THE HEPPNER HERALD, HEPPNER, OREGON
Tuesday, February 25, i(
PAGE FOUR
THE HEPPNER HERALD
! t
S. A. PATTISON, EDITOR AND PUBLISHER
An Independent Newspaper
Entered at the Heppner, Oregon, Postoffice as Becond-class Matter
TEKMS OF SUBSCRIPTION
One Year ...$2.00 Six Months 11.00
Three Months $ .50
WHO IS THE JOKE ON?
BRAIN LEAKS
By LYNN PURM.V
HAT is some joke friend Pattison of the Herald
has suggested to the citizens of Morrow county.
Heppner, no doubt, would appreciate a monument erect
ed to the soldiers of the county in the shape of a "commu
nity house" at this place,, with all those fanciful appur
tenances of "comfort station," "ladies toilet rooms and
bath rooms," etc.,, combined with a nice room for "the
ladies mayor and councilmen" tomeet in but we hardly
expect the taxpayers of the county to consent to it."
Wherein lies the "joke?" Is our neighbor's sense
of humor so keen that he can see only a "joke" in the pro
posal of a memorial to our soldiers arid sailors? Are his
ideas of modern progress so welded to the past that he
can see only a "joke" in the suggestion of a community
house for Heppner simply because the town has had no
such institution in the past or does the "joke" lie in the
I act that he either failed to carefully read and to under
stand the Herald article which so aroused his hilarity or
else intentionally attempts to garble our meaning and to
place the Herald in a false position before his readers?
In discussing a bill then before the legislature au
thorizing county courts to appropriate $5000 "to erect or
assist the people in erecting a suitable memorial to the
soldiers and sailors" etc., the Herald suggested that such
a memorial should take the form of a building that would
not only serve as a memorial to the dead but Woiuld also
be of use to the living, using these words: "The county,
the city, the civic organizations and the citizens generally
could co-operate in the erection of such a building," etc.
Does this mean, as our neighbor's mirthful words imply
that the Herald advocates having the "taxpayers of the
county build a community house for Heppner:'
Will our neighbor lay his joke book aside long enough
to correct this false impression he has sent forth regard
ing the I lerald t
THE AVERAGE BUSINESS MAN'S PUBLICITY
PROBLEM
S (James A. Callahan, in Western Advertising)
One of the main points now both
ering the peace commission is where
to locate the capital of the League of ,
Nations. Heppner is pretty buny
just now building new hotels and
municipal water systems, etc., but if
no other town wants it, we u tane
it and worry along some how.
, A Spokane plumber has been ar
rested in Portland for violation of
the prohibition law. Most plumb
ers ought to be arested for highway
robbery.
Mary had a little lamb
It grew till she was dizzy
She sold it to an auto man
And bought a new tin Lizzie.
Portland's welcome to the boys of
the "fighting 65th" is just an over
grown imitation of what Heppnor
will do when she stages her "wel
come home" to the Morow county
boys.
The cost of up-keep rof a, goat de
pends greatly upon the numbei of
tin cans you have on your back lot.
There was a young man from John
Day,
Whose friends all said was a jay,
But he went to France,
At the very first chance
And came home a general, they say.
Sure Heppner is going to have. a
band we'll need the music when
we celebrate the opening of that new
hotel and our municipal water sys
tem. Bill Taft, Hen Morgenthau and
others were in Portland recently.
They are the advance agent3 for
Woodiow Wilson's great s'aow, the
"League of Nations."
A society is being formed in Ger
many to save the kaiser's neck. If
they don't want his neck broken we
will shoot him we are not going to
be finicky over details.
Editor Pattison made a trip to
lone one day last week and in com
menting "on the condition of the road
said that if Paul Revere had had to
make his ride between lone and
Heppner nobody would have ever
written any poetry about It,
Herald only $2.00 a year.
PKOl-'lOSSIONAL CARDS
TIIKRK are two kinds of newspaper advertising the
Paid and the Unpaid. The Unpaid is again divided
into two parts the kind that people want to get into the
paper, and the kind they want to keep out. Jn order to
obtain Unpaid advertising, it is only necessary to do some
thing unusual andthe Managing Kditor will thank you
for the opportunity of presenting your story to his read
ers. A mad dog biles a man nothing unusual about that
but a 'man bites a dog. Ah! that is real news. Try
it on your dog and every live reporter in San b'ranciseo
will be after you for the story and print your picture and
lite dog's on the first page, and this same Managing Kditor
is the man newspaper advertisers have got to compete
with in a sense. They have an advantage too fur the stor-i VAUGHAN & BUTLER
le.-. 01 business, ,o bargains, o! style, command the instant!
GLENN Y. WELLS
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
926 Chamber of Commerce Building
PORTLAND, OREGON '
rhone Main 6226.
aiciition ot the world s greatest buyers the women.
The average ad erl isers' ' publicity problems
are
tit. my .-.in vanco. In 1 his advert isinir aire everv man hi
business wants to advertise. 1 le must advei tise sonic
bow. Mme way--!t he succeeds. You have got to let pco
p.v J.u uu and jour business are still on earth. I'ub
ocuy the letting of people know what you have got, why
im v s'lop.'d have it, and how they can get it. (letting the
man w':o !:as something to sell together with the man who
wants to buy. combined with the art of getting the price
i Hie one great agency of distribution. All advertising
) salesmanship, whether it appears in the newspapers or
11 jour neighbor's barn. If it doesn't sell the goods, the
concern betuiul it is in need of introspection. Your copy
..;.; law enough black ink, but not enough gray matter
.11 it. I'ciliaps the newspaper does not reach the right
kind ol people. Majbe the bam is in the wrong r.eigh
b 'lhood, ,.r too far away from the thoroughfare. It mav
I'.va.M' j 011, out not appeal to the people vou are trit:r t,
Permanently located In Oddfellow's
Bun!.ilus
Heppner, Oregon
.'.icll.
!
uir place
b- :t ; Is it 1 elk eh
b.j;i. J mil' I ill xitU ,s;
behind the limes?
ao ei 1 iMiig : ,n-
business hitched up to your pub
in the people who are helnitw vou
-: U.in it be possible jour ctciks are
I law j ou got the goods behind j our
j 011 an enthusiast .surrounded bv a
bum h of enthusiasts. (,r are joti drifting with the tide that
nuII cwiitn.illj cam jott behind the lighthouse of pub
J l it v and laud you on the rooks?
I lu-se are hundreds of questions for you to ask
jour, sell about jour advertising and you must decide
most of them. I Relieve the average adwttiscr does not
put enough time enough brains enough steam into his
adveitising. He buys silks, he buys shoes furniture
automobiles like a merchant prince, but when it comes to
buying the most important commodity of his whole busi
ne.ss, he does it without rjhme or reason; auv way to get
it nil Ins mind instead ot bitjing the best brains aailabU
to look alter this money -getting,, trade building asset fot
liiiu.
A great many business men advertise in the satin
manner that they give to chanty, with a notion that it max
be a woithy cause, ami to get rid ot the solicitor. -Thei
;uhctltseis say adwitising doesn't pay. ,o anotlu
Mln'me is ch.uged against his adveitisitig ;i propu.ui..
when it sh,,uld go to ch.uiij, or to the "hold up" columi,
I'ute and simple adwttis.ig tobies s,uSd n.i be m
.ig.oiit the legitimate adxettiviig evpeii-c.
S. L NGTSOU
A'iTOItNKV.AT-LAW
OlTico in Roberts' EulUMns
lepi'nor
in - 1
1 1
"uUTTTTT AT
I pledge this week II
I to help save the fi
400,000 Armen-
I iao orphans from
II Send contributions or pledges to J. J. NYS, j
Treasurer, Heppner
mi . . mi
"n"' , "mi' 1 1 1 ', 1 ', " ' ', ' ' , " 11 ' ' ' . " .'I I.""' .,.., J ' ' " " " ', -,',! I I
' trpri'i n 0 .
in- ' I
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5
Oregon
PR A. D.McMURDO
l .iVSK IAN ii SlIUiKOX
Tfloplmne 122
Of:' lee Pnttoreon'i Drug Store
Heppner Oregon
WOODSON & SWEEK
.u'ioumaS-am.aw
Ili'pl'iK'r OreROD
SAM E. VAN VACTOR
aito:; ly-at-law.
Watt U payor for ditto
DU. J.G.TURNER
t:: specialist
Portland Oregon !
Ht'h'ular monthly VlirtU to lieppnel
and tune.
Ill
DR. GUNSTER
VKTL'IUN.IUIA
tlcppiier
Llcemied Graduate
Thone 7:2 (Day or Night)
Oregon
F. A. McMENAMIN
I.AWYHl
Uobeiti DM. llrppner. Ore
OUtre Phone Main (43
Henldenre Phone Main tti
ROY V. WHITEIS
IMSl'll WCK
ItKAL KSTATK. LOANS.
Ilrprner OreKon
E. J STARKEY
KI.PCTUICIAN
H.tune irltiK a KperUlty.
MiTpnor Orgtr
Phone I31
lowers Shoe Hospital
i w iwm ru-. pt. p
-1 t t''. 1 n vs. ...
in l tM 1;, o:;i :o
The Second Number on Heppner's
Lyceum Course
The Ionian Screnaders are composed of four young women who
read, sing and play skillfully both in ensemble and individual se
lections. They are thus able to present a program of great
interest and variety. Many fine reports have been given on
their work during the past season.
The Accordian Quartet
The Ionians have revived the use of the accordian and their quar
tet work on this instrument is excellent.
High School Auditorium
Wednesday, February 26th
ADMISSION ADULTS 75c STUDENTS AND CHILDREN 35c
! : ..