prise
1'omeraiilan.
"I ai-e," amilhisl Mnaon, reaching
for the collection of ambiguous blauka
which recorded legally aucb an In
ti'iilliui. "Jut algn your name at the bot
tom of thoaa two carda and I'll fill
them out for you." The Til All them
out for you," meant that Kidney waa
ure that the accouut wai to be
opened for not leaa than ten thouaand
dollar.
The atranger algned bla name neat
ly: "Henry T. Van Tyle." another
point that Impreaaed Meson favor
ably at one. All the uouveau rlche,
parvenu, charlatans, and plain
dueled hum with a good front left
algned their name tialng a flrat Ini
tial with the second name apelled out
la full. Producing three Bva thou
aand dollar bllla. Van Tyle laid them
upon the counter. Maaon gathered
them up, glimced a Inauaplcloualy aa
pnaalhle at the number upon them to
ae If they were unevenly printed (a
counterfeit can almoat Invariably be
detected by the roughly prluted aerial
numbera) entered upon a white de
posit allp, "fifteen thouaand dollar,"
and after It, gloatingly, "currency."
Theae foroialltloa over, the atrauger
engaged Mr. Maaon In lofty couverea
tlou. They apok about the uulver
ally activities; the poaalblllty of
Kvunatoa ever being Incorporated Into
Chicago proper; the Mount mystery
the atranger aomehuw had a way of
Impreaalng even a blaae bank officer
to whom wealthy old famllle are a
drug on the active Inttrtet. Van Tyle
waa never too entbualaatlc, never over
cordial, epoke of nothing but the con
ventional thing. Ha waa the laat
man on earth to whom Maaon would
l.ave thought of telling bla atory about
"we have no banana." At laat the
atrauger waxed little more confi
dential. "I've been In the men' furnlahlnga
bualnea all my life; have at ore In
New York, 1'htladrlphla, lloaton, and
Ann Arbor; thinking of esUbllehlng a
tor out here, to cater to the tint
veralty trade. Alway made a ape
clalty of that claa of cuatom know
how to haudle 'em. Thought I'd drop
out myself and look over the poeal
bllltlea of some location that I've
had recommended to m by one of
your realtor. Fact la, that'a why I
brought that fifteen thouaand along
with me thought I'd aettle mnttere
right off If I enme acroaa anything I
liked. You people don't know me, aa
I brought along caah. Kind of rlaky
to carry It around though."
"Yea, that'a right," agreed Maaon,
"but you atlll have It In liquid form
If you wniit to make a deul just
have any one of our local bualnea
men call me up."
"Oh, I'll not trouble you," responded
the Norfolked on airily, glancing
about the hunk and aomehow convey
ing the linpreaalon that he thought It
waa an excellent bank, without say
Ing ao or moving an eyebrow. "If I
' need It I'll coma back bur and get It ;
you don't know me youraelf nnd you'd
he perfectly right In being rather
careful In recommending me over the
phone I'll not troublu you at nil."
With Unit lie waa gone, leaving Kid
ney Muaon treniendoualy Impressed
and Sidney waa not oue of thoae who
uauully believe In love at flrat eight
where bualnea matter ar concerned,
either, The new cuatomer had bad
Unit Iniletlnnblo nJr of one who doe
not want fuvor of any klud, which
Impresses a banker more than any
thing elan In the world next to apot
caah, In the form of currency.
About one-thirty that afternoon Van
Tyle came hack. He walked up te
the marble counter and waited toler
antly while Maaon maneuvered the
opening of a checking account for a
atuilent on u one hundred dollar liit
tlul deposit; the student wa Oiling
out hla own curd.
"Well, Mr. Maaon," he aald, Tm
afruld I'll have to trouble you. I've
found J iit the place need ten thou
aand of that money right away per
Imp! I can make up for the bother
I'm caualng you later on, when my
tor got under way ; w'U keep our
bualii account litre of courae," Mr,
Maaon beamed.
"Juit writ out your check, Mr. Van
Tyl, and prnt It to the payer be
will caah It I've advlaed him that
you might be In today wanting a large
amount In currency" unbeknown to
Mr, Van Tyle, Maaon had aeut a me
aengor clear down to the Federal It
erv bauk In Chicago to cliang the
throe five thouaand dollar bllla; even
a bank cashier-can never be aur of
detecting counterfeit nowaday, for
uudor the new lyatem of photo
graphic plat, even the aerial num
ber are aometlmea almoat perfect
Van Tyl lingered; Maaon Ignored
the (tudent utterly and leaned for
ward attentively. Van Tyl held a
check In hla hand, drawn on bla flrat
blank check In the book Maaon had
delivered to him that morning.
Terhape If you'll 0. K. thla, Mr.
Maaon, there won't be any coufualon
at the window. 1 know bow paying
teller regard ten thouaand dollar
cbecka, preaeuted by ntter atranger."
"Oh, our payer won't bold yon up,"
promlaed Maaon, a he obligingly put
hla 0. K., upon the face of the check.
"Kael right at home here, Mr. Van
Tyle. Of courae, on large amount,
th payer will probably ut their
telautograph to th bookkeeping de
partment; but, I've marked your de
poalt 'currency to there'll b no hold
up whatsoever tier." Van Tyl
amlled bla thank a and left tbe counter.
Maaon turned back to the atudent
brusquely.
Walking to the center of the room,
where the cuatomtr' counter waa lo
cated, Van Tyl took up a pen,
acratched out th name of the bank
at tbe top of the check, and aubatl
luted the name of a bank In Lowndea
boro, Ala. Advancing to th paying
teller'! wicket h preaeuted th check,
at th eanie time taking from hi
pocket the check book Maaon bad
given him, writing out another check
for ten thouaand on tbat bauk. Tbe
payer touk up the flrat check and
bealtuted.
"Didn't have on of my own blank,"
explained Van Tyl, "ao I juat need
one of your check and tilled In tbe
name of my bauk at the top; little un
usual, I guess you'll notlc I hsd
your Mr. Maaon O. K. It." 11 fin
ished writing th second check. Tbi
check you'll find la covered by a cash
depoalt I mad this morning It will
tav a balanc of flv thousand to
my credit. I'erbep," edded Mr. Van
Tyl carelessly, "you'd rather I'd get
thla check O. K.'d, tooT
"Never mind," said th payer quick
ly. "I'll Juat get th bookkeeplug de
partment on It won't take a second."
H used bl telautograph; back came
the reply Inatantly. "O. K." Somehow
th payer felt a little nneaay about
th tranaactlon. Still, Mr. Mason had
cautioned blm to b careful and not
o trend this new account. On check
bor th aselstaot cashier's U. K., th
othtr waa covered by Van Tyle' bal
anc; tbr waa absolutely nothing
over which a logical question could be
raised. II couuted out twenty on
thousand dollar bill and siioved them
through th window. Mr. Van Tyle
gathered them up alowty, fitted them
Into hla beiuttful wallet, walked
lefaurely away, atopped a moment to
bid Mr. Msson good afternoon, and
wa gone forever and ever men. , ,
When th check cam back from
Lowndevboro four day later marked
"no account," Mr. Mason tried to ssd
dl th responsibility upon hi pnyer,
but that functionary Immediately
cleared himself. In the, eye of th
vice president, by pointing to Mason'
Initialed -0. K."
"I wonder," reflected Mason, later,
as h sadly recalled the Incident, "why
h didn't figure out some way to get
tbat laat five thouaand out? H 1 1 It.
moat anyone would be satisfied wltb
having turned Ave thouaand Into ten,
a the reault of one day'a work."
Thirteen Never Wa$
Hoodoo to America
How can w account for the absurd
uperstltlon that 13 la an unlucky
number? W do not know who I
responsible for this belief, yet many
a hotel omit 18 In numbering It
floor. A big apartment house In De
troit haa no room numbered 13. Seat
No. IS la hard to sell in the Tullman
company' chair car. Who among us
ha not aomtwhere In hi list of
frlonds, man, or oftener a woman,
who decline to (It at a table with
Just 12 other person? Now let u telt
you why no American should be su
perstitious about the number 13.
"Thirteen" la written all over our
country. Flrat, ther wr 13 colo
nic ; then th flrat flag had 13 atara
and 13 atrlpea. Revolutionary, which
tell u of th grestett wsr, ha 13 Ut
ter In It ; so hss "E I'lurlbu I'num"
and "American agte," our motto and
our emblem. Now take the quarter
of a dollar; there are 13 stsrs over
th head of Liberty, 18 leave In th
olive branch held by the eagle, 18
thunderbolt In hi talons, 18 bin on
the shield, 18 feather In each wing
and 18 letter ipell quarter dollar,
l'erry'a great naval battle was fought
In 1813 and resulted In the writing of
"The Star-Rpangled Banner." John
Paul Jones has 13 letter In bla name
and wa thirteen whan he came to
America, lie carried the first flag of
13 atari to victory, Th flrat fleet
ordered by the American government
consisted of 13 vessel. Ilookanwrap.
Gaffing There
Ho May I hold your hand for a
second T
She How will you know when a
second ll upT
He O, I'll need a second hand for
tbat Black and Blu Jay.
SCHOOLDAYS &
f ow wowl wet sTTutf hjjfy
eT, riM. fhv.W WWffiWlL '(VrPffVL Wi l7
,r, "u"' 6 WmmiM Wj" r
in h in a - Hitwf . v't &KiKJr- WWt
?JzL - " " " on - 1 rJft iLrJiX-
" r w :n; fe'r'
tm i-u iM,rSv 6U, j- m6 1 VtH nrT TUi 0
fc v 1 1 JSIL 1 "fte v ' , uri y I yfeeiai .1L.LLL
i
It Iskas mors thso ons fall to kerp a
dstermlned man down; to bavt fallad
ono dues Rut maka una failure; lo
have etraytd ones, cannot make a loat
aeuL
SEASONABLE FOODS
DURING th summer tbe appetite
needi a little urging and espe
cially attractive dlahe tppeul to th
taat.
drilled Chlcktn and Mushroom.
Sprinkle pieces of cold cooked chick
en wltb red pepper and suit, brush
with melted butter and tons In fin
crumb. Plac In a hot oven. Cut
th italk from half a plot of mush
rooms, plica them with two table
apooufula of butter In a laucepan, dust
wltb mac and cook gently for flv
minute, then add aalt and pepper, a
tahleapnonful of flour and a quarter of
a cupful of atock. Cook until well
done, then pour over piece of toaat.
Arrange the chicken around th toast.
Fish Chowdsr.
Cut up any kind of well-cleaned flsh
and parboil until nearly cooked. In
deep chowder kettle place a fourth of
a round of aalt pork cut In One cubes,
cook until crisp and brown, add three
to all sliced onions, rook Ave minutes,
then add half a dozen el Iced potatoes,
cover wltb boiling water and cook un
til th vegetable are dona, sdd the
flsh and cook a few minute toward
the laat of the cooking. Add a quart
of rich milk, om cracker snaked In
boiling milk (the large milk crackers
ar best), tervlng on for each bowl of
chowder.
Potato and Nut Salad.
Take three boiled potatoes, three
hard-cooked eggs, one-half cupful of
walnut meats and doien olive. Cut
all fine and mix with French dressing.
Juat befor serving dd miyonnalse.
Dat Souffle.
Reat th white of four egg very
stiff, add gradually one-half cupful of
augar, then stir In a pound of dates
that have been atoned and ruhlted to a
paste. Riik In a well-buttered baking
dish until Arm. Serv with whipped
cream.
Custards, baked, steamed or boiled
of various flavors, combined with
chocolate, caramel or extract are at-1
ways a good summer dessert
Scallop of Pork and Cabbage.
Place a layer of thinly sliced roast
pork In layera with cooked ruhhoge
and a cupful and a half of white auuee,
arranged In a baking dlxh. Hake In a
hot oven and buke until thoroughly
heated.
(. lilt, WxUra Nwp)ot Ualon )
"The difference between a complex
and a complexion," anya pondering
Prunella, "la tbe difference between
an inhibition nnd an exhibition."
3heHotel JfenoraDhcr
HpFulkrjcN
7r
tT'KLLY, It 1 wonderful what love
does," exclaimed tlie Hotel Ste
nographer. "Yeah," agreed the House Detective,
"cuuses suicide, murder, default and
an ambition to feed another person for
tlie rest of your life."
"That'a right, Kelly," laughed the girl
"being in love makes the world mighty
fifty-fifty. Right now I buve a sweetie
I am ao crazy about that If he caught
meaalea I would tuke every other
measle from him and wear It as a red
badge of courage or a title of no
bility. "I would like to work every day on
thi typewriter to send bltn to medical
college and then some day hav him
aav a king's life and then, when he
wa praised by reporters, have blm
show them my picture and tell them
that tills beautiful gtrl was th cauxe
of It all because she slaved to pay bla
way through college.
"Of course that'a just a love-sick
girl's dream. Kelly. My man Is an ap
prentice plumber who will not make
hi union card license to rob with un
til next fall. But be knows the moat
wonderful dunce steps you ever saw
and on tbe floor we look like two well
oiled working parts uf an electric
washing machine or something.
"He hasn't money enough to hire
taxlcab but he haa a tuxedo and I
would rather walk to a dance with
hlin than ride with some bloated aris
tocrat In a Ilmouslue. And, Kelly, I
am tbe only girl he ever loved. He
told me so last night Maybe I am not
the best typist lu the world but I
would rther write on a clean white
page thin to use sheet that was all
messed up with soiu other woman'
finger marks. Of course, I told him
I had never loved anyone else either,
but so long a he keep on telling the
truth w will be happy I am certain."
IS r tk McNauiht eradicate, Inc.)
O
WHEN I WAS
TWENTY-ONE
Y JOSKPH K AYE
J
AT 21 Maj. Gn. Sir Elliott Wood,
England' Noted Warrior, Wa a Su
perior Mathematician.
M A T'TIIE age of twenty, which
was In IstH, I was commis
sioned and Joined the school of mili
tary engineering and about a year
later I was sent to Weymouth and
posted with the Twenty-sixth company
of royal engineers. Her It truck nie
one day that the arched casements
cnrrylng the heavy gun were not
strong enough to resist the shock of
firing at high elevations, ao I discussed
the mutter with two senior subalterns,
but they aald that a much better
mathematician than I hud fulled to
prove them too weak, ao It was not
much use for me to try.
".Moreover, I worked the thing out
and auggeated a change In the arches.
Maj, Percy Smith, C, It. K submitted
the mutter to the Wur office and my
calculation being accepted as sub
stantially correct, the necessary ribs
that I hud suggested were added to
the fort being then built and to sim
ilar fort elsewhere. MJ. Oen. Sir
Klllot Wood."
TODAY: General Wood Is famous
In tbe llrltlsh empire for his military
activities In Knglund, Egypt and in
the liner war. During the lute war
be acted In an advisory capacity at
the home office. 1
B br McClura Nwip.p.r ayndlcata.)
Cold Comfort
When he geta a cold she prescribe!
nnd provides :
A complete rest with meal In bed.
Hot drink, and wutur bottle.
Quinine, aspirin nnd llanncls.
When aha geta a cold, he says: "You
ought to do something for It,"
PHPTI Alin
V1V & LaJTTkL U
11th snd Salmon
Pres. I. M. Walktr
w 1
I., ....
... z..j
ALL WORK GUARANTEED ,
Dundee Auto Repair & Machine Works
The Oldest and Best Equipped Repair Plant In Oregon
Kaat Watr and Halmon (Ms., Portland, Or.on East 1391
IVUNDEW GRINDING CRANK SHAFT GRINDING OEM. OVIRHAULINQ
DROP
FOLKS!
IRELAND'S SANDWICH SHOP 'Whereto Eat
Bos LunchM to talu mil 2V n4 3S f- rr i
thud's a uim.KKNLE is a i real
12 Sl.lh Stmt POHTI.ANI). or tt WaMnatrn Rtrert.
L Cafeteria
Lamb Skln'a Two Ue
The Persian sheep that doe not
find Its skin ' Inscribed wltb cum
lauda's and other Latin phrases at the
commencement exercises of our col
lege and universities 1 apt to be
filling a more utilitarian job as a dia
phragm In a gaa meter.
Appreciation of Color
Color haa come into Ita own In the
American home. The appealing beauty
and livableness that result from Its
proper use are more fully appreciated
than ever before. And nowhere la
color being used to greater advantage
than In the floor.
Flrat 8hah to Travel
The first Tersan shah to visit Eu
rope waa Xass-ed-DIn,, who waa ruler
of Persia from 1848 to 1898. lie made
two visits to tbe capital of Europe,
one In 1873 and a aecond In, 1879.
Usually Wished on Them
Rheumatism, says an authority, la
not a necessary evil. He may know
his stuff, but to date we haven't heard
of anyone having rheumatism from
choice. Buffalo Express.
Says Mr. Billing
I had rather be a aeed cowcumber,
flung up on s woodpile tew ripen, than
tew be an old bachelor. Kama City
Star.
Drawing the Line
"I have every confidence in my
wife," an Atchison man aald, "but I
am not going to give her leasona In
pistol practice." Atchison Globe.
Big Wings, but No Flight
The only known bird with large
wings that doea not use them for flight
ia the kakapo, or owl parrot of New
Zealand.
Indebtedness
A lot of men who have graduated
from the school of experience are atlll
paying their back tuition.
DISTRIBUTORS WANT
ED IN EVERY TOWN
Mfii and women to sell our
bi line direct to tlie home;
nppoint ntfents under vou and
make $100 per week. Our
line lias been on the market
15 years. Manufactured in
Portland. For further infor
mation call or write our sales
manafier. Mr. Hamish, 2J3
Weidler St., Portland.
Best Horse Collar
Made
All Ion nr straw stuffad.
Insist on having tbt collar
with th "Flab," LabtL tS
your dealer dot not bandit
thla brand collar, writ to us
dIrtc'L
Every collar guaranteed.
P. SHARKEY A SON
U Unltn Av Portland, Or.
CUT FLOWERS AND FLORAL DESIGNS
WEDDINCS A SPECIALTY
Clarke llrua., Klurlata, 27 Morrleon St.
KODAK FINISHING!
FREE ENLARGEMENT with evtry BOt
order. RawUnga Film Co., Portland, Or.
MARRY IF LONELY? Join "Th
Successful Correspondence Club." Re
liable; Description free. BOX 65,
OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA.
WE BUY
Hides, Pelts, Wool, Mohair,
Tallow, Cascara Bark
Horse Hair.
Band ua your ihipmtnta. Wt mall vea check
tbt tuna da wa nctlrt goode.
Portland Hide a Wool Co.
its earn tan imvt, mm, osoo.
P. N. U.
No. 32, 1929
OFFERS A MARKET
FOR YOUR Pirnnnrp
ONE OF AMERICA'S FOREMOST
BUSINESS COLLEGES
' If you ara Interested In a
GOLDEN INVESTMENT FOR
YOUNG PEOPLE
Yielding a Comfortsbla Caah Incomt; a Bigger and
Better Position, and Independence and Happlne,
Writ for catalog to
Business Collr
ttrttta
Portland, Oregon
The Beat Ealing Plac In th City. Th Flnttt
Cefft an Pastry Specialty. RiaeonaOl
Prlcta. Broadway at Stark (Oragon Hottl
Bulldrne), Portland, Oregon.
First Commerce Chamber
Th New York City Chamber of
Commerce, organized in 1768 and In
corporated under a royal charter from
King George III In 1770, was the first
Institution of It kind In th United
State.
Happy Thought
Nervous Youth (pointing to bee fly
ing by) Hhave y-you ever thought
t-that there's aometblng f-faaclnatlng
about the b-blgbt of a f-fleeT London
Opinion.
Decided (to Be a) Blond .
"So he' your little brother. Strange
that you are ao fair and be is so dark."
"Yes, but ha waa born after mother
dyed her hair." London MaiL
It May Be
It 1 aald that the flrat saxophoo
was brought to America In 1868. Of
course, it may be only a coincidence
that tbe Civil war broke out soon aft
erwards. Passing Show, London,
So Thar Waa
Profexaor (at an Informal student
professor session) Well. It teem
there wa an absent-minded profes
sor who who let's see, what waa I
atartlng to Bay? Cincinnati Cynic
Uncle Eben
"Llvln la liable to be s little cheap-
er." aald Uncle Eben. "If tbe time
cornea when s man kin git aa much '
applause foh hoeln' corn as Jie kin
foh playln' de nkelele." Washington
Star. '
Grades In Safety
Safe conditions are good, but aafe
men are better, remarks the National
Safety council.
BE
The world U a playground
for those who are healthy.
Nature knows the way .to
health. Take Barkroot Tonic
Fttls Much Improved.
"I hav been In poor health for some
tim, ivilrm frnerally run down and
suffering; with acvar ronatlpallon. On
rwommrndatlnn I tried your Barkroot
Tonic, and after ualnf two bottle I
bean to feel Improved in evtry way."
MRS. WINNIE CAMPBELL, Portland.
For Sale by All Druggist
NatufeVOwn Tonic
II ?'HTTrrrffT.--.-.l
mm
HANDICAPPED FOR LIFE
SEVERE mental and physical
nervous reflex complications
accompany Rectal and Colon aliments.
Kllmlnat th cause and you remove
these reflex conditions. And they CAN
be eliminated dctplt your discourage
mcntt with "quack" remedies and surgi
cal operations. My thousands of success
ful case In many years practice PROVE
this, further. I will r.llAtt ANTk'F IM
WRITING to cur any case of I'lle or re
fund the patient fee. No
conftrwintnt. hotpital operation
or an. othello. SenJ today
feir my 100 rune Illustrated
Book, it la iKEE.
DEAN. MD Inr
mrici.; Seattle orricct
Or Oltan HutHmo
9 TH AN qMAI N
ft AH ShsTtV toiM..
ATM AND
PIN If
HEALTHY
QMr
1 CA
miuTt Ajain
1
I