"PAGE TWO
THE HEPPNER HERALD, HEPPNER, OREGON
Tuesday, August 23, 1921
Uncle Walte
Policewoman's Lot Not Happy
'AS'
GAY OLD MEN
AM JAOWAY was trying to be
? 41
1 .'mi .let. 1 'H i-. , ( ,
It.-:,'!.- i.f l.iini, hui
I 1 1 ' 1 ! i , ! ' ! 1 1 ' 1 1 111 11, j self,
J 'HI III' s, ,' 1 1 1 ' 1 ll!l;l
II iiulf !: .. it, in show
tti roll liltK' 11, sis."
I.c mm ninlv had
1 haven't niiii't'
Itllll tntliiMiOW
ir :i tree hall
m'Iiu' boys how
Economy,
"Htiv is 11 line ton.c which will
quit My bring hack your husband's ap
petite." "Pear hip, doctor, I've lnvn gctt'nB
along so hue with my market money
tdneo hi lost his appetite." lloslou
Transcript.
Oiagnotit.
A party of soldlciii stopped some
laborers to search their dinner palla
far lilililiii arms.
AH HI iiihv 11 soldier gave n cry nnd
I r 1 ,1 ,,, in 11,,. ottlivr III charge,
I ., i" ,; 11', 11 I. ;g tl II fulfil. y
or i' i':iMi:, . : on ' h""vr
1, Ml , it II II sits', ,!,, ItH'llU
v '1 I 'tl I'l i'.-ui.-i r public safety,
1 ,ii s'iit'1,1 i( ,p i".iliiii iln" w in liii'il
III !..-,' I" ss,.ss ,, It (itllllll.
1 1 1 Mm 1I1I11K ihttl's dv iiiuulte, do
' 11sk.1l I 'lit "IV Jafers. t'e ben
1 .1 -M11" iiin lii'iul over It nil day. Iu
trv. iny old woman calls It Cakf."
ithe horse doctor. "He saw some hoys
'turning handsprings, and undertook
rjo show them hou' the trick used to be
iJoEe in the hiJcyon days, and the doo-
t o r says he;
wren c h e d his
hack so he'll he j
in hi d for several I
days."
"Iisatcrs of
that sort usually
happen ro t h e
greybeard w h o
tries to demon
strate Unit he
lfin't any older
than he was forty
years ago," com
mented the villa?!?
jmt rinrch. "I'm
always being
Itempted to do some idiotic thing, and
liave to suppress such Impulses with
ju mulled list. It's nil the outcome of
rvaulty. A iniin hates to admit that
lie's a hack number. He wants to
Itissure the pluln piK.ple that, notwith
standing his gray whiskers and string
ilialted legs, he's a four-horse team
Ivith a dog under the wagon, when
tit comes to uthletic skill.
"I was In the livery barn the other
evening, when young Fretslnger be
Jjan explaining that he had hem tak
ing boxing lessons from one of the
ild masters. He had learned all the
tricks of the game, and was just suf
fering agonies because there was no
liody prestmt who would stand up and
exchange sclentltle swats with him.
"In my younger days, If I do say it
myself, I was a star performer In
Ihe ordinary knoekdown-and-drag-out
fform of combat, hut I never was worth
fihucks at boxing. Nobody knows that
iietter than I do. Why, then, did 1
'Inform Fretslnger that I would he glad
to spar a few rounds with hlrn? It
urely was vanity and nothing else.
1 had an Idea that, while he might
liave plenty of the fancy stuff on
liand, I might land one of my old-time
(haymakers; In which case 1 felt sure
(Ihe town would soon be rln.jlng with
the story of an old man's prowess.
"So I took off my long jlrnsvvingor
uat, and my vest, and stood up for
battle. If anybody tells you, my
friends, that Fretslnger doesn't know
liow to wield his hands, you may re
gard the story as a roorback. 1 never
w lists ho numerous as on that occa
sion. I couldn't see anything else for
H while, and they landed on me In
many unexpected places, mid I don't
remember a time when I was no eui
tiarmssed. "Fretslnger explained afterward
itliat he merely tapped me gently he
'ause I wax a venerable man, old
enough to be his grandfather. In that
Hitse I never want to become Involved
'1u an argument with him when he Is
In earnest. I had n black eye for a
week after this recital, and my nose
bus never satisfied me since. Every
time I came downtown, I had to ex
ilaln to a thousand people that I black
'ned my eye while splitting kindling
nr that I dropped a sad Iron on It
There Is nulling more humiliating
than a black eve, and I made up my
mini) that I'd try to realize my ad
vmiced age thereafter, and behave my
self like a grave and reverend num.
"Hut no sooner had my eye recov
red than I was In trouble again. I
vaw some young men wrestling, and
imused to point out that they didn't
know the rudiments of the game. I
assured them that III my younger days
1 was a holv terror, and I didn't Ihlnk
that my hand had lost Its cunning.
It would afford me genuine happiness.
1 said, to how them how wrestling
was done In the palmy days of Mill
doon and Wlilsiler.
"So I removed my coat and Vest and
weni Into executive srimt with a
husky yiniiiL' limn who had Ito respect
tor gray hails. I am n,, mi re ; 1 1 1
what followed, but I think he must
inn' thrown me oer lis brail. Any
l'"W . I n aio a !:ivat i !. n t in Hie earlh
v Mb my pi i ., n. and 1 was so sure for
tll .S !j It 1 h-li il I,;!,,. ; soli
i, i oiiii I in a In rliiai row of cn'ii'-e
f -f 2" f
f s PJ?
VT" c
ft A
Jlrs. Ellen O'Grady, deputy po
lice commissioner of New York city,
has resigned, assorting she had leen
hampered In her work and could not
remain in her place and retain her
self respect. Her action followed at
tacks on the eftiolency of the depart
ment made by several newspairs.
?ilrs. O'Urady, who declared she had a
thousand and one things to tell about
the police department later on, said In
her statement :
"I have been told that my work
Is 'too strenuous' looking after the
morals, of girls in moving picture
houses and told to 'go slow.' When
my detectives went to enforce the law
In a number of moving picture houses
he mana'-'ers showed them recei; s
staling that they had contributed to
Ihe polite hospital fund, and they had
been promised that no police action
would he taken against them."
Mrs. iiiirady charged that no at
tention had ,een paid to complaints lodged with the bureau of missing per
sons and that she had been unable to assign women for this work because
they had been taken from her for the police hospital drive.
Mrs. O'Urady, whose resignation took effect immediately, was appointed
lo 1918 by Commissioner En right. At that time he Issued a statement say
ing that her time "will be particularly devoted to the investigation of the
white slave tramc."
American Flyer Escapes From Russia
('apt. Merium V. Cooper of .lacksonviile, Fla., a member of the Koseluszko
squadron, who was shot down In Itussla by Ilolshevlk troops, and who since
that lime has hen a prisoner In Moscow, Russia, is reported to have made
his escape into Itlga. The photograph shows Captain Cooper before making,
the attack on ltusslan troops which resulted in his capture. j
Everything for QUALITY
-nothing for show
WORLD NOT YET FILLED UP
There Are Many Placee Where the
Lover of Solitude Can Find What
He li Looking For.
Crowded as the world seems to be
gelling, itobinsou Crusoe could find
a haven today, and he would not have
to resort to the polar regions, either.
Numerous Islands still dot the seas
where a visitor would find no living
soul, nml there are others where the
Inhabitants are living In almost primi
tive simplicity, says a bulletin from
Ihe Washington headquarters of the
National Geographic society.
Nor is It necessary for you to
choose a plot of land belonging to
any oilier than the United States.
There is Haker Island, 8,725 miles
out from San Francisco, B8 well us
many oilier such isolated dots in the
I'licitlc, where there will he no chance
of getting even a faithful Friday to
share Jour lot. Vessels used to haul
guano from I he Island, but toduy the
deposits are practically worked out.
If you feel that you must have your
wife somewhere In the ofllug you cun
semi her on to Howland island, 25
miles to the westward, an equally de
scried spot, and row over to see her
when you get bored with you freedom.
Ecuador.
It was one hundred years ago that
Ecuador liberated Itself from Spanish
rule. To commemorate the anniver
sary, Ecuador lias Issued a series with
nineteen denominations one centnv
to one sucre euch bearing a portrait
of some man who won renown In
Ecuador's history. The dates IH20 and
1021) are a part of the design. Greatly
to the surprise of collectors, no 20
centavo denomination appeared as
part of the set, for Ecuador's sets for
forty years have Included one of that
value. Inquiry brought the- disclosure
that IJL'.fXK) copies of a 20-centavo were
printed, hut the value "description,
velnte, meaning "twenty," was through
an error spelled vlente Instead. The
post nl authorities destroyed the entire
lot, and a 20-centavo will appear us
noon as a new plate has been made.
Youth's Companion.
I I 111 II II liTTleMMMilHML
THAT'S OUR IDEA in making
CAMELS the Quality Cigarette.
Why, just buy Camels and look at the package!
It's the best packing science has devised to keep
cigarettes fresh and full flavored for your taste.
Heavy paper outside secure foil wrapping inside
and the revenue stamp over the end to seal the pack
age and keep it air-tight.
And note this! There's nothing flashy about the
Camel package. No extra wrappings that do not
improve the smoke. Not a cent of needless expense
that must come out of the quality, of the tobacco.
Camels wonderful and exclusive Quality wins on
merit alone.
Because, men smoke Camels who want the
taste and fragrance of the finest tobaccos, expertly
blended. Men smoke Camels for Camels smooth,
refreshing mildness and their freedom from ciga
retty aftertaste.
Camels are made for men who think for themselves.
R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO COMPANY, Win.ton-Salem, N. C,
Proflfess on lle of Man.
On the quaint and phi uresq 'e Isle
of Mini, made famous by Hull liiine s
fiction, an iiucient pump of the chain- '
bucket variety, built Into a masonry
allium, -ii mi the (ace of a rock dilf, I
lifts its endless load of water some I
eighty feel from the pool below, says :
I 'm hi la r Mi'ihaiiii's Magazine. l-'or
many years a big Meaui engine of ohso- .
iele toria, slow and ci ra aga nt of
hoi. alien, Icil to the duly of tinning ;
ihe iiiitm -sh.it, (tut now ihe old ..uer
and cylinder are gone, and m lloir
place a imnlerti wiii.l motor h.is 1 con
installed, lis shin, ellicn nt sleet 1 ni l u
lisiag Hum the tiii top in sinking, jet
U"I inharmonious, contrast wiih the
piannme rt;,. ..i-flniss ihat marUs the
earlier work ot man and nature. The
"liuiing 'Jii loot whtii of the new inn- :
tie power now is drawing up 1 I, ".ml
gallons oi waier an hour, us an aver
age tigni'e, and It Is significant ,,f the I
ahie of modern methods that the !
saving of fuel, no longer needed for u
hungry holier, soon paid the cost of
tiio mil.
The Catch.
A New England spinster wa9 much
enamored of a neighboring farmer, but
the affection was not returned. One
day, starting on one of his weekly
visits to town, the maiden came rush
lug out, crying:
"Voo-hou, Mr. SImpklns, do you
inhiil taking me with you?"
The farmer considered warily and
filially allowed her to climb In.
la vain the lady tried every topic of
conversation without eliciting response
and finally In desperation fell buck on
il e passing bits of scenery, (filing by
ie minister's house, she died: "Oh,
Mr. Simpkiiis. what a beautiful hitch
ing post I'asior Watson lias."
"(oil ilii in," cried the oilier erack
his whip. "I knowed there was a
hi ill In it somewhere. loM,in,
gi.'iap. Ma'ntn. that's fer hos-cs
ei.iy." Ainerii all Legion Weekly.
The Tip Hunter1! Guide.
Spiking of tips and tipping, a New
York bellhop not long ago formulated
a set of rules, a few of which we give
below :
Iion't waste time on "big bugs."
Shower attention on women; If they
ti rt nil. they t'p liberally.
Iiiia't i c- uie tightwad ; shame
t! ,-, t f r : '. 'es- service.
One Thing After Another.
It Is ii, any years shnv man was to
he cured of all lis ills hv the removal
of n largely supei iuo.is appendix.
When Ihe magic ot that operandi be
gan to pail pyorrhea he.nine the chief
ctiaiaail and Ihe snhstiinla'ti of "ien
liir.'s" for the unruly teeth of nature
the elixir of life. Hut mans heakli
was sill Indifferent, and tin- discovery
of the "dead tooth" in nil its peril
promised a pathway to centenarian
vigor. Passing by monkey glands, we
l;ow come to the nerve centers of the
spine as the seat of nil trouble and
to a delicate combination of osteopa
thy and massage us the Infallible re
cipe for perfect health. Loudon Express.
Ii.
'! i
I '.
1 'He 1 I's l ;l ' i
i. a'. (. a ; 'a
l
be
I'eti
. e' i v ni-i'ii a g ", -.! ,
iio ii" von, I':', r
'h' of"ie eleaoeii u.ui
sp ii Ttvii- -ript.
Another Victory for Machinery.
From Lyons. France, conies the re
port that a machine has been developed
for making raised embroidery In gold
and silver. It Is stated that the
s' h'h is n copy of an ancient form
, e'lli'iiliCl I'tltl gives t, a Impression
it I ni'dv oi k, e w' I i '.,, 'he til--' mil-
!. I.e ihli Ills beeo sit, ec.slul it, us
I g li e oMte lie, ,. t , s.,M
1 ..! lie l"H h.oe w. I e i eail o( s,v tot
.. ,n ol Mlitly. II, il ,M !.':,. rcu..
i'e very mi I 'sla. !, ,! ... S, lent ile
e i r.i i n
!
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CO-OPERATION
Between the
Local Fuel Dealer
and the
Consumer
Is the only way to avoid a serious
Coal SI
lortage
and attendant high prices
Next Winter
iniitimiiMimHranimiiiRimiitniiHtniHtiMB(inrtniuiinHHinimuiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii nn Hnt ntimnmuiiuiinnu imHtmntnuu mtimimi
We can handle coal direct from the car to your bin at this
season while the weather is fine and the streets are solid
cheaper than we can from our storage platforms next win
ter when mud and snow and cold will interfere with traffic
and make delivery, cost twice as much.
BIlMIIIIIUIIIimiM
Save Money, Worry and Discomfort
by filling your winter fuel order NOW
We want to co-operate with YOU
Will you co-operate with US for your own benefit?
IMIMIIIIIMMWIIMIIIIIIIIIMI
Tum-A-Lum Lumber Co
SHOW GOOD BUSINESS JUDGEMENT BY ACTING NOW
. - - . ' . J
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