12
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION SERIAL.
A Fool and His Money
By
George Ban
Mcdrtcheon
Copyright, M13,
By Geo. Bur
MeCutcheon.
.
SYNOPSIS OF PREVIOUS
INSTALLMENTS. ,
In the opening installments of
"A Fool and His Money
Geo. Ban MeCutcheon 'a charm
ing novel, serial rights for which
have been specially obtained for
the Home and Farm Magazine
Section, we learn of John Bel
lamy Smart, the yonng man who
is telling the story. He has just
written his first novel, and at
the same time has fallen heir to
an immense fortune left him by
his uncle. He is 35 years of age.
After a visit to London, Smart
take3 a trip on the Eiver Dan
ube. After finding an old-world
town-, he discovers an ancient
castle, which he purchases from
its owner, the Couut. With his
secretary, Poopendyke, he takes
possession of the immense struc
ture, which is supposed to be
tenanted only by the caretaker
and his family, the Schmicks. To
Smart's amazement, the first
night, he hears the cry of a baby.
Looking out at a balcony one
night Smart sees the white figure
of a woman silhouetted. He im
mediately begins a hunt for
Schmick, the caretaker, to solve
the mystery of who the woman
may be. With the Schmicks he
endeavor s to break down a
heavily barred door into that Bee
tiou of the castle, but fails. The
tion of the castle, but fails.
Smart learns that souvenir hun
ters from New York are de
manding to buy the castle heir
looms. The story continues.
8
"And the ladies, sir! There are
three of them, all from New York City,
and they keep on saying they are com
pletely ravished, sir with joy, I take
it Our great sideboard in the dining-
room is to go to Mrs. Riley-W erkheimcr,
and the hall-seat that the first Baron
used to throw his armour on when he
eame in from "
"Greeat snakes!" I roared. "They
haven't moved it. have theyf It will
fall to pieces! "
"No, sir. They are piling sconces
and candelabra and andirons en it, re
gardless of what Mr. Poopendyke says,
You'd better hurry, sir. Here is your
collar and necktie "
"I don't want 'em. Where the dick
tns are my trousers 1"
His face fell. "Being pressed, sir,
God forgive me! "
"Get out another pair, confound you,
Britton. What are we coming to?
He began rummaging in the huge
elothesnress, all the while regaling me
with news from the regions below.
"Mr. Poopendyke has gone up to his
Mom, sir, with his typewriter. The
young lady insisted on having it. She
squealed with joy at seeing an antique
typewriter and he he had to run away
Vith it, 'pon my soul he did, sir."
I couldn't help laughing.
"And vour eold clubs, Mr. Smart,
the voung gentleman of the party
perfectly carried away with them, ne
ays they're the real thing, the genuine
ixteenth centurv article, luey are
bit rusted, you 11 Temember. I left him
out in the courtyard trying your brassie
and mid-iron, sir, endeavoring to loft
potatoes over the south wall. I suc
ceeded in hiding the balls, sir. Just as
I started upstairs I heard one of the
new window panes in the banquet hall
emash, sir, so I take it he must have
liced his drive a bit."
"Who let these people in!" I de
manded in smothered tones from the
depths of a sweater I was getting into
in order to gain time by omitting a
collar.
"They came In with the plumbers,
air, at half-past eight. Old man Schmick
tried to keep them out, but they said
they didn't understand German and
walked right by, leaving their donkeys
in the roadway outside."
"Couldn't Rudolph and Max atop
Oaml" I cxiad. a my head amerced.
de-
They were still in bed, sir. I think
they're at breakfast now."
"Good lordt" I groaned, looking at
my wateh. "Nine-thirty! What iort of
a rest eure am I conducting heret"
We hurried downstairs so fast that I
lost one of my bedroom slippers. It
went clattering on ahead of us, making
a shameful racket on the bar stones,
but Britton caught it up in time to
save it from the clutches of the curio
vandals. My workmen were lolling
about the place, smoking vile pipes and
talking in guttural whispers. All opera
tions appeared to have eeasca in my
establishment at the command, of the
far from idle rich. Two portly gentle
men in fedoras were standing in the
middle of the great hall, discussing the
merits of a dingy old spinet that had
been carried out of the music room by
two lusty porters from the hotel. From
somewhere in the direction of the room
where the porcelains and earthenware
were stored came the Bhrill, excited
voices of women. The aeed Schmicks
were sitting side by side on a window
ledge, with the rigid reticence of wax
fiaures.
As I came un. 1 beam one oi ine
straneers say to the other:
Well, if you don 't want it, 1 ll taKe
t. My wife says it can oe niaae into
writing desk with a little
"I bee vour pardon, gentlemen, " said
I confronting them. " Will you be good
enough to explain this intrusion!
They stared at me as it 1 were a
servant asking for higher wages. The
BDeaker. a fat man with a bristly
mustache and a red necktie, drew linn
self up haughtily.
"Who tne devil are your" ne
manded, fixing me with a glare.
I knew at once that he was tne Kino
of an American I have come to nate
with a zest that knows no moderation;
the kind that makes one ashamed of
the national melting pot. I glared back
at him.
"I happen to be the owner of this
place, and you'll oblige me by clearing
out."
'.'What's that! Here, here, none of
that sort of talk, my friend. We re here
to look over your stuff, and we mean
business, but you won't get anywhere
by talking like"
"There is nothine lor saie ncre, i
said shortly. "And you've got a lot ot
nerve to come bolting into a private
house ,l:
S.iv." said the second man, aa
vancine witn a most usuiuug
we'll understand each otner ngni on
i t.p1 mv friend. All you've got to
' . -
do is to answer us wnen we as ior
prices. Wow, bear that in mind, ana
don't try any of your high and-mighty
tactics on us."
'Just remember that you're a junK
nnlpr and we '11 'eet along splendidly,'
said the other, in a tone meant to crusn
m. "What do you ask for this thingt
tapping the dusty spinet wits ms wain-
in(T-l.ip.k.
11... Ikn
It suddenly occurred 10 me
situation was humorous.
"You will have to produce your
references, gentlemen, before I can dis
cuss anything with you," I said, after
swallowing very hard. (It must have
been my pride.)
They stared. "Good Lord!" gasped
the bristly one, blinking his eyes.
"Don't you know who this gentleman
ist You you appear to be an Amerl-
i i nr. p'.lo.r.Work.
can. iou must unuw w. uu;
heimer of New York."
ll reeret to stay that I have never
honrfl nf Mr. RUcv-Wcrkheimor. I did
not know that Mrs. Kilcy-W erkheimer s
i,.,0i,r,a w!ia livine. And may l asu
who you arel"
"Oh, I am also a nobody," laid he,
WltB a WinU HI. I" JUlJ,il.
panion. "I am only poor old Kocks
worth, the president of the "
"Oh. don't say anything more, Mr,
Bocksworth," I cried. "I have heard
of you. This fine old spinet 1 Well, it
has been reduced in price. Ten thou
sand dollars, Mr. Bocksworth."
"Ten thousand nothing! Ill take it
at seventy-five dollars. And now let's
talk about this here hall-seat. My wife
thinks it's a fake. What is its history
and what sort of guarantee ean you'
"A fakal" I oried in dismay. "My
dear Mr. Bocksworth, that is the very
hall-scat that Pontius Pilate sat in
when waiting for an audience with the
first of the great Teutonic barons. The'
treaty between the Bomans and the
Teutons was signed on that table over
there the one you have so judiciously
selected, I perceive. Of course, you
know that this was the Saxon seat of
government. Charlemagne lived here
with all his court!"
They tried not to look impressed, but
rather overdid it.
'That's the stort of a story you fel
lows always put up, you skinflints from
Boston. I'll bet my head you are from
Boston," said Mr. Bocksworth shrewdly.
'I couldn't afford to have you lose
your Jiead, Mr. Bocksworth, bo I slian 't
take you on," said I merrily.
"Don't get fresh now," said he
stiffly.
Mr. Riley-Wcrkhoimer walked past
me to take a closer look at the seat, al
most treading on my toes rather thau
to give an inch to mo.
"How can you prove that it's the
genuine articlet" be demanded curtly.-
"You havo my word for it, sir," 1
said quietly.
"Pish tush!" said he.
Mr. Bocksworth turned in the direc
tion of the banquet hall.
"Carrie!" ho shouted. "Come here
a minute, will youf"
"Don't shout like that, Orson," came
back from the porcelain closet. "You
almost made me drop this thing."
"Well, drop it, and como on. This
is Important."
I wiped the moisture from my brow
and respectfully put my clenched finis
into my pockets.
A ininuto later, three females op
peared on tho scene, all of them dust
ing their hands and curling their noses
in disgust-
"I never saw such a dirty place,"
said the foremost, a large lady who
couldn't, by any circumstance of fate,
have been unvbody's wifo but Rucks-
worth's. "It's filthy! What do you
wantf "
"I've bought this thing here fjr
seventy -five, i'ou said I couldn't get
it for a nicklo under a thousand. And
say, this man tells mo the hall seat here
belonged to Pontius Mate in "
"Pardon me," I interrupted, "I
merely said that ho sat iu it. I am not
trying to deceive you, sir."
(Continued Xext Week.)
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