HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories the World Meets With Smiles
16
Last One Escaped.
IX the old days when there were school
masters in our public schools Instead of
the neat young schoolmistresses, whom
the magazine stories Insist today control
the ruffianly scholars by kindness in
those days, according to an old-timer, the
schoolmaster had been disobeyed and was
very angry.
"Once again," said he, "my orders have
been flagrantly violated. Who is the mis
creant?" Not a soul answered. A tragic silence
prevailed.
"This matter shall be settled at once,"
the teacher declared firmly. "If no one
will tell, every boy in the class shall be
thrashed."
No one spoke up, and one by one the
lads were soundly caned. The last boy
was about to receive his punishment, but
suddenly the cane was withheld. Fixing
a keen look on the lad, the master said:
"Now, if you 'will tell rae who did this
action 1 shall not punish you."
"All right, sir," came the unhesitating
reply. "I did it." Louisville Times.
Long-Winded.
"Travelers' tales, which often add
charm to the conversation of an agree
able and interesting person, frequently
render a bore more tiresome than ever,"
said Rex Beach, and illustrated as fol
lows: "A long-winded narrator had droned on
at the club the other night for an hour
or more about his recent trip to Switzer
land. " 'There I stood, gentlemen,' he said,
'there I stood with the abyss yawning in
front of me.'
" 'Pardon me," interjected one of the
unfortunates who had been obliged to
listen to the story, 'but was that abyss
yawning before you got there?' " Every
body's Magazine.
Custom Puzzled Him.
It was the kindly custom In the village
for the well-to-do inhabitants to make
good any loss which the villagers might
sustain through the death of any live
stock. The retired manufacturer who
had only recently settled In the village
When you go to Portland yon will
wmnt to
Attend the Theater
You will get the most for your monjr
by going to
THE BAKER
(GMO. L. Baker, Mgr.) -On
Broadway and Morrison Bta.
Home of the Famous Baker Player
Prices, 25c. 35c, 50c, 75c. Mats.. 25c, W.
Matinees
Bl'NDAY, WEDNESDAY. SATtRDAI.
Always a new play. High-claw company
of real aemra and actresses. Beautiful
scenic and stage effects. The Baker Play
ers have been famous In Portland for la
years and to see them Is a part of ona'n
visit to the metropolis.
MATINIEMIIY 230
The lorfet-Me-Nots. eight cote, clever. clissy
Chlckj in a spectacular scenic dancing nov
elty. The Versatile llRrmony Five, in a "Cab
aret Revue." Neal Abel, comedian. Mr. and
Mr Harold 4. ray. Nat Leffingwell and
Marlon dale, in a one-act comedy, "The
Sleep Walker." Milt Wood, In a singing and
dancing specialty. Tantageucope, first-run
pictures.
The theater is a
ness of a trip to
Stark Streets. It
Motel Dlatrlet, W
the largest and n
west, and where
combines music,
yoking features.
WAITS WORTH
lvays a part of the busi
I'ortland. At Broadway and
IBM In the Middle of the
III Be Found the Ornheum.
ewest theater in the North-
there it always a bill that
novelties and laugh-pro-THE
OHPHUL.U IS AL-YVHILE.
GOING EAST or
COMING WEST
We Can Save You Money
Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pi
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on Request.
Pacific C oastForwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or.
was Ignorant of this laudable proceeding,
and wan considerably puzzled by the visit
of a laborer's wife who explained that
she ha'J lost a pig.
"Well, 1 ain't got it," explained the be
wildered newcomer.
"What I mean, sir, Is, of course, the
pig died," nervously explained the woman.
"Well, what do you want me to do,"
cried the thoroughly exasperated man,
"send a wreath?"
Cautious Tom in y .
Sunday School Teacher Once upon a
time there were two rich men, one of
whom made his 'fortune by honest In
dustry, while the other made his by fraud,
Now, which of these two men would you
prefer to be?"
Tommy (after a moment's hesitation)
"Which made the most?"
Wished Borrowing Eliminated.
The new play was In rehearsal, and a
delegation of actors approached the man
ager. On being received, the spokesman
said: "Sir, we have come to ask that
a portion of Mr. Brown's part be cut out."
"What's all this about? What do you
want cut out?" asked the manager.
"The part where he, as the disguised,
borrows $5. Every time he thinks any
of us has any money he calls a rehearsal."
Chicago Dally News.
Sarah's Gloves.
A family in the South had a coal black
cook named Sarah, whose husband wai
suddenly killed in a quarry accident. For
the time being her grief was allayed by
the preparations for an elaborate funeral,
and on the day of this event, so dear to
negroes who desire to show their Import
ance, she appeared before her mistress
in deepest black, but on her hands were
a pair of white gloves, such as soldiers
wear at dress parade and guard mounts.
"Why, aunt," exclaimed her mistress,
"what made you get white glovea?"
Sarah drew herself up indignantly, and
said, in the chilliest tones: "Don't you
suppose I wants dem niggahs to see dat
I'se got on gloves?"
How Jones Explained it.
Recently Jones collided with a spell of
hard luck, and In order to make his pork
and beans and his appetite meet he was
compelled to pawn his watch. While the
watch was yet in hock, a friend asked
him the time of day.
"Why, what In the world has become
of your watch?" asked the surprised
friend, seeing Jones yank out a time killer
of the turnip brand.
"Here It is," smiled Jones, extending
the cheap ticker. "Anything the matter
with your optical apparatus?"
"Yes; but that's a silver watch," per
sisted the friend, "The one you used to
have had a handsome gold ase."
"I know it did," was the grinful re
Joinder of Jones; "but circumstances alter
cases." Philadelphia Telegraph.
Fixing the Amount.
One afternoon the bookkeeper em
ployed by a certain concern bulged into
the private office and timidly approached
the desk of the boss.
"Mr. Jinks," said he, after some hesi
tation, "during the past week I have been
doing the clerk's work as well as my own,
and this being payday, I thought I would
remind you of that fact."
"Let me see," responded the boss,
thoughtfully. "You make $10 a week and
the clerk makes $3. Is that right?"
"Yes, sir," answered the bookkeeper,
with a hopeful expression.
"Good!" smiled the boss. "Then, as I
figure it our, you made half a week for
yourself and half a week for the clerk.
I will tell the cashier to fix the amount at
$7.50." ,
Too Soon to Write.
Congressman Joseph A. Golden, of New
York, smiled largely at a social affair
the other evening when reference was
made to sending little wifey away for the
Summer. He said he was reminded of
the consternation of Smith.
Mrs. Smith was going to the mountains
and the old man had accompanied her to
the depot 40 look after the baggage and
whisper a tender farewell.
"Good by, dear!" said father, affection
ately kissing her as the train drew in. '
"Take care of your health and have a good
time."
"Goodby, papa!" returned little wifey,
pasting on a few extra kisses and hustling
for the car steps. "I will write to you
the day after tomorrow."
"What's that?" exclaimed father, with
a look of consternation. "Why, the
money you have with you ought to last
at least two weeks!" Philadelphia Tele
graphy -
KM
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' Practical. Because they are made In one piece, and can be flipped on off off
instantly. They at and look welL and yet art loose and cooitortable in every pan.
HoohhfuL Far mperlor to bloomers, No df hi elastic banda to stop Iroi circu
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Economical. Sarinj wear on food clothes tarini waiWnf to well Bade
Uiey arc outtrown loaf before tbejr are worn out.
Ask Your
Dealer
For .,
OVERALLS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Made In blfh neck with lonr aleerea, or Dutch neck and elbow sleeves. Made ol
blue denim, or blue and white hickory strlpet for all ihe year wear, and tn a
variety of lifhter wei (ht materials for rummer wear. All garments trimmed with
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75c the suit
A new suit FREE
if it rips
Awarded Cold Modal
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1913
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Halh and Aukeny Sta., Portland, Oregon.
I TTT If there is any particular commodity in which you are
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II V a VA A XJ M .v-V M L) I U Ci V -A V IB M. ioie Wi
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